Original subtitles

[ SCREAMING ] >> "ROBOT CHICKEN" IS CANCELED!

...IS CANCELED!

CANCELED!

[ BOTH SHOUT ] [ BODY THUDS ]

>> WELL, THAT WAS FUN.

BUT WITH "ROBOT CHICKEN" CANCELED, WE'LL NEED A WAY TO

MAKE MONEY.

>> AH, IF ONLY I'D CULTIVATED RELATIONSHIPS WITH SOME OF

HOLLYWOOD'S MOST DYNAMIC AND POWERFUL PLAYERS.

[ FINGERS SNAP ] WAIT A MINUTE.

THAT'S EXACTLY WHAT I DID.

QUICK, MY LESS FAMOUS COMPANION, GRAB ON TO MY COATTAILS, AND

LET'S BE AWAY!

>> [ SIGHS ] RETARD.

WOW! WESLEYAN UNIVERSITY'S OWN JOSS WHEDON, CREATOR OF "BUFFY,"

"ANGEL," "FIREFLY," AND "DOLLHOUSE," THANKS FOR MEETING

WITH US.

>> WE KIND OF HAVE A FAVOR TO ASK.

>> OH, GOOD!

I'VE BEEN LOOKING FOR A WAY TO REPAY YOU FOR BAILING ON "BUFFY"

AFTER TWO SEASONS.

ANYTHING, SETH, REALLY.

>> ACTUALLY, IT'S MORE LIKE US DOING YOU A FAVOR.

HOW WOULD YOU LIKE THE CREATORS OF "ROBOT CHICKEN" WRITING ON

ONE OF YOUR SHOWS?

>> YOU THINK YOU'RE WORTHY OF WRITING IN THE WHEDONVERSE?

>> OH, WOW, YOU ACTUALLY SAY "WHEDONVERSE" IN REAL LIFE.

>> THAT'S RIGHT!

AND AS ONE OF MY CREATIONS, I DO BELIEVE I HAVE LET YOU LIVE LONG

ENOUGH.

TIME TO DIE, WEREWOLF!

>> WOW! RON MOORE, CREATOR OF "BATTLESTAR GALACTICA"!

>> HOW ABOUT LETTING US COME ABOARD AND HELP YOU WITH YOUR

WHIP-SMART PLOTS?

>> HELP?

WHY WOULD I NEED HELP WRITING PLOTS?

I JUST THROW A DART AT THE CAST LIST, AND BOOM -- THEY'RE A

CYLON.

RINSE, REPEAT, CASH THE [BLEEP] CHECK.

WATCH. SHA-BOOM!

SHA-BONG! SHA-BING!

CYLON.

"OH, PLEASE HELP ME!

THIS IS SO HARD!" >> WELL, MAYBE I COULD ACT ON

THE SHOW.

I COULD BE A CYLON.

>> THAT'S RIGHT.

YOU COULD BE.

YOU WON'T GET ME, YOU [BLEEP] SKIN-JOBS!

>> HEY, IT'S SETH MacFARLANE, CREATOR OF "AMERICAN DAD."

>> HEY, HEY, COME ON, GUYS.

CREATOR OF "FAMILY GUY," PLEASE.

>> LOOK, SETH, WE'RE IN TROUBLE.

WE NEED TO MAKE SOME MONEY.

>> BUT YOU ALREADY HAVE A JOB VOICING CHRIS ON MY INSANELY

POPULAR SHOW.

>> YOU EXPECT ME TO LIVE ON HUNDREDS OF THOUSANDS OF DOLLARS

A YEAR?

COME ON.

I DEPENDED ON "ROBOT CHICKEN."

>> "ROBOT CHICKEN"?

I HAVEN'T HEARD THAT NAME SINCE IT GOT RENEWED.

>> "ROBOT CHICKEN'S" RENEWED.

>> HA! HOW'D YOU DO THAT?

>> HOW DID I DO THAT?

NO ONE'S ASKED ME THAT QUESTION SINCE C-3PO BOUGHT ME A LEATHER

JACKET WITH PEPSI POINTS.

>> [ BURPS ] >> WOW! YOU CAN DO ANYTHING YOU

WANT!

QUICK! OFFHANDEDLY MENTION THAT TIME WE ALL ENDED WORLD HUNGER!

>> WHAT?

I HAVEN'T HEARD AN IDEA THAT BAD SINCE HANNA-BARBERA LAUNCHED

"SCOOBY-JEW."

>> LIKE, WOULD YOU DO IT FOR A SCOOBY SNACK?

>> ONE SCOOBY SNACK FOR ALL THE WORK I DO?

I GO INTO A DUNGEON, I EXPECT AT LEAST TWO, MAYBE THREE SCOOBY

SNACKS.

>> HA HA! DIE, WEREWOLF!

>> DIE, CYLON!

>> AND CHECKERBOARD WIPE TO...

[ THUNDER CRASHING ] [ DRILLING, SAWING ]

[ ELECTRICITY CRACKLING ] >> IT'S ALIVE!

[ ELECTRICITY CRACKLING ] >> IT'S ALIVE!

>> ♪ GONNA BE A GREAT DAY ♪ ♪ WASHING DIRT AWAY ♪

♪ GOT TO GET IT ALL IN MY CRACKS AND CREVICES WITH THE SOAP ♪

♪ CLEAN, CLEAN, AND I LOVE TO SHOWER ♪

[ TOILET FLUSHES ] NO, AAH! AAH-HA!

AAH! AAH!

OW! BURNING! HOT!

>> [ CRYING ] >> YOUR HONOR, THE DEFENDANT WAS

ARRESTED WITHOUT A LICENSE IN A CAR CONTAINING THREE CONCEALED

WEAPONS AND OVER AN OUNCE OF MARIJUANA.

>> WELL, COUNSEL, IF YOUR CLIENT INSISTS ON PLEADING THE 5th,

I'LL HAVE NO CHOICE BUT TO THROW THE BOOK AT HIM.

HOW DO YOU WANT TO PROCEED?

[ GONG CRASHES ] [ CROWD MURMURING ]

ORDER!

[ RAP MUSIC PLAYS ] >> THIS IS ABSURD.

HE WANTS TO THROW US OFF HIS SCENT.

>> ♪ GOOD POINT, TALKING DOG ♪ ♪ I'LL SET YOU FREE WITH SERVED

TIME ♪ >> YOU [BLEEP] UP NOW, PaRappa!

>> WHOA! OHH!

>> [ GROANS ] WHOA!

>> OH, JOHNNY, ISN'T IT BEAUTIFUL?

>> [ GASPS ] M-MAYBE WE SHOULD GO.

>> NO, NO, NO.

STAY.

TAKE OUT HER TITS.

>> STEVE, YOU AND YOUR WIFE ARE WONDERFUL HOSTS.

I'M BEING SINCERE.

>> YOU KNOW, JULIE, I DON'T THINK YOU EVER GOT A TOUR OF THE

HOUSE.

>> YOU'RE RIGHT.

>> WELL, COME ON.

[ BOTH LAUGHING ] >> MORE APPLE PIE FOR US, HUH?

>> OH, YOU.

[ DOORBELL RINGS ] OH, WHO COULD THAT BE?

[ DOOR OPENS ] >> ♪ TROJAN MAN ♪

>> EXCUSE ME, MADAM, BUT I AM NEEDED UPSTAIRS!

>> STEVE!

>> ♪ TROJAN MAN ♪ >> Keep it down!

>> I KNEW YOU ACTED WEIRD AROUND JULIE, YOU BASTARD!

>> PUT THIS ON YOUR PENIS!

>> GET OFF! GET OFF ME!

GET OFF ME!

>> JULIE, HOW COULD YOU?!

>> MY CLOTHES JUST FELL OFF.

>> HER VAGINA WILL APPRECIATE YOUR FORETHOUGHT!

>> WILL YOU SHUT THE [BLEEP] UP ALREADY?!

>> I AM LEAVING YOU!

>> ♪ TROJAN MAN ♪ >> HEY, WATCH THE HORSE!

THAT WAS MY GRANDMA'S -- OH, NO, YOU BROKE IT!

>> THAT WOULD NEVER HAPPEN TO A TROJAN CONDOM.

>> ♪ TROJAN MAN ♪ >> [ Crying ] YOU SAID MY

PROBLEM DIDN'T BOTHER YOU.

>> IT DOESN'T.

I MEAN, THIS DOESN'T CHANGE ANYTHING.

>> IT CHANGES EVERYTHING!

>> A RESERVOIR TIP IS FOR YOUR SEMEN!

>> I GOT TO GET OUT OF HERE.

>> YOU'RE A WHORE!

YOU RUINED MY LIFE, YOU WHORE!

[ CAR DOOR CLOSES, ENGINE TURNS OVER, TIRES SCREECHING ]

>> I GUESS I'D BETTER GO.

>> ♪ TROJAN MAN ♪ >> YEAH, WHY DON'T YOU JUST GET

THE [BLEEP] OUT OF HERE?

HOW ABOUT THAT?

>> ♪ TROJAN MAN ♪ >> JUST IN CASE.

>> OKAY, I NEED SOMEONE TO ACT LIKE THEY'RE ATTACKING ME.

LOUISE, HOW ABOUT YOU?

>> ME? UH, OKAY.

>> THAT'S RIGHT.

JUST COME AT ME.

>> HIYA!

AAH!

>> OKAY, DID EVERYONE SEE WHAT I DID THERE?

>> LAST TIME ON "A SHOT AT LOVE WITH TILA TEQUILA"...

>> LeBARON...

YOU HAVE A SHOT AT LOVE.

ARE YOU INTERESTED?

>> YES!

>> I'M SORRY, DYKE.

>> IT'S DIANE.

>> YO, I GOT TO GIVE A SHOUT-OUT TO MY ABS.

>> TILA, ARE YOU REALLY BISEXUAL?

BECAUSE I GET THE FEELING I NEVER HAD A CHANCE.

>> OH, I AM VERY BISEXIAL, DIANE.

I HAVE A NUMBER OF INTERESTS, INCLUDING ACTING AND HIP-HOP

RECORDING ARTIST.

I AM VERY BISEXIAL.

[ MOANING PASSIONATELY ] >> UNH! YEAH!

TOUGH TIE! YEAH!

>> BUT MY HEART WILL ALWAYS BELONG TO LEBANON.

>> IT'S LeBARON.

>> CUT!

THE MISPRONUNCIATIONS ARE STILL A PROBLEM.

>> BUT THAT'S WHY WE MADE HER OMNI-ETHIC, NOT TO MENTION THE

PREPUBESCENT ALIEN-WHORE APPEARANCE.

>> BUT IS IT READY?

>> WHO THE HELL ARE YOU PEOPLE?

WE'RE MAKING A REALITY SH-- >> IT HAS DEMONSTRATED A LIMITED

RANGE OF EMOTIONS, AND THE EMOTIONS ARE APPROPRIATE ALMOST

50% OF THE TIME.

>> ALL RIGHT! IT'S GO TIME!

>> WHERE'S LeBARON?

WHERE'S LeBARON?

>> WHAT IS IT SAYING?

>> LeBARON!

>> AAH!

>> AAH!

>> [ GIGGLING ] LeB-B-B-ARON.

>> HEY, WHAT -- >> I LOVE LeBARON.

>> AAH! AA-A-A-A-A-A-H!

[ GLASS SHATTERING ] >> JUST BETWEEN HUEY AND ME...

[ CRYING ] [ LAUGHING ]

LeBARON IS DEAD.

NOW I HAVE TO FIND SOMEONE ELSE TO LOVE.

WHO WILL IT BE?

WATCH "TILA TEQUILA'S A SHOT AT LOVE" TONIGHT ON MTV.

[ LAUGHING ] [ CRYING ]

[ LAUGHING ] AAH!

>> MOMMY, MOMMY!

DID YOU KNOW "DOG" SPELLED BACKWARDS IS "GOD"?

>> THAT'S RIGHT, DEAR.

YOU'RE SUCH A CLEVER LITTLE GIRL.

>> KILL YOUR PARENTS, TRACY.

>> I WILL, GOD!

>> I'VE HEARD ABOUT YOU, LONE RANGER.

SILVER BULLETS MAY BE PRETTY TOO LOOK AT, BUT I BET THEY AIN'T NO

GOOD FOR SHOOTING.

>> OH, YEAH?

LOOK AT IT GO!

YEAH.

[ CHUCKLES ] >> THAT SILVER COULD HAVE FED MY

ENTIRE TRIBE FOR A YEAR.

>> NEXT QUESTION.

HAVE YOU EVER TOLD YOUR WIFE YOU LIKED HER DRESS WHEN YOU REALLY

DIDN'T?

>> [ EXHALES SLOWLY ] HO HO.

UM...

[ BREATHING HEAVILY ] OOH, HERE WE GO.

UM...

UH...

OOH.

OH, UH...

YES.

[ CROWD GASPS ] YES.

>> WOW! THEY PAD THE HELL OUT OF THAT SHOW, HUH?

THAT'S WHY I SUBSCRIBE TO "JUST THE GOOD PARTS" FROM MY

CABLE OR SATELLITE PROVIDER.

YOU CAN WATCH AN ENTIRE B.S.

GAME SHOW IN JUST 15 SECONDS.

>> EVER TOLD YOUR WIFE YOU LIKED HER DRESS WHEN YOU REALLY

DIDN'T?

>> YES.

>> EVER CHEATED ON YOUR TAXES?

>> YES.

>> EVER USE THE "N" WORD IN ANGER?

>> YES.

>> EVER PUT YOUR PENIS IN A SLINKY?

>> Y-- NO.

>> YOU LOSE!

>> AW.

>> "JUST THE GOOD PARTS" SPEEDS UP ALL YOUR FAVORITE SHOWS AND

MOVIES.

JUST WATCH!

[ "JAMES BOND" THEME PLAYS ] >> BOND. JAMES BOND.

>> AIII!

>> NOW THAT THE MISSION'S OVER, LET'S FIND YOUR BALLOON KNOT.

>> OH, JAMES!

>> I HAVE AIDS.

>> [ LAUGHING ] >> ♪ YA BA-DOP, DOO-BAH-DA

DEE BOP BA-DOODILY DAH ♪ ♪ DOO-DOO DAH DA-DO, YEAH ♪

>> I'M RUNNING AWAY FROM HOME!

I WANT TO GO HOME!

I WAS HOME ALL ALONG.

[ EXPLOSION ] >> A BASTARD IN A BASKET!

[ SOLEMN MUSIC PLAYS ] >> ♪ LAAAA ♪

♪ AA-AAAAHH ♪ ♪ LA-AAH ♪

[ FARTING ] >> NEVER A SAW A MAN KILLED WITH

A SWORD BEFORE.

>> WHY DON'T YOU TAKE A PICTURE?

>> WISH I HAD.

[ METAL CRUNCHING ] >> AND BEST PICTURE GOES TO...

"LAWRENCE OF ARABIA."

>> AAH! AAH! AAH! AAH!

[ DANCE MUSIC PLAYS ] [ FARTING ]

>> I'M A CYLON.

>> I'M A CYLON.

>> DAMN IT! I'M A CYLON!

>> I AM A CYLON.

>> [ Grumbling ] CYLON...

>> I AM A CYLON.

>> UH...I -- I'M A CYLON.

[ GUNSHOT ] >> GOTCHA, YOU FILTHY CYLON SON

OF A BITCH MOTHER [BLEEP] YOU DIE!

[ DRAMATIC MUSIC PLAYS ]