Original subtitles

[thunder crashes]

[laughs evilly]

[ sawing ]

[ electricity crackles ]

It's alive!

[thunder crashes]

[laughs evilly]

[ smooch! ]

[laughs evilly]

Welcome back to "America's Best Dance Crow."

I'm Mario Crowpez.

And now performing to "Get Crow," by Crow Rida,

here's Four-and-20 Blackbirds!

♪ Hey! Crow hit the glass ♪

♪ Fell hard on his ass ♪

♪ And he got crow, crow, crow, crow, crow ♪

One more push, woman!

[grunting ]

[ Cries ]

It is a fine son!

♪ [soft music plays] ♪

[suckling]

You know, when we were kids,

there were only 150 Pokemon.

Actually, there were 151 Pokemon from the start.

N-e-e-e-e-e-r-r-d!

[gasps]

Aah!

Oh. That's how he wanted to go.

And now back to "An American Werewolf in London."

[camera shutter clicks]

- [ Excited chatter] - Frickin' foreigners!

So, is there a McDonald's in this country or what?

We all just thought he would keep going

[sniffles] and going and going --

You can stop shilling, mom! He's dead!

We had a good run, people -- four seasons of "Airwolf"!

Put that on your résumés!

As "Mash."

So, uh, what's gonna happen to the helicopter? Air shows?

Nobody cares about this turd of a series, you idiot.

We'll sell it.

You're off to Germany, old girl.

You pretended to save lives each week on TV,

but now you'll save lives for real --

as an air ambulance.

I talk and talk, but they never answer back.

[German accent] Do not worry, fraulein!

We shall deliver you to hospital at top speed!

This used to be the famous Airwolf!

For the first time, I have hope.

♪ [rock music plays] ♪

Tune in next week when we share the story

of the "Mighty Morphin Power Rangers" actor

who tied an elderly couple to a yacht anchor

and drowned them.

I was sentenced to death

and tried to cut off my own penis in prison.

Hi, sad clown!

Why are you so sad?

My wife died!

Uh, that wasn't in the script.

I know!

[ sobbing ]

Yeah, Johnny, get him a body bag!

Hey, what's up with this?

You gonna do some special surprise moves?

Surprise move? That's... crazy.

A body bag, Johnny! That's what you should get him!

You're not gonna do some insane face kick

or something, are you?

'Cause this gorilla thing looks really suspicious.

It's a crane! I mean, nothing.

It's not anything!

Johnny! Amazon has great deals on body bags

if you want to get him a body bag!

I mean, it'd be pretty stupid

if I just walked my face into your foot

after you telegraph some big trick move.

Okay, guys, I took some initiative and hit up the body-bag district!

Body bags come in lots of colors!

You can even get fancy leather body bags, depending on

what kind of body bag you want to get him!

I have no idea what you're talking about.

Well... okay.

Let's do this, then! [ bell dings]

- Hadouken! - Aah!

I'll take... one of those...

body bags.

Oh, man, this is my first time at Coachella!

I can't wait! - Coachella?

This is just some guy's lawn, dude!

[ motor whirring ]

Aah!

♪ Missamo la Cuchetta ♪

♪ Bambino solo notte ♪

[gasps] Gondola-jack!

♪ Brattzo L'amore ♪

And now back to "An American Werewolf in London."

Yeah, well, where I come from,

any sport where you can't use your hands

is for pussies!

[indistinct shouting]

Yep. Other networks may have "Shark Week,"

but that's expensive and scary

and way too sharky for a webcam show.

So this week on "iCarly," it's "Duck Week."

MAN: Carly, you're gonna be late for school!

Oh, crap. Look at the time.

We'll be back later with more "iCarly: Duck week."

Bye!

Okay, and off.

Oh, man, I wonder what the world record for a shower is.

Oh, God, it's cold!

Ooh, wow!

I didn't know the iCarly iNipples got that hard.

Wow, those are some glass cutters!

MAN: Carly, move it!

Here's the "Duck Week" promo. Hey, where's Freddie?

He said I could do it this time.

Oh, Gibby, you're so sweet.

You're like a water balloon

filled with high-fructose corn syrup.

[ laugh track plays ]

I'm gonna get juvenile diabetes.

Gibby!

Time to do some uploading. Better get comfortable.

Oh, God, it's cold!

Ooh, wow!

I didn't know the iCarly iNipples got that hard.

Colonel Shay, isn't it time for your daughter's webcast?

Why, so it is.

Thank you, ensign.

I love Carly's show!

It's the best part of the week!

Ooh, wow!

I didn't know the iCarly iNipples got that hard.

Wow, those are some glass cutters!

I've failed as a father and as a man.

I'm resigning my commission. - You can't, sir.

They'll court-martial you.

I might as well do something worth court-martialing.

Set a course for the Arabian sea!

Let's do what President Obama never had the balls to do!

[ all cheering ] Let's do it!

Should've voted for Ron Paul, guys.

Shut up, Larry!

Wow, those are some glass cutters!

My life is over!

Did you see the news?

Carly, I think Dad just nuked Iran!

What?!

Al-qaeda strike teams will hunt us

for the rest of our lives!

We gotta go off the grid! [ sobbing ]

Ow!

Stop poking me with your nipples!

[ laugh track plays]

[ bell dings]

And those will be our gingerbread muffins, folks.

Now, if you remembered to grease the pan --

Yeah, Hansel and Gretel style, bitch!

Unh! Smack your witch ass!

Kapow! Whooooo!

Curb smashin'! - Yeah, home invasion, girl!

This is the big day, baby.

Now fly!

[ chick chirping, flapping ]

[ splat! ]

Medic!

Crypty, it's been a great seven years,

but we are canceling "Tales From The Crypt,"

so thanks for all you've done for the network.

You're "hell-come"!

[laughs evilly]

Yes, well, you can go now.

You can't just sit around here all day.

You're driving me crazy.

Guess I'll take a look at the "help 'haunted"' ads!

[laughs evilly]

I'm looking.

So, tell me, Mr. Keeper,

what do you think you can bring to this company?

Well, I've always been a real "scream" player!

[laughs evilly]

O-O-O-kay.

Well, thank you for coming in.

How many job interviews can one person mess up?

Get a job.

But, sweetie, you know this economy is "terror-ible."

[laughs evilly]

Start lookin', ya bum!

Hey, Skeletor, you gonna work or just sit there jerkin' off?

This is some serious boo-shit.

What did you just say?

Fired?! My mother was right.

I should never have married a screw-up like you!

Get off my case, you fucking bitch!

Wait. That wasn't a pun.

[tires screeching ]

My whole life has been a grave mistake.

[laughs evilly, sobbing]

Looks like I won't be...

hanging around.

Hunh!

[ Body thuds]

And now we shall hear the eulogy,

or should I say "ghoul-ogy," huh?

[ laughs ]

Inappropriate?

And launch!

[ Rockets firing ]

[Squeaking ]

And now back to "An American Werewolf in London."

So you guys aren't allowed to talk or smile or anything, huh?

How about if I do this? Raaarr!

[ laughs ] Honey, check it out!

Now, now, be nice.

These guys really don't move at all!

[growling]

[ laughs ]

♪ [ hip-hop music plays] ♪

♪ I'm Dr. Noonien Soong ♪

♪ This is a Noonien song ♪

♪ Your science is weak but my science is strong ♪

♪ My station is creation ♪ ♪ Here's Data, I made him ♪

♪ But this treat is not complete without a big robotic dong ♪

♪ Data had a penis in the show ♪

I made a robot with a dick, yo!

Top secret!

No, no!

No way!

That happened!

♪ Why'd you do it, Dr. Soong? ♪

♪ His ish had to be real ♪

♪ He had to learn to feel ♪

♪ He has a positronic brain ♪

♪ Poon's positively gettin' slain ♪

I made a robot with a Wang!

Bull's-eye! Straight A's!

♪ But don't ever, never flip the switch labeled "turbo" ♪

Wait! I thought I disconnected that part!

[ crashing ]

♪ Hey! Crow hit the glass ♪

♪ Fell hard on his ass ♪

♪ And he got crow, crow, crow, crow, crow ♪

♪ Crow, crow, crow ♪ crow, crow, crow ♪

Hey!

♪ Crow ♪