Original subtitles

- Eastman Kodak Company is happy to bring you

America's favorite family, the Nelsons--

Ozzie, Harriet, David, and Ricky.

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they enjoy good times over again in pictures.

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Now Kodak invites you to enjoy "The Adventures

of Ozzie and Harriet."

- Where do you want these?

- Oh, just put 'em on the table.

Thank you.

- I'll see you.

- OK, dear.

- Oh, where are you going with that stuff, Rick?

- Oh, I'm going over to the fraternity house.

We're going to set up a ping pong table in the basement.

- Oh, good for you.

- We never use this stuff anymore

so I thought I'd donate it to the cause.

I hope you don't mind, Pop. - No.

This used to be my favorite paddle.

See, I put a notch in the handle here.

- That's right.

You did win a game occasionally, didn't you?

- Are you kidding?

I used to be the family champion.

- Till the boys were big enough to see over

the top of the table.

- I think I resent that.

- Well, look at it this way, Pop.

You're the one who taught us how to play.

- You seem to forget I used to have a pretty tricky serve.

- Oh, it was not only tricky, it was illegal.

- No, I'm not talking about the overhand spin serve.

I'm talking about the flat serve.

- Hey!

- I'm sorry.

- I'll bet.

- Here it comes.

- Well, wait a minute, we're not ready for that yet.

- What are we supposed to do, stand here and hold it?

- OK, you guys, get that table out of there.

- What are you doing?

- I'm gathering valuable information

from this old textbook.

Do you realize man will never break the sound barrier?

- No kidding?

- Hey, look at all this stuff.

They must have had a chemistry lab down here years ago.

- Not so loud.

You'll ruin our reputation.

Come on, you guys, let's get this junk out of the way

so we can start playing.

- Come on, Wally, give us a hand.

- Boy, offhand, I'd say this stuff has been here

since Prohibition.

- Come on, Wally, you got to help, too, you know?

- OK.

OK.

And now, ladies and gentlemen, our first match

brings together Rick Nelson, the former champion of Boy Scout

troop number 12 and his worthy opponent

in the black paddle, the terror of the table tennis

tournaments, Wally Plumstead.

En garde.

- How'd we ever get him in the fraternity?

- We thought his father had money.

- Hey, I'm supposed to be first.

- You can have winners.

- Oh, fine thing.

A guy does all the work and somebody jumps in ahead of him.

Oh, before I forget, if any of you run into Ginger,

I was here studying all Saturday night.

- I thought you went to a show with that girl

you met in the library?

- Well, where did you ever get a ridiculous idea like that?

- I loaned you the money.

- Oh, yeah, that's right.

Well, anyway, don't anybody mention it to Ginger.

- Well, I'll see you guys later.

- Where are you going?

- I got a date with Sally.

- Oh, by the way, when are you going

to announce the engagement? - Can you guys keep a secret?

- Sure. - Sure.

- I'm thinking about pinning her next weekend.

- Congratulations!

- Don't say anything, you guys.

I want this to be a surprise.

- Oh, we won't.

- Wally?

- I won't.

- See you later.

- Bye, Fred.

- Can I borrow this?

- Oh, OK.

- Hey, where is everybody?

- Downstairs playing ping pong.

- Oh, I should have known that without asking.

- Boy, that ping pong isn't helping our scholastic average

any.

Nobody wants to study anymore.

- Get him.

- Maybe I'm wrong, but I thought that was one of the reasons why

we were here. - Hey, who's got winners?

- I have!

- Hey, is lunch over? - Yep.

- Well, I thought you were going to meet Ginger for lunch.

- Well, I was but she didn't show up,

and I've got a class in five minutes.

- How come she didn't show up? - Well, how should I know?

I waited for her over a half an hour, but she just didn't show.

- Hey, Wally, did you see this? - No.

What is it?

- There's an article in here about you.

- Oh, no kidding.

- What'd you do now?

- Please.

Oh, here it is.

"Student wins national essay contest."

Hey, how about that!

I didn't even enter it.

- It's over here in "Katie's Corner."

- What am I doing in there? That's a gossip column.

- Listen to this.

"Our man in Alaska reports that a certain campus

Romeo, whose initials are Wally Plumstead,

is rumored to have gone to a movie last Saturday

night with a girl whose first name is not Ginger."

- Let me see that.

- No wonder she didn't meet you for lunch.

- Well, how did they find out about that?

- Just like it says, from their man in Alaska.

- Oh, sure. Sure.

OK, which one of you Eskimos told him?

- Well, ask the girl who wrote the column, Katie Regan.

- I've never even heard of her.

- Well, apparently, she's heard of you.

- Keep laughing, Fred, because you're mentioned in here, too.

- I am?

- "Don't look now, Sally, but next weekend you

can expect a pin from a certain guy.

At least, that's what he's been telling

his fraternity brothers."

- Now, how did she find that out?

- Don't look at me.

I got problems of my own.

- What difference does it make? You're going to pin her anyway.

- Yeah, but I want a little more time to think about it.

- Well, maybe she won't see it.

- Hey, Fred, Sally's on the phone.

- Oh, great.

- She sounds happy.

- Congratulations.

I wonder where she got all her information.

- That's what I'd like to know.

You guys didn't say anything to anybody, did you?

- Of course not.

Why would we say anything?

- What are you worried about anyway ?

She'll forgive you eventually.

- Well, that's not the point.

I wasted so much time waiting for her, I missed lunch.

I've got a class in five minutes and I'm not prepared.

What's the matter with you guys, anyway?

- Hey, Bruce?

- Oh, hi, Rick.

Have you seen today's paper? - No, what about it?

- Remember those oatmeal cookies Sharon

made for me for my birthday?

- Yeah, I helped you nail a couple of them up on the wall,

remember?

- Listen to this.

"Our man in Alaska informs us that a certain science major

got some oatmeal cookies for his birthday

was seen sailing them from the fraternity fire escape.

Be careful, Bruce, you're liable to fracture somebody's skull."

- Oh, that's great.

Sharon's going to love that.

- How did this girl find that out?

You know how dark it was up there.

- Well, how does she find out all these things?

- Hi, fellas. - Oh, hi, Sharon.

- Hi, Sharon.

- I don't care what anybody says.

I thought it was wonderful for you

to make those cookies for me for my birthday.

- Well, thanks, but what's this all about?

- Well, haven't you seen the paper today?

- No.

Is there something interesting I should read?

- Oh, well, we were just reading an interesting article--

- About some unidentified flying objects.

- Isn't that interesting? Well, I'll see you later.

I have a class.

- Yeah, me, too.

[music playing]

- I'll be darned if I can figure it out.

Everything we do gets in the paper.

- How does she get all her information?

- And it's not about anybody in any other house,

it's just about us.

- Well, I hate to say this, fellas,

but it has to be an inside job.

Obviously, we've got a spy in our midst.

Hey, wait a minute, you just bought a new sweater.

Where'd you get the money?

- Very funny.

- Well, somebody must be talking.

- Well, you know darn well it's nobody in the fraternity.

- Well, everything we talk about sure seems to get in the paper.

- Well, let's figure this thing out.

Now, who was there when I mentioned

about taking Betty to the show?

- We all were.

- Yeah, but so was Joe.

You don't suppose it could be Joe, do you?

- Yeah, maybe he accidentally mentioned something

to his girl. - Are you kidding?

Have you ever tried to talk to Joe's girl?

You can't get a word in edgewise.

- Besides, he was mentioned in the paper, too.

- Well, there's one way to find out.

There's Katie Regan, we could ask her.

She writes the column.

- That's exactly what I'm going to do.

- Thank you.

- Uh, Katie?

- Oh, hi, Dave.

- Can I talk to you for a minute?

- Sure.

Do you have some news for me?

- You mean there's something you don't know?

- I hope so.

I need something for tomorrow's column.

- Well, look, no hard feelings, and I

realize that columnists don't usually

reveal their sources of information,

but we'd sure like to know where you've been getting

all that stuff about us.

- Well, as long as you insist, I'll tell you.

It's from our man in Alaska, just

like it says in the column.

- Well, you ask a silly question...

- But it's the truth.

- Are you ready to go, Katie? - Yeah, just a minute.

You know my brother Richard, don't you?

- Oh, sure. Dave coached our football team.

- Yeah, hi, Rich. - Hi.

- Well, I'll see you, Dave. - OK.

- So long, Dave. - So long.

- I can tell by your face you got nowhere.

- What'd she say?

- Oh, she just gave me that stuff

about their man in Alaska.

- Say, you don't suppose Bob could be the guy, do you?

- Oh, Bob wouldn't go around telling all that stuff.

Besides, he didn't know about you ducking out on Ginger.

He wasn't there, was he?

I mean, when you mention it.

- Well, I don't think so.

But that's the only way we're ever

going to figure this thing out, by a process of elimination.

- Well, I wasn't even around when

Bruce started sailing those cookies off the fire escape.

- Well, then how did you know about it?

- I read it in the paper.

- Oh, yeah, that's right.

- Look, if you want my opinion, I

think you guys are making too much out of this anyway.

- Well, that's easy for you to say.

You haven't been mentioned in the column.

- That's right, he hasn't.

- Say, let's explore this a little further.

How come they've overlooked you?

- Well, I guess I just lead a dull life.

Nothing interesting ever happens to me.

You guys don't think I had anything to do with it, do you?

- Well, of course not.

- Nobody said you did.

- Well, I didn't.

Come on, let's get out of here.

- That item about Bruce and the oatmeal cookies has me baffled.

Nobody knew about that.

- Well, I did. I was there when he got them.

- Yeah, that's right.

- But I didn't say anything.

- Well, who said you did?

- Well, nobody.

- Well, you know about my taking Betty to the show, too,

but that doesn't mean you'd say anything.

- You were there when I mentioned about pinning Sally.

- That'll be $1.75, fellas.

- Oh, here, I'll get it.

- You pay for the whole thing? - Yeah.

- How come? - Yeah, how come?

- Well, I don't know. I just feel generous.

- Are you sure it's not a guilty conscience?

- If you guys want to pay your own checks, go ahead.

- Now, don't do anything rash. We were just kidding.

- Sure. Can't you take a joke?

- OK, you guys. Anybody going to the library?

- I am. - Me, too.

- I'll see you later.

I'm going the other way.

- OK.

- What's this about a guilty conscience?

- Oh, they were just kidding, trying to be funny.

- Oh, I was wondering.

- "Today, our man in Alaska informs us

that the chances are that certain fraternity is not

going to have a band at their house party after all.

They're just going to play records."

See what I mean?

How did she know about that?

- Well, that's no big scoop.

You guys do that every time you're going to have a dance.

You let the word get around that you're having a band

and then wind up by playing records.

- Oh, no, we don't, Pop.

We usually have a band.

In fact, I think we will this time.

But the point is, everything we talk about

finds its way into this girl's column.

- It sounds to me like she's a darn good reporter.

- Yeah, me, too.

- It's more than that.

She's got some source of inside information.

We can't figure out who it is.

- You got any idea at all, Rick?

- Well, I haven't, but unfortunately,

some of the other fellas have.

They think it's me.

- Oh, they don't really, do they?

- Well, I don't know. Well, let's put it this way.

I wouldn't blame them if they did.

- Well, why do you say that?

- Well, for one thing, my name was never mentioned.

- Well, that doesn't prove anything.

- Well, yeah, but I also seem to be the only guy who's always

around when somebody says something

that winds up in the column.

- Well, the guys know you better than that.

I wouldn't let it worry you.

- Well, I'll tell you this much, I'd

sure feel a lot better if I could find out who it is.

- What's this "our man in Alaska" thing?

- Well, that seems to be part of the joke, or the mystery,

or whatever it is.

- Well, I find it hard to believe

that any of the guys in the fraternity

are telling her all this stuff.

If it were a sorority, it would be different.

- In what way?

- Well, you know how women are when it comes to talking?

- No.

Tell me.

- They're different than men.

- Now there's a news item.

- I mean, women tell everything they know.

- Oh, come on now.

- Well, it's part of their nature.

They're just inclined to shoot off--

I mean, it's nothing personal.

- I'm a woman.

- Well, actually, I shouldn't have said women.

I should have said girls.

Well, actually, I shouldn't have said anything.

- Anyway, Rick, I certainly wouldn't worry

about they thinking it's you.

They all know you better than that.

- Well, I hope so.

[phone ringing]

- I've got it.

Hello?

Oh, hi, Wally.

Well, yeah, sure.

I guess so.

Yeah, he's right here.

OK.

We'll be right over there.

Bye.

- Who was that, Dave? - It was Wally.

They're having a meeting to discuss this thing.

- Are you going over there? - Yeah.

They want you to come over, too. - There, you see?

At least they invited you.

- Well, let's just hope I'm not the guest of honor.

- Let's go.

- Come on, you guys, break it up.

Let's start the meeting. - My serve.

- Right.

- Now, you all know--

you all know-- oh, thanks.

You all know why we're here.

We're faced with somewhat of a social crisis.

The problem is what are we going to do about it?

Any suggestions?

Well, come on, somebody say something.

We've got to talk about it.

- Well, that's just it.

We've been talking too much and it's all getting in the paper.

- Exactly.

And I say if we can't find out how the news is getting out,

then the next best thing to do is to see to it

there isn't any news to get out.

- What is that supposed to mean?

- Well, I mean if anybody has anything worth saying,

don't say it.

- OK, then I'm not going to tell you guys about the redhead I

met on the bus yesterday.

- Oh, come on now, this is serious.

It's not that we're accusing anybody of talking too much,

but let's play it safe.

What redhead?

- Wait a minute, you guys.

Wally's right.

I mean about talking too much.

- In other words, we're admitting

we don't trust each other.

- Well, no, that's not it at all.

But until we find out what's going on, let's not talk about

anything that's--

- Interesting.

- Well, yeah, let's not talk about anything

that's interesting.

OK.

Meeting adjourned.

- Hey, guess who I met at the malt shop yesterday?

- Shhh.

- Oh, I'm sorry.

It's our game of P-I-N-G P-O-N-G.

- "Our man in Alaska has very little

to report about our favorite fraternity today."

- You see?

I told you that it would work.

- Wait, there's more.

"Except that they're not speaking to each other.

About all they're doing is playing P-I-N-G P-O-N-G."

- How do you like that?

Now she's getting us word for word.

- You mean letter for letter.

- Well, I hate to say this, fellas,

but somebody in that room last night

is the guy that's telling her all this stuff.

- Don't look at me, Fred. - Well, you were looking at me.

- I was not. I was looking at Joe.

- Me? Why me?

- Wait a second, you guys.

I think I have an idea.

- Well, don't look at me.

- I'm not looking at anybody.

That is, not anybody in particular.

But I've noticed one thing.

The only stuff that gets in the paper

is something that's been said down in the ping pong room.

- You know, he's right.

- OK, then give me five minutes alone down there,

and I think I can solve at least part of this mystery.

- [SINGING] You are the only one, my one and only one.

Together we've had a lot of fun, but what'll I

do if you leave me?

If someone else should come along and take your love

from me, darling, you could never

know how lonely I would be.

You are the only one, my one and only one.

Together we've had a lot of fun, but what'll I

do if you leave me?

I tried to be the kind of guy you'd want to call your own.

So please don't go and throw away

the truest love you've known.

You are the only one, my one and only one.

Together we've had a lot of fun, but what'll I

do if you leave me?

What'll I do if you ever take your love from me?

'Cause in your arms is where I always want to be.

If you should ever go away, my eyes would fill with tears,

and the heartaches I would feel would last a thousand years.

You are the only one, my one and only one.

Together we've had a lot of fun, but what'll I

do if you leave me?

What'll I do if you leave me?

What'll I do if you leave me?

- Have you guys see in the paper?

- No. What's it say?

- Well, read it. It proves one thing.

- "Rick Nelson's latest song is 'You are the Only One.'

He sings it very well too and accompanies himself

on the guitar."

Oh, now I get it.

- Get what?

- A fine thing, selling out your own fraternity brothers

just so you can get a plug in the paper.

- Aw, come on.

- Well, you have to admit it's the first nice thing she

said about any of us. - Let's forget about it, fellas.

It's OK, Rick, we forgive you.

It's worth it to solve the mystery.

- Now, wait a second!

- Why didn't you tell us before, Rick?

- Now, listen, you guys, I went down to the ping pong

room yesterday by myself and sang the song.

I didn't tell anybody, not even David.

Somebody has us tuned in some way down there.

- That's OK. We forgive you.

The mystery is solved. - No, it isn't.

- [SINGING] For he's a jolly good fellow.

For he's a jolly good fellow.

For he's a jolly good fellow, which nobody can deny.

- How's it going, Rick?

- Oh, not too good, I'm afraid.

You heard the latest news?

- You mean about the column in the school paper?

- Yeah.

Practically everybody's convinced now

that I'm the man from Alaska.

- Well, how come?

- Well, I tried a little experiment

and it sort of backfired on me.

- Well, I know what I'd do.

- Well, then please tell me. I'm desperate.

- Well, do you know this Katie, the girl who

writes the column in the paper?

- Well, yeah, I know her.

Not too well.

- Well, then why don't you go over to her house

and just tell her what's happened.

Appeal to her good nature.

- Gee, I don't know, Mom.

- Well, at least it's worth a try.

- Well, maybe you're right.

Like you say, at least it's worth a try.

- There's only one thing, though.

In case you don't find out anything,

make sure none of the guys see you leaving her house.

- Or better yet, take one of the guys along with you.

- Well, where did you come from?

- Now, don't look at me like that.

I've never even been to Alaska.

- I don't know what good this is going to do anyway.

- It can't do any harm.

- Well, look, Rick, if you're worried

about getting kicked out of the fraternity, forget it.

As a matter of fact, we took a vote on it tonight,

and it wasn't unanimous, but you were cleared.

- Well, that's very comforting.

How'd you vote?

- Please, it was a secret ballot.

- I guess nobody's home.

- I don't see anybody.

Come on, let's go.

- Hey, wait a second.

There's somebody in the garage over there.

At least I see a light.

Come on.

- Hi.

- Oh, hi.

- You're Katie's brother, aren't you?

- Yeah. - Oh, we're looking for Katie.

Do when she'll be back?

- Well, she went to a show.

She'll probably be kind of late.

- Hey, that's a ham radio outfit, isn't it?

- Yeah.

- You got anything coming through there?

- Well, there isn't too much on right now.

[ping pong ball sounds]

- Wait a second.

I think I hear something.

Can you turn it up?

- Well, OK.

- 21. Who's got winners?

- I have.

- Hey, that sounds like somebody's playing ping pong.

- Yeah. - Let's rally for serve.

- OK.

- Hey, that sounds like Fred.

- Yeah, and Joe.

Hey, where's this coming from, anyway?

- Well, I might as well tell you guys.

In fact, I'm just as glad.

I've been feelin' like a spy.

It's coming from your fraternity house.

Well, that's how my sister's been gettin' all the news.

- You're kidding.

Well, how could that be?

- Well, I don't know exactly.

Somebody's transmitting everything you guys say.

Do you have a ham station over there?

- No. At least not that we know about.

- Well, this is impossible.

- Well, I've been hearing it every night.

All I know is some ham in Alaska called me

and said he was getting a transmission from this area,

except there weren't any call letters or anything.

- You mean there really is a man in Alaska?

- Well, yeah.

Then my sister heard about it, and she started talking to him.

- And from then on, we made the paper.

- Right.

Sometimes he tunes in on you and sometimes I do.

She pays me $0.50 a night.

I wouldn't have done it except I needed the money.

- Oh, that's OK.

There's just one thing I don't understand.

How's it getting transmitted from our fraternity house.

- I don't know.

Turn it up again.

- You know something?

I'm not sure it is Rick.

- I don't think it is either.

What about Wally?

- Well, I suspected him all along.

- Hey, I resent that.

- No, I don't think it's Wally. - That a boy, Fred.

- Not that he wouldn't stoop to something like that,

but he just isn't smart enough.

- Hey, what do you mean by that?

- I think you better shut it off.

- Hey, come on, let's get over there

and find out what's going on.

- Yeah.

Say, Richard, you won't tell your sister that we were here,

will you? - Are you kidding?

You think I'm some kind of a nut or something?

She'd kill me.

- In other words, somebody's bugged this place.

- Well, it doesn't seem possible.

- Well, we were over there in the garage

and we heard the whole thing.

- Hey, maybe this old microphone has something to do with it.

- Hey, now we're getting someplace.

- Who put the mic there?

- You did, when we were moving all this stuff out of the way.

- Oh, yeah.

- But the microphone doesn't do any good without a transmitter.

- He's right, and I don't have a transmitter.

You can search me.

- Well, if it's down here, it's behind all this old junk.

Come on.

Move some of this stuff out of the way.

Hey, here it is.

- OK, we found it.

Now, who hid it there?

- It was probably left by one of the old members.

- You trying to tell us it's been turned on all these years?

- Well, not necessarily.

It's plugged into the same outlet the lamp is,

and the lamp goes on when you turn on the wall switch.

So every time you turn on the lights down here,

it turns the transmitter on.

- Would that work?

- Well, sure, if the transmitter switches on.

And it is.

- OK, who turned it on?

- Well, nobody.

It was probably just left this way.

- I don't think any ham operator would have

left the microphone switch on.

Somebody must have turned it on.

- Dave's right.

Now all we got to do is find the guy that turned on the mike,

and we have the culprit.

- Well, it must have been you.

You were horsing around with it the other night.

- Hey, that's right. - Well, now, wait a minute.

Then the whole thing was obviously an accident.

I mean, you guys certainly don't believe I did this on purpose,

do you?

- Relax, Wally, we believe you.

- At least now we know how they've

been getting all the news.

- Yeah, and they won't be getting any more, especially

that stool pigeon up in Alaska.

Turn it off, Rick.

- Hey, well, wait a second.

We've got a perfect setup here.

As long as everything we say gets back to the girls,

let's give them a little soft soup.

- Hey, that's a good idea.

- Hello, Richard?

Now, listen carefully.

Forget the rest of the stuff we said tonight

and take this down.

OK, go ahead.

- Say, did you fellas ever notice

what a sweet, generous, beautiful girl Ginger is?

- Ginger's all right, but what about Sally?

Those beautiful, big blue eyes.

- That sounds great. Keep it up.

Just wait and see the nice things

Katie writes about us tomorrow.

- Yeah, just wait.

[theme music]

- "Ozzie and Harriet" are brought to you on film

by Eastman Kodak Company, who also present "The Ed Sullivan

Show" on another network.

- Fun's more fun when you save it to snapshots.

Remember, when you picture it now,

you see it again and again.

Good night.

- This has been an ABC Television Network film

presentation.