Original subtitles

I'm going down south. I'm going to have myself time.

Friendly faces everywhere.

Humble folks without temptation.

I'm going down south. I'm going to leave my woes behind.

And we're parking day or night. People shouting, howdy, neighbor.

And on up south, I'm going to see if I can't unwind.

Come on down south out there and meet some friends of mine.

How was school today, bud?

It was fine.

Look, Stan, I know it's been really hard for you the past month with us not

having a home.

Yeah, it sucks.

I've tried to find work, but there's just not a lot out there. And with the

government shutdown, I can't get my job back with the USGS.

Times are hard, and I know we all miss Tegrity.

I don't miss Tegrity, Dad. I just hate that our family is living in a motel.

It's really embarrassing.

Well, that's what I need to tell you, Stan.

There's some good news. We're moving out of the motel.

Wait, really? We can live in a house again?

Well, no, we can't afford a house, so we're moving in with your grandpa.

Moving in with grandpa?

This is a bunch of bull crap!

First you stick me in this place, and then you all come along?

Pretty nice, huh, guys?

There's a TV, a microwave, and we have bingo on Thursdays. There has to be

somewhere else we can live.

Come on, Stan.

You have that space over there by Grandpa's shit pan.

You can't make me stay here. This is completely inhumane.

That's what I said.

Didn't work.

Okay, so then over here is where you're going to have the big golden pillars

that you guys wanted.

Oh, yeah, that's great.

Okay, and then right over here is where we're going to put your dance floor.

All right.

Wait, dance floor?

I thought we were knocking the east wing down to make room for the nursery.

The what?

The nursery.

You said all this remodeling was for the baby, not to make room for more of your

stupid parties.

Hey, relax, guys. We can just stick the baby in the back. Wow.

Okay, so obviously I have no say in this remodel.

Mr. President, sir, I'm very sorry, but we need to speak with you urgently.

It's a matter of national security.

We don't want to frighten you, Mr. President, but we've received

that someone might be trying to stop your baby from being born.

What?

Who?

We don't know who yet, sir, but Pam Bondi has been looking into it.

That's right, sir. We won't let any harm come to the baby of the greatest

president that ever lived. You are without equal, sir. Okay, Pam. And we

honored to be... Pam, Pam, sorry. You got a little shit on your nose there.

Oh, do I?

Did I get it?

No, it's still there.

If someone is trying to harm the baby, then we must know who.

Well, there is one theory.

Some people believe that by demolishing the East Wing, we may have unleashed

some sort of wrath.

What kind of wrath?

Vengeful wrath.

What the hell is going on? I was supposed to be in Washington.

There has been a change in plan, Mr. Teal.

They are on to us at the White House.

But how?

How did they find out?

Someone must have heard us talking. Do you still have the child?

Yes, he's here. I have him heavily sedated.

It should last another six, seven hours.

But I can't keep him here forever.

You'll just have to wait until it is safe.

I think some brown noser here is after my job.

Hey.

Come on in.

You guys can't tell anybody that I'm living here.

Dan, you shouldn't be embarrassed, all right?

Everyone's having a hard time right now. Yeah, everyone's having a hard time.

And you know what the problem is?

Nobody's doing anything about it. How many weeks has it been now, dealing with

one stupid thing after another? The truth is, I think a lot of people are

afraid to admit that South Park sucks now.

South Park sucks now? Yeah, everyone knows it. South Park sucks now. And it's

because of all this political shit.

We're just getting totally bogged down in it. Remember when we used to do

Just us guys?

Ever since all this political crap took over, it's like, what? Like, what

happened to us?

Like, Kenny, I haven't even heard you say anything in, like, four months.

Well, what the fuck do I want to say, dude?

You see, that's what I mean.

We don't even know what to say.

South Park's getting ruined, and all us Gen Alpha kids are just sitting here

watching it happen.

You're right, dude.

But what do we do?

I know exactly what to do.

Hey guys, are you sick and tired of what's happening to our town? Do you

like it's broken and going nowhere?

Then click below and join our online community, South Park Sucks Now. Things

clearly not right here, and if you're like us, you're fed up. South Park Sucks

Now. So please, like and subscribe, smash the button, upvote, whatever the

you need to do. Because together, we can make a difference.

Mr.

President, we don't want you to be afraid.

Tell us exactly what it is you think you saw.

Ever since I tore down the East Wing, there's this thing that keeps appearing.

What kind of thing?

Sometimes I see it in a mirror or in the hallway.

President Trump, you are an incredible man.

Whatever this is, we have your back.

Pam, Pam, you got some shit on your nose again.

Really?

Mr. President, this entity you speak of, how many times has it appeared?

It appears more and more lately.

I can't get away from it.

It's everywhere I go.

It's here right now.

In the corner.

I'm pretty sure that's your wife, sir.

Maybe it's somehow trying to communicate.

Don't worry, we won't let anything happen to you.

Help! Where did Pam Bondi go?

What? Pam Bondi! She's gone!

But she was sitting right here!

Pam! Pam!

Where's Pam Bondi?

I'm right here, sir.

Look, it's back!

What's back?

You've got some shit on your nose again!

Oh my God, what is going on?

Nothing!

God, 630?

Yeah, fucking sucks, doesn't it?

Holy shit.

What?

Holy shit.

756 ,000 likes, you guys. We just built a massive online community.

Wow. I can't believe how many people agree with us. I thought we could get 50

60 kids from school to sign up, but this is incredible.

All right, we've got everyone's attention, so what do we do now?

What do you mean, dude? It's obvious.

It's time for phase two.

Hey, guys. If you've come here, then you're likely joining the chorus of

that's fed up with the direction our town is going.

We all want change in our community.

And now, there's an opportunity to truly make your voices heard.

Introducing the South Park Sucks Now cryptocurrency coin.

This digital meme token is your way to be a part of the fastest growing

community in America.

This used to be a great town before all the politics came and ruined it all. Get

in on our crypto mean coin with its incredible pre -sale offer.

Each coin is just $9 .95, but could be worth ten times that overnight.

Wait, a mean coin?

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not represent equity, profit sharing, or ownership of any company, platform, or

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What are you talking about?

The woman is alive!

She's in the fucking bathroom!

We've double -checked everything, sir. All the exterior doors are locked. No

windows have been breached.

And yet the president swears something was in the room with him. Is he going to

be all right?

Pretty shaken.

Pam Bondi is in there now trying to calm him down and make him feel better.

Pam?

Oh, my God!

Stan, what are we doing?

What do you mean, dude? We're trying to change things.

By selling cryptocurrency?

What's wrong with trying to make a little money while also pointing out the

things wrong with our town?

What's wrong with our town? I have to do something, Kyle. I'm nine years old and

I live in a retirement home.

And you really think crypto is your way out? Do you even know anything about how

that stuff works?

Well, actually, we have a really strong crypto advisor.

Your cousin on the East Coast.

My cousin?

on your coin, boys. The pre -sale really popped.

We cleared 100 grand in volume before liquidity even locked. The tokens really

got traction.

And we don't ever have to pay anything, right?

Nope, you never pay anything. You guys created the coin, so all you do is

from it.

See, I told you. That's what the answer do.

Now, we just need to keep creating hype around the South Park Sucks Now digital

coin, so we need to come up with things to give people FOMO and make them ape

even harder.

You guys, this isn't about a coin. It's about a movement.

Oh, that's really good.

Yeah, yeah, that's perfect.

This isn't about a coin. It's about a movement. Yeah, that's some savvy

right there. So what kind of time frame are we looking at to get our money? I

need it as fast as possible.

Well, I think we're looking at a classic rug pull in just a few days. Once we

pump the coin high as it'll go, then I can register for an MSB with the federal

government. The federal government?

That sounds hard.

Oh, no, it's going to be easy. The crypto corruption at the White House is

the chain. We're going to screw a lot of people out of their money, boys. It's

going to be fantastic.

Yes? Ah, yes. We're paranormal investigators.

We've been asked to come and investigate the mysterious woman in the hat.

I am Stephen Miller, senior advisor to the president for immigration and

domestic policy.

Won't you come in?

My God, it's incredible.

Subject is showing some kind of viscous residue on her nose.

Well, what the fuck is it?

Sometimes there's a physical manifestation of spiritual energy, a

the spiritual world and ours. In this case, it appears to be some kind of

rectoplasm.

Rectoplasm? What is it made of? It's unbelievable. The rectoplasm seems to be

% flail fish sandwich.

This is a fact you super nerd!

Two paranormal investigators were indicted today on federal charges of

falsifying data.

The president said that the bad people manipulated readings and reports to make

fake news.

The charges were filed by Attorney General Pam Bondi, who said that the

president is a great man, even if he does eat his own semen. In other news,

people are saying that South Park sucks now. The small mountain town in Colorado

has been a hotbed of political activity in recent weeks.

And three local Gen Alpha boys are vowing to put a stop to it.

Okay, we're mooning.

We're mooning.

All right, that's got to be it.

Okay, we're done mooning. I think we're ready to dump.

Okay, sounds good.

I'm on the Estella train right now. I should be in D .C. by 6 .30 to meet with

Don Jr.

Once I get White House approval, we should be able to do the rug pull.

I'm out, dude.

Kyle?

Kyle, wait!

Dude, you can't quit now!

Do you know how much money we're about to make? I thought you were sick of the

way South Park was going, Stan.

I am.

So then why are you trying to engineer a rug pull in conjunction with the

federal government?

Bro, it's the world we live in, okay?

I mean, at least we're being men and taking some control.

Look at Kenny. He's doing stuff now.

Yeah, but what are these things?

I know it sucks to be living in an old folks' home, Stan, but you can't fix

things if you're only thinking about yourself.

Yes?

Ah, yes. I'm with the South Park Sucks Now cryptocurrency.

We're trying to fuck a bunch of people out of their money. Is Don Jr. around?

Ah, yes. He's been expecting you.

Do come in.

Oh, Jesus. It's a little drafty in here.

You'll have to excuse the conditions.

The Master has taken down the East Wing and unleashed a wrath.

Oh, Jesus, it's a mummy! No, no,

that's just the head of the FCC.

He's lost his freedom of speech.

Come,

Don Junior is this way.

Thanks so much for taking my meeting, Don Jr. We've got an incredible crypto

opportunity here, and we just need your help taking a big dump.

That sounds really great. There's nothing I like better than a big crypto

So sorry I had to bug you this late in the evening, but time really is of the

essence.

We need everyone to gather in the dining room.

Immediately.

In the dining room? Why?

We are going to have a seance.

It's time to confront the spirit here.

The spirit?

What spirit?

Yeah,

I can see the price is going down. What the hell is he doing?

Hello,

you've reached Pump and Dump Crypto Advisors. Let us know how we can help

fuck people over. Just leave a message.

Dude, what is going on? Our token's value totally peaked and it's starting

down. Whatever approval you have to get at the White House, we need it now!

God damn it!

I don't know, Kenny, okay? Shut up already!

Oh, Jesus, this is a little creepy.

Are we having dinner? I'm allergic to dairy.

Everyone, please put your hands on the table.

I am speaking to the entity in this house.

Is this a good time to talk turkey? I just need to go over some quick

We know you are sad.

We know you are lonely.

But we must ask you to leave our president alone.

Oh, my God. This is really scary.

The president is a great man.

And he does not deserve to be tormented like this.

Restless spirit.

We only wish to communicate.

Holy shit, he's right back in there.

What is this?

Deception.

Deception.

Maybe we should stop this.

No, I want to hear what it has to say.

Epstein.

No, no, you're right. Let's stop this.

You.

What? You?

What did he do?

He lies.

Ah, you fucking bitch.

Corruption.

She's not possessed.

Hembund is trying to get my fucking job.

Oh, I can't do this.

Lies. This man is mad.

I gotta get out of here.

It's all true.

We've been dealing in deception and lies.

We've all been getting filthy rich off of crypto. Oh, Jesus.

We've lied and we've cheated.

Crypto's just a giant money laundering scheme for the rich to get richer.

don't haunt us anymore.

We're sorry.

We're all very sorry.

This is the first year in America.

A massive crypto fraud has been exposed at the White House.

and the perpetrator has been indicted. A ghostly wrath that was unleashed in the

East Wing exposed the traitor at a seance last night. The traitor is now

bars and serving 10 years for fraud.

Charges, of course, were once again filed by Pam Bondi, who said, we will

continue to indict anyone who says bad stuff about our amazing president.

I'm sorry, Kyle. I should have listened to you.

I guess there's just no really going back to the way things used to be.

Things will get back, Stan.

I know it's hard to see right now, but things will go back to normal.

And in the meantime, we just have to make the most of where we are.

All right, seniors, just move with the rhythm now.

If I didn't care.

Good! More than words can say

If I didn't care

Would I feel this way

If this is a flaw