All language subtitles for The.Adventures.of.Ozzie.and.Harriet.S09E20.Our.Man.In.Alaska.1080p.AMZN.WEB-DL.DDP2.0.H.264-ShiNobi_track3_[eng]

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Ozzie, Harriet,
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- Where do you want these?

- Oh, just put 'em on the table.

Thank you.

- I'll see you.

- OK, dear.

- Oh, where are you going
with that stuff, Rick?

- Oh, I'm going over to
the fraternity house.

We're going to set up a ping
pong table in the basement.

- Oh, good for you.

- We never use
this stuff anymore

so I thought I'd
donate it to the cause.

I hope you don't mind, Pop.
- No.

This used to be my
favorite paddle.

See, I put a notch
in the handle here.

- That's right.

You did win a game
occasionally, didn't you?

- Are you kidding?

I used to be the
family champion.

- Till the boys were
big enough to see over

the top of the table.

- I think I resent that.

- Well, look at
it this way, Pop.

You're the one who
taught us how to play.

- You seem to forget I used
to have a pretty tricky serve.

- Oh, it was not only
tricky, it was illegal.

- No, I'm not talking about
the overhand spin serve.

I'm talking about
the flat serve.

- Hey!

- I'm sorry.

- I'll bet.

- Here it comes.

- Well, wait a minute, we're
not ready for that yet.

- What are we supposed to
do, stand here and hold it?

- OK, you guys, get
that table out of there.

- What are you doing?

- I'm gathering
valuable information

from this old textbook.

Do you realize man will never
break the sound barrier?

- No kidding?

- Hey, look at all this stuff.

They must have had a chemistry
lab down here years ago.

- Not so loud.

You'll ruin our reputation.

Come on, you guys, let's
get this junk out of the way

so we can start playing.

- Come on, Wally,
give us a hand.

- Boy, offhand, I'd say
this stuff has been here

since Prohibition.

- Come on, Wally, you got
to help, too, you know?

- OK.

OK.

And now, ladies and
gentlemen, our first match

brings together Rick Nelson,
the former champion of Boy Scout

troop number 12 and
his worthy opponent

in the black paddle, the
terror of the table tennis

tournaments, Wally Plumstead.

En garde.

- How'd we ever get
him in the fraternity?

- We thought his
father had money.

- Hey, I'm supposed to be first.

- You can have winners.

- Oh, fine thing.

A guy does all the work and
somebody jumps in ahead of him.

Oh, before I forget, if
any of you run into Ginger,

I was here studying
all Saturday night.

- I thought you went to
a show with that girl

you met in the library?

- Well, where did you ever get
a ridiculous idea like that?

- I loaned you the money.

- Oh, yeah, that's right.

Well, anyway, don't anybody
mention it to Ginger.

- Well, I'll see you guys later.

- Where are you going?

- I got a date with Sally.

- Oh, by the way,
when are you going

to announce the engagement?
- Can you guys keep a secret?

- Sure.
- Sure.

- I'm thinking about
pinning her next weekend.

- Congratulations!

- Don't say anything, you guys.

I want this to be a surprise.

- Oh, we won't.

- Wally?

- I won't.

- See you later.

- Bye, Fred.

- Can I borrow this?

- Oh, OK.

- Hey, where is everybody?

- Downstairs playing ping pong.

- Oh, I should have known
that without asking.

- Boy, that ping pong isn't
helping our scholastic average

any.

Nobody wants to study anymore.

- Get him.

- Maybe I'm wrong, but I thought
that was one of the reasons why

we were here.
- Hey, who's got winners?

- I have!

- Hey, is lunch over?
- Yep.

- Well, I thought you were
going to meet Ginger for lunch.

- Well, I was but
she didn't show up,

and I've got a class
in five minutes.

- How come she didn't show up?
- Well, how should I know?

I waited for her over a half an
hour, but she just didn't show.

- Hey, Wally, did you see this?
- No.

What is it?

- There's an article
in here about you.

- Oh, no kidding.

- What'd you do now?

- Please.

Oh, here it is.

"Student wins national
essay contest."

Hey, how about that!

I didn't even enter it.

- It's over here in
"Katie's Corner."

- What am I doing in there?
That's a gossip column.

- Listen to this.

"Our man in Alaska reports
that a certain campus

Romeo, whose initials
are Wally Plumstead,

is rumored to have gone
to a movie last Saturday

night with a girl whose
first name is not Ginger."

- Let me see that.

- No wonder she didn't
meet you for lunch.

- Well, how did they
find out about that?

- Just like it says,
from their man in Alaska.

- Oh, sure.
Sure.

OK, which one of you
Eskimos told him?

- Well, ask the girl who
wrote the column, Katie Regan.

- I've never even heard of her.

- Well, apparently,
she's heard of you.

- Keep laughing, Fred, because
you're mentioned in here, too.

- I am?

- "Don't look now, Sally,
but next weekend you

can expect a pin
from a certain guy.

At least, that's what
he's been telling

his fraternity brothers."

- Now, how did
she find that out?

- Don't look at me.

I got problems of my own.

- What difference does it make?
You're going to pin her anyway.

- Yeah, but I want a little
more time to think about it.

- Well, maybe she won't see it.

- Hey, Fred, Sally's
on the phone.

- Oh, great.

- She sounds happy.

- Congratulations.

I wonder where she got
all her information.

- That's what I'd like to know.

You guys didn't say anything
to anybody, did you?

- Of course not.

Why would we say anything?

- What are you
worried about anyway ?

She'll forgive you eventually.

- Well, that's not the point.

I wasted so much time waiting
for her, I missed lunch.

I've got a class in five
minutes and I'm not prepared.

What's the matter
with you guys, anyway?

- Hey, Bruce?

- Oh, hi, Rick.

Have you seen today's paper?
- No, what about it?

- Remember those
oatmeal cookies Sharon

made for me for my birthday?

- Yeah, I helped you nail a
couple of them up on the wall,

remember?

- Listen to this.

"Our man in Alaska informs us
that a certain science major

got some oatmeal
cookies for his birthday

was seen sailing them from
the fraternity fire escape.

Be careful, Bruce, you're liable
to fracture somebody's skull."

- Oh, that's great.

Sharon's going to love that.

- How did this
girl find that out?

You know how dark
it was up there.

- Well, how does she find
out all these things?

- Hi, fellas.
- Oh, hi, Sharon.

- Hi, Sharon.

- I don't care
what anybody says.

I thought it was
wonderful for you

to make those cookies
for me for my birthday.

- Well, thanks, but
what's this all about?

- Well, haven't you
seen the paper today?

- No.

Is there something
interesting I should read?

- Oh, well, we were just
reading an interesting article--

- About some unidentified
flying objects.

- Isn't that interesting?
Well, I'll see you later.

I have a class.

- Yeah, me, too.

[music playing]

- I'll be darned if
I can figure it out.

Everything we do
gets in the paper.

- How does she get
all her information?

- And it's not about
anybody in any other house,

it's just about us.

- Well, I hate to
say this, fellas,

but it has to be an inside job.

Obviously, we've got
a spy in our midst.

Hey, wait a minute, you
just bought a new sweater.

Where'd you get the money?

- Very funny.

- Well, somebody
must be talking.

- Well, you know darn well
it's nobody in the fraternity.

- Well, everything we talk about
sure seems to get in the paper.

- Well, let's figure
this thing out.

Now, who was there
when I mentioned

about taking Betty to the show?

- We all were.

- Yeah, but so was Joe.

You don't suppose it
could be Joe, do you?

- Yeah, maybe he accidentally
mentioned something

to his girl.
- Are you kidding?

Have you ever tried
to talk to Joe's girl?

You can't get a
word in edgewise.

- Besides, he was mentioned
in the paper, too.

- Well, there's one
way to find out.

There's Katie Regan,
we could ask her.

She writes the column.

- That's exactly
what I'm going to do.

- Thank you.

- Uh, Katie?

- Oh, hi, Dave.

- Can I talk to
you for a minute?

- Sure.

Do you have some news for me?

- You mean there's
something you don't know?

- I hope so.

I need something for
tomorrow's column.

- Well, look, no
hard feelings, and I

realize that columnists
don't usually

reveal their sources
of information,

but we'd sure like to know
where you've been getting

all that stuff about us.

- Well, as long as you
insist, I'll tell you.

It's from our man
in Alaska, just

like it says in the column.

- Well, you ask a
silly question...

- But it's the truth.

- Are you ready to go, Katie?
- Yeah, just a minute.

You know my brother
Richard, don't you?

- Oh, sure.
Dave coached our football team.

- Yeah, hi, Rich.
- Hi.

- Well, I'll see you, Dave.
- OK.

- So long, Dave.
- So long.

- I can tell by your
face you got nowhere.

- What'd she say?

- Oh, she just
gave me that stuff

about their man in Alaska.

- Say, you don't suppose Bob
could be the guy, do you?

- Oh, Bob wouldn't go around
telling all that stuff.

Besides, he didn't know about
you ducking out on Ginger.

He wasn't there, was he?

I mean, when you mention it.

- Well, I don't think so.

But that's the
only way we're ever

going to figure this thing out,
by a process of elimination.

- Well, I wasn't
even around when

Bruce started sailing those
cookies off the fire escape.

- Well, then how did
you know about it?

- I read it in the paper.

- Oh, yeah, that's right.

- Look, if you
want my opinion, I

think you guys are making
too much out of this anyway.

- Well, that's easy
for you to say.

You haven't been
mentioned in the column.

- That's right, he hasn't.

- Say, let's explore
this a little further.

How come they've overlooked you?

- Well, I guess I
just lead a dull life.

Nothing interesting
ever happens to me.

You guys don't think I had
anything to do with it, do you?

- Well, of course not.

- Nobody said you did.

- Well, I didn't.

Come on, let's get out of here.

- That item about Bruce and the
oatmeal cookies has me baffled.

Nobody knew about that.

- Well, I did.
I was there when he got them.

- Yeah, that's right.

- But I didn't say anything.

- Well, who said you did?

- Well, nobody.

- Well, you know about my
taking Betty to the show, too,

but that doesn't mean
you'd say anything.

- You were there when I
mentioned about pinning Sally.

- That'll be $1.75, fellas.

- Oh, here, I'll get it.

- You pay for the whole thing?
- Yeah.

- How come?
- Yeah, how come?

- Well, I don't know.
I just feel generous.

- Are you sure it's not
a guilty conscience?

- If you guys want to pay
your own checks, go ahead.

- Now, don't do anything rash.
We were just kidding.

- Sure.
Can't you take a joke?

- OK, you guys.
Anybody going to the library?

- I am.
- Me, too.

- I'll see you later.

I'm going the other way.

- OK.

- What's this about
a guilty conscience?

- Oh, they were just
kidding, trying to be funny.

- Oh, I was wondering.

- "Today, our man
in Alaska informs us

that the chances are that
certain fraternity is not

going to have a band at
their house party after all.

They're just going
to play records."

See what I mean?

How did she know about that?

- Well, that's no big scoop.

You guys do that every time
you're going to have a dance.

You let the word get around
that you're having a band

and then wind up
by playing records.

- Oh, no, we don't, Pop.

We usually have a band.

In fact, I think
we will this time.

But the point is,
everything we talk about

finds its way into
this girl's column.

- It sounds to me like
she's a darn good reporter.

- Yeah, me, too.

- It's more than that.

She's got some source
of inside information.

We can't figure out who it is.

- You got any idea at all, Rick?

- Well, I haven't,
but unfortunately,

some of the other fellas have.

They think it's me.

- Oh, they don't
really, do they?

- Well, I don't know.
Well, let's put it this way.

I wouldn't blame
them if they did.

- Well, why do you say that?

- Well, for one thing, my
name was never mentioned.

- Well, that doesn't
prove anything.

- Well, yeah, but I also seem
to be the only guy who's always

around when somebody
says something

that winds up in the column.

- Well, the guys know
you better than that.

I wouldn't let it worry you.

- Well, I'll tell
you this much, I'd

sure feel a lot better if
I could find out who it is.

- What's this "our
man in Alaska" thing?

- Well, that seems to be part
of the joke, or the mystery,

or whatever it is.

- Well, I find it
hard to believe

that any of the guys
in the fraternity

are telling her all this stuff.

If it were a sorority,
it would be different.

- In what way?

- Well, you know how women
are when it comes to talking?

- No.

Tell me.

- They're different than men.

- Now there's a news item.

- I mean, women tell
everything they know.

- Oh, come on now.

- Well, it's part
of their nature.

They're just inclined
to shoot off--

I mean, it's nothing personal.

- I'm a woman.

- Well, actually, I
shouldn't have said women.

I should have said girls.

Well, actually, I shouldn't
have said anything.

- Anyway, Rick, I
certainly wouldn't worry

about they thinking it's you.

They all know you
better than that.

- Well, I hope so.

[phone ringing]

- I've got it.

Hello?

Oh, hi, Wally.

Well, yeah, sure.

I guess so.

Yeah, he's right here.

OK.

We'll be right over there.

Bye.

- Who was that, Dave?
- It was Wally.

They're having a meeting
to discuss this thing.

- Are you going over there?
- Yeah.

They want you to come over, too.
- There, you see?

At least they invited you.

- Well, let's just hope
I'm not the guest of honor.

- Let's go.

- Come on, you
guys, break it up.

Let's start the meeting.
- My serve.

- Right.

- Now, you all know--

you all know-- oh, thanks.

You all know why we're here.

We're faced with somewhat
of a social crisis.

The problem is what are
we going to do about it?

Any suggestions?

Well, come on,
somebody say something.

We've got to talk about it.

- Well, that's just it.

We've been talking too much and
it's all getting in the paper.

- Exactly.

And I say if we can't find out
how the news is getting out,

then the next best thing
to do is to see to it

there isn't any news to get out.

- What is that supposed to mean?

- Well, I mean if anybody
has anything worth saying,

don't say it.

- OK, then I'm not going to tell
you guys about the redhead I

met on the bus yesterday.

- Oh, come on now,
this is serious.

It's not that we're accusing
anybody of talking too much,

but let's play it safe.

What redhead?

- Wait a minute, you guys.

Wally's right.

I mean about talking too much.

- In other words,
we're admitting

we don't trust each other.

- Well, no, that's
not it at all.

But until we find out what's
going on, let's not talk about

anything that's--

- Interesting.

- Well, yeah, let's
not talk about anything

that's interesting.

OK.

Meeting adjourned.

- Hey, guess who I met at
the malt shop yesterday?

- Shhh.

- Oh, I'm sorry.

It's our game of
P-I-N-G P-O-N-G.

- "Our man in Alaska
has very little

to report about our
favorite fraternity today."

- You see?

I told you that it would work.

- Wait, there's more.

"Except that they're not
speaking to each other.

About all they're doing is
playing P-I-N-G P-O-N-G."

- How do you like that?

Now she's getting
us word for word.

- You mean letter for letter.

- Well, I hate to
say this, fellas,

but somebody in
that room last night

is the guy that's telling
her all this stuff.

- Don't look at me, Fred.
- Well, you were looking at me.

- I was not.
I was looking at Joe.

- Me?
Why me?

- Wait a second, you guys.

I think I have an idea.

- Well, don't look at me.

- I'm not looking at anybody.

That is, not anybody
in particular.

But I've noticed one thing.

The only stuff that
gets in the paper

is something that's been said
down in the ping pong room.

- You know, he's right.

- OK, then give me five
minutes alone down there,

and I think I can solve at
least part of this mystery.

- [SINGING] You are the only
one, my one and only one.

Together we've had a lot
of fun, but what'll I

do if you leave me?

If someone else should come
along and take your love

from me, darling,
you could never

know how lonely I would be.

You are the only one,
my one and only one.

Together we've had a lot
of fun, but what'll I

do if you leave me?

I tried to be the kind of guy
you'd want to call your own.

So please don't
go and throw away

the truest love you've known.

You are the only one,
my one and only one.

Together we've had a lot
of fun, but what'll I

do if you leave me?

What'll I do if you ever
take your love from me?

'Cause in your arms is
where I always want to be.

If you should ever go away,
my eyes would fill with tears,

and the heartaches I would feel
would last a thousand years.

You are the only one,
my one and only one.

Together we've had a lot
of fun, but what'll I

do if you leave me?

What'll I do if you leave me?

What'll I do if you leave me?

- Have you guys
see in the paper?

- No.
What's it say?

- Well, read it.
It proves one thing.

- "Rick Nelson's latest song
is 'You are the Only One.'

He sings it very well too
and accompanies himself

on the guitar."

Oh, now I get it.

- Get what?

- A fine thing, selling out
your own fraternity brothers

just so you can get
a plug in the paper.

- Aw, come on.

- Well, you have to admit
it's the first nice thing she

said about any of us.
- Let's forget about it, fellas.

It's OK, Rick, we forgive you.

It's worth it to
solve the mystery.

- Now, wait a second!

- Why didn't you
tell us before, Rick?

- Now, listen, you guys, I
went down to the ping pong

room yesterday by myself
and sang the song.

I didn't tell anybody,
not even David.

Somebody has us tuned
in some way down there.

- That's OK.
We forgive you.

The mystery is solved.
- No, it isn't.

- [SINGING] For he's
a jolly good fellow.

For he's a jolly good fellow.

For he's a jolly good fellow,
which nobody can deny.

- How's it going, Rick?

- Oh, not too good, I'm afraid.

You heard the latest news?

- You mean about the
column in the school paper?

- Yeah.

Practically everybody's
convinced now

that I'm the man from Alaska.

- Well, how come?

- Well, I tried a
little experiment

and it sort of backfired on me.

- Well, I know what I'd do.

- Well, then please tell me.
I'm desperate.

- Well, do you know
this Katie, the girl who

writes the column in the paper?

- Well, yeah, I know her.

Not too well.

- Well, then why don't
you go over to her house

and just tell her
what's happened.

Appeal to her good nature.

- Gee, I don't know, Mom.

- Well, at least
it's worth a try.

- Well, maybe you're right.

Like you say, at least
it's worth a try.

- There's only
one thing, though.

In case you don't
find out anything,

make sure none of the guys
see you leaving her house.

- Or better yet, take one
of the guys along with you.

- Well, where did you come from?

- Now, don't look
at me like that.

I've never even been to Alaska.

- I don't know what good
this is going to do anyway.

- It can't do any harm.

- Well, look, Rick,
if you're worried

about getting kicked out of
the fraternity, forget it.

As a matter of fact, we
took a vote on it tonight,

and it wasn't unanimous,
but you were cleared.

- Well, that's very comforting.

How'd you vote?

- Please, it was
a secret ballot.

- I guess nobody's home.

- I don't see anybody.

Come on, let's go.

- Hey, wait a second.

There's somebody in
the garage over there.

At least I see a light.

Come on.

- Hi.

- Oh, hi.

- You're Katie's
brother, aren't you?

- Yeah.
- Oh, we're looking for Katie.

Do when she'll be back?

- Well, she went to a show.

She'll probably be kind of late.

- Hey, that's a ham
radio outfit, isn't it?

- Yeah.

- You got anything
coming through there?

- Well, there isn't
too much on right now.

[ping pong ball sounds]

- Wait a second.

I think I hear something.

Can you turn it up?

- Well, OK.

- 21.
Who's got winners?

- I have.

- Hey, that sounds like
somebody's playing ping pong.

- Yeah.
- Let's rally for serve.

- OK.

- Hey, that sounds like Fred.

- Yeah, and Joe.

Hey, where's this
coming from, anyway?

- Well, I might as
well tell you guys.

In fact, I'm just as glad.

I've been feelin' like a spy.

It's coming from your
fraternity house.

Well, that's how my sister's
been gettin' all the news.

- You're kidding.

Well, how could that be?

- Well, I don't know exactly.

Somebody's transmitting
everything you guys say.

Do you have a ham
station over there?

- No.
At least not that we know about.

- Well, this is impossible.

- Well, I've been
hearing it every night.

All I know is some ham
in Alaska called me

and said he was getting a
transmission from this area,

except there weren't any
call letters or anything.

- You mean there really
is a man in Alaska?

- Well, yeah.

Then my sister heard about it,
and she started talking to him.

- And from then on,
we made the paper.

- Right.

Sometimes he tunes in on
you and sometimes I do.

She pays me $0.50 a night.

I wouldn't have done it
except I needed the money.

- Oh, that's OK.

There's just one thing
I don't understand.

How's it getting transmitted
from our fraternity house.

- I don't know.

Turn it up again.

- You know something?

I'm not sure it is Rick.

- I don't think it is either.

What about Wally?

- Well, I suspected
him all along.

- Hey, I resent that.

- No, I don't think it's Wally.
- That a boy, Fred.

- Not that he wouldn't stoop
to something like that,

but he just isn't smart enough.

- Hey, what do you mean by that?

- I think you
better shut it off.

- Hey, come on,
let's get over there

and find out what's going on.

- Yeah.

Say, Richard, you won't tell
your sister that we were here,

will you?
- Are you kidding?

You think I'm some kind
of a nut or something?

She'd kill me.

- In other words, somebody's
bugged this place.

- Well, it doesn't
seem possible.

- Well, we were over
there in the garage

and we heard the whole thing.

- Hey, maybe this old microphone
has something to do with it.

- Hey, now we're
getting someplace.

- Who put the mic there?

- You did, when we were moving
all this stuff out of the way.

- Oh, yeah.

- But the microphone doesn't do
any good without a transmitter.

- He's right, and I
don't have a transmitter.

You can search me.

- Well, if it's down here,
it's behind all this old junk.

Come on.

Move some of this
stuff out of the way.

Hey, here it is.

- OK, we found it.

Now, who hid it there?

- It was probably left by
one of the old members.

- You trying to tell us it's
been turned on all these years?

- Well, not necessarily.

It's plugged into the
same outlet the lamp is,

and the lamp goes on when
you turn on the wall switch.

So every time you turn
on the lights down here,

it turns the transmitter on.

- Would that work?

- Well, sure, if the
transmitter switches on.

And it is.

- OK, who turned it on?

- Well, nobody.

It was probably
just left this way.

- I don't think any
ham operator would have

left the microphone switch on.

Somebody must have turned it on.

- Dave's right.

Now all we got to do is find
the guy that turned on the mike,

and we have the culprit.

- Well, it must have been you.

You were horsing around
with it the other night.

- Hey, that's right.
- Well, now, wait a minute.

Then the whole thing was
obviously an accident.

I mean, you guys certainly don't
believe I did this on purpose,

do you?

- Relax, Wally, we believe you.

- At least now we
know how they've

been getting all the news.

- Yeah, and they won't be
getting any more, especially

that stool pigeon up in Alaska.

Turn it off, Rick.

- Hey, well, wait a second.

We've got a perfect setup here.

As long as everything we
say gets back to the girls,

let's give them a
little soft soup.

- Hey, that's a good idea.

- Hello, Richard?

Now, listen carefully.

Forget the rest of the
stuff we said tonight

and take this down.

OK, go ahead.

- Say, did you
fellas ever notice

what a sweet, generous,
beautiful girl Ginger is?

- Ginger's all right,
but what about Sally?

Those beautiful, big blue eyes.

- That sounds great.
Keep it up.

Just wait and see
the nice things

Katie writes about us tomorrow.

- Yeah, just wait.

[theme music]

- "Ozzie and Harriet" are
brought to you on film

by Eastman Kodak Company, who
also present "The Ed Sullivan

Show" on another network.

- Fun's more fun when
you save it to snapshots.

Remember, when you
picture it now,

you see it again and again.

Good night.

- This has been an ABC
Television Network film

presentation.