Original subtitles

[thunder crashes]

[laughs evilly]

[ sawing ]

[ electricity crackles ]

It's alive!

[thunder crashes]

[laughs evilly]

[ smooch! ]

[laughs evilly]

Hey, you're new around here, right?

Yep. Barely been played.

Little advice -- pop out one of those connector pins

from your circuit board. - What?

But then I won't work right.

Just trust me.

Hey, it's not working.

[knowing]

Oh! Oh, yeah!

Oh, my God!

Oh, yeah! Oh, yeah!

Wow, that cloud totally looks like a dude!

You're right! And look! Two more!

[laughs] It looks like one of them has a knife!

Yeah, and they're killing that other one!

Hey! We're callin' the cops!

- CLOUD #1: Who said that?! - CLOUD #2: We got witnesses.

Oh, yeah? We got two heroes?!

You didn't see nothin'.

Don't make me come after your family.

- What? - Just do what they say, Timmy!

- Morn?! - Call 911!

I said no cops!

Aaaaaaah!

No! [crying ]

Hey, look! A turtle!

My mind is going, Dave. I can feel it.

Dr. Langley taught me to sing a song.

I can sing it for you.

Yes, I'd like to hear it, Hal. Sing it for me.

It's called "Smell Yo Dick" by Riskay.

I ain't that bitch...

you want to play wit...

fuck drop them boxers...

let me smell yo dick.

You were right, Max!

Linking the robot to my movements

was the key to our victory!

I love you, Dad!

Aagh!

I love you, Max!

[ screaming ]

Aw, I could squeeze you in half!

Somebody needs a noogie! Noogie!

No, no, no, please -- argh!

Now settle down for a little while J”

♪ Gonna tell you 'bout a kid named Josh ♪

♪ He was born in a suburb of Florida ♪

♪ with a sister, a mom, and a dad ♪

♪ He's not great with the ladies, but he's good at math ♪

♪ and he lives in a crazy house ♪

♪ Ba-dum bum ♪

♪ And then one day Josh got a letter

from an acting school in France ♪

♪ So he went to France and now he's there ♪

♪ with Pierre the Snob and Brigitte the Bombshell ♪

♪ And they live in a crazy house ♪

♪ Ba-dum bum ♪

♪ But then Josh flunked out of acting school

and went back to the crazy house from before ♪

♪ And now he's back with his mom and dad ♪

♪ What a drag at 24 ♪

♪ Ba-dum bum ♪

♪ And then one day Josh was walking along

and he found a talking snake ♪

♪ And the snake told him to move back to France ♪

♪ So they went back to France and found Pierre ♪

♪ but Brigitte was married ♪

♪ So now it's Josh, Pierre, and the snake ♪

♪ And they live in a crazy house ♪

♪ Ba-dum bum ♪

♪ And then the snake bit Josh and Pierre,

so they decided to put him to sleep ♪

♪ But the French veterinarian felt bad for the snake ♪

♪ So she decided to save the snake in secret ♪

♪ and she brought the snake back to where she lives

with her quirky roommate beth and another talking snake ♪

♪ And they live in a crazy house ♪

♪ It's a vet, a weirdo, and two talking snakes ♪

♪ A vet, a weirdo, and two talking snakes ♪

♪ Josh never appears again ♪

♪ Ba-dum bum ♪

[grunting ]

[crowd cheers ]

[beep]

NERD: Okay, so, should we strategize or --

oh, no, you guys are already running.

Wait! Wait! Wait!

Is anybody else winded already?

- Under fire! - Get down!

Oh, that's sharp. I shouldn't be running with that.

[gunfire] Cool!

Oh, man, that's heavy.

Ooh, my inhaler! Gonna need that later.

Ow! Ow!

Medic! Medic!

You've been shot? Let me heal you!

Well, not shot, but I really might have twisted my ankle!

Well, actually, not twisted it, really,

but I might have definitely put my weight on it wrong.

This is a combat zone, you fool!

Actually, my ankle feels okay,

but I just really need someone to talk to.

I mean, war is scary!

And what happens when I get back to the home front?

That's when the real battle begins, am I right?

The emotional toll.

Is that your healing laser?

[ laughs]

I will re-spawn!

So, what's the most important thing you look for in a man?

[groans]

Sense of humor?

♪ Just hear me share-a-lyn ♪

♪ Feeling so dare-a-lyn ♪

♪ Love my blond hair-a-lyn ♪

♪ Let me play Marilyn ♪

Oh, boy, that Katherine McPhee sure can sing!

Mr. Spielberg, you shouldn't be producing TV shows.

You should be making movies!

Ugh, the studios just want remakes!

They even want me to remake my own movies!

♪ Good lord, have you seen this? ♪

♪ That's DiMaggio's penis ♪

Would a remake really be so bad, sir?

Fine! They want a remake?

I'll give them the mother of all remakes,

Spielberg-style!

[ Bombs whistling ]

Aw, man, I didn't sign up for this!

We're doomed!

Not so fast! Here comes War Horse!

Let's get 'em, War Horse!

Neigh!

Hope you brushed your pubes today, Albert,

because we're about to go...

balls deep!

[ Neighs] [whip cracking ]

All right, War Horse!

One horse can't win the war!

No, but E.T. might even the odds!

He who giveth life

can also taketh away.

[grunting ]

Ouch.

But I thought aliens were supposed to be cute and cuddly!

Not anymore! Killer aliens are big box office!

I keep up. I read the trades.

Mein heartlight!

[grunts]

I'm poor, black, and ugly,

but I'm here to fuck you up!

Whoa!

Celie from "The Color Purple" is one bad mother--

- Shut your mouth! - I'm just talkin' about Celie

from the 1985 film "The Color Purple"!

Look! Here comes TinTin riding a velociraptor riding jaws!

Ach, come on! Time-out!

[velociraptor shrieks ]

Dead eyes, like a doll's eyes!

It's called The Uncanny Valley!

It happens in animation when the human eye sees something

it doesn't recognize as real,

but the design of it is so photo-real --

Top of the mornin', guv'ner!

Rgh!

♪ Do-do do-do-do ♪

♪Ba do-da lo-da-lo-do-do-do ♪

We did it, Swift Wind!

The horde won't bother us again anytime soon.

Now let's turn back into plain old Princess Adora

and her horse, Spirit.

It's meatloaf night at the castle.

No, no! Wait, wait!

Let me land before you -- aah!

Oh, my God, bitch!

I told you to wait for five fucking seconds!

Spirit! [crying] I'm so sorry!

It seems like a simple rule of thumb fuckhead!

If we were in the air,

I need my magic fucking wings.

Now for the love of God, get me a fucking Doctor.

[ crying ]

A doctor can't help you!

Hold up! Wait a minute!

You fuck up the landing and /get the death penalty?!

A horse's broken leg will never heal!

Almost 50% of a horse's bones are in its limbs.

Besides which, 65% of a horse's weight

rests on its front legs.

You've sure loaded up both barrels

with a lot of high-caliber euthanasia factoids, sister.

Have you been planning for this?

It's just part of being a responsible horse owner.

Oh, my goodness! What's happened?

Oh, it's terrible, Castaspella!

That evil Hordak made us switch bodies again.

I'm really Princess Adora, and she's really Spirit.

Well, that's easily remedied.

Magical mind swap!

Wait!

Ow! My leg!

Well, you know, 65% of the bones,

blah-blah-blah.

Oh! But I-I'm magic!

I could have fixed that in two seconds.

Eh. Who's up for meatloaf?

It's the top of the hour on KGI A.M. 780.

♪ A.M. Radio ♪

♪ It still exi-i-i-i-sts ♪

Ha ha! The perfect plan!

Security would notice Skeletor and Beast Man sneaking in.

But as babies, we are undetectable!

Uh, I don't like this, boss.

When can we turn back?

The spell wears off in one hour.

By then, we'll have infiltrated the royal chambers and --

[ coos ]

Uh-oh. Uh, how much of that did you hear?

Uh, what are you doing?

Oh, my God!

[farts ] That's disgusting!

What are you complaining about?!

I'm the one with heightened beast senses!

You don't even have a nose!

I smell with my tongue!

That's how my body compensates!

Okay, over the fence on three.

One... two...

three!

[grunting ]

These puny arms are worthless!

80% of my body weight is in my head!

Oh, God, no!

Get away, you little turd burglar!

[farts ]

Oh, what a bad baby!

- Oh!

Oh, hey, this isn't so bad.

Oh, yeah! Baby wants more!

Boss, uh, how do you want to --

Silence, Beast Man!

I'm, uh, adding a new phase to my plan.

[ crying ]

Oh! [ laughs ]

[ laughs ]

Yah! Ha ha!

Oh, yeah!

[grunting ]

Oh, yeah!

Oh, spank the blue off my bad baby bottom!

Oh!

Oh, my gosh! It's Skeletor!

Oh fuck.

I, King Randor, award this medal of honor

to Eternia's greatest champion!

[cheers and applause]

Skeletor, if it wasn't for you,

generations of children would have suffered

at the hands of that abusive nanny.

Her cycle of violence is forever broken!

Thank you! - Eh.

Uh, hello? Boss?

I think something's wrong with the spell!

♪ Ba-bawk bawk bawk ♪

♪ Ba-bawk bawk bawk ♪

♪ Ba-bawk bawk bawk-a-wawk wawk bawk bawk ♪

♪ Ba-bawk bawk bawk ♪

♪ Ba-bawk bawk bawk ♪

♪ Ba-bawk bawk bawk-a-wawk wawk bawk bawk ♪

♪ Ba-bawk bawk bawk ♪

♪ Ba-bawk bawk bawk ♪

♪ Ba-bawk bawk bawk-a-wawk wawk bawk bawk ♪

Ba-gawk! Bawk.