Original subtitles

Heather, the case is closed.

I can't believe this is happening.

George, hurry up or we're

gonna miss the plane.

Mother, you're not even

listening to me.

Yes, I am. And you're still grounded.

And you get to go to Florida?

Yeah, cause I get good grades.

I didn't get a D in Home Ec.

I don't need that stuff.

I'm gonna be a career woman.

You also got a D in English.

Okay, so I'll be a model. In Europe.

Heather until you bring me

some decent grades you're

grounded and that's that mom

Here you can take this on

the plane with you. Oh, what is it?

It's a swamp for my alligator

I figured since you're going

to Florida you can buy me one Wesley.

Just a baby one. They don't eat much

What's the matter you're sick already

It's a suitcase for Wesley's alligator.

Yeah, Dad. Give me one, please.

I mean, all you gotta do is

drive to one of those alligator farms.

Wesley, honey, I don't think

Daddy has time for that.

He's going so he can do a

story on the pirates.

That's right, pal.

I mean, it's not like a real vacation.

Well, everything's packed.

Yes, as requested.

We have swimsuits and tennis

dogs in one case,

casual and formal attire in the other.

We also have a generous

supply of suntan lotion,

moisturizing gel, cheap novels,

and oversized beach towels.

Your boogie board is in the car.

Wait a minute, wait a minute,

wait a minute.

We have to discuss the rules first.

Aw, Dan.

Don't we have them written

down someplace?

Yeah, in blood.

Wesley, in bed by nine.

Kevin, home by 12.

You can use the car, but not

in the city

and not on the expressway.

And Heather you are grounded

Understood mrs.

Owens good

Well, okay gang. Let's get

this stuff in the car

Honey you uh Go ahead.

I want to talk to Belvedere

for a second. Okay, hurry up

Look Belvedere

Just promise me one thing sir.

There's no need to worry

the children will be fine.

I'm not worried about them

I'm worried about you

I mean, no offense, but every

time I turn my back for a

minute around here, you got

my kids involved in something.

Some crazy cause, or ballet,

or something.

Very well.

For the next 72 hours, I

shall refrain from any

activity that might possibly

be misconstrued

as cultural, educational, or

God forbid, morally uplifting.

Thanks. I appreciate that.

Oh, it was nothing.

Streaks on the china never

mattered before.

Who cares when your cop

kicked your jacket?

As you came through the door,

no one blared.

But sometimes things get

turned around and no one's spared.

All hands look out below,

there's a change in the status quo.

Gonna need all the help that

we can get.

According to our new arrival,

life is more than mere survival.

We just might live the good life yet.

Come on, Mr. Belvedere, my

driving isn't that bad. Is it?

Kevin, don't flashing red

lights, railroad tracks,

and the whistle of an

oncoming train mean anything to you?

Go for it.

So, sounds like you guys

worked up a pretty healthy appetite.

What are you doing, Heather?

I'm improvising, like how they

teach us in Home Ec,

teach us to make do.

It smells like you made dew

in that pan.

Well, I think that shows

wonderful initiative.

Now, what are we having?

Let's see, we have French toast,

some bologna croquettes from our pan,

some stewed tomatoes, and a

tossed salad, no lettuce.

Well, I certainly give you an

E for effort. Oh, yeah?

Does that mean I can see

Prince tomorrow?

Prince who?

Prince, Purple Rain.

Angela and Nicky have an

extra ticket for his concert.

How about N for no?

Mr. Belvedere, guess what?

You broke something.

No, besides that. Look what's

playing at the drive-in.

Snow White and the Terminator. No.

Is she bored with the dwarfs?

No, it's two different movies.

Can we go? There's nothing on TV.

Where's Lip?

I can wear my pajamas.

I always fall asleep in the car.

Ah, yes, the car.

Someone will have to drive us.

Hey. Oh, no.

Besides, it wouldn't

be fair to your sister. She's grounded.

Being grounded doesn't include

going to the drive-in.

Yeah, because Dad calls that

a family function.

You mean like a funeral?

So can we, Mr. Belvedere? Yeah, Mr.

Belvedere, can we? Please, please.

Why is it I feel like I'm

being nibbled to death by ducks?

Yay, I'm gonna go grab my PJs.

I'm gonna put on some makeup.

Oh, we're about to the car.

Well, at least George and

Marsha are having fun.

Looks like it's clearing up out there.

George, did we pack any hangers?

Why?

Because there's only three of

them here and they're all

glued to the pole.

I can't believe they canceled

this game.

George, it's a hurricane out there.

Yeah, well, when I was a kid

in Johnstown,

we played no matter what.

We'd swim to first base, take

a rowboat.

Now, George.

Feel like a pig in a blanket here.

No, honey, come on, it's

gonna be all right.

Well, surf's up. Hey there.

Hi there. Oh there.

You're as welcome as can be.

Dinner will be ready in one

hour exactly.

It will consist of liver,

boiled potatoes, and a chopped

vegetable salad with goat

cheese dressing.

Any questions?

Are you still mad about last

night at the drive-in?

Oh great, he's still in a bad mood.

Now he'll never let me go to

the concert.

You should have thought about

that last night.

Why, I didn't do anything.

Oh, sure, we're trying to

listen to the movie.

You keep blasting those stupid

Prince tapes.

I just wanted Mr.

Belvedere to appreciate his music.

He ran from the car screaming.

Well, maybe that's because

someone spilled a jumbo root

beer in his lap.

Well, I think you should both

be ashamed of yourselves.

All right, all right.

I'll talk to him, I'll talk to him.

Keep your head in the car, Wesley.

Stop honking the horn, Wesley.

Quit kicking my seat, Wesley. Hey, Mr.

Belter. Hi, Wesley.

Still got a headache?

It'll stop eventually.

Perhaps when you leave for college.

We're all sorry about the way

we behaved last night.

Oh?

Especially me.

I mean, I guess I just took advantage.

But you were substitute teacher, so...

I'm sorry. Apology accepted.

So we're friends now?

No.

At least not until my

headache goes away.

Okay, I'll get you an aspirin.

You are on your chair.

No, no, no, Wesley, thank

you, thank you.

What I really need is a good shiatsu.

You mean a dog?

No, no, Wesley, that's shitsu.

Shihatsu is a type of oriental massage.

Hmm?

Now run along.

Okay, see ya.

No, no, Mr. Ashcroft, that's okay.

Just tell Linda I called. Thank you.

Oh, boy, I'll get it.

Oh, it's you guys. Hi, Heather.

Hi, how's it going?

What are you guys doing here?

You come to gloat?

No, we came to get you for the concert.

Come on, let's go. I can't.

You, uh, sure about that?

Mr. Belvedere, please.

No.

Well, have a nice time.

Look, Heather, Prince may

never come to Pittsburgh again.

Yeah, he's real moody. I understand.

Yeah, bye.

Still can't get a date, huh?

Hey, I still got options.

Hello, is this the Zizek's residence?

Zola, it's Kevin. From Zoology.

I'll get it.

Hiya.

Hiya.

You the massage lady? Uh huh.

Oh boy, I'll be right back.

Come on, let's go. I can't.

I can't.

Are you Lynn Belvedere?

Maybe.

Okay, let's go. Hi, Mr.

Belvedere.

Can I help you?

Yeah, I'm Candy.

Magic fingers out call. Expert massage.

Et cetera.

Yeah, I got them for you.

What?

Just here to make you feel better.

Uh-huh. Oh, no.

A miss.

Candy.

Where's Heather?

I don't know.

Did I come at a bad time?

Honey? Honey? Oh, hi.

I must have dozed off.

Oh, I hate to wake you, but

I think you're peeling.

I think you're appealing, too.

So what's the weather out there?

Oh, it's worse.

Great. Well, at least we still got

the team banquet.

They called a few minutes ago.

Apparently there was a small

problem with the banquet hall.

It's gone.

Okay, okay. No big deal, right?

Right.

I mean, remember that dumpy

little motel we checked into

outside of Harrisburg?

After the homecoming game.

During the blizzard, we had a ball.

So, what do you say we order

up a couple of burgers?

A couple of shakes?

turn on the old tube here

and maybe each other.

I've never been to Harrisburg

Sure you have. She's gone.

Imagine that.

So I guess this means she's

grounded, huh?

Ben, can we get on with this?

My hot oil's getting tepid.

Look, Candy, I'm afraid

there's been something of a mistake.

What do you mean?

I found her in the yellow pages.

She's here to get rid of your headache.

Yeah.

It's my specialty.

Look, Candy, the boy acted impetuously.

Your services are not really required.

Are you asking me to leave?

Yes.

Boy, this is just my luck.

Saturday night, a million

lonely guys out there.

Guys with back trouble.

What do I get?

My man Godfrey giving me the gait.

I got more respect when I

was stoking the smelter.

I'm certain you're stoked with

the best of them.

Hey, look, Linny.

I'm just a workin' stiff, okay?

You want me gone, I'm gone.

But that's 35 bucks for the house call

and 20 for my cab fare. Each way.

That's $75.

Thank you, Kevin.

I'll have to check the cookie jar.

Come, Wesley.

Oh, you're going to get some

cookies for candy?

Something like that.

Hi.

Hiya, kid.

You'll have to excuse us.

We get like this sometimes.

Sure.

Just hope we don't rub you

the wrong way. Ha ha.

Sixty-seven, twenty-five,

sixty-seven, twenty-six.

I don't get it, Mr.

Belvedere. I thought you'd be happy.

Oh, I am, Wesley, thrilled.

Sixty-seven, sixty-eight.

But the ad said,

Our ladies relieve tension

over a hundred different ways. I know.

I'm counting them.

I thought you wanted a massage.

I did. Look, Wesley.

When Mr. Beldedir says he

wants a massage, he means a

therapeutic massage.

The technique of stretching

the spinal column, stimulating

the deep tissue

and manipulating the primary

acupressure points.

Isn't that what she does?

Go to bed.

What do you mean you don't

send cabs out to the boonies?

And how do you think I got here?

Hello?

Hello?

Kid, do yourself a favor. Get

an education.

I'd like that.

Here is the money.

It is all there. Thank you for coming.

Godspeed.

Goodbye. And good luck.

I can't get a cab. Hey, Mr.

Belvedere, I'll drive her.

No, you won't. Well, ta-ta.

Oh, come on.

I'll just drop her off downtown.

I'll be back in an hour.

All right, all right.

But you come straight home.

Oh, I really appreciate this.

You're more than welcome.

Well, last chance.

I mean, it's already paid for.

You didn't hear that.

Yeah, I know. After you.

Oh

That area off-limits

Hey, honey, give me another

quarter and put in the TV,

will you I think I just used

the last one for the toilet Hurry up.

The big fat robots

ready to say danger danger

I love that.

Well, I think this big fat

robot can just go find a zone change.

Hey! That's it!

Let's start it up again.

Come on, Marsha, open the door.

No!

Come on, come on. You can't

stay in there forever.

You don't have enough quarters.

Leave me alone!

Marsha, we've already been

through this.

Harrisburg was before we were married.

Ha!

Marsha, for Pete's sake!

We weren't even going steady then.

We'd only been out once.

Oh, well that really says a lot for me.

This isn't you talking, it's

that burrito.

Hey.

Hey, remember that little

cottage up on the Jersey Shore?

No.

Remember?

Not a soul on the beach,

except you and I?

Walking in the rain, hand in hand?

standing under the lifeguard station?

That was you, wasn't it?

It sure was.

It was a long time ago.

We were crazier then, weren't we?

Oh, I don't know.

I think we're even crazier now.

You think so?

I know I am. You do?

Come on, baby, let's go crazy.

Hey, Mr.

Belger. Wesley, you almost gave me

a culinary.

Is that good for your headache?

What are you doing up?

It's way past midnight. Going to sleep.

Where is everybody?

I don't know.

I mean, Heather isn't back?

No.

Kevin isn't back either?

No.

Boy, are you in trouble. We're back.

Wow, look at them.

Okay, kids, you're on hook.

Wagon's in the driveway. Thank you.

I popped the hood, opened all

your doors, probably helped

the upholstery dry out faster.

Kevin, what happened?

Nothing.

Just a little problem on the fairway.

Yeah.

Evil Knievel here did a

wheelie off the 9th holes,

skidded across a sand trap,

and landed us in a water hazard.

A deep one.

You were driving on a golf course?

Golfers do.

I was just trying to stay

out of trouble.

I mean, I'm not allowed to

go on the expressway, right?

That's what Mom said.

So I figured I'd just take

the back roads into Pittsburgh.

I guess I took a wrong turn.

Ended up on the back nine.

Ah, the return of the

prodigal daughter.

Did we have fun?

Yeah, it was great, but I'm

not too proud of it.

Hey, this is real compelling

stuff, but I got other rows

to tow, you know. Fine, fine.

How much do we owe you? Oh, nothing.

She took care of it. With money?

Want to say something else I

could have?

Just wait in the truck.

Sure.

Sure.

This is very good of you.

Well, I figured the kid's in

enough trouble already.

Well, kid, take care of yourself, okay?

Yeah, you too.

And remember, don't worry

about the girls, okay?

You just stay as sweet as

you are and believe me,

you're going to be a real heartbreaker.

Yeah, right.

Remember one thing though,

replace your divots, okay?

So long, Lenny.

It's been a pleasure, Candy.

Could have been.

Well, good night.

Good night, children. Remember, Mr.

Belvedere?

Wise old Mr. Belvedere. Patient Mr.

Belvedere.

Caring, insightful, carefree Mr.

Belvedere. Remember him?

Mm-hmm.

Well, he's left me in charge.

We're back.

Hi, kids. Hi, Mom.

Hi, Dad. Hey, Wes.

Look, I bagged you a Gator.

Poor little guy had a heart

attack on the airplane.

Thank you, Father.

Thank you, Mother.

Thank you very, very much. Ah, Mrs.

Owens.

Mr. Owens, glad to have you back.

I'm glad someone is.

Oh, I am sorry.

Children, you may move.

Where else you get my mom?

I believe it was the late

Mahatma Gandhi who said

Good night Mr.

Belvedere Good night Kevin

who said there will have to

be rigid and iron discipline

Good night Mr. Belvedere

Good night Heather, rigid and

undisciplined before we achieve

anything

great or enduring. Good night Wesley.

My heart must shmoop now I'm

going to bed.