Original subtitles

[theme music]

- The Coca-Cola Company proudly presents the most famous family

in America--

Ozzie, Harriet, David, and Ricky, the Nelson family.

The inside view of the Nelson's refrigerator

is just like yours, dark when the door is shut.

And when it's open, it's just like yours, too.

Someone's always after the Coke.

Yes, whenever you want to be really refreshed,

there's nothing like the cold, crisp taste,

the bright and lively lift of Coca-Cola.

And when you want more of this real refreshment,

there's nothing like king-size Coke.

That's because after you pour, you still have lots more.

In fact, there's a second big glass for you

in a bottle of king-size Coca-Cola.

When it comes to king-size refreshment,

your biggest value today is king-size Coke.

- Like the man says, when you want to be really refreshed,

have a Coke.

And like Harriet says, have a Coke in king-size.

- And now the Coca-Cola Company invites you to enjoy "The

Adventures of Ozzie and Harriet."

- Ever notice the funny way Oz holds his arms?

- Shh, cut it out, will ya, Doc?

You'll get him nervous.

- Say, does anybody know what time it is?

Oh, sorry, Oz.

Quiet, everybody.

- You know, if he gets a spare, he wins.

- Not so loud!

He knows it.

- If you guys think you're bothering him, you're crazy.

There's one thing about old Oz, he never

chokes up when the pressure's on.

- When you guys are finished, I'll bowl.

- Oh, I'm sorry, Oz.

- Well, no matter what he scores,

you've got to give him half a point for being nonchalant.

- Oh, that's a shame.

- Tough love, Oz.

- OK, you guys, but I can still get the spare.

I've got another ball coming in.

- Hey, Doc, what would you say the odds are on a guy

rolling two balls in a row into the gutter?

- You mean the same gutter?

Or opposite gutters?

[chuckling]

- Made it!

- Roll it again, Oz. We didn't see it.

- I saw it. It was a foul.

He went over the line.

- Just mark it down.

- Let's see now.

Oz wins, doesn't he?

- Well, almost.

He would have won, but I took off two points for dirty shoes.

- What about that button off his sweater?

- Never mind, you guys.

Just make sure you pay up.

- Oh, hi, Mabel. - Hi, fellas.

- Hi. - Hi, Mabel.

- Duckin' out on the wives again tonight, huh?

- Yeah, we escaped.

- You guys about ready to order something?

- Well, let's see.

I think I'll have a hamburger and a large Coke.

- Sounds good to me, too.

- Mr. Darby?

- I think I'll have a ham on rye and a cup of coffee.

- Mr. Randolph?

- I'll have a cheeseburger and a Coke.

And may I add, I've never seen you looking more beautiful.

- Thank you. Same to you.

- Well, thank you.

I was hoping you'd say that.

[chuckling]

- I'll be right back, fellas.

- Well, what do you say we bowl one more game, fellas?

Oz and I will stand you guys, the young men

against the old men.

- That's a deal.

You two old guys go ahead and start.

- Are you kidding?

Listen to who's talking.

- Well, I was a young guy when we started coming over here.

- Oh, weren't we all?

How many years we've been bowling here together, anyway?

- I don't know exactly, but I remember

Doc used to borrow my comb.

- Oh, is that so?

You're not doing too bad yourself.

- OK, Joe, why don't you start? - Thank you.

I deserve it.

- I'll keep score.

- And remember, Doc, you're not writing out prescriptions.

We want to be able to read this.

Oh, wait, wait, wait a minute.

Hold it.

Let's give him a half a point for form.

- A very charitable suggestion.

Mark it down, Doc.

- Quiet, you guys.

- You know, I like bowling.

It's just enough exercise to make you feel good.

I think people make a mistake in not

getting some kind of exercise.

- You mean you think I've been gaining weight?

- Well, no, I didn't say that.

But now that you mention it, it wouldn't

hurt you girls to get together and do something

to get your blood circulating every once in a while.

- Well, we get together all the time.

As a matter of fact, Sally, June, and Clara

are coming over tomorrow afternoon to play bridge.

- Well, what kind of exercise are you going to get from that?

- Well, I probably won't get any.

Oh, but now that you mention it, would you do me a favor?

- Well, I don't know. What is it?

- Well, before you leave in the morning,

would you carry the chairs and card table downstairs?

- [chuckle] I guess that'll teach me to keep my big mouth

shut.

- Let's see, what's trump again?

- Spades.

- Oh, that's right.

- The king is still out.

I'll bet Harriet has it.

Let's get it.

Who has the king of spades?

Oh, I've got it here mixed in with my clubs.

- Well, good afternoon, girls. - Oh, hi.

- Ozzie.

- Oh, well.

- Oh, thank you.

- Oh, of course, now I remember you.

- Thanks a lot.

- I didn't realize it was so late.

- Me either. I've got to get home.

Joe's going to be furious. - Darb, too.

He hates to have to wait for his dinner.

- Well, let's just play three more hands, OK?

- OK.

- I'm glad to see you girls are getting your exercise.

- What's this about exercise?

- Oh, just a private joke.

My athletic husband here thinks we girls

should get more exercise.

- No, no, I didn't say anything about anybody getting fat.

- You mean you thought it, but you didn't say it.

- Nothing like that.

- Oh, I think it's too darn hard to find the time to exercise.

- Oh, besides, it gets so boring.

- Well, you have to do something you

enjoy, like when Joe, and Doc, and Darb and I go bowling.

We have a lot of fun, and we get some good exercise

at the same time.

- That's very inspiring, dear.

Would you like to make a speech at the Women's Club next week?

- OK, I'll retire gracefully.

- I made it.

- Good, that's game.

- You know, I hate to admit it, but Ozzie's right.

I do feel better when I get more exercise.

- Yeah, but it's so much work.

- Well, not bowling.

That's a lot of fun.

- Yeah, I must admit it is.

- I haven't bowled in years.

- Neither have I.

- When are the fellas going bowling again?

- Thursday night, I think.

- Well, why don't we go with them?

- Hey, that's an idea.

- Yeah, that sounds great.

- Just wonderful.

- Gee, I sure hope Joe has dinner started.

- You mean Joe cooks dinner for you?

- Well, he never has, but I can always hope.

- You girls leaving?

- Well, don't you think it's about time?

- If you think I'm going to answer that, you're crazy.

- See you Thursday night. - Bye.

- Bye. Goodbye.

- OK, Goodbye.

Uh, Harriet, what's this about Thursday night?

- Oh, we're going bowling with you guys.

I better get dinner started.

- Wait a second, you mean you girls

are going bowling with Doc, and Darb, and Joe, and me?

- Well, yes, you don't mind, do you?

- Well, no, I guess not.

- Well, you were the one who suggested we get some exercise.

- Well, yes, I know, but I didn't necessarily

mean bowling.

A couple of deep knee bends would have done it.

- Don't you want us to go with you?

- Oh, well, sure, I guess so.

- Then what's all the big fuss about?

- Well, it's-- uh, Harriet, it's just it comes as such

a surprise.

Harriet, say, I haven't had any phone calls tonight, have I?

- No, why?

Were you expecting somebody to call?

- Well, I thought maybe Doc, or Darb, or Joe, might call me.

- Well, they haven't called yet.

- Psst, hey, Oz.

- Oh, it's Joe!

- Shh.

- What's the matter?

- Come on outside.

- What for?

- You will find out.

- What do you want?

- Come on outside.

- Here he is, fellas.

- Oh, hiya, Doc, Darb.

- Did he give you any trouble? - No, not too much.

- Good, we'll give him half a point

for coming along peacefully.

- OK, I assume you guys are here about the bowling.

- He assumes we're here about the bowling.

- He assumes we're here about the bowling.

- You know darn well we're here about the bowling.

- What's the big idea of inviting the wives to go

bowling with us?

- I didn't invite them.

They invited themselves.

- That isn't what Clara said.

She said you practically insisted on it.

- I did not.

All I did was suggest that they could use a little exercise.

- I'll admit Sally may be putting on a little weight,

but that doesn't mean she has to go bowling with us.

- You guys are making a big deal out of nothing.

In the first place, they'll forget all about this

by tomorrow morning.

- Are you kidding?

Clara hasn't forgotten anything in 25 years.

In fact, she remembers a lot of stuff that never even happened.

- OK, then let's admit we made a mistake.

- We made a mistake?

- A mistake was made.

- You made a mistake.

- OK, I made a mistake.

Now, the point is, what are we going to do about it?

- You're going to talk them out of it.

- Me? Why me?

- Because you talked them into it.

- Come on, then, let's go in the house.

You can start with Harriet.

- Well, now, listen, this isn't fair to Harriet,

the four against one.

- Naturally, otherwise we don't stand a chance.

- Come on. Let's go.

- Hi, fellas. - Hi, Harriet.

- Hi, Harriet.

- I couldn't figure out what happened to you.

- Oh, I was right out back talking to the boys.

- Say, how would you guys like a nice big piece of apple pie?

- Oh, sounds great! How about it?

- No, thanks, Harriet.

- No, thanks, Harriet.

- No, thanks, Harriet.

- Uh, well, I don't think I'll have any either, thanks.

- Well, OK.

Oh, say, before I forget it.

There's something I want to show you.

Did you see this ad in the paper?

- What ad is that?

- Well, the Emporium is having a sale on bowling shoes.

I thought I might get a pair as long

as I'm going to take it up.

- Oh, well, don't you think you ought to wait and make

sure you like the game first?

- But they're having a sale.

- I know, but once you buy the shoes, we're stuck with you.

I mean, you're stuck with it.

[knocking]

- Hi.

- Hi.

- Here they are, Sally.

What are you doing here, Joe?

- I came over here to see Oz.

- Wait till you see what we've got.

We've been down at the Emporium.

- They're having a sale on bowling shoes.

- I know. We were just talking about it.

- You mean you bought a pair of them?

- We both did.

- Here are the bowling shoes.

- Oh.

- And I bought a beautiful pair of slacks.

- How much did all this stuff cost?

- Oh, don't worry.

You don't have to pay for them.

I charged everything.

- They're so comfortable.

I think I'll get myself a pair tomorrow.

- This is going to be fun, isn't it?

- Oh, yeah.

- Wait a minute, fellas.

You haven't seen the piece de resistance.

- What's that?

- That's French. - I know.

I know.

I mean, what's this thing?

- A bowling shirt.

Of course, it's just a sample.

I can order one for all of us if we want.

How do you like it?

- AK Schultz Brewery?

- Well, for sizing, it's just a sample.

We can have anything we want put on the back.

- Well, look, don't you think we ought to wait a little while

and see how this works out?

- Say, you know what might be cute?

His and hers.

"His" on the boy shirts, and "Hers" on the girls.

- Or how about "Mister" and "misses"?

- Oh, we'll think of something.

- How about "Kings" and "Queens"?

- [chuckle] "Kings" for the boys, and "Queens"

for the girls, of course.

Now, look, fellas, this is not my fault. This was not my idea.

[dramatic music]

- Hey!

That's darn good!

- That's wonderful, Harriet.

- Thank you.

- Where do I mark it down?

- You don't, not until she rolls her next ball.

- Don't be so grouchy.

- I'm sorry.

You don't, darling, not until she rolls

her next ball, sweetheart.

- Thank you, dear.

That's better.

- Oh, darn it.

- Too bad, Harriet.

- Clara's next.

Clara?

- Well, where is she?

- She was here a minute ago.

- Clara?

Clara?

- Oh, there she is over there.

I'll go get her.

- Doc, did you ever dream you were single again?

- I may tonight.

- Come on, Clara.

It's your turn.

- Well, I can't find the right ball.

They're all too heavy.

- Well, here, try one of those marbled ones.

They're lighter.

- Oh, I know it, but I can't use one of those.

- Well, why not?

- Well, they don't go with my striped pants!

- Clara.

- Oh, all right.

- Oh, darn it.

- Tough luck, Doc.

We'll give you half a point for effort.

- Half a point?

Where do I put that? - You don't.

It's just a joke.

- You mean there's no such thing as a half a point?

- Will you forget it?

- Well, don't be such a grouch.

- Hey, wait a minute, Darb.

It's my turn.

- Bowl right here, Clara.

- Well, I like that alley better.

- Don't be such a grouch.

- And I like that ball better, too.

Oh, for heaven's sake!

- What's a matter now?

- There's Helen Bailey!

- Well, so what?

- Well, I haven't seen her in a years.

- Now you've seen her. Go on.

You're holding up the game.

- Well, I should at least say hello to her.

- After you bowl.

- Oh, all right.

- Clara!

- Helen!

- What a wonderful surprise.

- I thought that was you.

I'd like you to meet some friends of mine.

This is Harriet Nelson.

- How do you do?

- This is Sally Darby, Julia.

- Hello.

- My husband, Joe.

- Anytime, Doc.

- Don't rush me, Oz.

I feel a strike coming on.

It was a spare I felt coming on.

- Come on, Harriet.

Show them how it's done.

- Hiya, fellas.

- Oh, hi, Mabel. - Oh, hello, Mabel.

How's it going?

- Oh, it's been a rough week.

Where's my special fella?

- Oh, well, he's around here someplace.

- There he is.

- Hiya, sweetie.

- [NERVOUSLY] Uh, hi.

- Hey, I bowled a strike!

- Oh, well, good for you.

- I see you brought the wives with you tonight.

- Yeah, we thought we'd give them a break.

- [chuckle] Well, what'll you have, girls?

- I think I'll have a Coke.

- I'll have a lemonade.

- I'll have a lemonade, too.

- Coke, please.

- Coffee for me, please.

- I'll have a Coke, and I guess Doc will have a Coke.

How about you, Darb?

- Coffee for me, please.

- I'll be right back.

- Now, what about this special fella sweetie business?

- Can I help it if I'm irresistible?

- Well, you could have fooled me.

- Hey, who set up the pins?

I was working on a spare.

- Oh, girls, don't touch either one of those little buttons

over there.

They set up the pins I found out.

- Oh, well, that's nice to know.

[bell dings]

- Thank you.

- Where are the girls?

- They're over talking to Helen again.

It turns out now that she and Harriet

went to school together.

- We can't even get 'em organized when we're trying

to get out of here.

- Boy, what a night this has been.

I haven't bowled this bad in 10 years.

- And wouldn't you know this is the only night

I haven't been called for an emergency.

[chuckling]

- Hi, fellas.

Here they are.

- Well, hello.

Don't tell me you girls are actually ready to go now.

- Well, of course, and don't be so sarcastic.

Why'd you have to go and talk to that Helen again for?

- Well, it was only polite to return her visit.

- Ready to check out, folks?

- Yes, finally.

- Hey, Doc, where'd you leave our shoes?

- Oh, they're right over there on the bench.

- That's exactly right.

- Look at the trophy!

- Do they give those away?

- Well, no, they don't exactly give them away.

You have to earn them.

- They're for high score of the week

or perfect games, things like that.

- Well, how come you guys never brought any home?

- Well, it isn't that we haven't tried.

We'd love to win one.

We just bowl in a little different league, shall we say.

- Wait a minute.

I think you won a trophy tonight?

- Are you sure?

I didn't think anybody bowled well at all.

- Well, it's not for a high score.

Which one of you ladies is Harriet?

- Well, that's me, but I didn't bowl a very good score.

- Well, this is kind of a special award

we have for the ladies.

I'll bet you didn't even notice you bowled the same score three

times in a row--

97, 97, 97.

- And she gets a trophy for that?

- Yes, she does.

- Harriet!

- Here it is. Congratulations.

- Oh, thank you.

- Look what Harriet won!

- Just darling.

- It's terrific.

- The same score three times in a row!

Gee, that was a lot of fun.

- It sure was.

- I hope I do better next week.

- How about a cup of coffee?

- That sounds wonderful.

- Sure, we'll help you, Harriet.

- Well, Oz?

- Oh, come on, you guys.

Why don't you admit it was kind of fun?

- You mean you want to go through this every week?

- Well, no. - I should hope not.

- Wait a second, will you?

I've got an idea about that.

- You had one idea, remember?

About how the girls needed exercise?

- No, no, but with this can't miss.

- I'll bet.

- You know how the girls get together about once a week

to play bridge?

- Well, why don't we join them?

- Oh, Oz, enough is enough.

- Who put you up to this?

Clara?

- The point is they feel the same way about their bridge

games as we do about our bowling,

so why don't we suggest that we move in on them

just like they moved in on us?

Believe me, they won't like it any better than we did tonight.

- That's not a bad idea.

- It might just work.

- I must admit, you finally came up with something, Oz.

Let's spring it on them and watch their faces.

- Hey, that's a wonderful idea.

- That ought to be a lot of fun!

- I've been trying to get Darb to play bridge for years!

- Of course, we wouldn't want to interfere.

- Oh, don't be silly.

It sounds great.

- Darn it, we can't do it.

- We can't do it.

- Why not?

- Yeah, why not?

- Well, tell them, Joe.

- They play in the afternoon.

We can't do that. - See--

- Well, that's no problem.

We'll change it and play at night.

- Sure, we can all play bridge on Tuesday nights

and go bowling on Thursday night.

- But, uh, girls, uh, the only thing--

uh, girls?

Now, look, you can't blame this one on me.

You guys thought it was a good idea, too.

- Hi, folks, come on in.

- Hi, Harriet. - Hi.

- Put your coats over there, girls.

Hi. - Hi, Oz.

- Hi, Oz. - Harriet.

- Hello, Harriet.

- Boy, this is going to be a lot of fun.

- What are you so happy about?

- I've got a wonderful idea.

- Oh, no, you don't, not again.

- No, no, no, listen-- listen, you guys do whatever I do.

Follow my lead.

Tell the other fellas.

- Would you like some peanuts, Joe?

- Oh, thanks, Oz.

- [humming]

Let's see, uh, you bid, uh--

- One heart. - One heart.

Harriet? - One spade.

- One spade.

[humming]

Oh, pardon me.

How about some more peanuts? - Oh, no, thanks.

We have plenty.

- Uh, yeah, no, thanks, Oz.

- [humming]

- On second thought, I believe I will have some more peanuts.

- Well, help yourself.

- You've got some over there.

- Yes, but these taste better.

- [humming]

What did you bid?

- One heart.

- And Harriet?

- One spade.

- [humming]

Uh, Joe-- oh, no, I--

I bid first.

- Right.

- [humming]

Oh, I almost forgot.

Have a cigar, Darb.

- Well, thank you, Oz.

- Since when did you start smoking cigars?

- I always smoke cigars when we play poker.

We all do.

- Have a cigar, Doc.

- Thanks, Oz.

- Joe?

- Oh, gee, thanks, Oz.

This is great.

- [humming]

- It's your bid, dear. - OK.

- I wish we were playing poker.

I got a full house!

- I got you beat.

I got two full houses!

- You both lose.

Straight flush.

- Don't show your hand. - Why not?

I was called. [laughs]

- Come on, you guys.

Let's settle down and play some bridge.

- I second the motion.

- It's your bid, dear.

- Oh.

Oh, yeah.

[humming]

- Hey, these are great, Oz.

- Oh, thanks, Doc.

They're a little mild.

- [coughing]

- Well, I'm glad they're not strong.

- [humming]

Hey, what time is it?

- Nine o'clock.

- The fight's on!

- Oh, yeah!

- Oh, there's a good fight on television.

You girls go ahead without us.

- Yeah, we'll be right back.

It won't last very long.

- Oz, where did you find these cigars?

- I'll tell you this much, it wasn't easy.

- Taste like an old rubber boot.

- Smells like it, too. I feel a little sick.

- Yeah, me, too.

Somebody better call a doctor.

- Won't do any good.

The doctor is sick, too.

- How do you think this thing's working out?

- I don't know.

I wonder if we were a little too subtle.

[chuckling] - I'll tell you one thing.

That's the flattest singing I ever heard in my life.

[chuckle]

- You're just jealous.

- Fellas, can we see you for a minute?

- Oh, yeah. - Oh, sure.

- We'll be right there.

- Certainly.

- Do you think they're giving up already?

- Sure looks like it.

- What do you think, Oz?

- Well, if you ask me, I think congratulations are in order.

- Well, it's about time.

- You girls want to talk to us about something?

- Hello, dear.

- Hiya, honey.

- Never mind the soft soap.

We got your message.

- What message?

- Oh, who do you think you're kidding?

- All right, we admit we messed up your bowling,

but it wasn't intentional.

And you didn't have to ruin our bridge game.

- You mean you'd rather play bridge without us?

- What do you think?

- Well, I don't know about you guys, but I can take a hint.

- Me, too. - Me, too.

- Yeah, me, too.

Hey, fellas, we just have time to go bowling tonight.

- Oh, yeah-- that is, if it's OK with you girls.

Well, you know how it is.

There are certain things like bowling

that are more fun for us fellas to do by ourselves,

and then there are other things, like playing bridge,

that are more fun for you girls to do by yourselves.

And then, of course, there are a lot

of things that are more fun for us all to do together.

- Like what?

- Like-- like dancing.

- What a wonderful idea.

Let's all go dancing.

- We haven't been dancing in years.

- Oh, well, we'll do that some night.

- What do you mean some night?

- We mean now.

- Do you think this dress will be all right?

- Oh, sure.

- Now, wait just a second.

- Uh, girls.

Sally?

- Harriet?

Girls?

What happened?

- You know darn well what happened.

You opened your big mouth again.

[dance music]

- Yeah!

[cheering]

- Oh, this is a wonderful idea.

- I don't know when I've had such a good time.

- I hate to admit it, but I'm enjoying it, too.

- I hope you girls don't think we're

going to give up our bowling night every week, though.

- Oh, of course not, but it would be

fun to go dancing more often.

- I have a wonderful idea.

Why don't we make out a definite schedule, and then

we'll be able to do all these things.

- Clara.

- No, no, wait a minute, Joe.

That's a good idea.

How about this?

The guys go bowling every Monday night.

You girls play bridge every Thursday night.

And we'll all get together and go

dancing every 18th of January.

- [chuckle]

- Let's dance again before you get any more ideas.

- Harriet-- Harriet--

- Come on, Joe.

- My feet hurt.

Besides, this is so good.

- Joe.

- Yes, my dear.

[theme music]

[dance music]

- "The Adventures of Ozzie and Harriet"

has been brought to you by the Coca-Cola Company.

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to give you that refreshing new feeling.

Next time you shop, enjoy a Coke, too.

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