Original subtitles

[ THUNDER CRASHING ] [ DRILLING, SAWING ]

[ ELECTRICITY CRACKLING ] >> IT'S ALIVE!

[ ELECTRICITY CRACKLING ] >> IT'S ALIVE!

>> [ CRACKS KNUCKLES ] [ PLAYING SCALES OFF-KEY ]

>> WINNER OF THE PALME D'OR AT THE CANNES FILM FESTIVAL.

DANIEL DAY-LEWIS IS...

"THE HUMPING ROBOT."

>> FROM THE MOMENT I WAS ENGINEERED, I KNEW I WAS A...

DIFFERENT KIND OF ROBOT.

I DON'T CARE IF I RUST!

I JUST WANT [Echoing] LOVE!

>> AND KATE WINSLET AS...

THE WASHING MACHINE.

>> I WANT TO BE HONEST WITH YOU, MARIAN -- I DIDN'T COME HERE TO

DO MY LAUNDRY.

>> WELL, WHAT DID YOU COME FOR, THEN?

[ BOTH SMOOCH ] >> YES!

YES, I'M FRONT-LOADING YOU!

>> OH, YES, DARLING!

OH, DARLING!

>> THIS SHOULD BE WRONG, BUT IT FEELS SO RIGHT!

>> I'M SORRY.

IT'S MEDICALLY IMPOSSIBLE FOR A ROBOT AND A WASHING MACHINE TO

HAVE CHILDREN.

>> [ CRIES ] NO-O-O-O-O-O-O-O-O-O-O-O-O-O-O!

>> NEW YORK TIMES SAYS "WEIRD, SUPREMELY CONFUSING.

DAY-LEWIS IS A TOUR DE FORCE."

>> OH.

>> THE LOS ANGELES TIMES RAVES, "DON'T SEE THIS MOVIE."

"THE HUMPING ROBOT"...

THRUSTING AT YOUR FACE THIS SUMMER.

[ CAN RATTLES ] [ AIR HORN BLOWS ]

[ EPIC MUSIC PLAYING ] >> ♪ ADVENTURE ♪

♪ ADVENTURE ♪ ♪ ADVENTU-U-U-U-U-U-RE ♪

♪ ACTION ♪ ♪ EXCITEMENT ♪

♪ ADVENTU-U-U-U-U-U-RE ♪ ♪ HEARTS RACE, PALMS SWEAT,

MINDS EXPLODE ♪ ♪ ADVENTURE ♪

♪ SUCH SIGHTS YOU HAVE NEVER SEEN ♪

♪ WILL LIVE IN MY DREAM ♪ ♪ HUMAN IMAGINATIONS COULD

NOT COMPREHEND IT ♪ ♪ ADVENTURE ♪

♪ ADVENTURE ♪ ♪ ADVENTURE ♪

♪ ADVENTURE ♪ ♪ ADVENTURE ♪

♪ ADVENTURE ♪ ♪ ADVENTURE ♪

♪ ADVENTURE ♪ ♪ ADVENTU-U-U-U-U-U-U-U-U-U-RE ♪

>> HEY, MAN.

WHAT YOU IN FOR?

>> JOHN, THIS IS CAMERON, YOUR NEW TERMINATOR.

>> [ Laughing ] WOW!

>> SHE'LL FOLLOW YOUR COMMANDS, DEFEND YOU FROM DANGER, AND

NEVER, EVER QUIT.

>> UNDERSTOOD, MOM.

I'LL TAKE HER ON A TEST RUN TO DETERMINE HER FULL CAPABILITIES.

[ WOMEN GIGGLING ] >> VIDEO MEMORY FULL.

>> WHAT DID YOU SAY?

>> I SAID, "MY VAGINA'S BLEEDING."

>> OH...

OH...

>> OH, LOOK, EVERYBODY.

HERE COMES CRYBABY JOHNNY.

YOU WANT ANOTHER WEDGIE, CRYBABY?

WHY DON'T YOU CRY IT OFF?

[ BABBLES ] WAAH!

[ BABBLES ] WAAH!

[ BABBLES ] WAAH!

[ MOANING ] AAAAAAAAH! HAAAH!

HAAAH! HAAAAAAH!

>> YOU'RE SO HOT.

>> [ HUMMING ] >> THERE'S ONE LAST SYSTEM TO

CHECK OUT, MOM.

[ ZIPPER OPENS ] YEAH! MMM!

YEAH! OH!

FEELS LIKE A REAL GIRL!

SAY IT!

>> COME WITH ME IF YOU WANT TO LIVE.

>> YES! YE-E-E-E-E-S! OH!

[ CAN RATTLES ] [ AIR HORN BLOWS ]

[ SIREN WAILS ] >> Care to try a bonus meal

today?

>> NO!

WHY ASSSSSK THAT, ASSSSS IF YOU COULD INFLUENCCCE MY DECCCISION

RIGHT BEFORE I ORDER?

>> What would you like, Sir?

>> YESSSS.

I'LL HAVE A SSSSMALL SSSSPRITE AND A --

>> Could you repeat that?

I'm getting a hissing noise.

>> I SSSSSAID, I'LL HAVE A SSSSSMALL SSSSSPRITE AND --

>> Could you speak more clearly, Sir?

>> UGH!

>> TELL HIM I WANT SEVEN SUPERSIZED SPECIAL SANDWICHES.

>> WITH SWEET-AND-SOUR SAUCE.

>> YOU'RE ALL DOING THIS ON PURPOSSSSE!

>> I'LL HAVE A HAMBURGER.

>> THANK YOU, SSSSSSEBASTIAN.

>> [ WHISPERS ] >> OH, WITH A STRAWBERRY SHAKE.

>> AAH!

[ HORN HONKS ] >> READY TO TALK, MOCKINGBIRD?

>> "READY TO TALK, MOCKINGBIRD?" >> AAH!

I SHOULD HAVE SEEN THAT COMING.

SCOUT, SEE IF THE COAST IS CLEAR.

>> COAST IS CLEAR, FINCH.

>> GOOD, 'CAUSE I'M ABOUT TO KILL A MOCKINGBIRD.

>> YAAH!

UGH!

UGH!

>> JEM! JEM!

USE YOUR GEMSTONES!

[ WHIR! ] >> AAAAAAH!

>> Both: YEAH!

>> AND...THAT'S MY BOOK REPORT ON "HOW TO KILL A MOCKINGBIRD"

BY LEE...HARPER OSWALD...

OR WHOEVER.

>> COULDN'T EVEN SPRING FOR THE CliffsNotes, HUH?

[ WHACK! ] >> SMILES, EVERYONE.

SMILES.

OUR GUESTS ARE HERE TO HAVE THEIR FANTASIES COME TRUE.

I TRUST YOUR FLIGHT WAS ENJOYABLE.

>> YEAH, IT WAS GREAT.

UM, ENOUGH WITH THE CHITCHAT, THOUGH.

WHEN DO I GET TO [BLEEP] A DONKEY?

>> I-I BEG YOUR PARDON?

>> WHEN DO I GET...TO...[BLEEP] A DONKEY?

>> S-SURELY YOU HAVE ANOTHER FANTASY YOU'D LIKE TO --

>> NO, NO.

YOU GONNA MAKE IT HAPPEN, OR AM I GONNA KICK YOUR ASS?

>> WHOA, WHOA, WHOA.

MY FANTASY IS TO KICK HIS ASS.

>> WHAT?

>> YEAH, I WANT TO BEAT THE MOTHER [BLEEP] [BLEEP] OUT OF

YOUR FOREIGN-ASS HEAD.

THAT'S MY FANTASY.

>> NO, NO, NO, NO, NO.

YOUR FANTASIES ARE SUPPOSED TO INVOLVE A-AN IDENTICAL TWIN OR

A-A -- OR -- OR A FAMILY MEMBER BROUGHT BACK TO LIFE FOR A DAY.

I-IMAGINE BEING THE PRESIDENT OF YOUR OWN COUNTRY.

>> DOES THAT MIDGET DO ANAL?

>> Sí.

YES, I DO.

>> UM, LIKE, HEY, DAD?

>> YEAH?

>> I'VE GOT TO ASK YOU SOMETHING, LIKE, REAL PERSONAL.

>> OKAY.

>> DO YOU DOUCHE?

>> I SURE DO.

BUT ONLY WITH MAXIMUM DOUCHE.

>> WHY MAXIMUM DOUCHE?

>> IT'S THE ONLY DOUCHE FOR MEN, AND IT KEEPS MY DOUCHE FACTOR

GOING ALL DAY LONG.

>> ♪ TALKIN' 'BOUT THE MAXIMUM DOUCHE ♪

♪ DOUCHIN' TO THE MAXIMUM ♪ ♪ WON'T SETTLE FOR A MINIMUM

DOUCHE ♪ ♪ IT'S GOT TO BE THE

MAXIMUM DOUCHE ♪ >> HEY, THANKS, DAD.

>> DON'T BE A HOMO.

>> MAXIMUM DOUCHE -- IT PUTS BEING A DOUCHE IN THE BAG.

>> [ Wheezing ] WHERE'S MY INHALER?

MY INHALER -- I NEED IT.

SAVE ME, INHALER.

[ INHALES DEEPLY ] [ AIR HORN BLOWS ]

>> MAN, I WISH I COULD VISIT THE LAND OF OZ.

THAT WOULD BE SO COOL.

SO COOL...

[ HARP PLAYS ] BUT ACTUALLY, IT WOULD BE MUCH

COOLER TO VISIT A TOPLESS BEACH IN FRANCE.

THAT WOULD BE SO COOL.

SO COOL...

[ HARP PLAYS ] [ "LA MARSEILLAISE" PLAYS ]

HELLO, FRENCH BOOBIES!

AW, DANG IT.

>> PUT ON THESE RUBY SLIPPERS AND FOLLOW THE YELLOW BRICK

ROAD.

>> UM, DO YOU HAVE ANY ROADS THAT GO TO TOPLESS BEACHES?

>> PERHAPS THERE ARE TOPLESS BEACHES AT THE EMERALD CITY!

BUT -- BUT PROBABLY NOT.

>> CAN I TAP THESE SHOES TOGETHER THREE TIMES AND WISH...

>> Both: TO GO TO A TOPLESS BEACH?

>> NO.

THE STORY DON'T WORK THAT WAY, KID.

>> HERE I AM, HAVING AN ADVENTURE IN THE LAND OF OZ.

YAY.

>> WELL, HIYA!

MY HEAD IS STUFFED WITH STRAW.

>> YEAH, HI.

THAT'S PRETTY NEAT, I GUESS.

WAIT!

THIS IS MY DREAM, SO IF I WANT IT TO BE SUPERCOOL, ALL I HAVE

TO DO IS DREAM IT!

BE SUPERCOOL.

BE SUPERCOOL.

BE SUPERCO-O-O-O-O-O-O-O-O-O-OL!

BE IT!

[ CROW SQUAWKS ] >> I SEEK VENGEANCE.

>> YES!

>> IF I ONLY HAD A HEART.

>> TAKE MINE.

IT'S BROUGHT ME NOTHING BUT PAIN.

>> HANG ON.

LET ME TRY SOMETHING.

BE SUPERCOOL.

>> LET'S TRANSFORM AND ROLL OUT AND STOMP A MUDHOLE IN SOME

DECEPTICON ASS SO HARD, WE WON'T STOP UNTIL WE'RE WEARING SOCKS

MADE OF DRIED [BLEEP] >> OH, YES!

♪ LA, LA-LA, LA, LA, LA, LA, LA, LA ♪

♪ SKIPPING ALONG WITH MY FRIENDS ♪

>> [ Shakily ] GROWL.

I'M JUST A BIG OLD COWARDLY -- >> BE SUPERCOOL.

>> LION-O -- LEADER OF THE THUNDERCATS.

>> OH, OH, OH!

[ GIGGLES ] >> OH!

I MUST HAVE THOSE RUBY SLIPPERS!

>> SHEESH!

CHICKS AND SHOES.

AM I RIGHT, FELLAS?

HAH!

[ WHACK! ] >> FLYING MONKEYS, BRING ME THE

NERD AND HIS PATHETIC FRIENDS!

[ ALL CHATTER ] [ RUMBLING ]

>> OH, YEAH!

>> WHEEEE!

>> WHAT THE [BLEEP] >> DID SOMEBODY ORDER SOME RUBY

SLIPPERS?

>> [ CHUCKLES NERVOUSLY ] OKAY, FELLAS, TAKE IT EASY.

>> 'CAUSE HERE'S A SPECIAL DELIVERY...

>> All: RIGHT UP YOUR ASS!

>> GET THEM!

>> THUNDER.

THUNDER.

THUNDERCATS -- HO-O-O-O-O-O-O-O!

[ GRUNTING ] CAN'T...QUITE...REACH THEM.

>> KEEP SAYING "THUNDER"!

>> THUNDER! THUNDER! THUNDER!

THUNDER! THUNDER! THUNDER!

THUNDER! THUNDER!

HA HA HA HA!

YEAH!

THUNDER, THUNDER, THUNDER!

>> [ GRUNTS ] THEY'RE TOO FAST!

>> JUST TRANSFORM!

TRUST ME.

[ BONG! ] >> HA HA HA!

WELL, THAT'S JUST PRIME.

>> YOUR MAGICALLY APPEARING TRAILER IRRITATED FANS OF THE

CARTOON, BUT NOW IT'S YOUR GREATEST WEAPON!

>> 10-4, GOOD BUDDY.

YEAH!

EAT GRILLE!

FROM THE LEFT!

[ BONG! ] >> HA HA HA! YOU'LL NEVER WIN!

>> IT DOESN'T MATTER.

EXISTENCE IS NOTHING BUT FRUSTRATION AND PAIN.

EVERYTHING YOU LOVE EVENTUALLY LEAVES YOU.

MISERY IS YOUR ONLY CONSTANT FRIEND.

>> YOU'RE RIGHT.

[ CROW SQUAWKS ] >> YES!

[ BOTH SQUAWK ] >> [ CHUCKLES NERVOUSLY ]

OH, COME ON, NOW, FELLAS.

I WAS JUST PLAYING AROUND WITH THAT "KILL THEM!" THING.

[ CHUCKLES NERVOUSLY ] LET'S JUST TAKE IT EASY.

>> WELL, THERE'S ONLY TWO WAYS TO KILL A WICKED WITCH, AND I

DON'T SEE ANY FALLING FARMHOUSES AROUND HERE.

HEE HEE HEE HEE HEE HEE HEE.

>> OH, NO!

NO!

NO-O-O-O-O-O-O-O-O!

I'M MELTING!

MELTING!

WHAT A WORLD.

>> THERE'S ONLY ONE WAY THIS DREAM COULD GET EVEN BETTER.

>> All: FRENCH BOOBIES!

[ "LA MARSEILLAISE" PLAYS ]