Original subtitles

[ THUNDER CRASHING ] [ DRILLING, SAWING ]

[ ELECTRICITY CRACKLING ] >> IT'S ALIVE!

[ ELECTRICITY CRACKLING ] >> IT'S ALIVE!

>> MY SON PERSEUS, YOU HAVE THE ADVANTAGE OF A STRONG BODY AND A

PLEASING FACE, BUT YOU WILL NEED THE HELP OF ZEUS!

HERE IS AN IMPENETRABLE SHIELD AND A SWORD THAT WILL PENETRATE

ANY ARMOR.

TRY NOT TO GET IT TOO CLOSE TO THE SHIELD.

NOT SURE WHICH ONE BEATS THE OTHER.

[ SIGHS ] BO-RING!

WHAT ABOUT THIS LITTLE BABY?

YEAH, GIT-R-DONE!

>> ♪ OVER LAND ♪ ♪ AND SHALLOW STREAM ♪

♪ COMES A CLASHING TITAN FOUR-WHEEL DREAM MACHINE ♪

♪ PERSEUS MONSTER TRUCK! ♪ [ SWORDS CLANGING ]

[ ALL SCREAM ] >> ♪ WITH THE MONSTER TRUCK

CUSTOM CHROME GRILL GUARD ♪ ♪ YOU CAN SMASH THROUGH ANYTHING

THAT'S HARD ♪ ♪ PERSEUS MONSTER TRUCK! ♪

♪ OW! ♪ ♪ CALIBOS IS IN THE SWAMP ♪

♪ THAT'S WHERE HIS MONSTER TRUCK WILL STOMP ♪

♪ PERSEUS MONSTER TRUCK! ♪ ♪ TURBO CHARGED ♪

♪ AND DIESEL MEAN ♪ ♪ A CLASHING TITAN FOUR-WHEEL

DREAM MACHINE ♪ >> AW [BLEEP]

>> IF YOU TOUCH YOUR SISTER ONE MORE TIME, I AM DRIVING THIS CAR

INTO A LAKE!

[ TIRES SCREECH ] >> I'M IRON MAN!

IGNITE ROCKET BOOTS!

WHOOSH!

VR-R-R-OOM! ZHO-ZHO!

REPULSER RAYS, GO!

CHOO-CHOO-CHOO!

[ LAUGHS ] I'M IRON MAN!

HOLY CRAP!

IT'S IRON MAN FOR REAL!

HEY, IRON MAN!

IRON MAN!

IRON MAN, LOOK AT ME!

I'M IRON MAN, TOO!

>> WHAT THE -- WHOA!

>> HEY, HULK, I'M IRON MAN!

>> WORKS FOR HULK.

[ GRUNTS ] >> WHOA!

UNH! UNH! OW!

MOMMY?

[ SPLAT! ] UNH!

I'M...IRON MAN.

>> WELL, WORKS FOR GIANT-MAN.

>> AAAAAAAAAH!

[ Weakly ] I'M IRON MAN.

>> YAY, IRON MAN!

>> NICE JOB, AVENGERS.

HEY, WHAT HAPPENED TO THAT LITTLE KID?

>> KID?

[ THUNK! ] >> LOOK ON THE BRIGHT SIDE.

NOW HE'S A REAL IRON MAN.

[ CLANK! CLANK! ] [ CHUCKLES ]

GET IT? IRON MAN.

HE'S MADE OF IRON.

>> [ GRUNTS ] >> WHAT? WHAT?

>> TOO SOON, TONY, TOO SOON.

>> [ SINGING IN ITALIAN ] >> [ SINGING IN ITALIAN ]

>> [ SINGING IN ITALIAN ] [ ALL SINGING IN ITALIAN ]

>> ♪ KHAN ♪ ♪ KHAN ♪

♪ KHA-A-A-A-N ♪ >> [ SINGING IN ITALIAN ]

>> [ SINGING IN ITALIAN ] >> [ SINGING IN ITALIAN ]

>> LADIES AND GENTLEMEN, NASCAR'S NEWEST DRIVER,

SPEED RACER.

[ TECHNO MUSIC PLAYS ] >> IT IS MY GOAL TO DRIVE MY CAR

THE FASTEST, USING ALL THE RPMs AT MY DISPOSAL AND CROSS THE

FINISH LINE BEFORE THE OTHER CARS, WHICH WILL RESULT IN ME

WINNING MANY RACES, MM?

>> HEY, MR. RACER, HAVE YOU LINED UP ANY CORPORATE

SPONSORSHIPS?

>> AS A MATTER OF FACT, I'VE LINED UP JAPAN'S MOST POPULAR

ANIMé SERIES TO SPONSOR MY CAR.

[ ALL GASP ] THE ENGLISH TRANSLATION OF

THE SERIES IS "MANY-TENTACLED RAPISTS FROM HELL CONQUER THE

INNOCENCE OF SCHOOLGIRLS," AND, AS YOU CAN SEE, THE PRODUCTION

VALUES ARE EXTREMELY HIGH.

HO-HO-HO.

[ SPROING! ] >> OH, NO! SPEED, COME QUICK!

>> [ GASPS ] >> I THOUGHT SOUTHERN

INTOLERANCE WAS A THING OF THE PAST.

>> FOLKS, HEY, THIS ISN'T A HATE CROSS.

IT'S A WELCOME CROSS.

>> WOW, THIS PARTICULAR GIFT BASKET CONTAINS A WIDE SELECTION

OF OMAHA STEAKS, PLUS A $50 GIFT CERTIFICATE TO BEST BUY.

AHHH.

>> HEY, I NEVER GOT A WELCOME CROSS.

>> AND THE MACH 5 MAKES AN EARLY PUSH USING A DEBATABLY LEGAL

TACTIC.

>> SPEED, THOSE MUST BE THE JEWEL THIEVES THAT STOLE THE

DAYTONA 500 DIAMOND.

>> [ LAUGHS EVILLY ] >> THIS CALLS FOR A LITTLE

CREATIVE DRIVING.

[ ENGINE REVVING ] [ CROWD SHOUTING ]

>> OH, MY!

GONNA HAVE TO CHECK THE RULE BOOK ON THAT MANEUVER, RACE

FANS.

>> DON'T WORRY, SPEED.

HELP IS ON THE WAY -- FROM A MYSTERIOUS ALLY.

>> HEY, EVERYBODY, GIVE SPEED RACER'S SECRET BROTHER

SOME ROOM.

>> GO HELP YOUR SECRET BROTHER, RACER X.

>> BOY, I WISH I HAD A SECRET BROTHER LIKE RACER X.

>> THOSE DRIVERS ARE PERSISTENT, BUT THEY ARE CERTAINLY NO MATCH

FOR THE MACH 5.

[ LAUGHS ] >> WHOA!

NOT SURE THAT OIL-SLICK DISPENSER IS NASCAR REGULATION,

FOLKS.

>> GOOD GOD!

>> SIR! SIR!

THE TV RATINGS ARE IN!

>> HOT DAMN!

VIEWERSHIP HAS TRIPLED!

[ SPROING! ] >> YAY, SPEED!

>> OH, YEAH! HURRAY FOR SPEED!

>> WE DID IT -- FIRST PLACE!

>> YAY, SPEED!

SAY, WHERE ARE SPRITLE AND CHIM CHIM?

>> HO-HO-HO!

THOSE SCAMPS ARE PROBABLY STOWED AWAY IN THE MACH 5 AGAIN.

>> Both: HO-HO-HO-HO-HO-HO-HO!

>> All: [ GASP ] >> UH...

SOMEONE GET A HOSE AND A GARBAGE BAG.

>> THERE'S NO PLACE LIKE HOME.

THERE'S NO PLACE LIKE HOME.

>> GOODBYE, DOROTHY.

>> BYE, DOROTHY!

>> WE'LL MISS YOU.

>> SO LONG!

[ TWINKLE! ] >> IS THAT KANSAS SKANK GONE?

SWEET!

BACK TO BUSINESS AS USUAL.

>> BUT WHY?

>> OHH, REMEMBER WHEN I SAID I WAS A VERY BAD WIZARD?

WELL, CASE IN POINT.

>> OH!

>> I'LL JUST TAKE THAT BRAIN BACK.

>> AAH! AAH!

[ CLANK! ] >> HMM.

[ MUNCH! ] MMM! MMM!

>> OH, BUT MY COURAGE IS MORE OF A CONCEPT, REALLY.

AAH!

>> YEP. [ SIGHS ] IT'S GOOD TO BE THE WIZARD.

>> SIR, GLINDA THE GOOD WITCH IS HERE.

>> AHH, BRING ME MY RAPE SHOES.

>> I WANT TO BE JUST LIKE DADDY.

>> [ CRYING ] >> WHOO! YEAH!

>> PREVIOUSLY ON "THE HILLS," HEIDI TRIED TO APOLOGIZE, BUT I

WASN'T READY TO FORGIVE HER.

>> IT'S HARD TO SAY YOU'RE SORRY.

>> YOU'RE SORRY.

SEE, I JUST SAID IT.

AND MY JOB AT TEEN VOGUE WAS ABOUT TO CHANGE FOREVER.

>> WE ARE SENDING YOU TO PARIS!

>> OH, MY GOD. PARIS?

>> ♪ I'M JUST A GIRL ♪ ♪ AND PARIS IS SO FAR AWAY ♪

>> I'M SORRY.

I THOUGHT THAT SONG MIGHT GO LONGER.

ANYWAY, THERE'S A CATCH.

WE'RE ALSO SENDING HEIDI.

>> BUT HEIDI DOESN'T EVEN WORK HERE.

>> WHAT ARE YOU SAYING, THAT THIS IS A SCRIPTED SHOW?

>> I JUST DON'T KNOW IF I CAN GO TO PARIS WITH HEIDI.

>> ♪ A TRIP TO PARIS ♪ ♪ IS WHAT YOU'VE ALWAYS WANTED ♪

♪ BUT THERE'S A CATCH ♪ ♪ AND HER NAME IS HEIDI MONTAG ♪

>> IT'S REALLY HARD, BUT I WANT YOU TO GO TO PARIS.

>> I DON'T KNOW. IT'S HARD!

>> I LIKE TALKING.

>> ♪ I'M TALKIN' TO YOU ♪ ♪ ABOUT EVERY LITTLE THING THAT

YOU DO ♪ ♪ BUT I CAN'T TELL THE

DIFFERENCE ♪ ♪ BETWEEN YOU TWO ♪

>> SPENCER, I DON'T THINK YOU EVEN KNOW WHERE PARIS IS.

>> LEAVE HIM ALONE, LAUREN.

HE'S TRYING.

DRIVING IS HARD.

EVERYTHING IS SO HARD!

>> HEIDI, OTHER ONE, STOP YELLING!

OW! NOISES HURT!

STOP HURTING ME, BABY!

>> ♪ MISTAKES ARE EASY TO MAKE ♪ ♪ WHEN YOU'RE YOUNG AND ON YOUR

WAY TO PARIS ♪ >> OH, GREAT, THE TIRES ARE

FLAT.

>> NO, THEY AREN'T.

YOU JUST DROVE OFF THE ROAD.

>> FINE, LAUREN, FINE!

I CAN'T DO THIS WITH YOU RIGHT NOW!

FRUSTRATED GRUNT!

>> YOU'RE JEALOUS THAT I'M WITH SPENCER.

THIS IS HARD, LAUREN!

SERIOUSLY!

>> GETTING TO PARIS IS HARD!

THE KEYS!

EITHER ONE OF THEM COULD HAVE THE KEYS.

SO...

I SHOULD GO...

THIS WAY.

>> ♪ SOMETIMES YOU GOT TO SPLIT THE DIFFERENCE ♪

♪ BETWEEN TWO PEOPLE AND THEN YOU FIND THE CAR KEYS ♪

♪ BUT IF SOMEONE'S WATCHING THROUGH BINOCULARS ♪

♪ IT MEANS THE HILLS HAVE EYES ♪ ♪ AND PARIS IS SO FAR AWAY ♪

>> THE CITY OF LIGHTS!

[ GASPS ] I MADE IT!

>> ♪ LOOKS LIKE YOU MADE IT TO THE BIG TIME ♪

♪ AND IT WAS SUCH A HARD CLIMB ♪ ♪ BUT PARIS CAN BE LONELY

WITHOUT FRIENDS ♪ >> WE GONNA SKIN YA AND WEAR

YOUR SKIN AND BAKE YOU IN AN OVEN AND EAT YOU, GIRL.

>> [ MUFFLED SCREAMING ] [ GASPING ]

THAT SOUNDS HARD!

>> COME ON.

LET'S GO WARMS UP THE OVEN.

>> [ WHIMPERING ] >> Shh.

Be quiet, guys.

Don't say anything.

>> ♪ ON THE OUTSIDE LOOKIN' IN ♪ ♪ EVERYTHING SEEMS SO

FRIGHTENING ♪ ♪ BUT JUST REMEMBER WHO YOU

ARE ♪ ♪ A BIG, BRIGHT, SHINING STAR ♪

>> AAH!

♪ HEY, YOU'RE JUST A GIRL ♪ >> AAH!

[ THUD! CRACK! ] >> ♪ BA-BAWK BAWK BAWK ♪

♪ BA-BAWK BAWK BAWK ♪ ♪ BA-BAWK BAWK BAWK-A-WAWK WAWK

BAWK BAWK ♪ ♪ BA-BAWK BAWK BAWK ♪

♪ BA-BAWK BAWK BAWK ♪ ♪ BA-BAWK BAWK BAWK-A-WAWK WAWK

BAWK BAWK ♪ ♪ BA-BAWK BAWK BAWK ♪

♪ BA-BAWK BAWK BAWK ♪ ♪ BA-BAWK BAWK BAWK-A-WAWK WAWK

BAWK BAWK ♪ BA-GAWK! BAWK.

BAWK BAWK ♪ BA-GAWK! BAWK.