Original subtitles

Hey, Viva.

You know like openness right in front of your face?

You mean like me?

Ow! It's burning my eyes!

Ow!

That was cool.

Yeah, that was cool.

Come on, Crystal. No one's here. Let's try the basketball courts. I know a

couple of dealers who hang out there.

Hang on. I think I see just what we need.

That guy is tweaking for sure.

Are you holding, Sugar?

Wow, yeah. Yeah, I am holding. See? I am holding. Well, that's great, Sugar,

because I really need to score.

You do?

Well, I am holding. I need you to come with me, though. Is that all right?

Yeah. We can do this wherever you want, baby.

Oh, yeah.

Great.

Just get in the van.

Whoa. Is she going to do it, too?

Yeah. Yeah, hell yeah. She just can't get enough.

The moon.

I feel like it's dysfunctional. Is that Snooki in there?

That's Dina.

Oh, God.

I don't care for Dina.

You know, you can just throw anything at these guidos and they'll do something

with it. You know, like a ball, you know, and then a box, you know.

I think that's the box that that ball came in from the other episode.

It just so happens that Dina defies the law of intelligence.

Whoa, there's a law of intelligence?

Uh, yeah.

You better hire a lawyer, Beavis.

Cardboard balls.

Oh,

did they break up?

Uh, yeah.

They both wanted to see other guidos.

I go to sleep in my own bed tonight, alone.

She sleeps alone for the first time ever.

Luckily,

I sleep in the smush room.

Yeah.

There's always plenty of guidos coming in and out of there.

She'll be fine.

Well, are we going to do it here?

Yeah, yeah.

Here is good, yeah.

Let's do it. No, Gary wouldn't trust us with the money, but don't worry, you'll

get paid.

Whoa. Yeah, yeah.

We don't expect you to just give it to us for free.

Less than you want to.

Damn it, Sapphire, stay on the damn road.

I'm just saying, if they want to give us a little taste, where's the harm?

She makes a good point. Yeah, yeah, I mean, I mean, yeah, and I like getting

paid, you know, but I mean...

Anything wrong with a little taste?

Come to butthead.

Get back and drive.

Damn it. Nobody is tasting nothing till we get to the set.

The set? We're doing a porno. I'm a porn star.

Stop her. I think she's a porn star, but she's really just a flopper. Shut up,

whore. Whoa, you're a porn star?

Hell yeah.

Then let's get to the set.

Oh, yeah.

There's going to be some holding, you know what I'm saying?

Hey,

y 'all. This here is Beavis and Butthead. Yes, the stars of the party

are here.

Whoa, these guys already know we're porn stars.

Yeah, we haven't even done it yet. Now we can start.

Tim. You have it fixed yet? I'm trying. I told you we really needed a dual -band

HD streaming router.

And I told you we don't have enough money. It was either go to the office

store or get drugs.

I made an executive decision, and I stand by it. Gary, what are you and your

friends doing in there?

Nothing, Ma.

Do you and your friends want some sandwiches?

Shut up!

Man, I love crank, especially chasing that white dragon. What exactly are you

guys holding? Break it out.

You want to see my crank?

Yeah, me. I don't show my white dragon to dudes.

Sorry. You've never shown it to chicks either, dumbass.

Oh, yeah, me.

But I don't show it to dudes on purpose.

See what I'm saying? Not even in the gym. Come on, guys. Break out the stuff.

Yeah, this better be good stuff. Better than the dual band router I was going to

get. Break out the drugs.

What are you talking about?

We don't have any drugs.

No drugs.

And no router. But you said you found someone. You probably did it all behind

our back.

Hey,

so do we do it now?

Yeah, we should probably get going on this.

Cool.

A fight.

So am I.

Are they actually at Dave and Buster's?

No.

I think like if you knock someone out on top of that Dave and Buster's logo, you

get like free cheese sticks or something.

I can never tell what they're yelling.

Yeah, I don't even know how these guys are supposed to hear any of this.

Just sounds like... Whoa.

Right in the nose.

This guy's like, okay, now your body is telling you something's wrong.

Oh,

they're all worried about this dude?

Is your foot okay?

Did you break your toe on his schlong?

Wes, deep, three breaths. Deep breaths.

Breathe through your nose, out your mouth.

He's so dumb, they had to tell him how to breathe.

In through your nose, out through your mouth.

That's it.

The nose is the one on top.

Winner by majority decision, McSweeney.

You can't beat Iron Schlong McSweeney.

Okay, now come get your tokens, guys.

Damn it! He told me he was holding.

Look at the way he talks.

I thought he was tweaking.

Gary, what's with all the yelling? Not now, Ma!

What's going on, butthead? How come everybody's, like, talking instead of

it? Oh, no.

This must be the story part of the porno. Damn it.

I hate that part.

Okay, everybody freeze. What's going on in here?

Nothing. I swear.

I'm just making a movie.

Actually, nothing illegal is going on.

We're making an adult film, but all my performers are over 18.

And there are no drugs here.

None at all. Eh.

Can you dumbasses get done with all this talking story crap so we can start

doing it with the chicks?

Yeah, this story really sucks.

The dialogue is horrible.

Yeah, I mean, most porn is bad, but this one is really bad.

Yeah, come on, we're ready to be porn stars.

I'm ready for my close -up.

Of my butt.

These two don't look 18.

That's because we're not.

Butthole. Looks like you're under arrest.

Oh, no, no, no. That's Beavis and Butthead. They're not performers.

Yeah, right.

Beavis and Butthead. Sounds like porn names to me. We're going to figure all

this out downtown.

There you go.

Gary, what's going on? Not now, Ma.

Damn it, this sucks.

Yeah, but the story part's going to be over pretty soon.

And then we're going to do it with those chicks.

Oh, yeah.

Don't worry, boys. You'll be placed in a protective custody.

Yeah.

Protection. You know, I always imagined my first time would be like this.

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