Original subtitles

What flavor is that?

Blue.

Blue is my favorite flavor.

Whoa.

It's Todd.

I know.

I know.

Sup, douchebags. Frozen sippies, huh? You get money from the tooth fairy?

Yeah, but we had to, like, kick his ass first.

That's how we roll. You know what I'm saying?

Hey, Todd, where's my money?

I don't have it, bitch.

Would you call me? Bitch. Would you call me?

Whoa.

Beavis. We, like, saw that.

I know. I know.

Someday we'll be able to tell our grandparents about this.

How did you get pregnant?

Well, me and Brandon went to a party one night and then we came home and... I'm

listening.

Continue.

So we were kind of too stupid to be having sex. Too stupid to be having sex?

You can be too stupid to have sex?

Yeah. Maybe I should like study or pay attention or something.

Look over my GED books with me. If angle A and angle C both equal 70 degrees,

then what is the length of side AB?

The answer is numbers.

She has her smart face on.

I'm really excited to get my GED so that I can go to college.

Boy, this guy is good at having a fake smile.

What I'm excited for in the future.

Unfortunately, you failed the math test.

You got 39 % correct on that one. You needed a minimum of 65 % to pass that.

You got 39 % correct on that one. You needed 65.

And I know you suck at math, but that means you failed.

That would be cool to have this guy's job and then just, like, make him sit

there forever before you tell him.

I'd be like, now how do you think you did?

Do you think you gave it your best?

First, tell me a little bit about yourself. Tell me about your dreams.

And then after about an hour, I'd be like, I'm afraid I have some bad news,

Aubrey.

Your journey ends here.

I'm going home.

Hey, Beaver.

Remember when Todd punched that guy out?

Yeah, that's all I've been thinking about.

Yeah.

That was cool.

It was cool. Yeah, yeah. That's exactly what I was gonna think.

Listen up, guys.

Whoa.

Speak of the devil.

Yeah. This is weird, because, like, we were just talking about... Hey, shut up!

Now, look.

The cops busted me for punching that guy, and now they're bringing me to

for assault.

It really sucks.

Because I was totally acting in self -defense.

But I don't have to tell you.

You were the only witnesses.

So you know the truth.

Right? Uh, yeah.

We know the truth.

Yeah, you kicked that guy's ass. It was the coolest thing we have ever seen.

That's not what you saw, douchebags.

Tomorrow some pig's going to serve you with subpoenas.

You said subpoenas. It's not funny, man.

You better tell him exactly what you saw, which is me defending myself. Get

Yep.

Got it.

Got it. You can count on us. You can let go.

That was cool.

So what are we supposed to say?

Like he was defending himself?

Yeah.

That guy had the nerve to ask Todd for the money he owed him, so Todd had no

choice but to kick his ass.

Oh, yeah, he kicked his ass.

That reminds me about Adam.

You have that two dollars that I loaned you?

Uh, I don't have it, bitch.

Ah! Butthole! Ow!

I'm defending myself.

Ow!

I'm gonna level with you boys.

What I'm asking you to do isn't easy.

It's never easy putting your butt on the line for the sake of the truth.

Uh, what line?

Yeah, my butt already has a line in it.

Right now you're scared. I don't blame you.

I've seen boys younger than you disemboweled for taking the stand.

Cool. But when you're up there, you won't be alone.

No. You'll be sitting cheek by jowl with every ordinary citizen who's ever had

the courage to speak out against injustice.

Hey, Beavis, this guy thinks he's, like, on law and order or something.

Guys like Todd have to be taken off the street. And with your testimony, I think

we can do it. What do you say?

Uh, are you like the good cop?

Yeah, we want the bad cop now.

Go ahead and do that.

Is the person who started the fight here in the courtroom today?

Uh, yeah, he's right there.

Would you point to him, please?

Uh, him.

Todd.

Yeah, we thought kicking ass, your honor.

You said you're on her.

Oh, yeah.

Your honor.

Boy, nothing gets by you, but you should be a lawyer.

In the go -go dancing industry, it's very important to have big breasts.

They should do shows about girls that already have big boobs.

Yeah, that'd be like, you know, more pleasant.

I'm tired of being known as the go -go dancer with no boobs.

The go -go dancer with no boobs?

That's not a very catchy nickname.

I don't know why you're even looking at this stuff, because I think you're fine

the way you are.

And I think you're fine with your backwards hat, dumb glasses, and your

beard. Just fine.

Hey, what's that beard?

It looks like one of those little toys where they have the iron filings, and

take the magnet behind it and try to make his face look all stupid.

Oh, yeah, yeah.

Yeah, yeah.

She's gonna leave him for a guy with a real beard.

But it wasn't a problem when I had small boobs, so why should it be a problem

when I have big boobs?

Uh...

Hold on, it's coming to me.

You're right, Mom.

And then you get home and it's like, you're not important anymore.

That's bullshit.

Well, to you I'm important.

Yeah, I'm not talking to you, dumbass. I'm talking to these cool people from

MTV.

Yeah, get back to your computer under the stairs and shut up. I know you do.

That's why I'm with you.

He's like, I know I'm important to you because you're a loser.

Yeah, I want to get big boobs.

Then I'll be important to cool guys with, like, lots of money and full

and cars and they're not, like, under the stairs.

He's like, I don't mind the big boobs so much as all the other guys doing you

while I have to pretend to sleep.

Beavis and Butthead, I've done a little research on you. Isn't it true that you

once played baseball using a frog as the ball?

Yeah, yeah, I remember that. Yeah, I won.

No way, I was a tie. And that you were once demoted one grade at a time from

10th grade to kindergarten.

Yeah, yeah.

Guilty as charged.

Right, right. And isn't it also true that... And didn't you also

once... Your Honor, may we approach the bench? For God's sake.

The witnesses are inexcusable. I mean, excused.

Thank you, drive -thru.

Hey,

Beavis. Remember that time we were here?

Todd, what's that?

Guess what, guys?

Even though you ratted me out, you're so unreliable they couldn't convict me. So

I'm free.

And me and the boys want to give you a taste of our gratitude.

All night long.

Beavis, I want to remember every moment of this night.

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