Original subtitles

Whoa, cool.

Uh,

hey, pizza face.

What?

Oh, yeah, I guess I have a little act. Wow!

Hey, damn it. Pizza face.

Pizza face.

Dumbass. We're under the car's rear end.

The car's butt.

Hello. To answer your question, yes, this car does have new undercoating.

So, what do you think, guys? Can you see yourself driving this car?

Yeah. Yeah, I can see that. That would be cool. I bet we could score. Yes, yes,

definitely, my friend. I must congratulate you both. You picked a very

to buy a car.

Yeah, we're smart.

Today and today only, I can offer you 0 % down.

Whoa, really?

We have zero.

We're gonna get a car.

We're gonna score.

This is gonna be cool.

Yes, yes, very cool, yes, yes. Come inside, we talk about it, okay?

Oh, my God.

It looks like a bathing suit.

Mom, no.

Whoa. This chick's mom might be a bigger slut than your mom, Beavis.

Yeah, maybe so.

I think she might be a better slut, too.

She has better fake boobs.

And that's not saying much.

You look like you're in love.

Come on, buddy, that's enough.

God gave me this body.

God gave her that body?

Yeah.

God's like, don't drag me into this.

I'm getting ready to pick some things out. Me and Drew are going to go take

pictures. For where?

For the Playboy party.

Mom, your underwear is showing.

I don't know why you keep doing that. Come on, arch your back. More slutty.

More embarrassing for your daughter. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Come on. More

embarrassing for your daughter. More embarrassing. More embarrassing. There

go. There you go. Yeah, yeah, yeah.

You better

hand over that glitter.

I had sex with a clown to get that glitter.

That hat makes her look really old.

And really stupid, too.

Yeah. Well, she's got to keep the light off her face.

Is this the Playboy party she was talking about?

I thought the Playboy mansion was, like, a little nicer and had a pool and

stuff.

Yeah. I thought there'd be more chicks, though. This is like just a bunch of

kids and one old slut.

Now

you

just stay in your room while your mom goes downstairs and does it with all

friends.

This is the one girl that really deserves to be emo.

Okay, Ham, it looks like you got a couple of gearheads. These guys love

know -it -alls, so I want you to sad -sack them.

Sad -sack? Oh, yes, yes, sad -sack. When I say, Mikey, oh, he's a good salesman,

but not me. I cannot sell car.

You know, I'm so not good salesman, you probably rip me off. Okay, tone it down

a tad.

Remember, you're a loser, and you just can't seem to sell a car.

You want these guys to think they have the advantage, so they let down their

guard. Hermit, it's showtime.

Go get them.

It is beautiful machine, yes? It has many RPMs, you know?

I'm so sorry. I don't know what I'm saying.

You see that guy, Mikey? He's a very truly good salesman. But not me. No, I

trouble selling car to no one. I cannot sell car.

Hey, Bud, maybe we should buy a car from that Mikey guy. Yeah, really.

How'd we get stuck with this dumbass? He can't even sell a car.

Whoa, hold on, fellas. I want to make sure you get the best deal possible. Let

me have a word with Hammett here.

Okay, these guys are going to be tough.

We're not going to fool them. Just start negotiating.

Be tough. Be a closer.

So you can see the price is $3 ,000, but, you know, let's talk, you know.

Tell me, what will it take to get you into this car today?

You said something about zero?

Yeah, that'll work.

Zero point zero.

Yes, very good. I don't think my manager will go for that, but maybe I could

give you, you know, maybe $500 of this price. It's good.

You're going to give us $500 to take the car? Yeah, yeah, yeah, cool.

No. I'll take it. No, that's not what I meant. No, I cannot do that. No.

Uh, hmm.

I don't know, but are we still okay at zero?

Eh. I don't know. A free car doesn't sound so great after he was going to

us $500 to take it.

Yeah. Wait, wait, no. I did not ever say... I don't know about it. I mean,

know, zero dollars for a car, you know what I mean? That's not bad. Dammit,

Beavis, gas is expensive.

I'll take like $250 from you to take this car, but that's like my final

Okay, okay, okay. Well, let's all settle down here, okay? This is getting a

little, you know...

I tell you what, you need to see what this car can do. You need to go for test

drive. How about that? We go test drive. Yeah, yeah, yeah.

Let's drive this thing. Yeah.

This is going to be cool.

You will see this car handled very nice, you know. It was driven by one little

old lady one time, you know, that's all.

Yeah, it smells like old lady.

Hey, I mean, you think anybody did it back here?

Seems like it would be a good spot, you know what I'm saying? Yes, yes, it is

very nice, yes, yes. So you're saying that you could see yourself driving this

car, then?

Uh, yeah.

Yeah, yeah, yeah.

Yeah, I could see myself driving it with a kick.

And her boobs, too. Very good, very good.

Let's see what this baby can do.

No, no, no. The car is already started, my friend. Please, please.

Yeah, butthole.

You're going to break it. Okay, then. If everybody is ready, then we will begin

test drive.

Okay? Ready.

No, do not start the car. Cool. Do it again. Do it again. No, do not do it

again. No, this car is started. Do not start it anymore.

Come on, let's go.

Punch it. Yeah.

Okay.

No, no.

You did not.

That was cool.

Before we leave Miami, we are going on a road trip.

We are hitting up the Everglades. We've got crocodiles, alligators, whatever you

want. They're going to go out to the Everglades to see if they can go two

without having sex or fighting.

I don't know if they're going to make it.

They're like, do you have a... mushroom on this boat or whatever this thing is.

That airboat is serious. Like, it's hella huge.

I mean, that would work better than my hair dryer.

Maybe instead of 25 minutes doing my hair, it'll only take me 10.

I came up with that myself, you know what I'm saying?

The crocodile's like, oh,

they're guidos.

They all taste like spray tan.

Too much gristle.

After the airboat tour, we went to a little in -town cafe where they had,

crab legs and alligators and all kinds of stuff that you can eat. Yeah, yeah,

the stuff you eat. Yeah, yeah, yeah. What's it called? You know, the stuff,

like you eat it. It's not drinks. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Food. Yeah, that's it. Yeah,

yeah, yeah.

Hey, guys.

Take it.

It's a frog.

This looks like that picture of the last supper, but with guidos.

Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah.

Jesus died for their tans.

What is that? With Jenny.

That was actually funny.

It actually was.

That's weird.

Why do you think I didn't hit the froggy legs though?

Micah! No way, butt munch. I barely got to go anywhere.

No one will drive. You have destroyed the car.

Oh, I am very sorry.

They crashed the car.

I'll deal with you later, boys.

Looks like you just bought yourselves a car.

Uh, no way.

This one's all broken and stuff. Yeah.

I can't see myself driving it anymore.

Yeah, we want a fresh one.

But I'm going to have to ask you to give us $1 ,000 to take the new one.

Yeah, Hamid already agreed to give us $500 for the old one.

Look at it now, you know. Whoa, hold on here. That's not how it works. You've

got to buy this car or I'm going to hold on to your licenses and contact your

insurance company.

We don't have licenses.

Yeah, or insurance companies.

You didn't get their licenses and proof of insurance?

You're fired. And you too.

Get off my lot and don't let me ever see you here again.

Hey, bud, check it out.

Pizza face.

What?

You mess.

Okay, dude, settle down. We'll take $500 for it. If you drive a hard bargain,

we're in.

Don't make me kick your ass.

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