Original subtitles

[ THUNDER CRASHING ] [ DRILLING, SAWING ]

[ ELECTRICITY CRACKLING ] >> IT'S ALIVE!

[ ELECTRICITY CRACKLING ] >> IT'S ALIVE!

[ ELECTRICITY CRACKLING ] >> IT'S ALIVE!

>> OH, NO, GOT AN EYELASH!

UGH!

OH, MAN, IT'S IN MY EYE!

UGH!

OH, IT HURTS LIKE HELL!

I CAN'T GET IT -- UH-OH.

YEAH, THAT'S STUCK IN THERE.

[ SIREN WAILING ] [ TIRES SCREECH ]

>> OH, I'M SORRY, OFFICER.

DID I DO SOMETHING WRO-- [ SCREAMS ]

>> [ ROARS ] [ WOMEN SCREAMING ]

[ WHOOSH ] [ DING ]

>> WAY TO GO, CHAMP!

THAT WAS A GREAT SHOT!

[ WHOOSH ] [ DING ]

>> COME ON, SON!

ARE YOU EVEN TRYING?!

YOU GOT TO GET YOUR HEAD IN THE GAME!

[ ACOUSTIC GUITAR PLAYING ] [ HORSE WHINNYING ]

>> ♪ JUST SOME NOBLE DUKES ♪ ♪ NEVER MEAN TO OFFEND ♪

♪ JUST SCREWING WITH THE KING AND DOIN' IMPROPER THINGS ♪

♪ NEAR THE CENTURY'S END ♪ ♪ DRAININ' THE WELL ♪

♪ UNTYING THE LOOP ♪ ♪ WANNA MARRY COUSIN FRAN, AND

IN THIS ERA THEY CAN ♪ ♪ SO IT AIN'T NO BIG WHOOP ♪

♪ NOT MUCH MORE TO SAY ♪ ♪ AFTER WHO, WHEN, AND HOW ♪

♪ IN FACT, THIS SONG BEGINS TO REPEAT ITSELF RIGHT ABOUT NOW ♪

♪ JUST SOME NOBLE DUKES ♪ ♪ WHY THEY DO THIS IS VAGUE ♪

♪ BUT LET THEM HAVE THEIR FUN, 'CAUSE IN NO TIME THEY'LL BE

DEAD FROM THE PLAGUE ♪ >> A-WHOOPIE!

[ SPLASH! ] >> I DON'T KNOW.

SEEMS LIKE CHEATIN'.

>> WELL, SHOULD WE THROW IT BACK?

>> LET ME KNOW WHAT YOU COME UP WITH, FELLAS!

>> THANK YOU, MY LIBERTARIAN FRIENDS, FOR MAKING US YOUR

NOMINEES FOR PRESIDENT AND VICE PRESIDENT OF THE

UNITED STATES OF AMERICA!

>> 1984 IS THE YEAR OF THE LIBERTARIAN PARTY!

WE WILL BE CHAMPIONS!

>> YES, UNFORTUNATELY, THE ROCK BAND QUEEN WON'T LET US PLAY

THEIR HIT "WE ARE THE CHAMPIONS," BUT ENJOY THIS

SOUNDALIKE, WHICH WE WILL PLAY IN THE WHITE HOUSE!

>> ♪ WE ARE THE VICTORS OF THE GLOBE ♪

♪ AND WE'LL CONTINUE DOING STUFF... ♪

>> FOUR YEARS AGO, I SAID WE WOULD BE CHAMPIONS!

HOW WRONG I WAS.

RONALD REAGAN SOUNDLY BEAT US.

>> IN FACT, WE RECEIVED LESS THAN 1% OF 1% OF THE VOTE.

>> BUT IT IS 1988, AND THE COUNTRY NEEDS TO COME TOGETHER

LIKE A FAMILY!

>> WE ARE FAMILY!

WE ARE FAMILY!

>> DON'T WORRY, SISTER SLEDGE.

THIS IS NOT YOUR COPYRIGHT-PROTECTED MUSICAL HIT

"WE ARE FAMILY."

IT'S SOMETHING BETTER.

>> ♪ WE ARE A CLOSE-KNIT GROUP ♪ ♪ COWORKERS AND ACQUAINTANCES ♪

>> FOUR YEARS AGO, WE ASKED AMERICA TO JOIN OUR FAMILY.

AMERICA SAID NO.

>> SO WE DECIDED TO MAKE LOVING FAMILIES OF OUR OWN.

WHO ELSE WANTS TO GET ON BOARD THE LOVE TRAIN?!

>> SADLY, THE O'JAYS WON'T LET US USE THEIR HIT SONG

"LOVE TRAIN."

>> EVEN THOUGH IT EXPRESSES EVERY POLITICAL IDEAL WE STAND

FOR.

>> NEXT STOP, THE WHITE HOUSE!

>> TOOT TOOT!

ALL ABOARD!

>> ♪ CITIZENS OF THE EARTH ♪ >> ♪ COME ON ♪

>> ♪ RIDE THE FRIEND CHOO-CHOO ♪ >> ♪ RIDE ♪

>> ♪ RIDE THE FRIEND CHOO-CHOO ♪ >> ♪ YEAH ♪

>> ♪ RIDE THE FRIEND CHOO-CHOO ♪ >> WELL, SADLY, NOT A SINGLE

VOTER CHOSE TO BOARD THE FRIENDSHIP CHOO-CHOO.

WORSE, DESPITE USING THE SOUNDALIKE, THE O'JAYS STILL

SUED US.

>> AND DURING THE 16-YEAR LEGAL BATTLE, UNSAVORY PRIVATE MATTERS

WERE REVEALED, RESULTING IN THE SPECTACULAR IN-COURT SUICIDE OF

MY BEAUTIFUL WIFE, JEANETTE.

>> MY WIFE, SARAH, ALSO COMMITTED SUICIDE.

BUT, UH, THAT WAS UNRELATED TO THE TRIAL.

>> THESE TRAGEDIES TAUGHT US THAT LIFE, LIKE VOTING FOR A

THIRD PARTY, ARE ULTIMATELY MEANINGLESS.

>> SO I-IN THE END, ALL WE, THE LIBERTARIAN PARTY, ARE IS DUST

IN THE WIND!

>> DUT! DUT! DUT! DUT! DUT!

>> I MEAN, ALL OF US IS AIRBORNE MINI DIRT.

>> AIRBORNE MINI DIRT, Y'ALL!

>> ♪ ALL OF US IS AIRBORNE MINI DIRT ♪

>> SO, AS YOU CAN SEE, THE SQUARE ROOT OF NEGATIVE ONE IS

THE IMAGINARY NUMBER "I."

>> I DON'T GET IT.

OH, NOW I GE-- >> [ VOMITING ]

>> CLARK! IT'S ME -- LOIS!

OH, MY GOD, WHAT HAPPENED TO YOU?

>> GIVE ME YOUR BOOBS.

>> UGH!

>> THEY'RE IN YOUR HEAD IF YOU LOOK INSIDE OF THE MICROSCOPE OR

ACUTES IF YOU'RE BOUND TO FIND THEM, 'CAUSE THEY'RE SO

PREVALENT.

I'M MADE OF CHOCOLATE!

>> OH, WHILLIKERS, MR. KENT!

YOU LOOK AWFUL!

LET'S GET YOU HOME.

[ TIRES SCREECH ] >> YOU BETTER DRINK UP, FISHES,

'CAUSE YOU NEED TO BE DRINKING!

>> UH-OH, LOOKS LIKE CLARK WAS EXPOSED TO SOME RED KRYPTONITE.

I BETTER -- HEY, WAIT A MINUTE.

OH, HEY, THAT LOOKS LIKE FUN.

SAY, WHAT DO YOU GUYS DO WITH YOUR REGULAR CLOTHES WHEN YOU

TURN SUPER?

>> MINE DISAPPEAR WHEN I SPIN AROUND.

>> MINE JUST GO INTO MY RING.

>> UH, I DON'T KNOW.

I JUST DROP MINE IN THE STREET, I GUESS.

I'M SAVING LIVES!

>> HMM.

I THOUGHT SO.

[ INDISTINCT TALKING ] >> EW!

>> THE LEADER OF THE BAND!

>> HIS BLOOD RUNS THROUGH MY INSTRUMENTS!

[ SAXOPHONE PLAYING ] [ VIDEO-GAME MUSIC PLAYING ]

>> THIS IS BORING!

>> BUT IT DOESN'T HAVE TO BE!

WAIT TILL YOU TRY THE LATEST WII FIT GAME, "HUMPING ROBOT."

>> WOW!

[ FAST-PACED MUSIC PLAYING ] AWESOME!

>> CAN I PLAY?

>> SURE!

>> IT'S FUN FOR THE WHOLE FAMILY.

[ BANGING ] [ DINGING ]

>> AAH!

[ MATCH STRIKES ] I WANT TO PLAY.

>> "HUMPING ROBOT" FOR WII FIT.

GET YOUR COPY TODAY.

REPETITIVE STRESS DISORDER MAY LEAD TO TOTAL FAILURE OF THE

PELVIS.

>> OKAY, OUR LEAD STORY IS THE ZONING-COMMISSION SCANDAL.

NEXT UP, METRO SECTION.

KENT, WHAT DO YOU GOT?!

>> THE JEFFERSONS ARE ON SATURN!

THE ROBOT'S IN THE FOREGROUND IN MY HEAD, SCREAMING!

>> GOOD. GO WITH THAT.

>> WHO SAYS HOMELESS PEOPLE ARE USELESS?

[ LAUGHS ] UP, UP, AND AWAY.

[ SLURP ] >> EXCUSE ME, FROG.

CAN YOU HELP ME GET ACROSS THE RIVER?

I COULD RIDE ON YOUR BACK.

>> OH, BUT YOU'RE A SCORPION.

YOU'LL STING ME!

>> NO!

WE'D BOTH DROWN.

WHY WOULD I DO THAT?

>> HMM.

OKAY!

[ SWORD UNSHEATHES ] WHAT THE [BLEEP]

>> IT'S IN MY NATURE!

>> [BLEEP] YOU!

>> OW! YOU SHOT ME!

>> BLOWING YOUR BRAINS OUT IS MY [BLEEP] NATURE!

>> RELAX! WE MADE IT! CHILL!

>> CHILL THIS, ASSHOLE!

[ PANTING ] >> EXCUSE ME, SIR, MIGHT YOU

GIVE A TIRED GERBIL A RIDE ACROSS?

I PROMISE NOT TO CRAWL INTO YOUR ASS OR ANYTHING.

BUT WHY?

>> IT'S IN MY NATURE.

[ FARTING ] >> UGH!

GOT TO CUT BACK ON THE SMURFBERRIES.

ALL THAT FIBER TURNS MY INTESTINES INTO A SMURFING LOG

FLUME.

HUH, WONDER WHO THE PAGE-THREE GIRL IS.

GEE, SMURFETTE.

SHOCKER.

[ TOILETTE FLUSHES ] UH-OH. OH, NO.

GO DOWN. GO DOWN.

OH, NO! OH, NO!

OH, OH! SMURF ME UP THE SMURF!

>> THE VILLAGE SEPTIC TANK IS SMURFED TO HELL!

>> WELL, HANDY, WE'RE A COMMUNIST SOCIETY, SO HURRY UP

AND FIX IT FOR FREE.

>> YOU DON'T UNDERSTAND!

THE TANK RUPTURED.

THE SEWAGE HAS SMURFED INTO THE WATER TABLE.

[ BUBBLING ] >> UGH!

UNCLE GALLIO, I FEEL SICK.

EVERYTHING TASTES LIKE ROTTEN SMURFBERRIES.

>> OUR WATER HAS BEEN CONTAMINATED, AllStar.

>> SO HOW DOES A TEST TUBE WORK UNDERWATER, EXACTLY?

>> IT DOESN'T TAKE A SCIENTIST TO FIGURE OUT THOSE JERK-ASS

SMURFS ARE DUMPING CRAP IN OUR LAKE AGAIN!

>> ARE THOSE FLYING FISH?

>> I HATE FLYING FISH!

>> ARE THOSE FLYING FISH STUFFED WITH DYNAMITE?!

>> I HATE FLYING FISH STUFFED WITH --

[ SMURFS SCREAMING ] >> I REALLY HAVE AN ETHICAL

PROBLEM WITH THIS.

>> WHAT? THEY'RE VOLUNTEERING.

JUST REMEMBER, 72 FISH VIRGINS AWAIT YOU IN FISH HEAVEN.

>> TO ME, MY SMURFS!

IT'S WAR!

WAR!

[ SMURFS SCREAMING ] [ EARS RINGING ]

>> [ Nasally ] I CAN'T HEAR!

I CAN'T HEAR!

>> YOU COULDN'T HEAR BEFORE!

YOUR NAME IS DEAF SMURF, FOR GOD'S SAKES!

>> OH, YEAH!

WELL, IT STILL SUCKS!

>> SEE? LIKE "BRAVEHEART"!

>> A PRESENT!

>> EVERYONE, STOP PICKING UP THE PRESENTS!

[ Slow-motion ] ST-O-O-O-O-OP!

>> EVERYONE LISTEN TO ME.

WE'RE GONNA OUTFLANK THEM WITH A PINCER MANEUVER!

THEN WE'LL ENCIRCLE THEM WITH A BLITZKRIEG!

>> YOU DON'T KNOW WHAT YOU'RE SMURFING ABOUT, BRAINY!

>> PAPA SMURF SAID I'M IN CHARGE, AND PAPA SMURF IS ALWAYS

RIGHT, BECAUSE PAPA SMURF -- [ WHIRL! ]

HEY, IT'S TRUE!

THE BRAIN DOES STAY ALIVE AFTER DE-SMURFITATION.

>> [ GULPING ] >> AAH!

>> STOP IT, YOU STUPID BOYS!

THIS ISN'T ACCOMPLISHING ANYTHING!

>> ARE YOU A F-- ARE YOU A F-- A FEMALE?

>> WELL, SURE I AM.

WHY?

>> [ GROANS ] >> WE THOUGHT THERE WAS ONLY ONE

GIRL IN THE WHOLE WORLD, THIS TIRED, OLD WORN-OUT WHORE OVER

HERE!

>> HEY!

>> SO IT'S AGREED.

WE'LL STOP SMURFING OUR TURDS IN YOUR LAKE.

[ SNORKS CHEERING ] >> AND IN RETURN, WE SHALL GIVE

YOU PHOTOS OF OUR WOMEN.

[ SMURFS CHEERING ] >> TO MASTURBATE TO.

>> YES, TO MASTURBATE TO.

[ SMURFS CHEERING ] >> UNBELIEVABLE!

ROTTEN SCUM-BAG MEN.

UGH!

>> ♪ BA-BAWK BAWK BAWK ♪ ♪ BA-BAWK BAWK BAWK ♪

♪ BA-BAWK BAWK BAWK-A-WAWK WAWK BAWK BAWK ♪

♪ BA-BAWK BAWK BAWK ♪ ♪ BA-BAWK BAWK BAWK ♪

♪ BA-BAWK BAWK BAWK-A-WAWK WAWK BAWK BAWK ♪

♪ BA-BAWK BAWK BAWK ♪ ♪ BA-BAWK BAWK BAWK ♪

♪ BA-BAWK BAWK BAWK-A-WAWK WAWK BAWK BAWK ♪

BA-GAWK! BAWK.

>> [ GURGLING ] >> [ LAUGHS ]

STUPID FISH!

GET IN THE [BLEEP] PAN!

[ SIZZLING ]