Original subtitles

Uh, excuse me?

Could you tell me where the hoes are?

Same place they were last week. Aisle five.

That was cool.

Hoes.

Whoa. Hey, Beavis, check it out. It's Dog the Bounty Hunter. And that's Beth.

His wife was a big hooter.

Uh, dog.

Yeah, I get that a lot, brah. Actually, I'm a bouncer. We follow the same code

as bounty hunters. I don't carry a gun, and I don't do ice.

Hey, Beavis, we should become bounty hunters. Yeah, yeah.

Get chicks and kick ass.

Uh... Hey, how do we become bounty hunters? Like I said, I'm not a bounty

hunter. But I do know, if you go to the post office, they have pictures of all

the most wanted criminals.

And if they're up there, they probably most likely skip bail.

And if they're skips, they've got no constitutional rights, and you can pick

them up and collect that reward.

Thanks, dog.

Hey, Beavis, if we're going to be bounty hunters, we need to get a gun.

Yeah, and leather pants. Oh, Dog doesn't carry a gun. He uses industrial

-strength pepper spray. I'll show you.

Let's roll, Braz.

This first part of the song sounds like that music they play at the Olive

Garden.

Oh, yeah.

Yeah, but then it kicks ass later.

Yeah.

The Olive Garden kicks ass, too.

Yeah, yeah. I like to go there and stuff my face with breadsticks.

Because they're free.

If you leave that place hungry, you're just stupid.

See,

now this is the cool part of the song, yeah.

Yeah.

Remember when you asked that waitress at the Olive Garden to dance, and then

she... Flapped you and the manager threw you out.

Oh, yeah.

That was cool.

She probably would have danced with me because I have better moves.

No, you don't. Check this out.

Your move. Fuck, Beavis.

Check this out.

Dog was cool.

He's really down to earth in person, you know.

Well, there's the pictures of the criminals.

We need to kick their asses and haul them downtown.

Look at him.

Real scum of the earth.

Excuse me, sir.

Have you seen this man?

Any information can help, sir.

And you can, like, remain anonymous, too.

Yeah, he's in Europe right now for a summit.

Damn it. Europe's, like, way over in Russia or something.

Whoa. Hey, Beavis, look at this.

These fugitives look like wussies. Yeah, yeah. We could probably, like, get the

whole gang.

Let's roll, Beavis.

This is the place, Beavis.

This is a pretty crappy school.

Yeah, really.

No wonder these kids joined a gang.

So young. They had their whole lives ahead of them, you know.

But we still have a job to do.

Yeah, a job to kick their asses.

You ready, brah?

Yeah, shouldn't we pray?

Dog always prays before they chase a skip.

Oh, yeah.

Okay.

God is great. God is good.

And we thank him for our food.

Okay, let's roll, Beavis. On the count of three.

One, two, three.

Hi there. Can I help you guys?

You can help us by cooperating.

Everyone turn around and put your hands behind your back.

Okay. We're in the middle of a class.

You should have thought of that before letting these kids start a gang.

That's right, brah. Now I have to take them downtown.

We have no choice.

Let this be like a wake -up call to turn your life around.

First of all, when you enter my dojo, you pay respect by bowing. And second,

keep your hands off my students.

Uh, sir, I think it's best if you just stand over there, please.

Butthole. I don't want to have to kick your ass, so you just step aside.

Uh, okay, that's adding and a bit... Ow!

Blast, allow me to demonstrate the dragon attack.

Ow!

Well, hey, all those, like, crystal things and those funguses look really

Yeah.

If nature looked like this, maybe I wouldn't hate it so much.

I hate the forest.

White people.

You know, I'm thinking, like, People couldn't even get any whiter, and then,

know, I mean, look at this.

They are the whitest people I have ever seen.

I think this is music for, like, white people that have never had anything bad

happen to them.

They've never had adversity.

They decided to rebel against their parents by making even softer rock.

Don't express yourself too much. Come on.

These guys were like...

That music in the elevators is too balls -out for us.

If you, like, cut out all the music and then got rid of all these white

people, this would make a really good screensaver.

Damn it, this sucks.

We couldn't even catch any of these... Damn it.

I bet we could kick this guy's ass.

He's old.

You never should have jumped bail, Mr.

Post.

Hey, what did this guy do?

Oh, he's the Postmaster General. He runs the whole postal system.

How the mighty have fallen.

Go get him, butthead.

I don't see him. Maybe he, like, skipped the country.

Wrong, Beavis.

I got like a 20 on him.

Check it out.

Me. Are you sure that's him? Close enough, Beavis.

At least I bet we can take him.

Uh, Mr. Poth?

Hey, Randy Lyle, that you a special lady for.

Remember?

You're coming downtown.

Come on. Downtown.

Sounds like a party.

We can do this one of two ways. We can kick your ass or we can kick your

ass.

Downtown is a few blocks.

Might be easier if you ride in my cart. Tell it to the judge. Come on.

Okay, we'll ride in the cart.

This is the end of the road for you, Mr. Post.

We're taking you to jail. So, like, make a left here?

Jail? That's not an idea.

Let's leap this one off.

But the jail is this way, boy.

Oh, there we go.

Hopefully I got my regular cell. That's the best toilet in the house.

Eh. That's like enough lip out of you.

Come on, move it.

Hey, baby.

We're bounty hunters.

Check it out.

Yeah, we have a fugitive and everything, see?

Look at him. But like, how about our reward?

You look like you have plenty of bounty.

And booty, too.

Excuse me? What did you just say to me?

I'll have your butts kicked right out of here.

Ma 'am, don't make me use this.

Damn it.

Make it easier on yourself.

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