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1
00:00:14,839 --> 00:00:20,260
For some kids, the crisis line is the
only place they can get help with family
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00:00:20,260 --> 00:00:24,580
issues, school problems and questions
about sex.
3
00:00:27,640 --> 00:00:32,320
Their identities are kept secret, so
they feel okay about speaking
4
00:00:32,700 --> 00:00:35,680
Beautiful women are waiting to talk to
you now.
5
00:00:36,140 --> 00:00:41,500
Yeah. It could be the most satisfying
school experience you'll have.
6
00:00:41,840 --> 00:00:44,080
Any volunteers to work the phones?
7
00:00:45,000 --> 00:00:47,940
Beavis and Butthead, what a nice
surprise.
8
00:00:49,780 --> 00:00:50,780
Yeah.
9
00:00:54,319 --> 00:00:55,319
Yes. Yeah.
10
00:00:56,180 --> 00:00:57,180
Rock.
11
00:00:58,120 --> 00:01:00,360
Hey, buddy, doesn't this song have
another video?
12
00:01:00,700 --> 00:01:01,700
Yeah.
13
00:01:02,120 --> 00:01:04,599
This song is so good, they had to do it
twice.
14
00:01:05,180 --> 00:01:06,180
Really?
15
00:01:07,220 --> 00:01:08,220
Muggle.
16
00:01:08,660 --> 00:01:10,980
Tell your children not to walk my way.
17
00:01:12,700 --> 00:01:14,020
Tell them not to.
18
00:01:15,000 --> 00:01:16,000
Tell them not to.
19
00:01:16,120 --> 00:01:17,120
Mean I say.
20
00:01:18,100 --> 00:01:19,100
Muggle.
21
00:01:24,680 --> 00:01:27,460
I heard this dude can, like, bench press
140.
22
00:01:27,980 --> 00:01:29,800
Whoa, that's pretty good.
23
00:01:30,660 --> 00:01:32,660
Maybe he'll be in the 200 club someday.
24
00:01:35,700 --> 00:01:37,920
Settle down, Danzig.
25
00:01:39,540 --> 00:01:45,340
I wonder what this guy does, like, you
know, when he's not doing this.
26
00:01:46,160 --> 00:01:49,260
I bet he just scores with kicks and
then, like, just fights a lot.
27
00:01:49,660 --> 00:01:50,660
Yeah.
28
00:01:51,220 --> 00:01:57,420
I wonder who would win in a fight
between Danzig and, uh... Ronaldo?
29
00:01:57,940 --> 00:01:58,940
No.
30
00:01:59,920 --> 00:02:01,600
Danny Bonaduce? Yeah.
31
00:02:03,200 --> 00:02:04,820
Bonaduce would kick ass.
32
00:02:05,540 --> 00:02:06,860
Bonaduce? Bonaduce?
33
00:02:08,639 --> 00:02:10,880
What's he doing?
34
00:02:11,140 --> 00:02:14,600
Yeah. He was, like, shaking his hips
back and forth like a little worthy.
35
00:02:14,800 --> 00:02:17,680
Yeah. That little dance isn't very cool.
36
00:02:29,779 --> 00:02:32,800
Now remember, the kids who call are in
pain.
37
00:02:33,060 --> 00:02:34,320
They need a friend.
38
00:02:34,540 --> 00:02:38,300
Someone who will just listen to their
private fantasies.
39
00:02:39,320 --> 00:02:43,880
The most important thing they need is
compassion without judgment, okay?
40
00:02:44,300 --> 00:02:46,060
I know you fellas will be great.
41
00:02:46,460 --> 00:02:51,440
Oh, and guys, try to make a conscious
effort to be more polite, okay?
42
00:02:51,440 --> 00:02:52,440
to the women.
43
00:02:56,020 --> 00:02:57,020
Uh,
44
00:02:58,480 --> 00:02:59,480
hello?
45
00:03:01,600 --> 00:03:04,740
Yeah, um, all the other girls are
growing breasts.
46
00:03:05,200 --> 00:03:06,240
Mine aren't growing.
47
00:03:06,740 --> 00:03:08,260
Is there something wrong with me?
48
00:03:10,120 --> 00:03:12,620
Hey, Beavis, this chick's flat.
49
00:03:18,860 --> 00:03:19,860
Yeah?
50
00:03:20,840 --> 00:03:23,080
I... Sometimes I wet the bed.
51
00:03:23,300 --> 00:03:25,040
Is that, like, normal?
52
00:03:25,320 --> 00:03:27,220
What happens when I get married?
53
00:03:27,500 --> 00:03:30,540
Is this... Is this, uh... Hey, Stuart!
54
00:03:32,060 --> 00:03:33,060
Stuart!
55
00:03:33,540 --> 00:03:34,800
What a wiener.
56
00:03:35,380 --> 00:03:37,720
Stuart wets his bed!
57
00:03:38,340 --> 00:03:41,380
Stuart wets his bed!
58
00:03:43,040 --> 00:03:44,040
Uh,
59
00:03:47,200 --> 00:03:48,760
hello? Uh,
60
00:03:49,780 --> 00:03:55,980
hello? Um, well, like, my boyfriend is,
like, um, so rude.
61
00:03:56,180 --> 00:04:01,100
I mean, he's, like, pressuring me to put
out and all, but I'm not sure if I'm
62
00:04:01,100 --> 00:04:02,100
ready for sex.
63
00:04:02,600 --> 00:04:03,600
Uh,
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00:04:04,320 --> 00:04:05,320
uh,
65
00:04:05,940 --> 00:04:06,940
uh,
66
00:04:08,580 --> 00:04:12,140
uh, uh, I advise you to put out.
67
00:04:12,760 --> 00:04:14,320
That would be cool.
68
00:04:23,080 --> 00:04:24,080
Until tomorrow.
69
00:04:24,200 --> 00:04:25,200
Uh,
70
00:04:26,000 --> 00:04:27,580
what are you talking about?
71
00:04:27,980 --> 00:04:28,980
Uh, yeah.
72
00:04:29,640 --> 00:04:32,060
You, uh, need someone better.
73
00:04:33,240 --> 00:04:38,300
Uh, someone who's like, uh, polite and
stuff.
74
00:04:38,620 --> 00:04:39,620
Yeah, yeah.
75
00:04:39,960 --> 00:04:40,960
Hi,
76
00:04:41,560 --> 00:04:42,660
may I help you? Yeah.
77
00:04:43,800 --> 00:04:44,800
Uh,
78
00:04:45,700 --> 00:04:49,200
you should put out to someone you meet
at school tomorrow who's polite.
79
00:04:53,160 --> 00:04:54,440
Thank you. Goodbye.
80
00:04:56,880 --> 00:04:58,120
We're going to score.
81
00:05:03,020 --> 00:05:10,020
Coming up next, Beavis and Butthead do
jokes about their nads.
82
00:05:11,960 --> 00:05:12,960
See you soon.
83
00:05:18,280 --> 00:05:21,560
Remember, Beavis, be polite to every
girl we see.
84
00:05:22,200 --> 00:05:24,460
That way we'll score with that chick who
called last night.
85
00:05:27,420 --> 00:05:31,780
Beavis and Butthead, why don't you share
with the class what you learned working
86
00:05:31,780 --> 00:05:32,960
on the crisis line?
87
00:05:33,560 --> 00:05:34,700
Uh, okay.
88
00:05:35,760 --> 00:05:39,300
I mean, excuse me. Yeah, thank you.
89
00:05:41,060 --> 00:05:42,620
Uh, may I?
90
00:05:43,560 --> 00:05:44,780
Yeah, after you.
91
00:05:45,460 --> 00:05:48,540
Uh, please, you first.
92
00:05:51,720 --> 00:05:52,720
She's not here.
93
00:05:52,900 --> 00:05:54,160
Oh, that sucks.
94
00:05:57,460 --> 00:05:58,860
My pleasure.
95
00:05:59,080 --> 00:06:00,080
My pleasure.
96
00:06:00,760 --> 00:06:02,460
Hey, my pleasure.
97
00:06:04,420 --> 00:06:08,120
So, like, after you, ma 'am.
98
00:06:12,640 --> 00:06:14,240
Please, you first.
99
00:06:14,480 --> 00:06:15,459
Yeah, you first.
100
00:06:15,460 --> 00:06:17,060
Thank you. Drive through.
101
00:06:17,820 --> 00:06:18,820
I insist.
102
00:06:22,160 --> 00:06:25,440
Excuse me. Yeah, sorry for the
inconvenience. I'll go get a mop.
103
00:06:25,840 --> 00:06:29,620
Hey, aren't you like the guys from the
crisis line?
104
00:06:30,500 --> 00:06:33,100
You said no sex till I met a guy that's
polite?
105
00:06:33,720 --> 00:06:35,680
Uh, yes, ma 'am. Yes.
106
00:06:36,080 --> 00:06:37,560
Is there something I can help you with?
107
00:06:38,300 --> 00:06:41,220
Yeah. My boyfriend wanted to meet you.
108
00:06:42,640 --> 00:06:44,820
Uh, I beg your pardon.
109
00:06:51,979 --> 00:06:54,880
Uh, hope I didn't put you in any
trouble, sir.
110
00:06:55,160 --> 00:06:56,160
Uh, yeah.
111
00:06:56,180 --> 00:06:57,340
I'll be right with you, sir.
112
00:07:03,100 --> 00:07:08,140
Uh, is this another one of those damn
80s fuck videos?
113
00:07:09,080 --> 00:07:10,080
Oh, yeah.
114
00:07:10,540 --> 00:07:11,640
Oh, yeah.
115
00:07:12,680 --> 00:07:15,100
From that album, the classics of fuck.
116
00:07:20,140 --> 00:07:21,620
But they're not real gorillas.
117
00:07:21,960 --> 00:07:22,960
Yeah.
118
00:07:23,120 --> 00:07:26,380
They had to get fake ones because, like,
they knew that real gorillas wouldn't
119
00:07:26,380 --> 00:07:27,380
listen to this crap.
120
00:07:27,580 --> 00:07:32,700
Yeah. You know what animal would listen
to this crap?
121
00:07:34,320 --> 00:07:35,320
It's a cow.
122
00:07:35,580 --> 00:07:39,100
Yeah. Cows can listen to that crap
because they have, like, they have,
123
00:07:39,120 --> 00:07:40,780
like, sick stomachs.
124
00:07:42,260 --> 00:07:43,260
Yeah.
125
00:07:43,760 --> 00:07:46,720
I bet you could get a cow to listen to,
like, Warrant.
126
00:07:51,220 --> 00:07:52,220
Hey, buddy.
127
00:07:52,720 --> 00:07:54,420
Who is this butt -knocker, anyways?
128
00:07:55,100 --> 00:07:56,820
Uh, this is James.
129
00:07:58,460 --> 00:07:59,460
James who?
130
00:08:00,500 --> 00:08:04,240
His parents asked him not to use her
last name because, like, he's fucked.
131
00:08:05,100 --> 00:08:11,280
His parents said, son, we know you fuck,
and that's okay, but could you just,
132
00:08:11,320 --> 00:08:12,320
like, not use our name?
133
00:08:13,160 --> 00:08:14,160
Yeah.
134
00:08:15,570 --> 00:08:17,150
And then they hugged him.
135
00:08:20,510 --> 00:08:21,910
What a wuss.
136
00:08:25,690 --> 00:08:26,690
Well,
137
00:08:29,850 --> 00:08:31,930
there's a big eyeball.
138
00:08:32,710 --> 00:08:36,530
Yeah, they need more big eyeball videos.
Like a big pile of eyeballs.
139
00:08:36,929 --> 00:08:37,929
Yeah.
140
00:08:38,250 --> 00:08:39,770
What is all this stuff?
141
00:08:40,090 --> 00:08:41,090
Yeah, really.
142
00:08:41,190 --> 00:08:42,190
Bye -bye.
143
00:08:42,220 --> 00:08:44,340
Like they're running through the grass,
and then I was like a house.
144
00:08:45,020 --> 00:08:46,020
Yeah.
145
00:08:46,500 --> 00:08:50,560
Whatever happened to chicks with big
thingies and cleavage and stuff like
146
00:08:51,540 --> 00:08:54,100
Yeah. Seems like they don't do that
anymore.
147
00:08:54,440 --> 00:08:57,100
These guys need to spend more time with
sluts.
148
00:08:57,820 --> 00:09:00,500
Yeah. These guys aren't filthy enough.
149
00:09:12,550 --> 00:09:14,350
Well, are there, like, two lead singers
for this band?
150
00:09:14,910 --> 00:09:16,010
Uh, yeah.
151
00:09:16,270 --> 00:09:19,910
Well, what? Yeah, but it's like, there's
this dude, it's like an overall, and
152
00:09:19,910 --> 00:09:20,910
then there's this other dude.
153
00:09:21,890 --> 00:09:22,890
Well, what, Beaver?
154
00:09:23,790 --> 00:09:26,070
I don't know, I just thought, like, you
know, if there's two singers, it's like,
155
00:09:26,150 --> 00:09:27,390
you know, that's something.
156
00:09:31,210 --> 00:09:32,210
Hey,
157
00:09:33,990 --> 00:09:35,110
somebody's talking.
158
00:09:35,390 --> 00:09:36,390
Yeah, yeah, what is that?
159
00:09:36,850 --> 00:09:38,610
I hate it when people talk over video.
160
00:09:38,890 --> 00:09:40,030
Yeah, there's some guy going...
161
00:09:49,599 --> 00:09:52,800
Either follow or lead or get off the
pot. Yeah, really.
162
00:09:53,960 --> 00:09:55,140
Get off the toilet. Yeah.
163
00:09:59,480 --> 00:10:06,430
These guys are like... A cross between
164
00:10:06,430 --> 00:10:11,350
Stone Temple Pilots and, like, just a
bunch of regular guys. Yeah, yeah, it's
165
00:10:11,350 --> 00:10:15,690
kind of like they're a cross between a
Stone Temple Pilot and those dudes on
166
00:10:15,690 --> 00:10:16,690
Haw. Oh, yeah.
167
00:10:17,730 --> 00:10:21,610
You met another and you was gone.
168
00:10:24,070 --> 00:10:25,970
That was pretty good, but it... Yeah.
169
00:10:27,830 --> 00:10:28,830
Hello?
170
00:10:33,550 --> 00:10:34,830
I need some help.
171
00:10:35,440 --> 00:10:36,440
Shut up.
172
00:10:37,440 --> 00:10:41,200
I've taken some pills and I... I don't
know how many.
173
00:10:42,060 --> 00:10:43,160
Hey, Beavis.
174
00:10:43,800 --> 00:10:44,900
What's that number?
175
00:10:45,640 --> 00:10:47,620
1 -900 -NUDITY.
176
00:10:52,400 --> 00:10:53,400
Hello.
177
00:10:53,840 --> 00:10:54,860
I'm Candy.
178
00:10:55,460 --> 00:10:57,220
What can I do for you?
179
00:10:57,700 --> 00:11:02,360
Uh, I've got a crisis... in my pants.
180
00:11:03,870 --> 00:11:04,910
Yeah.
11695
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