Original subtitles

[instrumental music]

- The Coca-Cola Company proudly presents the most famous family

in America--

Ozzie, Harriet, David, and Ricky.

The Nelson family.

- Statistics show that Coca-Cola is enjoyed 60 million times

a day, and among those who enjoy it often are the Nelsons.

- Hi, Mr. Nelson, Dave, Rick. - Hi.

- Hey.

- Um, think I'll have a large Coke.

- Me, too.

- Me, too.

- According to statistics, when people order Coca-Cola

at the fountain, given the choice,

two out of three usually ask for a large Coke,

as the Nelson's do.

That's because when you ask for a large glass of Coke,

you get even extra enjoyment.

And this, in turn, leads to another statistic.

A large number of people order something

to eat when they have a Coke at the fountain

because ice cold Coke goes so good with food.

Now, Ozzie has his own statistic for us.

- When the three Nelson men enjoy Coke at the fountain,

one out of the three is bound to get the check.

Which one?

It figures.

- And now the Coca-Cola Company invite you to enjoy--

[theme music]

"The Adventures of Ozzie and Harriet."

[piano music]

- Is this any good, Jack?

- What's the name of it?

- Uh, "Murder By Mail." - No.

The title's a dead giveaway.

You got to know the postman did it.

- I guess you're right.

How about this one?

"The Corpse Who Kicked the Cop." - I haven't read it.

Who wrote it?

- Uh, Helen Medbury.

- I'd pass that up.

- Why do you say that?

- It's written by a woman.

- What difference does that make?

- Well, personally, I can never follow their logic.

And most of them, you've got to be a woman

to figure out who done it.

- Yeah, now that you mention, I--I've noticed that, too.

- Now, if you want a real good mystery,

try that "Twenty Minutes to Kill."

- It's good, huh?

- Yeah, Terry MacDonald's a real good mystery writer.

- OK, Jack.

You sold me.

You know, this job of yours calls for a lot of talent.

Not only have to be able to whip up a good choclate sundae,

but you have to be a literary critic, as well.

- And speaking of talent, take a look at this.

- Hey!

No, now wait a second.

I didn't order that. - I know you didn't.

I did.

It's for me.

[instrumental music]

- How's the book?

- Oh, it's-- it's pretty good so far.

- I read it about a year ago.

You know who the murderer is yet?

- Well, no.

I--I just started.

I've only read about 10 pages.

- I knew who did it by the time I'd read five pages.

- Well, how could you have known that?

Nobody's even been killed yet.

- I knew it was going to happen, and who was going to do it.

- How did you know that?

- Women's intuition.

- Just what does that mean?

- Plain, simple logic.

- What's simple about a woman's logic?

- Do you know who did it?

- I told you, I'm only on page 10.

- Who do you think did it?

- Well, there have only been about a-- a half a dozen

characters mentioned so far.

The, uh-- the gardener, Mrs. Thompson, Hans, Rodney,

the husband, and-- and Grandma Finley.

- Well?

- It's probably Grandma Finley.

It usually turns out to be those kindly old ladies.

- Nope, sorry.

It was Rodney.

- What did you have to tell me for?

- You asked me.

- Well, I-- I know, but, uh--

besides, h-- how could you have figured out it was Rodney?

- It was easy.

He was the only one who was mean to his wife.

- [chuckles] Are you kidding?

- Well, he was!

He said she couldn't buy any new clothes.

I think that's mean.

- Th-- that's the kind of reasoning you'd expect to find

in a book written by a woman.

- Who do you think wrote that?

- Uh, uh, Terry McDonald.

- Who do you think she is?

- Well, he's a man.

- Oh, really?

How do you know?

- Well, Jack told me.

- Jack who?

- You know, Jack the banana split man.

You know, the guy down at the malt shop.

- Well, just because he makes a good banana split,

doesn't mean he's a literary critic.

That's the paperback edition.

The copy I read had a picture of Terry MacDonald on the back,

and she's a very attractive young woman.

- Well, Terry's a man's name.

- Not always.

You follow my logic?

- Well, yeah, I guess I do.

- Good.

Now we can get back to that first statement you made.

- I-- I'm not sure what it was, but obviously I never should

have made it.

- Why should a woman mystery writer's reasoning be any

different than a man's?

- Well, a-- a man's logic is based on fact.

And what a woman calls logic is based on emotion.

- P-- Pardon me.

Is this a good time to ask for a favor?

- Uh, well, I'm not sure.

We're having a little book discussion.

- What book are you discussing?

- Uh, it's "Twenty Minutes to Kill."

It's sort of a classic.

- I read it.

She's a pretty good writer.

- How did a woman wrote this?

- Oh, by the story.

It's a typical example of a woman's logic.

- There, you see?

- Well, it doesn't take much logic to figure out

were listening at the door.

- I guess this is the wrong time.

- Uh, uh, what did you want, Dave?

- Well, Rick's using his car tomorrow,

and mine's in the shop.

I need a ride home from the office.

- Well, I'll tell you what.

Clara's going to the dressmaker's tomorrow,

and then she's supposed to meet June Williams in front

of the Emporium.

So if you go over to the Emporium

and meet Mrs. Williams, then Clara

can pick up the two of you and bring you over

to the Woman's Club, and then we can all ride home together.

- Well, I think that just about proves my point.

- What do you mean?

- Well, wouldn't it be much easier

if he just took the bus home?

- I think Pop's right.

I think I'll take the bus home.

- See how simple it is?

- Well, I was just trying to save him car fare.

- Well, Dave?

- What's this?

- Your car fare.

It's worth it to win an argument from your mother.

[playful music]

- Ms. Edwards?

- Yes, sir?

- Do you know what happened to those depositions

I took in the Kramer case?

- Oh, I have them, Mr. Kelly. I've been reading them.

- Oh. Pretty interesting, aren't they?

Yes, sir.

Did you find the big discrepancy in the Kramer testimony?

- No, sir.

Of course, I haven't read very much of it yet.

Well, it might be well worth your while

to take it home over the weekend, read it carefully.

- I'd like to. - OK.

But don't lose it.

I've got all my notes in the back there,

and I wouldn't want the opposition

to know that I know what they think I don't know.

- Excuse me, Mr. Kelly, but you're going to be late.

- Oh.

Thank you.

- Do you have the new golf balls you bought?

- Doggone.

What would I do without you?

[playful music]

Ms. Edwards?

Dave?

- Yes, sir.

- What did I do with those golf balls?

- Here they are, in the wastebasket.

- I chipped them in there yesterday.

Well, have a nice weekend.

- Thank you.

Same to you.

- Hey, it's almost 12 o'clock.

Why don't you close up? - Well, thank you.

- We'll see you Monday morning. - OK.

Bye. - Bye, Mr. Kelly.

- I can't figure out how such a disorganized man

can be such a good lawyer.

- Did you ring?

- Yes, sir.

- Going down.

- After you.

- Thank you.

Hi, Mom.

- Hi, dear.

- Thought you were going to the Woman's Club.

- Oh, I changed my mind.

You're home early, aren't you?

- Yeah, kind of.

- Hi, Dave.

- Hi, Pop.

- I take it Mr. Kelly is out playing golf

again this afternoon.

- Yeah.

- You know, I hate to say this, Dave,

but sometimes I wonder how he ever wins a case.

- Oh, he's a brilliant man, Pop.

You ought to see how disorganized he is.

- How's that?

- Well, take this case he's working on now.

The other side probably thinks they've got it won,

but Mr. Kelly found a big discrepancy

in Mr. Kramer's story.

- What kind of discrepancy? - I don't know.

I haven't finished reading the deposition yet.

Holy smokes.

- What's the matter?

- Well, I can't find the deposition.

I put it in here this--

What's this?

Hey-- hey, this isn't my briefcase!

- Well, are you sure?

- Well, yeah.

Wait a second.

The man sitting next to me on the bus had a briefcase.

He must have taken mine.

- Oh, that's a shame, Dave.

But that's not the only copy of the deposition, is it?

- Well, it's the only one that has all of Mr. Kelly's notes

in the back.

- Uh, well won't he remember them?

- Well, that's not the point.

If the people we're suing get a hold of them,

we're in a lot of trouble.

At least I'm in a lot of trouble.

- Maybe he's got some identification in there.

- Well, just a small package.

- Is his name on it?

- No.

It says, "To my little Teddy bear with all my love.

Signed, me."

- What are you laughing at?

You just called me "doll-face."

Are you sure there's no identification in here, Dave?

- No, I looked all through it.

- Uh, uh, does your briefcase have your name on it, Dave?

- No, just my initials.

Well, this is great.

- Well, why don't you phone the bus company?

They usually have a lost and found apartment.

- Yeah, that's a good idea.

- Uh, Harriet?

I never called you "doll-face."

- Oh, that's right.

I guess it wasn't you.

- Uh, uh, Harriet?

[phone ringing]

- Lost and found department.

- My name is David Nelson.

I lost my briefcase on one of your buses this afternoon.

- Oh, I see.

Approximately when did you lose it?

- Well, just a little while ago.

See, I was on the Lake Street bus,

and I picked up this other man's briefcase by mistake.

- Oh, you took somebody else's briefcase?

- Well, yes.

Evidently we switched them accidentally,

and I thought he might call and try to reach me.

- Oh, well, what is your name, please?

Uh-huh, and your address?

And phone number?

All right, thank you.

Now, is your name on the briefcase?

- Oh, just my initials, "DM."

The one I picked up has no name on it,

but there's a package in it that says, "To Teddy Bear."

- Teddy bear?

You lost a Teddy bear?

- No, that's on the package.

- Oh.

Oh, I see.

Well, I'll tell ya.

I'll call ya if anything turns up.

Now, what's your phone number?

Oh, yes.

[chuckles] You gave me that already.

Well, OK.

Thank you.

- Thank you.

- What'd they say?

- Oh, they'll call me if anything turns up.

- Well, I'll get lunch started.

- Well, I wouldn't worry about it too much, Dave.

It's bound to turn up sooner or later.

- Well, I hope so.

Eh, just thought of something.

You know that man that was sitting next to me on the bus?

Well, he was standing out in the hall when I left the office.

- Yeah?

- And then outside I stopped at the newspaper stand,

he came over right behind me.

We both got on the same bus.

- Do you think he was following you?

- Well, I don't think so.

Why would he do that?

- Well, he probably just works in the same building.

- Well, could be.

Have you ever seen this man in the building before?

- No, I don't think so.

- Wh-- why would anybody want to follow Dave?

- Maybe he wanted to get those papers he was carrying.

They were important, weren't they?

- Well, only to people connected with the case.

- That must be it.

- Well, in the first place, how would the man

know Dave had the papers in his briefcase?

And even if he did, why would he leave Dave

a briefcase with a present in it?

- I don't know.

Of course!

It's perfectly obvious.

Dave said the man was standing in the hall.

He could have overheard that Dave was carrying the papers.

- Well, what about the present?

- Well, the present could be a false lead

to throw us off the track.

No.

On second thought, any man who calls his wife

Teddy Bear can't be all bad.

- Well, I tell you what.

You try and figure this out the best way you can,

and meanwhile Dave and I will apply a little masculine logic

and we'll find the briefcase.

[phone rings]

- Hey, maybe that's the lost and found.

Hello?

- Hello, is this David Nelson?

- Yes, it is.

- Oh, well, Mr. Nelson, I have good news for you.

We found your teddy bear.

[instrumental music]

- Well, let's take this step by step, Dave.

You say the man got on the elevator in your building,

got on the bus with you, and sat next to you?

- That's right.

- And he had a briefcase just like yours?

- Well, at least it was very similar.

- Well, it seems to me it's quite evident,

either by accident or design, he picked up your briefcase

and you subsequently picked up his.

- That sounds very good, dear.

- Oh, thank you.

- Now, how does he get his briefcase back?

- Harriet, I'm trying to take this step by step

and follow it through to a logical conclusion.

- And you're doing a beautiful job.

- Well, thank you.

Of course, I can be wrong, but I think

it's possible that this man works in your building.

- Well, it's possible, but I didn't recognize him,

and I know most of the people who work there.

At least, I know them by sight.

- Well, that might be true, but there

must be some people who work there that you've never seen.

Don't you think?

- Well, yeah. It is possible.

After all, it's a pretty big building.

- Well, OK.

If we assume then that the man works in the building,

the best place to start would be right there.

- Yeah, that's logical.

Do you want to come along with me?

- Yeah, and we better take the briefcase and the present.

They may come in handy.

- And phone in every once in a while.

I want to know how you private eyes are doing.

- He's about 5 feet 10.

He was wearing a gray topcoat and a gray hat,

and he was carrying a briefcase.

It was a brown briefcase like that one.

- No, I don't know him.

- Well, it's possible he might be a new tenant.

Are there any new tenants in the building?

- Well, I wouldn't be too sure about that.

See, uh, I'm new to the job myself.

- That's right.

You haven't been working here very long, have you?

- No, I just started Thursday.

- You fellas want the fifth floor?

- Yeah, that's right.

Fifth.

- I haven't been able to let anybody off the sixth floor.

Door's been stuck all morning.

Fifth floor. - Thank you.

- Thank you.

- Sorry I couldn't help you.

- That's OK.

Thanks just the same.

Now, let's retrace your steps, Dave.

- I came out of the office.

- You came out of the office.

- And I walked over to the elevator.

- Walked over to the elevator, and then what?

- And I pushed the button.

- OK, you pushed the button.

- Then the man came down the hall and stood behind me.

- Uh, where'd he stand?

- Right where you are.

- And did he say anything to you?

- Yeah, he asked me if I'd pushed

the button for the elevator yet, and I said yes.

- And then what happened?

- Then the elevator came.

- Going down.

- Oh, I-- I'm sorry.

I-- I pushed the button by mistake.

- Oh, that's OK.

Say, I've been thinking about that guy

with the brown hat and the brown topcoat,

and the gray briefcase.

- No, no.

It was a gray hat and a gray topcoat, and a brown briefcase.

- No, I don't know him.

You fellas going down?

- Well, no.

In a little while.

- Thanks just the same.

Where does this door lead?

- That's the stairway.

- Gee, I'll bet this is it. - What?

- Well, the elevator operator said something

about the elevator door on the sixth floor

being stuck all morning.

So maybe the man's office is on the sixth floor,

and he walked down to the fifth to take the elevator.

- Yeah, you could be right.

- Well, come on.

Let's go up and take a look around.

See anything here that gives you any clue?

- Nope.

- Come on.

I want you to take a look around.

- Well, most of the offices are closed.

- Hey, here's one that's open, this jewelry store.

Hey, Dave.

Take a look at that package, the gift.

It may be jewelry.

- Yeah, it could be jewelry.

- I'll-- I'll bet the man bought it here.

- May I help you?

- Yes, I wonder if you recognize this?

- This is our gift wrapping.

- Oh, do you happen to know who bought it?

- What is it?

- Well, I don't know.

See, my son found it in his briefcase.

That is not his briefcase.

The briefcase belongs to the man who bought that.

- We're trying to find him so we can return it.

- Well, maybe it'd help to know what was in it.

- Do you remember selling that?

- No, but maybe Mr. Lee does.

- Oh, is he here?

- I'm sorry, he just left for the weekend.

- Oh.

- Well, don't you usually make out a sales slip?

Might have his name on it. - Oh, yes, we do.

Uh, when was it purchased?

- Oh, probably sometime this morning.

- Well, let's take a look.

Oh, yes.

Here it is.

- Uh, what's the name?

- There's no name on it.

Whoever bought it paid cash.

- Looks like we've run into a dead end, Pop.

- I'm sorry I can't help.

- Oh, that's all right.

- Would you like me to wrap it again?

- Yeah, would you, please? As a gift.

- I don't see any point to this, Pop.

- Well, if the man knew there was a jewelry

shop on this floor, Dave, there's

a good chance his office is up here.

- Hey, maybe this guy can help us.

Uh, uh, pardon me.

- I'll be right with you.

That'll do it.

How's that? - It's very good.

- It's fine.

Uh, is he a new tenant?

- Well, yes.

Mr. Harris.

- Well, could you tell me, are there any other new people

in this building?

- Uh, yes.

There's a Marvin Watson.

- What floor is he on?

- Well, usually the ground floor.

He's the new elevator operator. - Oh.

Oh. Oh.

Oh, yes, sir.

We met him.

- This Mr. Harris, could you describe him to us?

- Oh, he's--

Eh, you guys aren't processors, are you?

- Oh. Oh, no.

No.

See, we have this briefcase that doesn't belong to us,

and we're looking for the owner and we thought maybe

it might be Mr. Harris.

- Oh, well, he might be just-- oh, he's about, like, hey.

Just about pretty average looking fella.

- Did you see him this morning?

- Yes.

- Do you remember what he was wearing?

- Let me think.

Uh-- oh, an eggshell white shirt, cadmium red tie,

Aztec gray topcoat, hat, and burnt Sienna briefcase.

- Uh, burnt Sienna?

- Well, that's brown.

- Hey, that sounds like him, Pop.

You don't happen to know where he lives, do you?

- No. I'm sorry.

- Oh, well-- we'll-- we'll take it from here.

Thank you very much.

- Thanks a lot.

- Hey, fellas.

If you guys are a process service,

don't tell Mr. Harris that I said anything.

- He hasn't paid me yet. - Oh, no.

No. No.

I understand.

- There are about 15 Harris' in here whose names begin with F.

- Well, he took the same bus as you, didn't he?

He must live out in our general direction.

Why don't you take a look at the addresses?

[instrumental music]

- It's like nobody's home.

- Why don't you just try it again?

[buzzer]

- Uh, uh, Mr. Harris? - Yes?

- That's not the man, Pop. - Oh.

I'm sorry. I hope I didn't disturb you.

- No, I was just taking a shower.

- Oh.

- Yes?

- Oh, uh, we're looking for a Francis Harris.

- That's me.

- I-- I was sure I was right, Pop.

When it's Francis with an E-S, it's a girl.

- Oh, yeah, I-- I'm sorry.

You're not the party he's looking for.

- I'm sorry.

- So am I.

- Yes?

- Oh, hi.

- Well, hello there, young man.

- This is the right man, Pop.

- Oh, good.

- I think I've got your briefcase.

- You have? - Uh, yes, sir.

Evidently, you picked up the wrong one on the bus

this morning.

- No, I don't think so.

Well, just a second.

Mine's right here on the hall table.

Well, this is mine all right.

It's got my initials on it, "FWH."

- Well, this one has your package in it.

- What package?

- Well, this one.

[letter crinkling]

- "To my little Teddy Bear, with all my love."

- What's this?

- Uh, we were just returning your husband's package.

- Eh, now, just a second.

This isn't my package.

- Who is Teddy Bear?

- I don't know any Teddy Bear.

- Oh-- oh--

I--I--I'm sorry.

Obviously, there's been a mistake.

I'm sorry to have troubled you.

Come on, Dave.

- Now, what's this all about, Fenimore?

- I tell you, I don't know any more about it than you do.

- Hi, fellas.

How'd you make out?

- Not so good.

We tracked down the man, but he didn't have the briefcase.

- Well, I wouldn't worry about it if I were you.

- But, Mom, that deposition is important.

- Yeah, I know it. I located it.

- My briefcase? - Uh huh.

It's on its way over here now.

- Well, how'd you do that?

- Oh, just used a little feminine logic.

- What are you talking about?

- Well, the card read, "To my little Teddy Bear, with love."

Well, now, what do bears like?

Honey.

Honey comes from bees.

B stands for Betty, so the man's wife's name must be Betty.

- Who cares about the man's wife's name?

What's his name?

- You'll find out.

- I'll get it.

Well, Mr. Kelly!

Come on in.

- Thank you, David.

Hello, Mr. Nelson.

- Oh, hi, Mr. Kelly. - Hello, Mr. Kelly.

- David, here's your briefcase.

I seem to have picked it up at the office by mistake.

- I guess we got it mixed up.

- Yeah. - Here's yours.

- Aw, thank you.

- Uh, was there a--

- Yes, it's right in there.

[chuckles]

- I was afraid I'd lost it.

You see, today is my wife's birthday.

When I got home from the golf club,

I went to give her present, and, well,

being a married man yourself, Mr. Nelson,

you can realize the reaction I got when I couldn't find it.

- Oh!

I know just what you mean.

- Well, thank you again.

I'm sorry to have caused you this trouble.

- Oh, it's no trouble at all.

It's been very interesting.

And tell Betty we wish her a happy birthday.

- Betty?

- Yes, y-- your wife, Betty.

- Oh, thank you.

Her name is Florence.

- Oh.

Well, anyway, tell her we wish her a happy birthday.

- Thank you.

Speaking of my wife, I suppose you read the card.

It's kind of embarrassing.

- Oh, don't be silly.

Ozzie used to call me "doll-face."

- Oh, did he?

Well, that's uh-- [chuckles] Well, now I've got to go home.

I'll see you Monday, David.

Goodbye.

- Goodbye.

- Bye.

- Uh, uh, so you figured out his wife's name was Betty?

- Well, I'm entitled to one little mistake.

You must admit, I figured out the briefcase

belonged to Mr. Kelly.

- Well, now just a second.

If you figured out the briefcase belonged to Mr. Kelly because

of his wife, and yet you had his wife's name wrong,

how did you connect him with it?

- Oh, well, that was the easiest part.

Just plain, simple logic.

- Go ahead.

- Well, Mr. Kelly phoned while you were out.

- If he phoned, where does the logic come in?

- Well, as soon as he told me that he'd picked up

David's briefcase, I immediately figured

David must have picked up his.

- Oh, that was fantastic.

- Thank you, dear. - Uh, Pop.

- Yeah?

- Did you really use to call Mom "doll-face"?

- Well, no, I didn't.

Harriet, that calls for an explanation!

- Well, I just said that because Mr. Kelly

seemed so embarrassed.

- No, I'm not talking about that.

You said this afternoon it was somebody else who used to call

you "doll-face."

And now-- now who was it? - Well, you know him.

You've met him lots of times.

In fact, he was at our wedding.

- He was?

- Mmm hmm, he was that tall, handsome man

who walked down the aisle with me.

He gave the bride away.

- You mean Grandpa Hilliard?

- That's right.

My dad.

- I'm a little disappointed.

Didn't you ever have a pet name for Mom?

You know, something special just between the two of you?

- Well, yes, I did!

Come on, "chowder head," how about dinner?

- OK, OK.

[instrumental music]

You still reading that murder mystery?

I told you who did it. Rodney.

- Huh.

Well, you might be wrong.

After all, you were only guessing.

- I was not.

- Well, you said you only read five pages.

- That's right.

- Well, I've read the first 50 pages,

and I don't know who the murderer is.

So how can you be so sure if you've only read five?

- Well, you read the first 50, didn't you?

- Well, yes.

- I read the last five.

- Oh.

[instrumental music]

- "The Adventures of Ozzie and Harriet"

has been brought to you by the Coca-Cola Company.

- What's good after a show?

Ice cold Coca-Cola.

Wouldn't it taste great to you right now?

The day of a child's first step is always a memorable occasion.

Most children accomplish it by the time they're one or two,

but for the child with cerebral palsy, it may be five or six,

or even seven years before that first step is achieved.

The child with cerebral palsy often

depends on the 13 services provided by the United Cerebral

Palsy Association for special training from infancy

to adulthood.

Keep faith with them by making a generous contribution.

Mail your check now to Palsy, care of your local postmaster.

- This has been an ABC Television Network film

presentation.