Original subtitles

Hey, what's a compound fracture?

It's when you break your leg

or something and the bone sticks out.

Huh?

Oh, oh, I meant compound fraction.

Oh.

Well, what are you asking me for?

Mrs. Owens, I've made some

coffee if you'd like some.

Yes, thank you. Hi, gang!

Hey, come on. I need two

volunteers for a great time.

Uh-oh.

Where are we going, Dad? Sports arena.

Come on, you too, Kev.

What about dinner?

What about it?

I was going to prepare a coq au vin.

Yeah, well, you can stick it

back in your van.

Me and the kids will grab a

chili dog at the snack bar.

So what are we going to see, Dad?

Hockey? Rodeo?

Wrestling.

Oh, boy!

Freestyle or Greco-Roman?

Midgets.

My next guess.

Plus, a couple of tag teams,

a grudge match,

and a battle royale. A what?

A battle royale. It's great.

Eighteen 300-pound guys

sweating like pigs,

beating each other's brains out.

No rules.

Honey, that sounds a little, uh, rough.

Nah, it's respectable now.

anyway I'm doing a story for

the paper wrestling going to

the mat for

entertainment it's a school

night come on mom please it's

great on TV

all right all right all right

I guess it's okay hey come

on how about you

champ uh gee dad I'd love to

but I have a test tomorrow

oh well come on No way.

I don't care what Sidney Loppa says.

Those guys are gross.

I'll take a rain check.

Oh.

Looks like I'm stuck with an

extra ticket.

Well, let's go.

Wait. Why can't Mr. Boba Deer come?

Oh, I couldn't possibly, Wesley.

Look.

It's Sergeant Slaughter versus

Big John Sud

for the Intercontinental Championship.

Hmm, very nice.

Come on, Wes, he doesn't want to come.

Oh, I don't know.

Part Roman spectacle, part

theater of the absurd,

colorful, vibrant, it may

prove interesting.

So you coming or what?

Well, it beats ironing your shorts.

I'll get my coat.

Or would a mask and cape be

more appropriate?

That's a good one.

All the help that we can get

According to our new arrival

Life is more than mere survival

We just might live a good life, yeah

Ah, I found some bologna

Thank God

Maybe there's some friendships

or something Whatcha doing?

She's making a couple of sandwiches.

At dinner, you both said that

you weren't, uh, hungry.

I guess I kind of did do a

number on that chicken, didn't I?

I didn't even know the oven

went up to 600.

Look, it wasn't that bad.

It was just a little dry.

Like a doorstop.

Oh, I'm sorry.

It's just that I was trying to study,

and then I was trying to

watch the chicken,

and I just didn't know what I...

It's okay, Mom. It's okay, Mel.

What one? Bless you.

We're back!

Oh.

Oh, I am sorry.

So what happened?

Oh, Mom, you should have seen him!

I mean, he just grabbed the

guy, twisted around

and flipped him on the ground!

Who, Sergeant Slaughter? No, Mr.

Belvedere!

What?

What happened?

Oh, it was nothing, really.

Yeah, so, uh, let's go to bed.

Come on, Wes. School tomorrow.

What happened was, the guy in

front of us was standing up,

yelling and squirming and stuff,

and Dad asked him to please sit down.

Come on, Wes.

Bedtime. So the guy says, who's gonna

make me?

And Dad says, let's be adults

about this.

And then the guy pushes Dad,

and Dad goes backwards over his chair.

I slipped on some beer.

And that's when Mr. Belvedere

attacked him.

Hey, that's pretty good.

Just a little hand-to-hand

technique I picked up during

a brief stint with a gurkha regiment.

Yeah, well, you girked him pretty good.

Wesley, you must understand

that your father was correct

in attempting to settle the

matter peacefully.

One might say discussion is

the better part of valor.

Now, off to bed with you. Yes, sir.

Honey, are you okay?

Yeah, it was nothing.

I'm gonna go change.

George?

What?

Nothing. Just if you leave

those trousers with me,

I think a little sudsy water

and lemon juice

would get that stain right out.

You learned that from the Gurkhas, too?

Hints from Heloise. Bye, Ev.

I'm late for study group.

Oh, Mom, just a second.

Did you see this? Pretty neat, huh?

Spring Fashion Forecast.

Yeah, that's a cute sweater.

I'm not talking about the sweater.

I'm talking about the accessories.

Heather, that's a motorcycle.

It's a scooter. Can I have one?

No.

But Grace Jones has one. So

does Adamant.

Yeah, well, I don't care what

your friends have.

Mother.

Well, you don't even have

your license yet.

I will in a year.

Fine. We'll discuss it then.

But it goes with all my outfits now!

Sometimes she is so unreasonable.

Ha ha la ha la la la

Kill the rabbit. Kill the rabbit.

It's a rabbit. Ha ha ha ha Hey!

Hey! Hey!

Hey! Hey!

Hey! Hey!

What's the matter?

Couts looking at you funny? Oh, yeah.

Good evening, George. How was work?

Okay.

Knocked out a couple of paragraphs?

Well, I'm certain you knocked

them senseless.

Tom! Hey, champ!

Oh, hi, Dan. Hey, Mr.

Belvedere, guess what?

You flunked the biz quiz.

No, I got in a fight. What happened?

I was at the playground

playing on the monkey bars

when this fifth grader started

picking on this kid in my class,

just pushing him for no reason.

And?

So I went right over and girked at her,

just like you did last night.

You would've been proud of me, Dad.

Yeah, you bet I am.

Hey, I got an idea.

Let's say we go outside and

play a little catch or something.

You want Mr.

Belvedere? I'd love to, Wesley, but I

have things to do.

Oh, thanks anyway, Dad.

Yeah, well, you two enjoy yourself.

See you. Bye, Dad.

Wesley, have you ever heard

of the word diplomacy?

Uh-uh.

Oh.

How about bonehead?

You load 16 tons and what do you get?

Another day older and deeper in debt.

St. Peter, don't you call me

cause I can't go.

I owe my soul, to the company store.

Why, George, bless

your pee-pickin' heart.

What do you want?

I assume you wanted to have

a word with me. Hey, look.

Whatever you and Wes want to

do is fine with me.

Crack some skulls.

Join a gang. The Marines.

It's up to you.

Me, I don't go in for that macho stuff.

The wrestlers wrestled

furiously, then something

happened, and it was over.

It's not so bad. Hey babe.

Hi.

What happened to you?

I woke up and you were gone.

Eh, what's the difference?

Hey, look, it's okay. It happens.

Not when this boy's at bat.

Well, let's just say you owe me one.

Oh, well.

Uh, uh, uh, come on. Come on.

Now, there's my little Georgie.

Hmm?

There's my little slugger.

Ahem.

Oh! Pardon us, Mr.

Belvedere. We were just, uh...

Oh, no need to explain.

Two squirrels were just doing

the same thing in the driveway.

Well, the children will be

down any minute if you'd like

to get breakfast started. Yes, ma'am.

So, everything's okay?

Yeah, I guess so. All right.

Now, don't give it a second thought.

She's quite right, sir. These

things happen.

Perhaps if we took the little

one to a penguin's game.

Mr. Belvedere, what are you

talking about?

I'm talking about the problem

with Wesley, weren't you?

What problem with Wesley?

I don't know.

Is there another problem?

No!

No, no, no, no.

It was nothing, right, honey?

It was a little something.

Well, the toaster works.

Feet.

Cam.

Cam.

Thank you. Hi, Mr.

Brough, dear.

Hi there, Wesley.

Hey, is that Dad's column?

Yep.

Well, let me see.

Hey.

Why wrestling stinks by George Owens.

Come on, Mom. It'll be great.

Taking rides together.

All those gorgeous guys

looking at us, thinking we're sisters.

You're not getting a motorcycle.

It's a scooter! Is Mr.

Belvedere's George home yet?

No, ma'am.

Hey, we're not even in here. In where?

Dad's crummy article.

I mean, all he talks about

is how stupid wrestling is.

Nothing about me or Mr.

Belvedere's fight or my fight.

And, Wensley, give it a rest.

Why?

Because all this spite talk

isn't doing Daddy any good or

me any good.

Or you any good.

So why don't we, just for

the time being, never discuss it again?

Ever.

Okay?

Okay.

Kevin, you ought to see what

Mom bought for Dad.

You'll never wear that.

I'll just take that if you

don't mind, thank you very much.

Hey, hey, hey!

Were we expecting the Hell's Angel?

George?

Hi honey, hi kids.

Hey dad, is that your motorcycle?

Sure is pal.

Neat!

May I take your helmet, sir?

Right, right.

Things so comfortable.

Don't even know you got it on.

That's a pretty sharp looking

bike, dad.

What's it got?

It's got lots of stuff.

No, no, I mean how many CCs?

I don't know, a bunch.

George, when did all this happen?

After work.

I'm on my way home.

I saw that baby in a

showroom, and suddenly, I'm

this far from the Swiss border.

The what? Steve McQueen.

The great escape, remember?

Jumping over barbed wire,

doing wheelies over Nazis.

I mean, man, that's living.

What about the station wagon? Oh, that.

You can pick it up in the morning.

I just wish we could have

discussed it first.

Why?

So you could have talked me out of it?

Yes!

Uh, uh, children.

But I want to go for a ride.

To the moon?

George, I know what to...

Hey, come on.

I mean, what's so terrible about a guy

trying to put a little extra

zing in his life?

Huh, tell me that.

Something even a little spontaneous?

Stupid even.

George, you're not stupid.

I gotta go somewhere.

Get a beer or something.

I gotta use your car get you

something pal yeah give me a

strawberry soda pop

diet you got a problem with

that oh no I have to wash

my weight too took care of

him Hey, Grinder.

Hey, Bobby.

Say, what happened to you tonight?

I thought you told me you

were going to kill that guy. Oh, no.

That's next week.

Ah-ha!

Ah-ha!

Ah-ha-ha.

Ah-ha-ha.

You say something?

No.

Hey.

You're Max the Meek Grinder

Maxwell, aren't you?

Yeah.

I caught your act at the

arena a couple of nights ago.

Yeah, I hope you enjoyed yourself.

You kidding?

I've seen more excitement at

the boat show.

Besides, I had to be there.

I was doing a story for my paper.

Hey, uh, you that Owens guy

that wrote that

hatchet job on the bulletin today?

Yeah.

The one calling us a bunch

of overweight buffoons

who have as much to do with real sports

As McEnroe has to do, it matters.

You gonna do something about it?

Yeah.

I'm gonna write a letter.

Huh?

I think what you wrote was very unfair.

It's not easy, you know, to

keep things fresh and entertaining.

You get hit over the head

with a folding chair three

times a night.

See how interesting you can make it.

I mean, there are only so

many variations.

Yeah, well... Yeah, well, nothing.

You heard a lot of people's

feelings, you know, decent

people, I mean, people with families.

I'm sorry.

Well, I hope you are.

Mind if I billy up?

How'd you find me?

Leave a trail of breadcrumbs

or something?

They had to be somewhere. Why not here?

So, like the bike? Keep it.

Mrs. Owens and the children

are a little concerned.

Uh-huh.

Look, George.

No, no, no, no.

Don't start with that George stuff.

You do it to me every time.

You screw up my life, turn

everything upside down,

and then all of a sudden,

it's look, George. Problem, George?

Here's a little quote, George.

And everything is supposed to

be hunky-dory.

Well, not this time, pal.

As you wish.

I'm gonna be 50 this year.

50.

A big 5-0.

Yes, I recall that one.

Vaguely.

I don't know what's happening.

Guess I'm slipping. That's funny.

If you're referring to the

wrestling incident,

You behaved as any civilized

reasonable person would yeah

reasonable I

Remember when Marsha was about

six months along with Kevin I

Was driving into the doctors

and some jerk cuts us off.

I Chased him 80 miles an hour

About 20 blocks finally catch

up to him. I dragged his

butt out of the car screamed at him

You're nuts or something.

My wife's pregnant

The guy beat my brains off,

but I wasn't reasonable.

Come on, let's get out of here.

Hey, are you the creep that wrote this?

No, he did.

Oh, hey dad. Hey pal.

I'm kind of late, aren't you?

Got thirsty.

We have water in the

bathroom, too, you know. I know.

Just needed something a little harder.

Yeah, I know what you mean.

So I ran into Mr. Belvedere upstairs.

Told me he's sick to mention on him.

Ah, just a joke. Pretty funny.

Yeah.

The thing is, I like Mr.

Belvedere, okay?

He's really smart, and interesting.

There's a lot of neat stuff

he can do, but...

Well, you know.

Yeah. I think I do.

I'm gonna go to bed now.

Good night, pal.

Yeah, that's my man!

There you are, Kevin.

Thanks. Cocoa Puffs!

Tough.

What is this? It's porridge.

Porridge? That's the stuff

they eat in fairy tales.

It's good for you. Eat it.

My porridge is too hot.

Mine's too cold.

Mine tastes like someone barfed it.

I could kill for a cup of coffee.

Good morning, Mrs. Owens. Sleep well?

No.

Morning.

Hi, kids. Hi, Dad.

Good morning.

So, Dad, are you going to

take me to school on my

motorcycle today?

I'm afraid the motorcycle's

going back now.

Okay?

You're the boss.

I...I gotta run.

I'm glad somebody can.

Update.

George's crisis seems to have passed.

And everything, almost

everything, has returned to normal.

At least by Owen's standards.

I think it's the French

proverb that goes,

40 is the old age of youth,

and 50 is the youth of old age.

Perhaps I'll note that on

George's birthday card.

Oh, I'm not getting him a gift.