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What?
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What? What?
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Guys, let's cooperate, okay?
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We have a very special guest with us
today. His name is Ken Alder, and he's a
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graduate student in film and
anthropology.
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Okay? Mr. Alder is working on a very
important project he'd like to share
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us. Thank you, Mr. Andreessen.
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Now, I'm sure you cats are all familiar
with documentary filmmaking, the fine
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art of capturing real life on film.
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That's what I do for a living.
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Well, not really a living, actually, but
anyway, that's what I do. I think
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you'll find the project I'm working on
now extremely relevant. I'm calling it
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Generation in Crisis, and it's about
you.
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That's right, it's about you, people
your age, teenagers.
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That's cool.
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But this film is not about achievement
-oriented, academically successful young
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people like yourself.
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Frankly, it's about so -called problem
teens.
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Losers, dead -end kids, dirtbag, call
them what you will. So what I want to
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is, does anyone here know any kids like
that?
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Hey, Beaver, check this out.
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Throughout the history of man, there is
one common problem plaguing each and
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every race. Where are the drums?
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Natural -born losers.
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Yeah, and the guitars and stuff.
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Roaming predators and gorging themselves
on life.
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Maybe this is rap.
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Yeah, yeah.
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Oh, man.
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It's missing something, though. Yeah.
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It doesn't rhyme.
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He needs to bust a move or something.
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Yeah.
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He needs to take off those damn glasses,
too.
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No, wait, but he needs them to see.
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Did you ever think of that?
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Whoa, hey, but that's your Uncle Jack.
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No, it's not.
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Yeah, it is.
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Hey, Jack, how's it going?
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Not him. No, it wasn't Viva.
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He's a lot fatter than that. Yeah, yeah,
it must have been him, because he was
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coming out of, like, one of those, uh,
naked places.
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Oh, yeah.
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Yeah. I think that was him.
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Did he say prostitute?
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I think he said prostitute. No, he
didn't. He was talking about, you know,
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substitute teacher.
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Oh, yeah. Kojak!
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Um, so, uh, what was I saying? Uh, you
said something about Kojak. Oh, yeah,
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yeah.
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They should have, like, a prostitute
teacher.
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Yeah. They could get your mom to come
in.
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Oh, yeah.
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She's a slut.
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Hey,
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buddy, check it out. Flemmy. That's a
chick from White Zombie.
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Yeah, that is Flemmy.
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What's he doing in the video?
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He's Flemmy.
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He can walk into any damn video he
wants.
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Oh, yeah.
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That's probably because he ruled.
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Hey, look, Butt -Head. Someone's
hassling your Uncle Jack. Yeah. He's not
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supposed to be in a bar.
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He gets all drunk and gets in a fight.
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And then he calls up. Yeah.
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He's up.
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Hey, Butt -Head.
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You think you could come down here?
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Yeah.
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Next time he does that, we should go.
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Yeah.
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Yes. Yes. Perfect.
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Golden. Don't lose it, fellas. Don't
lose it, fellas. Hey, Butt -Head. Check
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this out.
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I am the great Cornholio.
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I come from Lake Titicaca.
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Titicaca, Titicaca.
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That's cool.
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Excellent.
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I am a genius.
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Quick, Dave, roll sound. I don't want to
miss a thing.
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Please, just forget the camera and be
yourselves.
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Okay, so you said this is where you guys
hang out.
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So, what do you do?
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Uh... Come on, do something.
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Like what?
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I don't know.
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Engage in some antisocial behavior or
something.
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Uh, this sucks.
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Let's get out of here.
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Yeah, yeah. Stop!
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You can't! My film!
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Wait.
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Here's five bucks.
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Yeah!
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Cool. Great.
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Will you just do something?
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Whoa, I'm talking about the beavers and
the butthead coming right back.
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any American town.
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Hardworking men and women go about their
daily lives, raising families, pursuing
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the American dream.
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Where are the children?
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Where are the young people who
constitute this nation's future?
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You're a wuss.
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No way, butt munch, you're a wuss.
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No way, you're a wuss. No way. We'll
call them Stephen and Bernard, although
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those are not in fact their real names.
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In the wealthiest and most
scientifically advanced nation the world
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seen, they lead an existence devoid of
meaning and barren of intellectual
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content.
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It's flat.
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It's flat.
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And it's dead.
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It's so cool.
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Their primary influences seem to be a
steady diet of bland television and
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mindless, heavy metal music.
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00:06:51,260 --> 00:06:56,000
What's a good wiener? Oh, you are, too.
120
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Yeah. Oh, yeah.
121
00:06:59,380 --> 00:07:00,420
But that's different.
122
00:07:01,000 --> 00:07:02,400
What's different about it?
123
00:07:03,940 --> 00:07:05,180
It's a different wiener.
124
00:07:06,640 --> 00:07:07,640
Yeah.
125
00:07:08,540 --> 00:07:10,140
It's probably bigger, too.
126
00:07:11,920 --> 00:07:12,920
Oh, yeah.
127
00:07:14,520 --> 00:07:15,560
Whoa, check it out.
128
00:07:16,530 --> 00:07:18,530
I'd like to try peeing on a snail
sometimes.
129
00:07:19,090 --> 00:07:20,090
That'd be cool, yeah.
130
00:07:20,910 --> 00:07:22,510
You want to pee on a snail?
131
00:07:23,170 --> 00:07:27,290
Yeah, it's like, I'd like to pee
anywhere outside, but, you know, I just
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00:07:27,290 --> 00:07:29,490
like, you know, peeing on a snail, you
know, that'd be something different.
133
00:07:29,910 --> 00:07:31,850
How about peeing in the toilet?
134
00:07:33,570 --> 00:07:34,570
Oh, yeah.
135
00:07:35,130 --> 00:07:36,130
Haven't done that in a while.
136
00:07:38,790 --> 00:07:41,910
Check it out, a wolf.
137
00:07:42,930 --> 00:07:43,930
Really?
138
00:07:44,360 --> 00:07:46,000
I'd like to try peeing on a wolf
sometime.
139
00:07:46,340 --> 00:07:47,340
That'd be cool.
140
00:07:48,380 --> 00:07:51,960
Viva, if you tried to pee on a wolf, he
would bite your wiener off.
141
00:07:53,300 --> 00:07:54,300
Oh, yeah.
142
00:07:55,540 --> 00:07:58,620
I'd like to try maybe peeing on one of
these guys sometime, you know, like
143
00:07:58,620 --> 00:07:59,620
they're asleep.
144
00:07:59,740 --> 00:08:00,740
Yeah.
145
00:08:01,300 --> 00:08:03,920
You must get tired of peeing on yourself
all the time.
146
00:08:04,960 --> 00:08:05,960
Shut up, buddy.
147
00:08:06,820 --> 00:08:09,760
You know, I was like, you know, talking
about peeing on a wolf and stuff.
148
00:08:09,980 --> 00:08:10,909
Uh -huh.
149
00:08:10,910 --> 00:08:12,090
I wasn't really going to do it, you
know.
150
00:08:12,770 --> 00:08:15,370
It's like, you know, it like helps to
talk about it.
151
00:08:24,230 --> 00:08:27,510
Tempting though it may be, it is not for
the documentary filmmaker to pass
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00:08:27,510 --> 00:08:28,610
judgment on his subject.
153
00:08:28,950 --> 00:08:31,930
Let us hear from Stephen and Bernard in
their own words.
154
00:08:32,169 --> 00:08:35,350
In a word, Stephen, what is your raison
d 'etre?
155
00:08:35,970 --> 00:08:38,110
Um, it's in my pants.
156
00:08:40,620 --> 00:08:43,280
Where do you picture yourself in ten
years?
157
00:08:44,760 --> 00:08:49,940
Uh... You
158
00:08:49,940 --> 00:08:55,300
know, the 21st century marketplace
you're going to enter will be a global
159
00:08:55,300 --> 00:08:59,440
electronic village. How are you
preparing yourself for what's bound to
160
00:08:59,440 --> 00:09:01,240
complex and challenging world?
161
00:09:01,760 --> 00:09:05,140
Uh... You said enter.
162
00:09:17,130 --> 00:09:22,130
There's no censorship of any kind. This
is an independent documentary film with
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00:09:22,130 --> 00:09:24,770
a generous grant from our friends at the
Exco Corporation.
164
00:09:26,910 --> 00:09:28,090
Censorship is cool.
165
00:09:28,470 --> 00:09:33,330
Yeah, censorship is cool. Yeah. I like
when they put those black boxes on
166
00:09:33,330 --> 00:09:36,950
people's thingies. Yeah, like somebody's
talking and then they say...
167
00:09:51,690 --> 00:09:55,310
We used to meet every Thursday,
Thursday, Thursday in the afternoon.
168
00:09:57,250 --> 00:09:58,250
No.
169
00:09:59,710 --> 00:10:00,190
These
170
00:10:00,190 --> 00:10:09,350
guys
171
00:10:09,350 --> 00:10:12,670
are going to get their asses kicked for
like making a bunch of noise on this
172
00:10:12,670 --> 00:10:13,670
dude's arm.
173
00:10:19,610 --> 00:10:20,610
Groove.
174
00:10:22,570 --> 00:10:23,570
Groove.
175
00:10:24,150 --> 00:10:27,250
A dog.
176
00:10:28,370 --> 00:10:31,070
And if you look off to your right,
there'll be a barn.
177
00:10:32,610 --> 00:10:33,690
A barn.
178
00:10:34,710 --> 00:10:37,650
You think they're gonna close the barn
door?
179
00:10:39,030 --> 00:10:40,030
Yeah.
180
00:10:40,890 --> 00:10:42,670
That reminds me of this joke.
181
00:10:43,670 --> 00:10:48,170
There was this traveling salesman that,
like, went to this farmer's house.
182
00:10:49,550 --> 00:10:50,830
And then his car broke down.
183
00:10:52,110 --> 00:10:55,410
And so, like, the farmer wanted to do it
with his daughter.
184
00:10:56,810 --> 00:10:59,090
But he told him not to.
185
00:11:00,150 --> 00:11:06,370
And then he had all these eggs. And then
he, like, did it with the farmer's
186
00:11:06,370 --> 00:11:07,370
daughter.
12785
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