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00:00:16,620 --> 00:00:21,500
Captain Dick Jackman live with a very
special event here at Highland High.
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Principal McVicar, tell us what we're
about to see.
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To promote this year's food drive.
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Our National Honor Society has glued
together some canned goods to spell the
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word cares right under the Highland High
name.
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Highland High cares.
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Isn't that wonderful?
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Let's take a look, Principal.
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What the... Well, back to you, Britney.
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00:00:53,990 --> 00:00:58,870
I would like nothing more than to kill
you both.
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with my bare hands.
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00:01:01,660 --> 00:01:05,040
But I'm forced to give you a choice.
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Either you stay after school for a week,
removing asbestos from the cafeteria,
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or you go on Teen Talk with Captain Dick
Jackman and confess.
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Whoa.
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Is that, like, on TV?
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Yeah, he makes all the parents in town
feel better about their own kids by
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publicly humiliating losers like you.
We're going to be on TV.
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Yeah, yeah, yeah.
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This is going to be cool.
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Whoa. They turned that dude into, like,
a guitar or something.
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If I could turn myself into an
instrument, I'd be an M -80.
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That's not an instrument, Vita.
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No way, butthead.
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My music teacher told me you can make an
instrument out of anything.
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So I'd be like, you know, an M -80 or a
chainsaw.
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Uh, okay, Viva.
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00:02:04,260 --> 00:02:05,440
Whoa. Whoa.
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I'm clear.
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Whoa.
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Some of the guys in this band, it's like
they just look like
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regular guys.
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Yeah.
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And they're old.
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Like, if you saw that drummer, like, in
the grocery store, you'd just, like,
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probably just walk right past him.
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Or you'd say, like, the light beer is
over an aisle 14 -8.
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Yeah.
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And then he'd say, thank you, young man.
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I bet when that drummer dude is, like,
drinking beer with his friends, he,
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Bogart's all the beer.
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Yeah.
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And they're like, don't Bogart it, dude.
He's like, no way. No way. I'm gonna
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keep drinking. I'll drink all the beer I
want. Get out of here.
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He's pretty cool.
46
00:03:02,820 --> 00:03:03,820
Yeah.
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I might knock back a beer beer later.
48
00:03:08,120 --> 00:03:09,960
You've never had a beer, dumbass?
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I mean, later, like, you know, two
years.
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00:03:21,629 --> 00:03:23,430
All right, listen up.
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00:03:23,910 --> 00:03:28,690
If you're here to wise off on TV for
your dropout friends watching at home,
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remember that you signed a piece of
paper giving me legal right to kick your
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asses and sue you in court.
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Now everybody smile and lots of energy,
okay?
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Hi, I'm Lolita, and this here's Tank
Ray.
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Check this out.
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Hey, baby.
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You're pretty hot.
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You should, like, be on a video or
something.
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I am on a video.
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Like I wouldn't be here if my principal
hadn't rented it.
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00:04:09,930 --> 00:04:14,590
From the home of the Channel 4 News
Center, it's Teen Talk with Captain Dick
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Jackman.
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Hey, kids. Welcome aboard Teen Talk. I'm
Captain Dick Jackman. And as always, at
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6 .30 Sunday morning, I trade in my
weathercasting gear to rap with young
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about what's going down in their world.
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You're cute, Sugar Britches. Let's talk
about parents.
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Any of you guys ever gotten real, real
bad at your folks?
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It's okay to admit feelings of anger.
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Well, Captain Dick, I guess we never got
along too good.
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My dad beat me up a lot. My mom, like,
ran off. How about you?
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What do your parents do that makes you
really, really mad?
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This is boring.
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Y 'all want to go down behind the risers
and make out or something?
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Stay tuned as Butthead discovers a
mysterious growth in his pants. Coming
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next.
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I don't care if they're preschoolers.
They can kiss my ass if they think I'm
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going to wear an Easter Bunny suit.
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Hey, Captain Dick Jackman here, hanging
with my home persons on Teen Talk.
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00:05:36,970 --> 00:05:40,090
Today, we're going to rap about
vandalism.
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00:05:40,410 --> 00:05:44,770
Hey, y 'all, hurry up before we stop
being horny.
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Hey, Viva, I think we're really going to
get pumped.
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Yeah, on TV.
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Hey, guys, no talking without sharing.
Let me ask you, have you ever wanted to
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just break something?
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Yeah, yeah, I like to break stuff.
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Uh, no, sir. Can we go?
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Hey, not so fast, young man.
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I just want all our young friends here
to listen up.
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00:06:08,120 --> 00:06:11,100
You've had destructive impulses, right?
91
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Uh, no.
92
00:06:13,160 --> 00:06:14,740
Yeah, no, no.
93
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We're gonna score.
94
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Hear that, kids? These young folks are
saying down with destruction and up with
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cooperation.
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00:06:22,740 --> 00:06:24,060
Right on, guys.
97
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Hey, butthead. Someone like stole our
women.
98
00:06:28,500 --> 00:06:30,240
Hey, uh, my man.
99
00:06:30,600 --> 00:06:33,740
Don't you want to be cool and positive
like these guys?
100
00:06:35,320 --> 00:06:36,320
That sucks.
101
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Yeah, it doesn't just suck, butthead. It
really sucks.
102
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If we never score, we're going to be
wussies forever.
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It's going to suck.
104
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Settle down, Beavis. No, no, butthead.
No, I can't settle down. It's not fair.
105
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We're not going to score.
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It's like we'll get cars and we'll have
a job and we'll have to go mow lines and
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scrub the grill, and we're not going to
score ever. Hey, hey, hey!
108
00:07:01,760 --> 00:07:03,400
I warned you about that.
109
00:07:03,770 --> 00:07:05,850
Don't make me come up there. Shut up,
asswipe.
110
00:07:06,170 --> 00:07:07,170
You probably score.
111
00:07:07,730 --> 00:07:08,730
And you're a dork.
112
00:07:09,990 --> 00:07:11,130
I'm never going to score.
113
00:07:11,790 --> 00:07:12,790
Whoa.
114
00:07:16,850 --> 00:07:17,850
Cool.
115
00:07:20,070 --> 00:07:21,610
I feel like such an ass.
116
00:07:22,050 --> 00:07:24,210
Yeah, I feel like an ass, too.
117
00:07:24,590 --> 00:07:27,030
Beavis, go out and get me an ass,
please.
118
00:07:27,650 --> 00:07:29,530
Okay, would you like some boobs to go
with that?
119
00:07:29,770 --> 00:07:30,770
Yeah.
120
00:07:31,440 --> 00:07:32,440
What was that?
121
00:07:32,800 --> 00:07:36,820
What's going on? That was just a chick
screaming.
122
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I didn't like morning, so I didn't do
that crap.
123
00:07:42,080 --> 00:07:43,080
Damn it.
124
00:07:44,220 --> 00:07:47,940
You say that's your boyfriend, you say
I'm out of line. Funny, he said I could
125
00:07:47,940 --> 00:07:48,940
call him up anytime.
126
00:07:49,320 --> 00:07:53,940
Whoa. I ain't right, but if that's your
boyfriend, he wasn't mad. This song's
127
00:07:53,940 --> 00:07:56,760
about, like, this chick doing it with
some other chick's boyfriend.
128
00:07:58,320 --> 00:07:59,320
Yeah.
129
00:07:59,740 --> 00:08:00,740
That's pretty harsh.
130
00:08:01,280 --> 00:08:02,280
Yeah.
131
00:08:03,880 --> 00:08:07,580
So, like, this chick will, like, only do
you if you already have a girlfriend?
132
00:08:08,360 --> 00:08:11,100
Yeah, yeah. A lot of chicks are like
that. They don't want to go out with you
133
00:08:11,100 --> 00:08:12,100
you already have a girlfriend.
134
00:08:12,620 --> 00:08:14,900
You can't get a girlfriend because,
like, you don't have a girlfriend. It's
135
00:08:14,900 --> 00:08:17,780
like, it's like, trust Brady.
136
00:08:20,900 --> 00:08:22,440
Damn it, what's going on here?
137
00:08:23,200 --> 00:08:24,200
Taking the talk.
138
00:08:24,860 --> 00:08:27,160
Is this a commercial or a video? What is
it?
139
00:08:27,860 --> 00:08:31,860
Viva, just shut up and, like, free your
mind or something.
140
00:08:33,050 --> 00:08:35,990
I want to know what it is. I can't pay
attention to that.
141
00:08:36,250 --> 00:08:38,909
Damn it, Beavis. Can't you just, like,
roll out and listen?
142
00:08:39,270 --> 00:08:42,090
Damn it, butthead. What kind of crap
were you talking? You sound like a damn
143
00:08:42,090 --> 00:08:45,130
hippie. Beavis, I'm going to pretend I
didn't hear that.
144
00:08:45,950 --> 00:08:47,490
I'm not going to smack you today.
145
00:08:52,490 --> 00:08:53,490
Damn it,
146
00:08:56,710 --> 00:08:57,710
Beavis.
147
00:08:58,210 --> 00:09:00,490
I'm sick and tired of never getting any.
148
00:09:01,530 --> 00:09:04,870
Yeah. Me too. Hey, Beavis.
149
00:09:05,850 --> 00:09:08,690
I bet we're going to score now because
we were, like, on TV.
150
00:09:10,290 --> 00:09:11,290
Oh, yeah.
151
00:09:11,670 --> 00:09:12,670
Hey,
152
00:09:14,930 --> 00:09:15,930
Beavis.
153
00:09:32,200 --> 00:09:33,760
It's about a bad boner, isn't it?
154
00:09:35,340 --> 00:09:37,780
There's no such thing as a bad boner,
Beavis.
155
00:09:38,760 --> 00:09:39,760
Oh, yeah, yeah.
156
00:09:40,660 --> 00:09:43,520
Now, wait a minute, buddy. I had a bad
boner once.
157
00:09:44,540 --> 00:09:47,280
That's when I had the chicken pox and I
had my hands duct taped.
158
00:09:49,040 --> 00:09:50,040
That's fucked.
159
00:09:51,600 --> 00:09:52,600
Oh, yeah.
160
00:09:53,300 --> 00:09:55,220
I'm sorry. I stand corrected.
161
00:10:00,540 --> 00:10:06,900
Hey, but sometimes when I play pool,
like when nobody's looking, I like to
162
00:10:06,900 --> 00:10:11,980
that blue chalk and like chalk up the
end of my wiener.
163
00:10:15,300 --> 00:10:16,300
It's pretty cool.
164
00:10:18,460 --> 00:10:21,020
Yeah, that's cool.
165
00:10:22,520 --> 00:10:24,040
Doesn't that like hurt though?
166
00:10:24,760 --> 00:10:28,040
Yeah, but you know, no pain, no gain.
167
00:10:31,479 --> 00:10:33,840
Hey, check it out. It's one of those
magic eight balls.
168
00:10:34,320 --> 00:10:37,060
Oh, yeah, yeah. You, like, ask one of
those things a question, then you shake
169
00:10:37,060 --> 00:10:38,060
up and it tells you the answer?
170
00:10:38,440 --> 00:10:39,440
Yeah.
171
00:10:39,820 --> 00:10:42,480
We should ask it, does this video suck?
172
00:10:44,120 --> 00:10:45,120
Yeah.
173
00:10:45,360 --> 00:10:46,500
Find the point to yes.
12713
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