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1
00:00:05,039 --> 00:00:05,973
[thunder crashes]
2
00:00:06,040 --> 00:00:08,809
[laughs evilly]
3
00:00:08,876 --> 00:00:10,978
[ sawing ]
4
00:00:16,083 --> 00:00:18,019
[ electricity crackles ]
5
00:00:18,085 --> 00:00:19,887
It's alive!
6
00:00:27,294 --> 00:00:28,396
[thunder crashes]
7
00:00:28,462 --> 00:00:32,400
[laughs evilly]
8
00:00:32,466 --> 00:00:34,402
[ smooch! ]
9
00:00:34,468 --> 00:00:35,870
[laughs evilly]
10
00:00:38,172 --> 00:00:40,007
No! Not pop rocks and soda!
11
00:00:40,074 --> 00:00:41,575
You'll die if you try it!
12
00:00:41,642 --> 00:00:43,377
Ah, that's just
an urban legend.
13
00:00:43,444 --> 00:00:45,212
[munching]
14
00:00:45,279 --> 00:00:47,281
[fizzing ]
15
00:00:50,518 --> 00:00:53,454
Gee, Brain, what are we gonna
do tonight?
16
00:00:53,521 --> 00:00:56,457
The same thing we do every
night, Pinky.
17
00:00:56,524 --> 00:00:58,192
♪ [rock music playing] ♪
18
00:00:58,259 --> 00:00:59,660
[engine turns over]
19
00:00:59,727 --> 00:01:00,728
[tires screech ]
20
00:01:03,464 --> 00:01:05,332
[glass shatters ]
21
00:01:07,301 --> 00:01:08,669
[glass shatters ]
22
00:01:11,505 --> 00:01:14,308
[ laughs ]
23
00:01:14,375 --> 00:01:17,244
[laughing]
24
00:01:17,311 --> 00:01:19,113
[tires screech, water splashes ]
25
00:01:19,180 --> 00:01:21,248
[siren wails]
26
00:01:21,315 --> 00:01:23,317
[machine gunfire]
27
00:01:25,519 --> 00:01:29,557
[tires screech ]
28
00:01:29,623 --> 00:01:31,492
Those ugly mice sure can
sleep a lot.
29
00:01:31,559 --> 00:01:34,061
Yeah, we've been injecting them
with synthetic PCP for months,
30
00:01:34,128 --> 00:01:36,630
and they haven't shown any
aggressive tendencies at all.
31
00:01:36,697 --> 00:01:38,265
Huh.
Well, let's up the dosage.
32
00:01:38,332 --> 00:01:41,435
[laughs evilly]
Yes. Yes!
33
00:01:41,502 --> 00:01:44,371
[slow-motion laugh ]
34
00:01:44,438 --> 00:01:47,908
Toby, sometimes when we have
trouble recalling our childhood,
35
00:01:47,975 --> 00:01:51,512
it's because we're repressing
some painful trauma from the past.
36
00:01:51,579 --> 00:01:53,881
Now, close your eyes
and try to remember.
37
00:01:53,948 --> 00:01:55,349
What happened to you?
38
00:01:55,416 --> 00:01:57,084
[ crying ]
39
00:01:57,151 --> 00:01:58,719
♪ Magic pants ♪
40
00:01:58,786 --> 00:02:00,754
♪ Oh, magic pants ♪
41
00:02:00,821 --> 00:02:03,824
♪ The love I'm gonna give you is
deep inside my pants ♪
42
00:02:03,891 --> 00:02:08,095
In 9 hours and 23 minutes,
you'll be mine.
43
00:02:08,162 --> 00:02:10,097
[ laughs ]
44
00:02:10,164 --> 00:02:15,069
♪ The love I'm gonna give you
is deep inside my pants ♪
45
00:02:15,136 --> 00:02:16,303
Oh, it's terrible.
46
00:02:16,370 --> 00:02:17,938
I think I can help.
47
00:02:18,005 --> 00:02:20,641
♪ Dance, magic dance ♪
48
00:02:20,708 --> 00:02:23,043
I don't -- I don't think
this is working.
49
00:02:23,110 --> 00:02:25,412
[ laughs ]
It's working.
50
00:02:25,479 --> 00:02:28,082
[laughs evilly]
51
00:02:28,149 --> 00:02:30,885
And now back to
"The Land Before Time."
52
00:02:30,951 --> 00:02:32,987
[birds chirping]
53
00:02:33,053 --> 00:02:36,157
So, uh, when's that party
supposed to start?
54
00:02:36,223 --> 00:02:39,894
I think we can just
show up whenever.
55
00:02:39,960 --> 00:02:42,830
This has been
"The Land Before Time."
56
00:02:44,965 --> 00:02:47,868
Well, howdy, new friend.
I'm Ricky Recycle Bin.
57
00:02:47,935 --> 00:02:50,404
Recycle my asshole!
58
00:02:50,471 --> 00:02:53,674
If it would help save
the planet, you bet I would!
59
00:02:53,741 --> 00:02:55,743
Uh, excuse me, sir?
No bottlecaps.
60
00:02:55,809 --> 00:02:57,211
Eh, no big deal.
61
00:02:57,278 --> 00:02:59,246
Recycling is good
for the environment.
62
00:02:59,313 --> 00:03:00,948
Hey, thanks, guys.
63
00:03:01,015 --> 00:03:03,184
Oh, but this is PVC plastic
type 3.
64
00:03:03,250 --> 00:03:05,386
I accept types 1 and 2 only.
65
00:03:09,023 --> 00:03:10,791
For the last time,
no dirty pizza boxes
66
00:03:10,858 --> 00:03:12,793
or polyethylene-coated
coffee cups.
67
00:03:12,860 --> 00:03:14,562
I'm trying, all right?
Don't be a dick about it.
68
00:03:14,628 --> 00:03:18,265
I'm being a dick about it
for the children!
69
00:03:18,332 --> 00:03:21,302
Hey, dipshit, what part of
"cut up cardboard boxes
70
00:03:21,368 --> 00:03:23,137
into two-foot by two-foot squares,
71
00:03:23,204 --> 00:03:25,039
bundle them with twine,
and leave them out
72
00:03:25,105 --> 00:03:27,441
on the third Tuesday of every
other month only"
73
00:03:27,508 --> 00:03:29,710
don't you understand?!
74
00:03:29,777 --> 00:03:32,613
Sheesh. Now I understand
why you're so grouchy.
75
00:03:32,680 --> 00:03:35,015
Do you?
76
00:03:35,082 --> 00:03:38,152
I love you, little brother,
but now it's time for me
77
00:03:38,219 --> 00:03:40,421
to seek my fortune
out in the world.
78
00:03:40,487 --> 00:03:42,156
Give morn a kiss for me,
will you?
79
00:03:42,223 --> 00:03:43,857
Hey, thanks for the ride.
I'm going to --
80
00:03:43,924 --> 00:03:46,260
Hey, what are you doing?
[bones crunch]
81
00:03:46,327 --> 00:03:49,096
Nooooooo!
82
00:03:49,163 --> 00:03:51,232
You don't know me at all, man.
83
00:03:51,298 --> 00:03:54,068
You don't know
anything about me.
84
00:03:54,134 --> 00:03:55,236
[alarm beeping]
85
00:03:55,302 --> 00:03:59,340
[ Chatter]
86
00:03:59,406 --> 00:04:01,909
You are free to go.
87
00:04:01,976 --> 00:04:03,444
[alarm beeping]
88
00:04:03,510 --> 00:04:07,548
[ Clears throat]
89
00:04:07,615 --> 00:04:08,983
The morning commute is
looking smooth
90
00:04:09,049 --> 00:04:10,517
at the Cries-Cross Crash
Interchange.
91
00:04:10,584 --> 00:04:11,585
Whoops. No, folks.
92
00:04:11,652 --> 00:04:13,520
A slight fender bender
in the number four lane.
93
00:04:13,587 --> 00:04:15,322
I suggest an alternate route.
94
00:04:16,857 --> 00:04:20,060
Grandpa, where's the delete
key on this thing?
95
00:04:20,127 --> 00:04:22,162
[sighs]
96
00:04:22,229 --> 00:04:24,398
Whoa! That's cool!
97
00:04:24,465 --> 00:04:27,268
I hate your entire
generation.
98
00:04:29,903 --> 00:04:32,106
Ah!
Wait a minute!
99
00:04:32,172 --> 00:04:34,508
Luigi, all-a these gold coins!
100
00:04:34,575 --> 00:04:35,976
They're everywhere!
101
00:04:36,043 --> 00:04:38,512
Why are we wasting our lives
in the sewers?
102
00:04:38,579 --> 00:04:40,681
Our new lives are
starting now!
103
00:04:40,748 --> 00:04:43,350
♪ [rap music playing] ♪
104
00:04:43,417 --> 00:04:44,385
[ Explosion ]
105
00:04:44,451 --> 00:04:47,888
Mario, your new place
is awesome!
106
00:04:47,955 --> 00:04:50,958
[ Explosion ]
Oh. Sorry, bro.
107
00:04:51,025 --> 00:04:52,493
Hey-a, not to worry.
108
00:04:52,559 --> 00:04:55,329
There's a-plenty more
where that came from.
109
00:04:55,396 --> 00:04:58,232
Me and-a Mario, we get-a used
to the finer things.
110
00:04:58,299 --> 00:05:01,802
Now, about you show me
how to use that-a honker of yours.
111
00:05:01,869 --> 00:05:05,472
Uh, I don't know.
112
00:05:05,539 --> 00:05:08,275
Oh, ding-ding-ding! Ding, ding, ding,
ding, ding, ding, ding, ding, ding!
113
00:05:08,342 --> 00:05:09,343
Now I'm-a sleepy.
114
00:05:09,410 --> 00:05:10,577
[doorbell rings]
115
00:05:10,644 --> 00:05:14,615
Hey. You guys used to come by
on a pretty regular basis,
116
00:05:14,682 --> 00:05:16,817
but I haven't seen you
in a while.
117
00:05:16,884 --> 00:05:18,485
We take-a the lady.
118
00:05:18,552 --> 00:05:20,721
How about you order yourself
a nice mail-order bride?
119
00:05:20,788 --> 00:05:22,623
[ laughs ]
120
00:05:22,690 --> 00:05:25,159
Now scram, capiche?
121
00:05:25,225 --> 00:05:27,394
[sighs]
122
00:05:27,461 --> 00:05:30,431
You-a were war-velous.
123
00:05:30,497 --> 00:05:32,833
Oh, mamma fucking mia.
124
00:05:32,900 --> 00:05:35,669
Mario, the mortgage,
she's-a due!
125
00:05:35,736 --> 00:05:38,005
Everybody wants a piece
of the Mario.
126
00:05:38,072 --> 00:05:41,809
[grunting ]
127
00:05:41,875 --> 00:05:43,610
LUIGI:
Mario!
128
00:05:43,677 --> 00:05:45,679
Come on!
Come on, you son of a bitch!
129
00:05:45,746 --> 00:05:46,780
[sobs]
130
00:05:46,847 --> 00:05:49,583
Mario. It's-a over.
131
00:05:51,385 --> 00:05:53,687
Hey, any chance
you want to kidnap me
132
00:05:53,754 --> 00:05:55,622
and put me up
in your castle?
133
00:05:55,689 --> 00:05:59,793
No way, Princess.
I'm spoken for now.
134
00:05:59,860 --> 00:06:01,862
And that's why Daddy
and Uncle Luigi are plumbers
135
00:06:01,929 --> 00:06:05,599
and we live here instead
of a big, fancy house.
136
00:06:05,666 --> 00:06:07,534
Shut up-a your face!
137
00:06:07,601 --> 00:06:09,603
Right. Big money.
Big money.
138
00:06:09,670 --> 00:06:11,572
No whammies. No whammies.
139
00:06:11,638 --> 00:06:12,740
And stop!
140
00:06:12,806 --> 00:06:14,441
[buzzer sounds]
141
00:06:14,508 --> 00:06:17,010
We are gathered here in
remembrance of Ted,
142
00:06:17,077 --> 00:06:18,078
a total loser.
143
00:06:18,145 --> 00:06:20,047
[chuckles]
Oh, my own funeral.
144
00:06:20,114 --> 00:06:22,249
That's funny.
- Here's his obituary.
145
00:06:22,316 --> 00:06:24,651
"Born, sucked, died.
146
00:06:24,718 --> 00:06:27,020
He's survived by his family.
And his chlamydia."
147
00:06:27,087 --> 00:06:29,490
I don't even know
how I got chlamydia.
148
00:06:29,556 --> 00:06:32,192
Because I fucked your wife!
149
00:06:32,259 --> 00:06:35,429
Oops! Look who put
their costume on inside out.
150
00:06:35,496 --> 00:06:37,931
Fuck you, Bizarro!
151
00:06:37,998 --> 00:06:40,934
What's going on?
Are we, like, under attack?
152
00:06:41,001 --> 00:06:43,036
Oh, my God!
Look!
153
00:06:43,103 --> 00:06:45,339
Are you getting this, man?
154
00:06:45,406 --> 00:06:47,908
Wait!
What's that in his hands?
155
00:06:47,975 --> 00:06:50,511
[growls]
Where all humans come from?
156
00:06:50,577 --> 00:06:53,680
Me so scared!
It's a madhouse!
157
00:06:53,747 --> 00:06:56,583
Oh, wait.
White balance off slightly.
158
00:06:56,650 --> 00:06:58,519
MAN:
Hey! You can't do that!
159
00:06:58,585 --> 00:07:00,921
We're the scared ones
recording you!
160
00:07:00,988 --> 00:07:02,990
[growls]
Humans shut up!
161
00:07:03,056 --> 00:07:05,392
Me sell found footage
for movie!
162
00:07:05,459 --> 00:07:07,161
Make six figures!
163
00:07:07,227 --> 00:07:10,230
WOMAN:
It's not about the money, you monster!
164
00:07:10,297 --> 00:07:11,999
It's about art!
165
00:07:12,065 --> 00:07:13,700
That bullshit!
166
00:07:13,767 --> 00:07:17,304
Art and commerce often
intersect -- aaah!
167
00:07:17,371 --> 00:07:18,906
Oh, no!
168
00:07:18,972 --> 00:07:20,474
My friend!
169
00:07:20,541 --> 00:07:23,577
No! My camera!
170
00:07:23,644 --> 00:07:25,712
It looks like rain.
171
00:07:25,779 --> 00:07:27,781
It looks like horse.
172
00:07:27,848 --> 00:07:29,750
It looks like volcano.
173
00:07:29,817 --> 00:07:31,819
Very good.
You get a lollipop.
174
00:07:31,885 --> 00:07:34,021
Hey! Lollipop!
175
00:07:34,087 --> 00:07:36,290
I can't get it out
of my head, Colonel.
176
00:07:36,356 --> 00:07:38,792
The things they did to me
over there.
177
00:07:38,859 --> 00:07:40,861
Tell us what we want to know!
178
00:07:40,928 --> 00:07:42,329
Rambo, John.
179
00:07:42,396 --> 00:07:43,864
[mumbling]
936--
180
00:07:43,931 --> 00:07:45,966
Always with the mumbling.
You sound like this!
181
00:07:46,033 --> 00:07:47,568
[babbling]
182
00:07:47,634 --> 00:07:49,236
Rambo, John.
183
00:07:49,303 --> 00:07:51,538
[mumbling]
936--
184
00:07:51,605 --> 00:07:54,174
Oh, no.
Not again! Please!
185
00:07:54,241 --> 00:07:56,009
MAN ON TV:
And now back to Whitney.
186
00:07:56,076 --> 00:07:58,278
WOMAN: Sex joke toilet seat?
Wacky neighbors!
187
00:07:58,345 --> 00:08:00,547
No more! No more!
188
00:08:00,614 --> 00:08:02,549
Aaaaah!
189
00:08:02,616 --> 00:08:04,218
Your hair's
so thick and pretty
190
00:08:04,284 --> 00:08:06,286
even in this humid
jungle atmosphere.
191
00:08:06,353 --> 00:08:08,155
What kind of product
you use?!
192
00:08:08,222 --> 00:08:11,391
Rambo, John.
93601--
193
00:08:11,458 --> 00:08:13,827
We have ways
of making you talk.
194
00:08:13,894 --> 00:08:17,531
- "Twilight," by Stephenie Meyer.
- You wouldn't dare.
195
00:08:17,598 --> 00:08:19,666
"I never thought
I'd fuck a vampire."
196
00:08:19,733 --> 00:08:20,734
[gagging]
197
00:08:20,801 --> 00:08:23,136
He's trying to swallow
his own tongue! Stop him!
198
00:08:23,203 --> 00:08:25,539
You've been a prisoner for weeks,
but you still ripped as hell.
199
00:08:25,606 --> 00:08:27,608
You focus on core?
What's your routine?
200
00:08:27,674 --> 00:08:29,576
I won't tell you anything.
201
00:08:29,643 --> 00:08:31,545
You'll tell us
what we want to know
202
00:08:31,612 --> 00:08:33,981
or you'll play
"E.T.: The video game"!
203
00:08:34,047 --> 00:08:35,015
NO! No!
204
00:08:35,082 --> 00:08:38,352
♪ [music playing] ♪
205
00:08:38,418 --> 00:08:42,256
RAMBO:
No.
206
00:08:42,322 --> 00:08:44,625
NO! No!
207
00:08:44,691 --> 00:08:45,959
Not again!
208
00:08:46,026 --> 00:08:47,361
Aaaah!
- Stop him!
209
00:08:47,427 --> 00:08:50,531
He's trying to remove his own
eyes with the joystick!
210
00:08:50,597 --> 00:08:51,899
[ Babbles]
211
00:08:51,965 --> 00:08:54,968
You must forgive my friend
for being so harsh, Mr. Rambo.
212
00:08:55,035 --> 00:08:57,037
To make you feel
more at home,
213
00:08:57,104 --> 00:08:59,072
we washed
your beloved bandana.
214
00:08:59,139 --> 00:09:00,340
We know it's the sum total
215
00:09:00,407 --> 00:09:02,242
that separates your character
from Rocky.
216
00:09:02,309 --> 00:09:04,177
Now please enjoy
the food and music.
217
00:09:04,244 --> 00:09:06,146
♪ [slow music plays] ♪
218
00:09:06,213 --> 00:09:07,614
[sung to Rick Astley's
"Never Gonna Give You Up" ]
219
00:09:07,681 --> 00:09:10,384
♪ Gonna never let you out ♪
220
00:09:10,450 --> 00:09:12,452
♪ of my rape dungeon J“
221
00:09:12,519 --> 00:09:15,022
You got Rickrolled,
American swine!
222
00:09:15,088 --> 00:09:17,491
[ laughs ]
223
00:09:17,558 --> 00:09:19,359
Oh, no!
224
00:09:19,426 --> 00:09:21,862
- Will you talk?
- No.
225
00:09:21,929 --> 00:09:22,996
♪ [slow music plays] ♪
226
00:09:23,063 --> 00:09:25,232
No, no.
Not Mummenschanz.
227
00:09:25,299 --> 00:09:28,468
Don't make me watch this!
228
00:09:28,535 --> 00:09:32,205
Geneva convention!
Geneva convention!
229
00:09:32,272 --> 00:09:35,609
You beard so finely manicured.
You must have sculpting tools.
230
00:09:35,676 --> 00:09:38,111
- Stop it!
- Where your sculpting tools?!
231
00:09:38,178 --> 00:09:39,846
[gasps]
232
00:09:39,913 --> 00:09:42,049
Oh, please tell me they're not
pooping in that cup.
233
00:09:42,115 --> 00:09:44,785
[farts]
Oh, God. They are.
234
00:09:44,851 --> 00:09:46,853
Rambo, John.
936--
235
00:09:46,920 --> 00:09:48,922
Okay, look, Rambo.
We out of ideas here.
236
00:09:48,989 --> 00:09:51,758
Please just tell us
what we want to know!
237
00:09:51,825 --> 00:09:54,561
Did somebody finally learn
the word "please"?
238
00:09:54,628 --> 00:09:56,063
That's all you had to say!
239
00:09:56,129 --> 00:09:57,798
Our troops locations
are on microfilm
240
00:09:57,864 --> 00:10:00,133
sewn into my scrotum.
I'll drive.
241
00:10:00,200 --> 00:10:02,269
You guys got any good
eight-tracks?
242
00:10:02,336 --> 00:10:05,439
You bet your bandana we got
good eight-tracks.
243
00:10:05,505 --> 00:10:07,274
You gave them
our troop positions?!
244
00:10:07,341 --> 00:10:09,176
We lost the war!
245
00:10:09,242 --> 00:10:11,044
Did they have "Zeppelin lV"?
246
00:10:11,111 --> 00:10:12,946
Yeah, that is a stone groove.
247
00:10:13,013 --> 00:10:15,082
That is a stone groove.
248
00:10:15,816 --> 00:10:20,454
♪ Gonna never let you out
of our rape dungeon ♪
249
00:10:20,520 --> 00:10:24,791
♪ Never gonna tell your folks
where you got to ♪
250
00:10:24,858 --> 00:10:26,059
Whoo!
251
00:10:26,126 --> 00:10:27,461
♪ My rape ♪
252
00:10:27,527 --> 00:10:28,862
♪ My rape dungeon J“
253
00:10:28,929 --> 00:10:32,132
♪ Yeah, yeah, yeah ♪
254
00:10:32,199 --> 00:10:33,834
Raaaaah!
255
00:10:33,900 --> 00:10:36,236
Me so sorry.
[sobs]
256
00:10:36,303 --> 00:10:38,805
Tell me morn I love her.
257
00:10:38,872 --> 00:10:41,375
MAN: Stop doing that!
You don't get to do that!
258
00:10:41,441 --> 00:10:42,476
[ growls ]
17759
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