Original subtitles

You two are the worst students this school has ever had! And now because of

no -child -left -behind law, we may lose our funding!

Teachers will get laid off!

I could lose my job!

Did you say something about a child's behind?

He definitely said something about a child's left behind. I heard him.

No wonder you're going to lose your job.

Shut up!

How dare you!

Okay, let's all calm down for a moment. Now, Beavis, Butthead, because next

week's standardized test is... So important.

We're going to use all of our best resources at Highland High School to

prepare, okay?

It's a waste of time. They'll never get it. They're morons. They have the worst

grades I've ever seen. Well, that just means that these boys have the most room

for improvement.

Remember, it's all about helping the children.

Yeah.

Just keep them away from their behinds.

You see that? Right there.

That's what I'm talking about.

Hey, you know, whatever you're into.

Like child's behinds.

That's not what I meant. I was talking about no child left behind.

There he goes again.

Behind.

I found somebody.

The rest of the house left the situation, but I got lean cuisine.

That dog needs a tan.

Yeah, really.

He's going to take those dogs into the smush room.

So are those dogs guidos, too?

I don't know, but they better be DTF.

I can speak to them. Now I can sit back and watch the master plan.

Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah.

Oh, hell yeah.

Oh, hell yeah, yeah.

The master plan is going down.

So that was his master plan?

To have the dogs, like, poop on the rug?

That's a good plan, yeah.

Well, see, a better master plan would have been for the situation to poop on

floor and then blame it on the dogs, eh?

Wow.

That's pretty good, Beavis.

That proves that you're even smarter than the situation.

Well, I mean, I don't know. I don't know if I'd go that far.

It'd be cool to meet him sometime, you know.

Let's talk about, like, poop and stuff and, you know, master plans.

I don't know.

And now my little lovelies will go forth and poop.

As I go upstairs to my lair.

Something smells like poop.

And that something is poop.

There's poop here.

There's poop over here.

It's like Easter, but with poop.

The master plan unfolds.

Right? Okay. It's definitely me.

Would you let the dogs roam the house? No, no, I was sleeping the whole time.

Boy, this guy's a horrible liar.

Don't even let them out. I was asleep. What happened?

Did they poop everywhere or something? In Vinny's room or something?

I'm surprised by that question.

Don't even let them out.

That's crazy.

Low grades reflect a lack of goals.

I thought it was because we're stupid.

Not at all. So what do you want out of life?

I want a score.

Yeah, with two chicks.

And I want money, too.

That would be cool.

What about your higher aspiration?

Ass. Whoa, you're into behinds, too?

You and McVicar should hang out.

You know, I think you need to talk to our school therapist.

Right now.

Some students get test anxiety.

Triggered by pressure, the clock, even the sight of a number two pencil.

What you need to learn is to find your happy place.

Really?

During a test?

I could pass that one.

Close your eyes.

Okay. I want you to make friends with your stress.

You have any porn?

That would help. Our eyes are closed, dumbass.

Could you, like, describe the porn to us?

I think we're all done here. I'm going to go ahead and send you boys back to

your teachers now.

Okay, Beavis, Butthead, these teachers have all agreed to help you prepare for

the state test.

Okay? So let the learning begin.

A prime number is a number that has only two divisors, one and itself.

Martin Van Buren was the eighth president.

I before E except after T. Every action has an equal and opposite real. Every

positive number has two square roots. One positive and one negative.

One positive and one negative.

One positive and one negative.

Whoa.

I just got something.

Number two pencil.

Number two.

Number two.

Be sure

to write your name on the

answer document.

Okay? Don't spend too much time on any one question. If you don't know the

answer, move on to the next question, okay?

And everybody ready?

And go.

Uh.

Hmm.

Okay.

B.

B.

A. Wait a second. B. E.

Uh. Hey.

How do you spell butthead?

Butthead, eyes on your own paper, okay?

E -A... Damn it.

This test is hard.

You said hard.

I say hard all the time. What's funny about that?

Beavis, no talking, okay?

Yeah, no talking, Beavis. Ow!

Damn it!

Beavis, I'm not going to tell you again, okay?

Good.

I'm getting tired of hearing it. Ow!

Cut it out, butthole!

You idiots!

The future of this school is riding on this! So you shut up and concentrate

right now! Look, guys, I think what Principal McVicar is trying to say is

it's really time to hunker down and get serious, okay?

Uh... B -E -A... Uh...

Beef. Beefus.

Mr.

Head.

I'm all done.

Your name?

All this time?

And that's all you wrote was your name?

Yeah, I wrote my name, too. See?

Beefeth.

Now, wait a minute. Wait, wait. That's not right.

What's wrong with you?

I'm not going to let you ruin everything.

You're not going to rob me of my pension.

I can do better without even looking at the questions.

A, C, E, B, C. It doesn't even matter.

Principal McVicker cheating?

I'm afraid I'm going to have to report this, okay?

Yeah, well, you can't report it because you're fired.

It's your fault that they're so damn stupid.

Whoa, he should make friends with his stress.

Yeah, maybe he'd calm down if he could see a child's behind.

He's into that.

Well, look at this guy. He's got his whole day ahead of him, you know?

Strolling down to the beach with the speakers the wrong way.

Not a care in the world, you know?

Whoa!

Oh,

no.

Well, at least he died before they started singing.

There was a schlong just then, but I'm not going to say anything about it.

It's like, these guys both look like asswipes.

but in two completely different ways.

Yeah, they compliment each other, you know?

Let's see, what else can I do to be an asswipe?

Let's see, maybe I'll steal some jump ropes from some little girls.

Steal some money from a homeless guy.

What else?

Eh, boy.

It's like if their music by itself didn't make you hate them, they're

plenty of other reasons.

I bet deaf people hate them, too.

I'm glad these guys found each other.

I wonder how they met.

They were probably, like, pushing over some kid's sandcastle.

And they were like, Whoa, you have tight jeans and converse all -stars just like

me.

Do you like shoving little kids? I do, too.

Let's start a band.

That's how we roll through the Century 21 branch office.

Biatch.

Yeah, yeah, take that.

Your walls are clean now.

More allegations of cheating on the state standardized test.

Only this time, the accused is a high school principal.

Yeah.

Principal McVicker, do you care to comment on the charges?

It's not me. It's them.

They're ruining our school.

They ruin everything.

Hey, Beavis.

I just drew a number two with my number two.

Oh, yeah.

Yeah, not bad.

Might want to add a little shading.

Maybe some lines.

Yeah.

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