Original subtitles

[ THUNDER CRASHING ] [ DRILLING, SAWING ]

[ ELECTRICITY CRACKLING ] >> IT'S ALIVE!

[ ELECTRICITY CRACKLING ] >> IT'S ALIVE!

>> ♪ I WANNA ROCK ♪ >> THE STRAWBERRIES TASTE LIKE

STRAWBERRIES.

THE SNOZZBERRIES TASTE LIKE SNOZZBERRIES.

>> EW! PBHT!

THESE CARROTS TASTE MUSKY.

>> OUT! DAMN OOMPA-LOOMPAS!

>> HELLO, MY DEAR.

>> HELLO, FATHER.

>> AND WHAT DOES THE DAY HAVE IN STORE FOR YOU TODAY?

>> WELL, I WANTED TO PLAY HOPSCOTCH, BUT MARIE WANTS TO

PLAY SKIPPING.

>> DIDN'T YOU PLAY HOPSCOTCH YESTERDAY?

>> YES, AND IT WAS SO MUCH FUN.

>> WELL, IF YOU ASK ME, SKIPPING CAN BE JUST AS MUCH FUN.

>> BABAR, THE REVOLUTION HAS BEGUN!

>> OH, YOU HEATHENS!

[ INDISTINCT SHOUTING ] FOLLOW ME!

RUN! RUN!

UNHAND HER!

>> VIVE LA REVOLUTION!

>> [ TRUMPETS ] >> NO, NO, NO!

>> AAH!

>> SAVE US.

[ TRUMPETS ] >> AAH!

>> [ SCREECHES ] >> ANY LAST WORDS?

>> [ TRUMPETS ] [ CROWD CHEERING ]

>> HEY, WHAT'S UP?

UM, LISTEN, I KNOW THINGS GOT A LITTLE CRAZY LAST NIGHT, BUT I'D

REALLY LOVE TO SEE YOU AGAIN.

>> OH, GOSH!

UH, YOU KNOW, I'M REALLY BUSY WITH SCHOOL AND STUFF.

>> OH, SURE, SURE, YEAH.

I'M VERY BUSY, TOO.

UM, BUT, I MEAN, I-I'VE SLIME-VIOLATED A LOT OF ORIFICES

WITH A LOT OF HOTTIES IN MY DAY, AND -- AND, UM, YOU KNOW, LAST

NIGHT WAS THE FIRST TIME IT REALLY MEANT ANYTHING TO ME.

SO, UM, MAYBE...

YOU...

MAYBE WE'LL GO...SEE A MOVIE OR SOMETHING.

>> OKAY, LOOK, I'LL BE HONEST.

THERE IS NO WAY MY DAD WILL LET ME DATE A TENTACLE MONSTER.

>> I'm saying that I think I love you!

>> WOW!

ALL RIGHT!

UH, I HAVE HOMEWORK, SO TAKE CARE OF YOURSELF, OKAY?

>> OH! STUPID!

[ CAMERA SHUTTER CLICKS ] >> MARY LOU!

LET ME TAKE YOUR PICTURE FOR THE PAPER!

[ SCREAMING ] >> AN AVERAGE TEENAGE BOY BITTEN

BY A RADIOACTIVE WHITE-TAILED DEER.

HIS LIFE IS ABOUT TO CHANGE BY LEAPS AND BOUNDS.

>> HUH.

YEAH! YEAH!

YEAH!

>> I'M A MUGGER!

GIVE ME YOUR MONEY!

UGH!

>> KID VENISON!

TO BE A HERO, HE'LL RISK EVERYTHING HE HOLDS "DEAR."

>> YOU'RE VERY DIFFERENT, PERRY -- LIKE, SKITTISH.

>> HA! THAT'S ABSURD.

>> [ BACKFIRES ] >> AAH!

>> KID VENISON!

>> NOW IT'S TIME TO POACH SOME POACHERS.

[ HORN HONKS, TIRES SCREECH ] >> KID VENISON!

>> HEY, BOY, PULL MY FINGER.

[ FARTING ] [ LAUGHS ]

[ FARTING CONTINUES ] WHOA!

LET GO! LET GO! LET GO!

LET GO! LET GO!

WHOA!

>> HEY, DUDE, WHAT DO YOU THINK BUD BUNDY'S UP TO RIGHT NOW?

[ LAUGHS ] DAVID [BLEEP] FAUSTINO, BRO!

[ GUNSHOT ] [ ALL SCREAMING ]

>> I TOLD YOU WE'D LIBERATE PAKISTAN, SAMIR.

BUT FIRST I HAD TO LIBERATE YOUR HEAD FROM YOUR SHOULDERS.

[ CELLPHONE RINGS ] >> David, baby.

It's your agent.

Listen, Apatow wants you for the lead in his new movie.

>> PASS.

I'M ALREADY PLAYING A LEAD.

THE MOVIE IS DEMOCRACY.

MY CHARACTER -- PATRIOTISM.

>> MMM.

THANKS FOR DINNER, BABY.

HOPE YOU LEFT ROOM TO NURSE.

>> YEAH, YOU TOO, DOLL.

I GOT SOMETHING FOR YOUR MOUTH.

>> BOOGIE-BOOGIE!

>> OOH! O.J. SIMPSON?!

>> GONNA GET CUT, BITCH.

>> [ CRYING ] [ TRAIN WHISTLE BLOWS ]

>> EXCUSE ME.

IS THIS SEAT TAKEN?

>> OH, SURE.

HELP YOURSELF.

>> WOMEN, HUH?

CAN'T LIVE WITHOUT 'EM.

OR CAN YOU?

>> WHAT DO YOU MEAN?

>> MY JESSICA'S A CHEATING BITCH, BUT I COULD NEVER KILL

HER.

I'D BE THE PRIME SUSPECT.

>> I'M NOT FOLLOWING YOU.

>> BUT IF WE KILL EACH OTHER'S WIVES, JEEPERS!

IT WOULD BE THE P-P-P-PERFECT CRIME!

>> WELL, NICE TALKING TO YOU, I GUESS, BUT I REALLY MUST BE

GOING.

>> OH, I GOT YOU.

>> WHAT?

>> I GOT YOU.

>> NICOLE!

I BROUGHT YOU YOUR CHILD SUPPORT.

I KNOW IT'S A FEW WEEKS EARLY, BUT YOU KNOW HOW COMPLETELY NOT

BITTER I AM ABOUT THE DIVORCE.

>> OH, HEY, THERE!

>> OH, MY!

WHAT DID YOU DO?!

>> WHAT DID I DO?

WE HAD A DEAL.

NOW IT'S YOUR TURN TO KILL MY WIFE.

>> I CAN'T TAKE THE LIFE OF ANOTHER HUMAN BEING.

>> P-P-P-PLEASE?

>> NO!

>> B-B-B-BUT WE HAD A DEAL, SEE?

YOU DON'T WANT TO SEE ME WHEN I'M STEAMED!

[ STEAM WHISTLE BLOWS ] TAKE CARE OF MY WIFE, OR IT'S

CURTAINS FOR YOU!

>> OH, NO!

>> ...TO NURSE.

>> YEAH, YOU TOO, DOLL.

I GOT SOMETHING FOR YOUR MOUTH.

>> BOOGIE-BOOGIE!

>> OOH! O.J. SIMPSON?!

>> GONNA GET CUT, BITCH!

>> [ CRYING ] >> IF YOU DON'T GET OUT OF

TOWN.

YOUR HUSBAND'S TRYING TO KILL YOU.

>> DA-DA-DA-DA-DA-DA-DA-DA!

I KNEW I COULDN'T TRUST YOUR KIND.

>> WHAT THE [BLEEP] IS THAT SUPPOSED TO MEAN?

>> REAL PEOPLE!

I MEANT REAL PEOPLE!

>> [ GRUNTING ] YOU KILLER! DIE!

DIE, YOU KILLIN' KILLER!

TAKE THAT! AND THAT!

AND SOME OF THIS!

OOH, YEAH!

HEY, THAT'S WHAT YOU GET WHEN YOU SQUEEZE THE JUICE.

>> SO, WHEN YOU SAID, "YOU GONNA GET CUT, BITCH," IT WAS A

WARNING, NOT A THREAT?

>> YOU GOT IT!

>> WHY'D YOU HAVE TO CALL HER A BITCH?

>> AND THAT'S HOW I TRACKED DOWN YOUR GAMMY'S REAL KILLER.

>> [ CRYING ] >> SOMETHING MUST HAVE SPOOKED

THE BOY.

>> OH, HE CAN JUST SENSE EVIL.

THAT'S ALL.

>> THERE'S BEEN A HORRIBLE ACCIDENT.

>> OSCAR, BRING YOUR SHOVEL AND A CAN OF GASOLINE.

>> NO, I WANT YOU TO REBUILD HER, LIKE YOU DID ME.

>> STEVE, YOUR BIONICS COST US $6 MILLION.

WE CAN'T JU-- >> COME ON!

YOU HAVE THE TECHNOLOGY.

YOU SAY IT ALL THE TIME.

"STEVE, WE HAVE THE TECHNOLOGY."

YOU WON'T SHUT UP ABOUT IT.

>> AH [BLEEP] IT.

PUT HER ON THE TABLE.

>> HA! GREAT!

NOW, WHILE YOU'RE IN THERE, I HAD A FEW IDEAS MYSELF.

[ MONITOR BEEPING ] >> NOW, JAMIE, DON'T BE ALARMED.

WE'VE REBUILT YOU.

YOU ARE NOW A BIONIC WOMAN!

>> WAIT.

WAIT.

DID YOU GIVE ME BREAST IMPLANTS?

>> OH, UH, THAT'S WHERE WE PUT YOUR BATTERIES.

STEVE SAID YOU HAD ROOM TO SPARE.

[ WHIRRING ] >> MY -- MY ARM.

I CAN'T FEEL MY ARM!

>> RELAX, RELAX.

IT'S NOW COMPLETELY ROBOTIC.

LET ME JUST FIRE IT UP FOR YOU.

>> WHAT'S WRONG WITH IT?

>> OH, STEVE SAID YOUR ARM GETS TIRED WHEN YOU...POLISH STUFF.

>> WE ALSO REINFORCED YOUR KNEES.

YOU COULD BE ON THEM FOR HOURS WITHOUT GETTING SORE.

>> I WANT TO TALK TO STEVE!

>> RIGHT HERE, BABY.

RIGHT HERE.

OH, WOW!

GREAT JOB, GOLDMAN!

OHH, DIDN'T HAVE TIME TO FIX HER NOSE, HUH?

>> YOU SON OF A BITCH!

YOU MADE ME INTO A MONSTER!

>> OHH!

HEY, IS SHE ON THE RAG?

I THOUGHT WE WERE GONNA TIE HER TUBES.

>> I'LL [BLEEP] KILL YOU!

[ MONITOR BEEPING ] >> OH, GOD!

I'VE SPENT MY LIFE CREATING BIONIC FRANKENSTEINS.

NOW THE SHOE'S ON THE OTHER FOOT.

>> WE'RE ALIVE, BUT WE'LL BE MORE MACHINE THAN MAN.

THE IRONY IS -- WELL, IT'S PALPABLE.

>> WELL, ACTUALLY, YOU'RE NOT MUCH MORE THAN HEAD AND STOMACH

RIGHT NOW.

YOU WON'T LIVE THROUGH THE NIGHT.

>> HEY, BUT YOU CAN REBUILD US, RIGHT?

>> NO.

>> YOU MEAN YOU DON'T HAVE THE TECHNOLOGY?

>> [ Laughing ] NO!

>> BOO!

>> AAH!

[ GRUNTING ] >> [ LAUGHING ]

>> MOTHER[BLEEP] YOU THINK IT'S FUNNY?

YOU THINK IT'S [BLEEP] FUNNY?!

YEAH, THIS IS [BLEEP] FUNNY!

YEAH!

WHO'S LAUGHING NOW, STUPID?!

HUH?! WHO'S LAUGHING NOW?!

HA HA!

>> UH...WELL, THIS IS A LITTLE UNPRECEDENTED.

>> WHO'S MY SPECIAL ANGEL?

WHO'S MY SPECIAL JOY?

>> [ VOMITS ] >> GEEZ, KID, YOU'RE SUCH A

BUZZKILL.

>> COME WITH ME, THE TERMINATOR BABY, IF YOU WANT TO LIVE.

>> YOU GOT TO BE KIDDING ME.

[ DOORBELL RINGS ] >> DON'T YOU ANSWER THAT!

I WILL ANSWER THE DOOR IN THIS HERE SITUATION HERE.

OH, NO!

SKYNET HAS SENT BACK THE TERMINATOR PUPPY!

AAH!

>> AND NOW WE FIGHT WITH THE FIST, AND IT WILL BE A BIG

FIGHT!

>> YOU ARE RIDICULOUS!

COME ON!

>> WAIT FOR ME!

I GOT THE LITTLE BABY LEGS!

[ BEEPING ] THAT WAS A GOOD IDEA,

SARAH CONNOR!

OH, NO!

YOU GOT TO CHANGE ME!

QUICKLY, THERE.

TAKE OFF THE DIAPER.

>> HOLD STILL.

>> NOW CLEAN THE POO.

>> I'M TRYING.

>> THE BABY POWDER!

>> STOP TELLING ME WHAT TO DO.

>> ...MY GIGANTIC BABY BALLS.

>> LET'S GO.

>> GO! GO! GO!

GO, GO, GO!

AAH!

AAAAH!

AAH!

YEAH! YEAH!

OKAY, GOOD, GOOD.

YEAH. OH.

UGH!

[ GRUNTING ] AAH!

YOU HAVE BEEN A NAUGHTY PUPPY!

UGH!

AAAH!

>> KOO KOO KA CHOO TO YOU, THE TERMINATOR PUPPY.

UGH!

AAAH!

[ ELECTRICITY CRACKLING ] >> IS IT OVER?

>> YEAH.

I'M THINKING I NEED A LITTLE BABY VACATION.

OHH, THAT'S SO NICE.

NOW I KNOW THE HUMAN FEELINGS OF THE FAMILY AND THE LOVE AND THE

HUG -- [ ELECTRICITY CRACKLING ]

>> AGAIN, WE'VE THWARTED SKYNET, AND JOHN IS FREE TO GROW UP TO

BE THE SAVIOR OF MANKIND.

I THINK SKYNET IS RUNNING OUT OF IDEAS FOR TERMINATORS AT THIS

POINT, BUT IF A BABY TERMINATOR CAN LEARN TO LOVE, THEN MAYBE

THERE IS HOPE FOR -- HOLY [BLEEP]

[ CRASH ] >> ♪ BA-BAWK BAWK BAWK ♪

♪ BA-BAWK BAWK BAWK ♪ ♪ BA-BAWK BAWK BAWK-A-WAWK WAWK

BAWK BAWK ♪ ♪ BA-BAWK BAWK BAWK ♪

♪ BA-BAWK BAWK BAWK ♪ ♪ BA-BAWK BAWK BAWK-A-WAWK WAWK

BAWK BAWK ♪ ♪ BA-BAWK BAWK BAWK ♪

♪ BA-BAWK BAWK BAWK ♪ ♪ BA-BAWK BAWK BAWK-A-WAWK WAWK

BAWK BAWK ♪ BA-GAWK! BAWK.

>> ♪ I WANNA ROCK ♪ [ CRICKET CHIRPING ]

OH, COME ON!

>> I CAN'T APPLAUD ANY LOUDER THAN THIS.