Original subtitles

Not a funny day, things are going my way.

Gonna have some fun with my best friend.

A lot of friends, they can't go to work.

Spend some time with the kids.

Spend some time with my best friend.

Spend some time with my best friend.

Hello,

lady. Security!

Every day we go through this. Now stay out.

Where should we go now, butthead?

Butthead?

Wall.

Wall.

The mall rules.

Oh, yeah.

Snooki crying or barfing?

What are you skanks crying about?

What's the problem here?

We will take care of you.

What's it going to be, this mushroom?

The only people that I trust in this house are you, Ploy, and Jenny.

Good. We work here for you, too.

Well, they're the only people she trusts, but they're not the only people

has sex with.

I love you.

He's like my big brother. I love him. But you usually don't have sex with your

big brother.

Yeah.

She usually doesn't have sex with her big brother.

But, you know, sometimes, you know, you're DTF, you know, no one else is

It's dark.

Mom and dad are at the movies.

Me and Jenny wanted to do the hookup board. If you hooked up with this

then you could have possibly hooked up with this person just by swapping the

spit. Stop swapping spit. Let's do one after the other. So, Mike being with

and Ron, I mean... This is like a family tree if your family was made of whores.

Mike being with Angelina.

This is all too complicated for me.

Let's just all go down to the smush room and spit on each other.

If they, like, did this chart long enough, they could find out where herpes

began.

I'm a whore, hello?

That's how she answers the phone.

She'd like to be a greeter.

Yeah, I'm a whore. Welcome to Costco.

Come

back.

Oh, boy.

You!

Come on, pick up the pace.

We're getting bored over here. Come on.

Uh, hello.

Oh, yeah.

Boo.

Oh, yeah.

Yeah.

Oh, oh, damn. Damn, get them go.

About 450.

You're going to have to leave. You do not have the right to block a pedestrian

area. How come they get to block a pedestrian area?

Yeah, really.

Because they are running a business.

Now move along.

Now you go. You go to hell.

Damn it. That sucks.

What is a pedestrian anyway?

I don't know, but it won't matter if we're running a business.

What do you mean?

Beavis, we are going to be massagers.

Oh, yeah.

We're businessmen.

Hey, baby.

Would you like to be touched?

If you don't like it, you don't pay.

Step right up.

Get one boob massaged and the other one's free.

And your butt, too.

Three for the price of one.

The fuck?

How come those guys have chicks lined up and we don't have anybody?

Uh, maybe it's because they're, like, Chinese.

I think chicks love Chinese dudes.

Damn it.

It's not fair. It's like they should... Damn it, Beavis.

You broke our chair.

Butthole?

It's like, not the same.

It's like, it just reminds me that we almost touched real girls.

It just doesn't work anymore.

Yeah.

Damn it.

I used to love this mall.

Whoa. Hey, Beavis, look.

They're gone.

This is our chance.

Okay.

Act Chinese, Beavis.

Now you go.

You go to hell.

What hell you doing?

That's all the Chinese I know.

Oh, wait a minute. Me Chinese, me play joke. Me put pee -pee in your coke.

That was pretty good, Viva.

Whoa.

I'm having some upper back pain around my neck, so if you could just work on

that, that would be great.

Oh, what the hell are you doing? You try and take my business?

Uh, yeah.

We want to be massagers.

Okay. You two now massagers.

Uh, really?

I'm ready.

Need to get my circulation going.

Got a real bad smell of the gout.

Probably that shellfish I ate.

Get to work!

Uh,

let's get out of here. Hold on.

Okay. Did you two have anything to do with taking this guy's tools?

Stay here with us whole time. New employees.

Massage this guy now.

Uh, no thanks.

The police are on their way. Do you work here, yes or no?

Show him!

Show him you're not thief. You're a massager.

Massage!

Uh, yeah, we're massagers.

Uh, I'm gonna need you to massage the fluid back up into my torso.

Then rub the extremities till they aren't so blue anymore.

Now, don't mind that smell. That's just the muscle eating the bone.

Doctor said he's only heard of it this bad in cattle before.

Looks like a table leg got caught in a wood chipper, don't it?

Well, he does have boobs.

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