Original subtitles

[thunder crashes]

[laughs evilly]

[ sawing ]

[ electricity crackles ]

It's alive!

[thunder crashes]

[laughs evilly]

[ smooch! ]

[laughs evilly]

You know, Lois, Krypto might need a little snip-snip.

[whines]

Sorry, old buddy. Gotta do it.

It's for your own good, Krypto!

It'll reduce the probability of perianal adenomas!

That's ass cancer!

Sit! Sit!

[grunting ]

Oww! Let go of my --

Those balls are coming off whether you like it or not!

Gonna assume you don't like it.

There now. That wasn't so bad, was it?

[Zapping]

[ Screams ]

[whines]

Can I take your order, please?

- Yeah. Can I get a what-what? - What-what!

Man, I'm thirsty.

[ Chuckles ] Watch this.

Hey, Kool-Aid!

Just give it a second.

Yeah. Your imagination is a pretty piss-poor solution to my thirst,

and the kitchen is literally 10 feet away, so...

You're just like my real dad, Kool-Aid.

You never show up.

♪ [Spanish music playing] ♪

WOMAN: Dora! Dora!

Wha-a-a-a-at?!

It's almost time for your quinceañera!

I need you to run to the store!

[sighs loudly]

Fine!

Soda, cookies, horchata... barf!

[ Sweetly ] Help me out!

Which beer has the highest alcohol by volume?

[ Ding! ] Good choice!

Uh, Dora, you're not old enough to buy that.

No shit.

Dora, please, no! It's wrong!

[ Chokes ]

Now let's complete this transaction!

Hey! Stop that kid!

I need your help again!

I need everybody to shout,

"Where my motherfucking map at?"

[ ding! ] Aw, yeah!

Map, show me where to find my friend Marcus!

He's always holding.

I, uh -- I don't know, Dora.

[ Screaming, crying] Okay, okay!

He's at the park on 12th, under the jungle gym!

He said he might have some too.

You can call me Dora the X-plorer!

[slurring ] Hey! I need your help!

Paulo or Maria?

[ Ding! ] No argument here!

[all gasp]

[camera shutters clicking]

[laughs ] Just call me the virginity swiper.

Swiper, no swiping! Swiper, no swiping!

You're too late!

Oh, man!

I wish Boots was here to see our little girl become a woman!

Monkeys are cute when they're little.

But Boots got big.

Oh, hello, Boots!

[ Growls, screeches ]

My God!

[ gunshot ]

Oh, my God! Dora's on the roof!

I bet I can fly.

Do you think I can fly?

I've never been able to hear you!!

It's the show's big lie!!

Whoo-hoo!

[all gasp]

Aah, she missed the pool.

Bass with a bass.

Bass with a bass.

Bass -- bass with a bass.

[Creak]

[echoing moans]

♪ [clarinet plays] ♪

[ laughs] That ghost is awesome, dude!

Play it again!

So, you're a Shirt Tale. That must be fun.

Yeah, it's pretty great.

[beep] And what do you do again?

Oh, uh, I'm the I.T. Manager for a furniture supply company.

We make those things you put on table legs

so they don't scratch the floor.

Wow, that is really interesting.

[beep]

Uh, are you having a good time?

Yeah! Totally! [beep]

Can I get you two anything else?

Oh, urn, do you want dessert?

Ah, no. Nothing, thanks.

[beep]

I didn't kill my wife!

I don't care!

ANNOUNCER: And there's the jump!

COMMENTATOR: Strong take off.

- He moves from the classic forward approach and hurdle

to the open pike position.

- There's the tuck, the twist, and...

a fairly clean entry, despite the roaring waterfall.

Let's check with the judges.

- Dr. Richard Kimble takes home a score of 27.

He's got to be happy about that.

- But we remind viewers he probably killed his wife,

and if you have any information on his whereabouts,

please call the police.

I am Cornholio. I need teepee for my bunghole.

Get the fuck out of here, Running Joke.

- Man, I'm thirsty. - Watch this.

Hey, Kool-Aid!

[door opens]

Hey, kids! I'm Silk!

I'm just like milk, except soy-based,

to prevent nasty lactose diarrhea!

Oh, hey, Silk!

I'd love a tall, cool glass of get the fuck out of here!

- B-But -- - Leave!

- But -- - Go!

- But I -- - Split!

Aw!

[groaning]

- Oh, come on! - I'm sorry!

We can still cuddle, right?

MAN: Ready!

Aim! Fire!

[ Boom ]

[gurgling ] Ready!

Aim! Fire!

[ Boom ]

Let's never do that again!

Plot a course for "get us the fuck out of here."

NARRATOR: There once was a bird with a very happy life.

He had a nice nest, a nice car, hot wife.

But one day he gave his bedroom door a push,

to see a bird in her hand and two in the bush.

The next day at his job as a bird on "The Wire,"

he showed up too late, and his boss said, "you're fired!"

On his drive home, on the radio feed...

MAN ON RADIO: The fat pigs on Wall Street have all the seed!

And on the TV, more menacing words.

This land's for the pigs, not for the birds.

His nest repossessed to his family, a stranger,

he felt a new feeling.

Could this be... anger?

He found other birds with ruffled up feathers,

and said, "if you're mad as hell, then let's flock together!"

They loaded him into a gigantic sling

aimed at the palace of the evil pig king.

He sailed towards the tyrants, blocking the sun!

The bird revolution had finally begun!

[ squawks ]

Aw, dang it.

[slurping ] Yeah.

[grunting ] [ crackling, muffled yelp ]

Oh. Oh, man.

[ laughs] That's hilarious!

Hey, did you ever see "A Christmas Story"?

[ Muffled, indistinct speaking ]

Oh, man! The water main broke!

This wet T-shirt contest is canceled!

Not so fast!

Hey, Kool-Aid!

Oh, yeah!

You kids made a responsible, non-alcoholic choice!

Hey! Hey! What are you doing?!

Oh fuck!

Kool-Aid stains, you dumb motherfucker!

This is my grandmother's T-shirt!

NARRATOR: Thomas the Tank Engine

Was huffing and puffing, when suddenly --

Bust my buffers!

This isn't the way to the whistling woods!

No, it ain't, pal!

Unless the mayor of Sodor gives me 100 million bucks,

we're gonna drive this dynamite

right into Knapford Station!

Uh, we've got a problem.

Get me Sir Topham Hatt.

And you... - [ giggles ]

You come back later.

You know my schedule, dear.

Okay, people. This is what we trained for.

- [ laughs] - So immature.

Can we all just stay on track?

- [ laughs] - Let's just get this bastard!

[train whistle blows ]

Move, move, move!

[train whistle blows ]

Hello, Percy!

Hello, Thomas!

Wonderful weather for a hijacking, isn't it?

Shut your steam hole and get closer!

I love being really useful!

You'll never take me alive, Sir Topham Hatt!

- [screams] - Missed me!

- [screams] - Your blows are harmless!

My internal organs!

[ Screams ]

Just finish me, you pussies!

[engine revs]

Conductor to Skywolf. Request pickup.

Copy that. I'm on my way.

Harold the Helicopter? You're a part of this?

That's right.

I'm tired of taking a back seat to a bunch of steam trains.

I can fucking fly!

So long, Topham! [ cackles ]

Aah! What cruel God would give a train a face?!

Pump those pistons, you steam-powered son of a bitch!

Topham! Help me!

I'll turn myself in, I swear. Just pull me up!

End of the line, fuckhead.

[ Screams ]

Thank you, everyone!

Knapford Station is safe!

You're quite welcome, Mayor!

And how did you dispose of the dynamite?

Uhhhh...

Whew! I've got a lot of work to do!

Toot-toot!

♪ Ba-bawk bawk bawk ♪

♪ Ba-bawk bawk bawk ♪

♪ Ba-bawk bawk bawk-a-wawk wawk bawk bawk ♪

♪ Ba-bawk bawk bawk ♪

♪ Ba-bawk bawk bawk ♪

♪ Ba-bawk bawk bawk-a-wawk wawk bawk bawk ♪

♪ Ba-bawk bawk bawk ♪

♪ Ba-bawk bawk bawk ♪

♪ Ba-bawk bawk bawk-a-wawk wawk bawk bawk ♪

Ba-gawk! Bawk.