Original subtitles

[ THUNDER CRASHING ] [ DRILLING, SAWING ]

[ ELECTRICITY CRACKLING ] >> IT'S ALIVE!

[ ELECTRICITY CRACKLING ] >> IT'S ALIVE!

>> AND TO ALL YOU KIDS UNDER 18 WATCHING "ROBOT CHICKEN," SHAME

ON YOUR PARENTS!

>> OKAY, KIDS, WHO WANTS TO LEARN ABOUT DIFFERENT TYPES OF

LEAVES?

[ KEYPADS CLICKING ] OKAY, WHO WANTS TO PLAY ON YOUR

CELLPHONES AND TWITTER YOUR FACEBOOKS OR WHATEVER THE HELL

WHILE I GO SMOKE BEHIND THAT TREE?

SEE YA.

[ CLICKING CONTINUES ] >> [ Lisping ] BUT WHAT ABOUT

THE LEAVES?

OH, MY GOSH!

JUST LIKE THE CLASSIC ANIME "RANMA NIBUNNOICHI."

WHOEVER BATHES IN THE SPRING OF DROWNED GIRL WILL BECOME AN

AWESOMELY SEXY LADY!

SO, THE QUESTION IS, DO I WANT TO BE AN AWESOMELY SEXY LADY?

HMM.

[ HARP PLAYS ] [ GASPS ]

OH, MY GOSH!

I'VE GOT [GASPS] AND I'VE [GASPS]

AND THIS IS [GASPS] THESE ARE M-- OH, IT FEELS SO

GOOD TO THE HAND!

>> THAT WILL BE $68.50.

[ GASPS ] BY WHICH I MEAN "FREE."

>> WHAT WONDERFUL POWERS!

HEE HEE!

[ ROCK MUSIC PLAYS ] ANY TOMBS YOU'D LIKE TO RAID?

THE FRANK MILLER ONE, NOT THE JENNIFER GARNER ONE.

THIS MAY BE YOUR FINAL FANTASY.

HOW ABOUT A LOOK AT THESE JEWELS, BATMAN?

♪ OH, SHE-SHOO SHE-SHOO ♪ HELLO, LADIES.

YES, GOOD TO SEE YOU.

JUST ANOTHER GIRL.

OH, GOSH!

THESE ARE SO HEAVY!

>> OH, LET US HELP YOU!

>> THAT'S GOOD! THAT'S GOOD!

YOU'RE REALLY HELPING, GIRLS.

AHH G-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A.

>> HEY, DOESN'T HOT WATER TURN RANMA INTO A BOY AGAIN?

>> HEY!

YEAH!

>> EW!

>> OHH!

>> GROSS!

>> WELL, IT'S STILL SKIN-ON-SKIN CONTACT.

WHOOPEE!

YES, I DO WANT TO BE AN AWESOMELY SEXY LADY!

HEE HEE HEE!

MAMMARIZE ME, FORCES OF THE UNIVERSE!

SPLASH! SPLASH! SPLASH!

>> AND, TRAGICALLY, THIS IS WHERE A YOUNG LADY DROWNED MANY

YEARS AGO.

>> WAS SHE HOT?

>> THE BROCHURE SAYS SHE WAS 400 POUNDS WITH A CLUB FOOT AND

CHRONIC FLATULENCE.

SO...NO.

ANYWAY, BACK ON THE BUS, EVERYBODY!

MOVE IT AROUND.

>> Oh, no.

>> HEY, YOU MUST BE THE NEW GIRL!

MY NAME'S KAITLYN!

>> [ FARTS ] >> EW!

>> DANG IT.

[ FARTING CONTINUES ] >> AAH!

♪ HOW HOW HOW HOW ♪ I STUBBED MY TOE.

[ WHALES SINGING ] >> OH, NO!

YOU POOR WHALE!

[ WHALE SINGING ] [ SYNTHESIZERS PLAYING ]

>> ♪ MASK! ♪ ♪ NO ONE KNOWS WHAT'S UNDERNEATH

THEIR MASK CHARADE ♪ ♪ MASK! ♪

♪ WHAT'S UNDERNEATH ARE DUDES WITH REGULAR FACES ♪

♪ MASK! ♪ ♪ HELICOPTERS THAT TURN INTO

SMALLER HELICOPTERS ♪ ♪ MASK! ♪

♪ CARS OPEN THEIR DOORS, WHICH SORT OF MAKES THEM AIRPLANES ♪

♪ MASK! ♪ >> WHOSE MASK IS THIS?

WHY DO WE CALL THESE "MASKS," BY THE WAY?

THIS IS A HELMET, NOT A MASK.

>> [ SNICKERING ] >> ♪ MASK! ♪

♪ DO THEY KNOW "COMMAND" DOESN'T START WITH A "K"? ♪

♪ MASK! ♪ ♪ THE THINGS THEY TURN INTO ARE

WORSE THAN THEY WERE BEFORE ♪ ♪ MASK! ♪

♪ DO THEY SELL THE GAS TO THEMSELVES? ♪

♪ MASK! ♪ ♪ THE SHOW APPEARS TO TAKE PLACE

IN ARIZONA OR MAYBE RURAL NEVADA ♪

♪ MASK! ♪ >> YES, KIM KARDASHIAN, SOON MY

PLAN WILL COME TO FRUITION.

[ LAUGHS EVILLY ] Yes.

>> THE EXCITEMENT OF "THE BLACK HOLE" NOW ON DVD!

[ SUSPENSEFUL MUSIC PLAYS ] DON'T MISS ALL THE ACTION!

ON SALE NOW!

ACTION!

>> [ GROWLING ] >> [ GIGGLING ]

>> Don't throw it to me.

Don't throw it to me.

Oh, no, no, no, not to me.

Don't throw it to me.

>> [ GIGGLING ] [ SUSPENSEFUL MUSIC PLAYS,

CROWD CHEERING ] [ MUSIC SWELLS ]

[ CROWD CHEERING ] [ CROWD BOOING ]

[ BUZZER SOUNDS ] [ AIR WHISTLING ]

>> [ GROWLING ] [ ROARS ]

>> AW! [ SNORTS ] TWO FOR FLINCHING!

>> THEY DON'T HURT.

SEE?

>> MIGHTY MOUSE!

WHY DID YOU DO THAT TO HIM?

>> HE [BLEEP] MY SISTER!

>> SLOW AND EASY, MAX.

WE DON'T WANT TO TWIST ANOTHER PIPE.

>> WHATCHA DOIN'?

>> WHOA!

>> AAH!

>> AAH!

>> WHOA!

SO...

WHATCHA DOIN'?

>> WE'RE GONNA DROP A NUKE DOWN THIS HOLE AND BLOW UP THE

ASTEROID SO IT DOESN'T HIT OUR PLANET AND KILL EVERYONE.

>> THAT'S WEIRD!

>> WHY?

>> WELL, MY DAD AND HIS TEAM ARE DOING THE SAME THING ON THAT

PLANET SO IT DOESN'T HIT US.

>> HIT YOU?

YOU'RE THE ONE HURTLING TOWARDS US!

>> IT'S ALL RELATIVE, REALLY, OBJECTS IN SPACE, AND BLAH,

BLAH, BLAH.

I JUST CAME UP TO WATCH THE SHOW.

IT SHOULD BE A GOOD ONE.

>> FRANKEN BERRY IS PART OF THIS NUTRITIOUS BREAKFAST.

[ SPITTING AND COUGHING ] [ DIALING ]

>> HELLO?

>> FRANKENSTEIN'S GOT HIS OWN CEREAL?!

>> I TAKE IT YOU HAVEN'T SEEN THE COUNT CHOCULA COMMERCIAL?

>> [ SPITS ] SHUT THE [BLEEP] UP!

[ Telephone beeps ] HAND ON A SEC.

HELLO?

>> AH-WHO-O-O-O-O DO THEY THINK THEY ARE?!

>> I KNOW!

YOU'RE WATCHIN' THE FRANKEN BERRY COMMERCIAL, RIGHT?

>> NO. BOO BERRY.

>> [ SPITS ] WHO THE HELL IS BOO BERRY?!

THAT DOES IT!

I'M MAKING MY OWN CEREAL!

BABOON.

COCOON.

FAFOON.

LEGUME.

NANOOM.

AHA!

>> TAKE TWO-O-O-O-O!

[ SLATE CLICKS ] >> I'M FRIGHTENED...

THAT I WON'T FIND A DELICIOUS TREAT TO SNACK ON!

>> WHY NOT TURN THOSE CHILLS INTO THRILLS?

>> [ GASPS ] THE CREATURE WITH THE BLACK MACAROONS?!

>> AND THEY'RE NOT JUST FOR SNACKIN'!

DIP THEM IN A LAGOON OF MILK TO MAKE THEM PART OF THIS

NUTRITIOUS BREAKFAST.

HOPE, HOPE, HOPE, HOPE!

BLACK MACAROONS?

FREE SAMPLES.

STRAIGHT FROM THE LAGOON.

MA'AM, WOULD YOU -- OKAY.

SIR, WOULD YOU LIKE TO TRY SOME FRESH -- MA'AM, COULD I INTEREST

YOU IN A -- [BLEEP] YOU.

SIR, THEY'RE BLACK, LIKE Y-- SORRY.

SORRY.

BLACK MACAROONS?

[ CHEWING LOUDLY ] SHOULD HAVE GONE WITH "LEGUMES."

>> WRITERS, WELCOME BACK TO THE THIRD SEASON OF

"STAR TREK: NEXT GENERATION."

AS YOU KNOW, THE FANS HATE WIL WHEATON'S CHARACTER,

WESLEY CRUSHER, AND IT'S STARTING TO GET DANGEROUS.

>> DANGEROUS HOW, MR. BERMAN?

[ CLICK ] >> WOW, THAT BILLBOARD COMPANY

WILL PRINT ANYTHING.

[ TELEPHONE RINGS ] >> BIG AL'S BIG-ASS BILLBOARDS.

SURE, LET ME WRITE THAT DOWN.

"PEPSI MAKES YOU PISS BLOOD."

GOT IT.

DR. PEPPER GETTIN' AGGRESSIVE.

BIG AL LIKES IT.

>> SO, WHAT ARE WE GONNA DO ABOUT IT?

>> WE COULD FIRE WIL WHEATON?

>> CAN'T!

HIS CONTRACT IS IRONCLAD AND DIPPED IN GOLD, HAD ALL THAT

"STAND BY ME" HEAT.

WE MADE SOME FOOLISH CHOICES.

>> OH, I KNOW!

LET'S INTRODUCE A CHARACTER SO BAD, IT'LL MAKE WESLEY CRUSHER

LOOK GOOD!

>> GENIUS!

>> UH, WE COULD JUST MAKE WESLEY BETTER?

>> YOU! OUT!

NOW!

[ BEEPING ] >> SNIRKLE! SNIRKLE! SNIRKLE!

LET'S HAVE FUN, WESLEY!

SNIRKLE! SNIRKLE! SNIRKLE!

>> DARN IT, SNIRKLES, I CAN'T HAVE FUN RIGHT NOW!

I HAVE IMPORTANT WORK TO DO!

>> [ GIGGLES ] SOMEONE NEEDS A SPACE BANJO SONG!

♪ AH AHH ♪ >> SNIRKLES, NO!

[ BANJO PLAYING ] ♪ SNIRKLES SNIRKLE BANJO SONG ♪

♪ WE'LL HAVE FUN THE WHOLE DAY LONG ♪

♪ LISTEN AND YOU'LL SMILE SOON ♪ ♪ SNIRKLE SNIRKLE BANJO TUNE ♪

HEE HEE HEE!

SNIRKLE! SNIRKLE! SNIRKLE!

>> SNIRKLE-E-E-E-E-E-S!

[ CLICK ] >> UH-OH.

>> ANY, UH, LAST WORDS?

>> YES, PLEASE! THANK YOU!

TELL MY WIFE...

>> [ LAUGHS ] I LOVE DOING THAT.

>> JOHN CENA WAS SUPPOSED TO CHALLENGE ME FOR THIS

CHAMPIONSHIP TONIGHT.

BUT APPARENTLY, HE GOT LOST ON HIS WAY HERE!

[ CROWD BOOING ] >> THAT IS A LOAD OF BULL!

WE SAW TRIPLE H LET THE AIR OUT OF JOHN CENA'S TIRES!

DAMN HIM!

>> I GUESS IF NOBODY'S MAN ENOUGH TO CHALLENGE ME, I'LL

JUST TAKE MY CHAMPIONSHIP BELT AND GO HOME!

[ ROCK MUSIC PLAYS ] >> IT'S HER! IT'S HER!

DAKOTA FANNING IS IN THE BUILDING, AND, MAN, SHE LOOKS

PISSED!

>> AND LET'S NOT FORGET THAT DAKOTA'S NEW MOVIE, "WISHMAGIC:

THE HORSE THAT WROTE POEMS," OPENS FRIDAY IN THEATERS ACROSS

THE COUNTRY!

>> I THOUGHT I WAS HERE TO TALK ABOUT "WISHMAGIC: THE HORSE THAT

WROTE POEMS," BUT, APPARENTLY, SOME SON OF A BITCH HAD TO GO

AND RUN HIS MOUTH!

HYAH!

UNH! UNH! UNH!

>> IT'S ON!

IT'S ON NOW!

TRIPLE H IS IN A WORLD OF HURT!

>> HERE COMES THE GOOD PART!

UNH!

>> THE DAKOTA-NATOR!

THE DAKOTA-NATOR!

THIS MATCH IS OVER IF SHE CAN PIN HIM IN THE RING!

IT'S JOHN CENA!

>> HE MUST WANT A PIECE OF TRIPLE H, TOO!

>> AAH!

>> OHH, IT'S A DAMN DOUBLE CROSS!

JOHN CENA AND TRIPLE H MUST HAVE SET UP DAKOTA FANNING FROM

THE BEGINNING!

>> OH, DAMN THEM!

DAMN THEM!

"WISHMAGIC: THE HORSE THAT WROTE POEMS" OPENS FRIDAY!

DAMN THEM TO HELL!

>> ♪ BA-BAWK BAWK BAWK ♪ ♪ BA-BAWK BAWK BAWK ♪

♪ BA-BAWK BAWK BAWK-A-WAWK WAWK BAWK BAWK ♪

♪ BA-BAWK BAWK BAWK ♪ ♪ BA-BAWK BAWK BAWK ♪

♪ BA-BAWK BAWK BAWK-A-WAWK WAWK BAWK BAWK ♪

♪ BA-BAWK BAWK BAWK ♪ ♪ BA-BAWK BAWK BAWK ♪

♪ BA-BAWK BAWK BAWK-A-WAWK WAWK BAWK BAWK ♪

BA-GAWK! BAWK.

>> "WISHMAGIC: THE HORSE THAT WROTE POEMS" OPENS FRIDAY IN

THEATERS ACROSS THE COUNTRY!