Original subtitles

- The Coca-Cola company proudly presents the most famous family

in America--

Ozzie, Harriet, David, and Ricky, the Nelson family.

Statistics show that Coca-Cola is

enjoyed 60 million times a day.

And among those who enjoy it often are the Nelsons.

- Hi, Mr. Nelson. Dave.

Rick.

- Hi.

- I think I'll have a large Coke.

- Me too.

- Me too.

- According to statistics, when people order Coca-Cola

at the fountain, given the choice,

two out of three usually ask for a large Coke

as the Nelson's do.

That's because when you ask for a large glass of Coke,

you get even extra enjoyment.

And this in turn leads to another statistic.

A large number of people order something

to eat when they have a Coke at the fountain

because ice cold Coke goes so good with food.

Now, Ozzie has his own statistic for us.

- When the three Nelson men enjoy Coke at the fountain,

one out of the three is bound to get the check.

Which one?

It figures.

- And now the Coca-Cola Company invites you to enjoy "The

Adventures of Ozzie and Harriet."

- Hey, hold it straight, will you?

- I am.

- Now, what did you do that for?

Come on, hold on to it.

- OK.

- Hi, fellas.

- Hi, Mr. Nelson.

- What are you guys doing?

- We're building a clubhouse.

Can't you tell?

- Well, I kind of thought that, but I wasn't sure.

You're doing a good job.

- Did you ever have a clubhouse?

- Oh, sure, when I was about your age.

We had a nice clubhouse.

- Was it made out of rocks?

- No, it wasn't quite that long ago.

It was pretty much like this one.

Do you guys have a secret password?

- Sure. - What is it?

- Don't tell him. It's a secret.

- I won't. Anyway, I forgot it.

- It's "Tiger."

- I suppose you have some booby traps, too?

- Well, not yet.

Do you think we should?

- Oh, sure, you got to have booby traps to keep out

the bad guys and the rustlers.

- And girls.

- Yeah.

I remember we used to have a string stretched

across the path.

Whenever anybody tried to sneak up on us,

he'd trip over the string and upset this big pile

of tin cans.

- Hey, that sounds good.

- Yeah.

- We ought to have stuff like that.

- Say, do you happen to know if Mr. Randolph is home?

- I think he's in his house.

- Oh, thanks.

- Mr. Nelson?

- Yeah?

- Would you hold this nail here for me?

- I'll do it.

- You always drop it.

- Here, I'll do it.

Where do you want it?

- Right there.

Hold it steady, Mr. Nelson.

I'll do it for you.

- You're not very good either, Mr. Nelson.

[buzzer]

- Come in.

Oh, hi, Oz. - Hi, Joe.

- What can I do for you?

- Oh, nothing.

If I stick around our house, I'll have to mow the lawn.

- Hey, how about a cup of coffee?

- Yeah, sounds good.

What are you doing with the television set?

- That's the old set we had up in the attic.

I decided to throw it out.

- What's the matter, it doesn't work anymore?

- Well, sort of, but we never use it.

- Seems a shame to throw it out.

- Yeah, well, the cabinet doesn't match our furniture

anymore. Here you are.

Sit down.

- Thanks.

You know what I do with this if I were?

- No, what?

- Well, I'd take the set out of the cabinet

and build it in someplace.

- That sounds like a lot of work.

- Well, yeah, but it'd be real nice.

- Well, where would I put it?

- How about right there?

- You mean here in the kitchen?

- Well, sure.

That way when you come out for a sandwich,

you won't miss the commercials.

- Well, it's an awfully good suggestion,

Oz, but if you don't mind, I think I'll throw it out.

- But if I had it, I'll build it into our bedroom wall.

Harriet and I have often thought about doing that.

- Well, then take it.

It's yours.

- Oh, I couldn't do that.

- Why not?

I'm just going to throw it out.

- Well, gee, thanks a lot.

- That's OK.

I probably couldn't get more than $5 or $6

for it, if I wanted to sell it.

- Well, if you want me to pay--

- No, no, no.

I was just kidding.

- Well, gee, I hate to come over here and drink your coffee

and walk out with your television set

without paying you something.

- Well?

- Well, look, here.

There's a dime for the coffee.

- We're laughing, but I'll take it.

How are you going to get it home?

- You kidding? I have muscles.

- You mean David and Ricky?

- Well, yeah.

Watch out for door.

Easy does it, boys.

- What in the world is that?

- It's a television set. Joe gave it to me.

- What for?

- For the bedroom.

- Whose bedroom?

- Well, our bedroom.

- You're kidding, of course.

- No.

- Well, back outside. - No.

No. Wait a second.

- I'm going to take the set out of the cabinet

and build it into the wall upstairs.

We can watch television while we're lying in bed.

- Oh, well, that's a wonderful idea.

Why didn't you say so before?

- Let's go, boys.

- Wouldn't it have been easier to mow the lawn?

- There we go.

Easy.

- How's that look, Pop?

- Little to the left.

- How's that?

- You better make it a little higher.

All I can see is my feet.

- How's that? - That's perfect.

Hold it right there.

- Leave it to Pop to get the best job.

- Hold this, will you, while I get some tacks?

- Where's the yardstick?

- Oh, it's right here.

- Hey, you moved the paper.

- Oh, sorry.

- That's OK.

We can line it up again. - No, wait a second, Pop.

It's my turn.

OK, Dave, anytime you're ready.

- I think it was right about here.

- Oh, higher, Pop.

All I can see is my feet.

- Well I don't want to hurt your feelings,

but I think your feet are a little bigger than mine.

- How big a hole are we going to need?

- Well, uh, 20" by 16".

That's the size of the screen.

- How about the speaker?

- Well, we'll have to cut another hole down here

for the speaker.

- Well, come on, let's get started.

This is the part I'm going to like.

- Now, wait a second.

We got to find out what we're doing here first.

- We know what we're doing.

We're putting a hole in the wall for the television set.

- Look, you just can't chop a hole in the wall.

We have to do it right.

Are you sure the linen closet comes back this far?

- That's a thought. Maybe we better check.

We don't want the back of the television set sticking out

of the house.

- Why don't we just chop a hole and see if we get lucky?

- Well, you're a real craftsman.

- There's one thing for sure.

Once we start cutting, we don't want to make any mistakes,

have a big replastering job on our hands.

- Not to mention the wallpaper.

- Well, let's not talk about mistakes.

Let's just figure this out so we don't make any.

- Hey, wait a minute, I'll put the conduit

for this outlet runs right up the wall.

We'll probably run right into it when we cut the hole.

- We can't rewire the whole house.

- And don't forget we have to cut a hole in the attic

from the linen closet.

- What for?

- Well, for ventilation.

These sets put out a lot of heat.

Look, I hate to spoil all the fun,

but why don't we just plug in the set like it is?

- We can't do that.

Your mother wouldn't like it.

It doesn't fit in with the rest of the room here.

You know, come to think of it, I don't

think we'd watch much television up here anyway.

- Sounds like you're given up the project.

- Well, not necessarily.

- Well, come on, let's get started.

- OK.

- What's first?

- Well, uh, first, we put all the tools away

and then we figure out how we can get rid

of the television set.

- Well, that was quick work.

You guys finished already?

- Well, yeah.

- I can't believe it.

How'd you do it so fast?

- Same way he mowed the lawn.

- How's it coming?

- We're almost finished.

- Want anything from downtown? - No, thanks.

- Well, I'll be right back.

- OK.

- What are you going to do with this thing?

- Well, gee, I don't know.

Stick it in the garage for the time being, I guess.

I hope you're not disappointed.

It was just too much work to build it into the wall.

- Oh, no, I understand.

Well, bye.

- Bye.

- Hi, Mr. Nelson.

- Oh, hi, fellas.

- We need some more boards for our clubhouse.

Do you have any?

- Yeah, I think we have some over on the other side

of the garage. Just help yourself.

- Gee, thanks.

- Come on, I'll get them for you.

- Gee, do you watch television while you mow the lawn?

- Oh.

Oh, no, that's just an old set we're getting rid of.

- Could we have it for our clubhouse?

- Yeah, I guess so.

I don't see why not.

- We'll give me $1 for it.

- Oh, no.

That won't be necessary.

- Isn't $1 enough?

- Well, oh, sure.

It's plenty, but--

- OK, that's a deal. - No.

No. Wait a second.

You can have it for nothing.

- No, we'd rather pay for it.

That makes it legal.

- OK.

Why don't you just owe me $1?

- No, I've got it right here.

Come on, you gotta take it.

A deal's a deal.

- Well, OK.

- Hey, what's going on here?

- Your father just sold us a television set for $1.

- Gee, that's great.

- Can we pick it up later?

- Anytime you want.

- Come on, let's get out of here before he changes his mind.

- OK, fellas.

He insisted I take the dollar.

Well, I'll get it back to them somehow.

At least I got rid of the television set.

- And made a nice little profit, too.

- Obviously, I'll never hear the end of that.

- That's all right, Pop.

We know your intentions were honorable, even

if you do drive a hard bargain.

- The boys will have a lot of fun with this.

- If it works.

- Joe said it works.

- Have you tried it?

- No.

And knowing Mr. Randolph, that might not be a bad idea.

You want to see if you can plug it in?

The cord's right back there.

- It's plugged in, Pop.

- OK.

- Gee, nothing seems to be happening.

- Well, give it a chance.

These old sets take a little while to warm up.

Here she comes.

- And there she goes.

- Yeah, I think you're wasting your time, Pop.

- How about that Joe Randolph?

He sells me a set that doesn't work.

And I paid him a dime for this, too.

- Gee, you only made $0.90 profit.

- Yeah, that's right. - What are you going to do, Pop?

You can't give the kids a set that doesn't work.

- They're pretty excited about getting it, too.

- Well, yeah, but you can't expect me

to have the darn thing fixed.

Look, fellas, how was I to know it didn't work?

I'll call the repair man.

- How's that?

- Oh, that looks fine.

- Well, that's about as good as I can do.

Picture tube's pretty old.

- Of course, it'll give you a lot of service,

but if you want a really good picture,

I advise you to get a new tube.

I've got a rebuilt one out in the truck

I can let you have for $35.

- Oh, no, thanks.

I think this will be fine.

- Well, OK, then.

- Oh, how much do I owe you?

- Oh, let me see now...

Two tubes, a service charge, tax.

Let's make it an even $15.

- OK.

Here we are.

- Well, thank you. - Thank you.

- Say, do you want me to help you carry

that set back into the house?

- Oh, no, thanks.

We're getting rid of it.

- Oh.

Well, thanks again.

- Yeah.

- All fixed? - Yeah.

- What did it set you back?

- $15.

- Kind of ate up your profit, didn't it?

- Yeah.

Come on, give me a hand, will you?

I want to take it over to the kids.

- Well, I thought they were coming over here to pick it up.

- Yeah, but I want to get it out of here

before something else happens.

- Hey, here's an idea.

Maybe you can charge the kids something for delivery.

- That's a great idea.

- OK, you guys.

How you doing, boys?

- OK, Pop.

- Take it easy now.

Watch your step.

[cans clanging]

- Hey, what happened, Pop?

- I got booby trapped.

- Gee, it was Mr. Nelson.

- Got you, huh?

- Yeah, you sure did.

- Gee, it worked great, didn't it?

- It sure did.

- Well, yes and no.

See, if I'd been really trying to sneak up on you,

I'd have seen the string and I probably

could have ducked the ball.

- You hope.

- Gee, maybe we better work on it some more.

- Well, it's pretty darn good just the way it is.

Oh, here's your television set.

Where do you want it?

- Well, just leave it right there.

We're not quite ready for it yet.

- OK. Thanks a lot.

- Thanks. - That's all right, fellas.

I hope you enjoy it.

- Bye.

- Hey, what the heck is that?

- I don't know.

It sounds like it's coming from upstairs in our bedroom.

Hey, now, wait a second.

What's going on here?

- Oh, hi there.

You must be Mr. Nelson.

- Well, yes.

What are you doing here?

- Oh, just cutting a little hole in your wall.

- Hi, dear.

Surprise.

- Harriet, what is this?

- Well, I know how much you wanted

to have the television set in here,

so I hired Mr. Jensen to do the work.

- Don't worry about a thing, Mr. Nelson.

I found the measurement.

- Wait a second.

Hold it, please.

Harriet?

- What's the matter?

- Well, I gave the television set away.

- You did?

- Yes.

- Well, actually he sold it.

- OK, I sold it.

Wait a second.

On second thought, go ahead.

As long as we're going to have a hole in the wall,

it might as well be a neat one.

- Can't you get the set back?

- Well, I wouldn't even want to try.

The kids were so happy to get it.

- Here's an idea.

You can get a picture to hang over the whole.

- You're a big help.

- Oh, he means a picture of a television set.

- I hate to say this, but I'm afraid the only solution is

to get the set back from the kids.

I hope they'll understand.

[phone ringing]

- Hello?

Oh, how are you, Mrs. Martin?

Oh, thank you very much.

Well, it's just an old set.

Well, they're a nice bunch of kids.

Well, thanks for calling.

Bye.

- What was that all about?

- It was Barry's mother.

She wanted to thank us for giving

the kids the television set.

- Oh, that was nice of her.

- Yeah.

- Hey, how about this?

We could put some shelves in the hole and call it a bookcase.

- Well, why do that?

Let's leave it like it is and call it an emergency

exit from the linen closet.

- I tell you what, let's get out of here before you

and I have to go get the set.

- Best idea yet. - I'll get out of here with you.

- Well, let's make it a foursome.

I'm not going after the set.

- Oh, Mr. Nelson.

All finished.

There you are.

One hole in the wall, $25.

- Pardon me.

Harriet?

- Yes?

- Would you pay him?

I'm going to get our television set back.

My wife will take care of that.

- Hey, we got Mr. Nelson again.

- How do you like our clubhouse?

- Oh, it looks very nice.

- Do you want to see how the television set works?

- Well, as a matter of fact, that's

why I came over here to talk to you guys about.

- Why don't you sit down right there?

You can see better.

- Oh, well, no, I just wanted to talk to you

about the television set.

- But don't you wanna watch?

It's going to be a Western.

- Well, OK, but just for a couple of minutes.

- OK, Buster, one move out of you

and I'll fill you full of lead.

- Wait a second. What's this?

- Don't worry.

They're only caps.

- I know, but what happened to the inside's of the television

set?

- We took them out so we can play television.

- Aren't you going to use them?

- Heck no.

We can do that at home.

- Besides, we don't have any place to plug it in.

- Oh, well, look, if you guys don't want the insides,

can I have them?

- Well, gee, we sold them to Mr. Randolph.

- Mr. Randolph?

- Yeah, about a half an hour ago.

- Oh, well, look, I'll see you guys a little later.

I want to get these wet clothes off

and I want to talk to Mr. Randolph about something.

So long, boys. - Bye.

- Bye.

Mr. Nelson.

- OK, Billy.

- Oh, hi, Oz.

Come in.

What are you all dressed up for?

- It's kind of a long story.

I'll get cleaned up in a little while.

The kids tell me you bought the insides of the television set.

- Yeah. Here it is.

- Well, I thought you wanted to get rid of it?

- Well, I did, but I got to thinking

about the idea you gave me.

- What idea?

- To build it into the wall.

I think you suggested I put it up over here.

- No.

Joe?

- Too high?

How about in here?

- Listen, Joe, we've got a hole in our bedroom wall.

- Well, good for you, Oz.

But what's that got to do with my television set?

- It's not yours.

It's mine, and I'm going to put it in my bedroom.

- What do you mean yours? - Just what I said.

It's mine. You gave it to me.

- But you turned around and gave it to the kids

and I got it from them.

In fact, it cost me $2 to get my own set back,

and I'm going to put it in the wall.

- Will you listen to me a minute, please?

- Now what?

- Harriet paid a carpenter $25 to cut

a hole in our bedroom wall and the hole

fits that television set.

- Oh, gee, I didn't realize that.

- That's the reason I just have to have it.

- Oh, well, in that case, of course you should have it.

- Oh, well, thanks a lot.

- I'll be very happy to sell it to you.

- Sell it to me?

- Yeah.

$20.

- Now, wait a second.

You gave it to me this morning.

- Yeah, but I found out it works a lot better now.

- I can understand that.

I paid $15 to have the darn thing fixed.

- Oh, gee, thanks a lot, Oz.

As soon as I get it installed, I'll

have you over for coffee and cake.

- I can't afford your coffee.

- Well, if I can't sell anything, I might as well get

started.

- Harriet's going to be awful disappointed.

Careful you don't hit a water pipe.

- What water pipe?

- This is a kitchen.

There are water pipes all over the place.

- Oh, they're all over there by the sink.

- Hope you don't get a shock.

- From what?

- Well, there's an outlet down there.

You probably run into an electric wire.

- Oh, well, I'll just move it over a little.

Yeah, that ought to take care of it.

- Yeah, as long as you know where the studs are.

- Of course, I do.

Besides, what difference does that make?

- Oh, no difference at all, I guess.

If the second floor starts to sag,

you can always brace it up.

- You think you're pretty clever, don't you?

I know what you're trying to do.

You're trying to get me to give you that television set,

but I'm not going to do it.

But I may let you have it for $10.

- Make it $5 and you've got a deal.

- Sold.

Oz.

- How's that, Pop?

- Hold it right there.

That looks fine.

This is the life.

- Yeah, this is all right.

You know, all I can see is my feet.

- That's your problem.

- You want to trade bedrooms, Pop?

- No thanks.

Hey, where's your mother?

I want her to see this.

- Well, she made some cookies and thought

she take some over to the kids at the clubhouse.

- Clubhouse?

Say, does she know about the booby traps?

- Gee, I don't know.

- We'd better go over and tell her.

- Oh, thanks, but you're a little late.

[MUSIC - RICKY NELSON, "TRAVELING MAN"]

[SINGING] I'm a traveling man.

Made a lot of stops all over the world.

And in every port, I own the heart

of at least one lovely girl.

I have a pretty senorita waiting for me down in ole Mexico.

If you're ever in Alaska, stop and see my cute little Eskimo.

Oh, my sweet Fraulein down in Berlin town

makes my heart start to yearn.

And my China doll down in old Hong Kong waits for my return.

Pretty Polynesian baby over the sea,

I remember the night when we walked in the sand of Waikiki

and I held you oh so tight.

- Oh, I'm a traveling man.

Yes, I'm a traveling man.

Yes, I'm a traveling man.

Whoa, I'm a traveling man.

[MUSIC - RICKY NELSON, "HELLO, MARY LOU"]

- Hello, Mary Lou.

Goodbye, heart.

Sweet Mary Lou, I'm so in love with you.

I knew, Mary Lou, we'd never part.

So hello, Mary Lou.

Goodbye, heart.

She passed me by one sunny day, flashed

those big, brown eyes my way, and, ooh,

I wanted you forevermore.

Now, I'm not one that gets around.

I swear my feet stuck to the ground

and though I never did meet you before.

I said, hello, Mary Lou.

Goodbye, heart.

Sweet Mary Lou, I'm so in love with you.

I knew, Mary Lou, we'd never part, so hello, Mary Lou.

Goodbye, heart.

I saw your lips.

I heard your voice.

Believe me, I just had no choice.

Wild horses couldn't make me stay away.

I thought about a moonlit night, my arms

around you good and tight.

That's all I had to see for me to say, hey, hello, Mary Lou.

Goodbye, heart.

Sweet Mary Lou, I'm so in love with you.

I knew, Mary Lou, we'd never part, so hello, Mary Lou.

Goodbye, heart.

So hello, Mary Lou.

Goodbye, heart.

Yes, hello, Mary Lou.

Goodbye, heart.

[theme music]

- "The Adventures of Ozzie and Harriet"

has been brought to you by the Coca-Cola Company.

For that refreshing new feeling, do as Ricky Nelson does.

- Have a Coke.

- This has been an ABC Television Network film

presentation.