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What?
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What? What?
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Guys, let's cooperate, okay?
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We have a very special guest with us
today. His name is Ken Alder, and he's a
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graduate student in film and
anthropology.
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Okay? Mr. Alder is working on a very
important project he'd like to share
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us. Thank you, Mr. Andreessen.
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Now, I'm sure you cats are all familiar
with documentary filmmaking, the fine
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art of capturing real life on film.
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That's what I do for a living.
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Well, not really a living, actually, but
anyway, that's what I do. I think
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you'll find the project I'm working on
now extremely relevant. I'm calling it
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Generation in Crisis, and it's about
you.
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That's right, it's about you, people
your age, teenagers.
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That's cool.
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But this film is not about achievement
-oriented, academically successful young
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people like yourself.
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Frankly, it's about so -called problem
teens.
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Losers, dead -end kids, dirtbag, call
them what you will. So what I want to
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is, does anyone here know any kids like
that?
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Hey, Beaver, check this out.
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Throughout the history of man, there is
one common problem plaguing each and
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every race. Where are the drums?
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Natural -born losers.
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Yeah, and the guitars and stuff.
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Roaming predators and gorging themselves
on life.
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Maybe this is rap.
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Yeah, yeah.
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Oh, man.
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It's missing something, though. Yeah.
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It doesn't rhyme.
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He needs to bust a move or something.
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Yeah.
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He needs to take off those damn glasses,
too.
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No, wait, but he needs them to see.
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Did you ever think of that?
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Whoa, hey, but that's your Uncle Jack.
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No, it's not.
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Yeah, it is.
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Hey, Jack, how's it going?
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Not him. No, it wasn't Viva.
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He's a lot fatter than that. Yeah, yeah,
it must have been him, because he was
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coming out of, like, one of those, uh,
naked places.
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Oh, yeah.
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Yeah. I think that was him.
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Did he say prostitute?
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I think he said prostitute. No, he
didn't. He was talking about, you know,
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substitute teacher.
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Oh, yeah. Kojak!
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Um, so, uh, what was I saying? Uh, you
said something about Kojak. Oh, yeah,
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yeah.
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They should have, like, a prostitute
teacher.
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Yeah. They could get your mom to come
in.
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Oh, yeah.
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She's a slut.
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Hey,
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buddy, check it out. Flemmy. That's a
chick from White Zombie.
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Yeah, that is Flemmy.
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What's he doing in the video?
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He's Flemmy.
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He can walk into any damn video he
wants.
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Oh, yeah.
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That's probably because he ruled.
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Hey, look, Butt -Head. Someone's
hassling your Uncle Jack. Yeah. He's not
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supposed to be in a bar.
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He gets all drunk and gets in a fight.
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And then he calls up. Yeah.
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He's up.
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Hey, Butt -Head.
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You think you could come down here?
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Yeah.
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Next time he does that, we should go.
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Yeah.
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Yes. Yes. Perfect.
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Golden. Don't lose it, fellas. Don't
lose it, fellas. Hey, Butt -Head. Check
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this out.
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I am the great Cornholio.
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I come from Lake Titicaca.
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Titicaca, Titicaca.
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That's cool.
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Excellent.
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I am a genius.
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Quick, Dave, roll sound. I don't want to
miss a thing.
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Please, just forget the camera and be
yourselves.
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Okay, so you said this is where you guys
hang out.
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So, what do you do?
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Uh... Come on, do something.
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Like what?
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I don't know.
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Engage in some antisocial behavior or
something.
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Uh, this sucks.
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Let's get out of here.
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Yeah, yeah. Stop!
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You can't! My film!
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Wait.
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Here's five bucks.
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Yeah!
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Cool. Great.
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Will you just do something?
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Whoa, I'm talking about the beavers and
the butthead coming right back.
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any American town.
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Hardworking men and women go about their
daily lives, raising families, pursuing
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the American dream.
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Where are the children?
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Where are the young people who
constitute this nation's future?
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You're a wuss.
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No way, butt munch, you're a wuss.
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No way, you're a wuss. No way. We'll
call them Stephen and Bernard, although
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those are not in fact their real names.
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In the wealthiest and most
scientifically advanced nation the world
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seen, they lead an existence devoid of
meaning and barren of intellectual
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content.
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It's flat.
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It's flat.
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And it's dead.
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It's so cool.
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Their primary influences seem to be a
steady diet of bland television and
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mindless, heavy metal music.
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What's a good wiener? Oh, you are, too.
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Yeah. Oh, yeah.
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But that's different.
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What's different about it?
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It's a different wiener.
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Yeah.
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It's probably bigger, too.
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Oh, yeah.
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Whoa, check it out.
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I'd like to try peeing on a snail
sometimes.
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That'd be cool, yeah.
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You want to pee on a snail?
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Yeah, it's like, I'd like to pee
anywhere outside, but, you know, I just
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like, you know, peeing on a snail, you
know, that'd be something different.
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How about peeing in the toilet?
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Oh, yeah.
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Haven't done that in a while.
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Check it out, a wolf.
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Really?
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I'd like to try peeing on a wolf
sometime.
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That'd be cool.
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Viva, if you tried to pee on a wolf, he
would bite your wiener off.
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Oh, yeah.
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I'd like to try maybe peeing on one of
these guys sometime, you know, like
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they're asleep.
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Yeah.
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You must get tired of peeing on yourself
all the time.
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Shut up, buddy.
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You know, I was like, you know, talking
about peeing on a wolf and stuff.
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Uh -huh.
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I wasn't really going to do it, you
know.
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It's like, you know, it like helps to
talk about it.
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Tempting though it may be, it is not for
the documentary filmmaker to pass
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judgment on his subject.
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Let us hear from Stephen and Bernard in
their own words.
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In a word, Stephen, what is your raison
d 'etre?
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Um, it's in my pants.
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Where do you picture yourself in ten
years?
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Uh... You
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know, the 21st century marketplace
you're going to enter will be a global
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electronic village. How are you
preparing yourself for what's bound to
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complex and challenging world?
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Uh... You said enter.
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There's no censorship of any kind. This
is an independent documentary film with
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a generous grant from our friends at the
Exco Corporation.
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Censorship is cool.
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Yeah, censorship is cool. Yeah. I like
when they put those black boxes on
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people's thingies. Yeah, like somebody's
talking and then they say...
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We used to meet every Thursday,
Thursday, Thursday in the afternoon.
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No.
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These
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guys
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are going to get their asses kicked for
like making a bunch of noise on this
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dude's arm.
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Groove.
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Groove.
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A dog.
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And if you look off to your right,
there'll be a barn.
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A barn.
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You think they're gonna close the barn
door?
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Yeah.
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That reminds me of this joke.
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There was this traveling salesman that,
like, went to this farmer's house.
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And then his car broke down.
183
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And so, like, the farmer wanted to do it
with his daughter.
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But he told him not to.
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And then he had all these eggs. And then
he, like, did it with the farmer's
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daughter.
12785
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