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00:00:13,340 --> 00:00:19,140
Due to a new school board edict, we will
not be running ball handling drills
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today. We will be building empathy. Do
you know what empathy is, butthead?
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00:00:24,540 --> 00:00:28,380
Uh, is that like... Something to do with
ball handling?
4
00:00:29,520 --> 00:00:35,680
Shut up! Empathy! Empathy is when you
feel what someone else is feeling. Do
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00:00:35,680 --> 00:00:36,680
understand?
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00:00:36,800 --> 00:00:39,220
Uh, feel someone else?
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00:00:39,820 --> 00:00:45,460
Shut up! Now, you will take these self
-esteem worksheets and you will make
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00:00:45,460 --> 00:00:49,320
copies. Uh, you mean like with the copy
machine?
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00:00:49,780 --> 00:00:55,220
Cool. Yes, but let me be clear. You will
only copy the worksheet.
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00:00:55,740 --> 00:00:57,960
You will not copy your butts again.
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00:00:58,180 --> 00:00:59,800
Do you understand, Beavis?
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Um, so, um, do not copy my butt. Say it
again. Do not copy my butt.
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00:01:05,820 --> 00:01:08,040
Again. Do not copy my butt.
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00:01:08,340 --> 00:01:10,800
Do not copy my butt. Do not copy my
butt.
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I can't hear you. Do not copy my butt.
Do not copy my butt.
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Do not copy my butt.
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Not copy my butt.
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Not copy my butt.
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Not copy my butt.
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Not copy my butt.
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Not copy my butt. Not copy my butt.
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Not copy my butt.
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Not copy my butt. Not copy my butt. Copy
my butt. Copy my butt. Copy my butt. My
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butt. My butt. My beavis.
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You know what would be cool?
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You should, like, copy your butt.
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Oh, yeah.
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Get up here.
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That was cool.
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My butt.
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My name's Andrew.
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00:02:12,520 --> 00:02:15,480
I'm 27 years old. And I have a foot
fetish.
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Foot fetish?
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What is that? I think that's like where
chicks' feet give you a boner.
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You mean just from looking at them?
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00:02:27,200 --> 00:02:28,200
Yeah.
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And I think sometimes they like touch
them and like queer off with their feet.
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Whoa, really?
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What if kids see this?
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00:02:41,060 --> 00:02:42,580
Are you in your room?
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Yeah. Yeah. Is there anybody around?
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Have your feet.
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And what are your feet wearing?
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Oh, nice.
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Sexy.
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Yeah, I gotta say, butthead, I've seen
better.
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Better feet, you know.
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00:03:01,380 --> 00:03:02,840
You know, it's MTV, you know.
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I can't wait to meet you. Love your
face.
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Bye -bye.
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Oh, good, she's gone. Now I can get back
to foot tube.
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00:03:11,880 --> 00:03:14,980
Get ready to roll out of here. Head to
the airport.
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This guy's like, hey, what do you say we
go over to airport security and watch
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00:03:22,800 --> 00:03:23,940
people take their shoes off?
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00:03:26,460 --> 00:03:27,460
Yeah,
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he could get a job there.
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00:03:29,500 --> 00:03:33,480
He could get paid to have a boner all
day long.
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00:03:34,200 --> 00:03:35,580
Yeah, that would be cool.
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00:03:35,980 --> 00:03:39,960
Welcome to your final resting place.
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00:03:42,840 --> 00:03:43,840
Uh -oh.
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00:03:43,920 --> 00:03:45,600
Uh -oh.
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All right, all right, come on.
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00:03:47,150 --> 00:03:48,750
Yeah, come on. Let's get busy. Come on.
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Come on.
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Come on. Her butt is right there. Come
on. It's right there. Yeah, come on.
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00:03:55,790 --> 00:03:59,710
We should, like, make a deal with this
guy that while he's playing with her
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feet, we can, like, you know, play
around with the rest of her.
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00:04:07,210 --> 00:04:12,630
Where does he work?
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00:04:18,600 --> 00:04:21,160
I guess that's his job.
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He goes down to the Red Robin and
growls.
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00:04:30,080 --> 00:04:32,980
Kramer party of three. Your table is
ready.
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Thank you very much.
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I'll be here all week.
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Butt went through the glass.
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I can't move.
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It's going to be okay.
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Now, butthead, you have a very important
role here. You need to keep your friend
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calm. Just take his hand.
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No, thank you.
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00:04:59,280 --> 00:05:03,680
Hurry up and get that moron out of
there. I need that copier fixed.
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00:05:05,120 --> 00:05:09,580
Sir, we can't move him. His femoral
artery may be cut. I just can't see. The
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00:05:09,580 --> 00:05:13,520
only way to look is by moving him off
the copier. But if we move him, he could
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00:05:13,520 --> 00:05:14,359
bleed out.
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00:05:14,360 --> 00:05:16,080
Eh, I know a way to look.
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00:05:17,140 --> 00:05:18,140
Yeah, what's that?
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You could copy his butt.
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That would be cool.
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I don't care about the risk to that
idiot.
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If you don't get him out, you risk 30
kids in my class failing a standardized
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test. Now pull him out and fix it. Yes,
and I need those self -esteem flyers.
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00:05:34,640 --> 00:05:35,640
Okay, okay, look.
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00:05:35,660 --> 00:05:39,120
Here's what we can do. We'll take the
upper carriage of the copier off and
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move him with it. Anything else is too
risky.
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00:05:41,440 --> 00:05:43,240
Tom, go get the jaws of life.
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00:05:43,760 --> 00:05:45,660
Whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa. Hold
on a second.
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00:05:45,880 --> 00:05:47,240
Oh, thank God you're here.
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00:05:47,560 --> 00:05:50,700
You take that carriage off, you're going
to be waiting a long time for your
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00:05:50,700 --> 00:05:52,040
tests and flyers and such.
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00:05:52,280 --> 00:05:54,680
That baby's going to take three days to
repair, minimum.
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00:05:55,140 --> 00:05:56,280
You're going to die.
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00:05:57,200 --> 00:05:58,200
Ow.
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00:06:00,430 --> 00:06:06,630
I'm here live at Highland High School
where a local teenager is still trapped
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the copier. The only thing holding his
femoral artery together is a shard of
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00:06:12,730 --> 00:06:14,970
glass stuck in his rectum.
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00:06:15,390 --> 00:06:20,790
As you can see behind me, these brave
firemen will be using the jaws of life
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00:06:20,790 --> 00:06:25,850
extract him. But don't think for one
second that this will be resolved
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00:06:25,890 --> 00:06:30,410
There will be dangers throughout, and
this young teenager could bleed out and
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die at any moment.
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00:06:32,970 --> 00:06:37,150
You start sawing through that thing, you
can say goodbye to your toner and light
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00:06:37,150 --> 00:06:38,150
generator, too.
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00:06:38,490 --> 00:06:41,190
Don't count on seeing a test or a menu
until next week.
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00:06:41,410 --> 00:06:43,990
Well, we either saw through the machine
or we saw through the boy.
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00:06:44,890 --> 00:06:47,550
Uh, I say saw through the boy.
114
00:06:48,190 --> 00:06:51,210
That would be cool. Oh, yeah. Oh, no.
115
00:06:52,810 --> 00:06:54,770
You've got to be kidding me. This is
ridiculous.
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00:06:55,210 --> 00:06:57,110
Just do it. No, no.
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00:06:57,390 --> 00:06:59,550
I want to see your female artery.
118
00:06:59,910 --> 00:07:01,150
What are you doing? No, no, no, no.
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00:07:01,370 --> 00:07:02,370
Cut it out, buddy.
120
00:07:03,370 --> 00:07:04,370
Ow!
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00:07:04,890 --> 00:07:05,890
Ow, my butt!
122
00:07:06,190 --> 00:07:07,190
Ow!
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00:07:08,150 --> 00:07:12,390
I guess it wasn't his femoral artery.
Looks like it's just lacerations to the
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00:07:12,390 --> 00:07:13,390
rectum.
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00:07:14,460 --> 00:07:20,140
Although he is now out of the copier, do
not think for one second that this
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young teenager saga is over.
127
00:07:25,800 --> 00:07:28,000
Why are they showing all these guys
crotches?
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00:07:29,880 --> 00:07:33,660
I think this is like a masturbation
experiment.
129
00:07:35,000 --> 00:07:39,980
Yeah, it's about time, you know, because
I'm... I've always been saying they
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00:07:39,980 --> 00:07:43,280
need to have more fun for masturbation
research.
131
00:07:46,150 --> 00:07:47,350
Yeah, really.
132
00:07:48,630 --> 00:07:50,670
The Chinese are killing us.
133
00:07:53,390 --> 00:07:55,050
Masturbation frequency dialed in.
134
00:07:56,290 --> 00:08:02,210
You know, it's about time they spend my
tax dollars on something I can use. You
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00:08:02,210 --> 00:08:03,210
know what I'm saying?
136
00:08:03,510 --> 00:08:06,410
My masturbation helmet doesn't have
naked chicks in it.
137
00:08:08,550 --> 00:08:11,370
You have a masturbation helmet?
138
00:08:12,570 --> 00:08:14,450
I mean, it's a football helmet, you
know.
139
00:08:14,970 --> 00:08:16,110
Safety first, you know.
140
00:08:17,630 --> 00:08:18,630
Okay,
141
00:08:19,030 --> 00:08:20,030
Beavis.
142
00:08:21,070 --> 00:08:22,510
You have now masturbated.
143
00:08:23,910 --> 00:08:26,310
Congratulations. You may go, but leave
the helmet.
144
00:08:29,350 --> 00:08:31,810
You masturbated, huh? Uh -huh.
145
00:08:35,169 --> 00:08:38,929
Whoa. You have to use the same helmet as
that other guy?
146
00:08:40,549 --> 00:08:41,549
Yeah.
147
00:08:41,929 --> 00:08:45,930
The doctor's like, no, no, no one used
this before. It's brand new.
148
00:08:47,090 --> 00:08:48,670
Why is it all steamy?
149
00:08:50,190 --> 00:08:53,570
Those are special gases we use to
enhance the masturbation.
150
00:08:57,970 --> 00:09:00,730
So that's this guy's fantasy?
151
00:09:02,630 --> 00:09:05,690
What kind of sick bastard is fantasizing
about this?
152
00:09:07,230 --> 00:09:08,810
On my tax dollars!
153
00:09:09,200 --> 00:09:10,200
Yeah.
154
00:09:11,200 --> 00:09:15,560
I think it's part of the stimulus
package.
155
00:09:17,020 --> 00:09:22,860
I wonder if, like, after you're done,
you could use that helmet to, like,
156
00:09:22,860 --> 00:09:24,020
Meet the Fockers or something.
157
00:09:24,480 --> 00:09:25,480
That would be cool.
158
00:09:29,840 --> 00:09:35,100
Don't think for even a second that the
trauma and tragedy of this amazing
159
00:09:35,100 --> 00:09:36,100
has abated.
160
00:09:36,350 --> 00:09:40,290
I'm interviewing noted TV psychologist
and diet expert Dr.
161
00:09:40,490 --> 00:09:44,050
Gene Shepard about the long road to
recovery ahead.
162
00:09:44,450 --> 00:09:45,550
Tell us, Dr.
163
00:09:45,790 --> 00:09:50,590
Shepard, what challenges will young
Beavis face when he is reintegrated into
164
00:09:50,590 --> 00:09:55,590
society? It's going to be a long road,
Jim. The life Beavis knew before is
165
00:09:55,730 --> 00:09:59,930
Even in the best case scenario, he will
not only be scarred rectally, he will be
166
00:09:59,930 --> 00:10:01,090
scarred psychologically as well.
167
00:10:01,350 --> 00:10:05,610
From Highland High School, I am a very
relieved...
168
00:10:06,200 --> 00:10:08,120
Jim Baxley, back to you, Miguel.
169
00:10:12,080 --> 00:10:17,440
Now those stitches will dissolve on
their own.
170
00:10:18,200 --> 00:10:20,200
Yeah, into his butt.
171
00:10:21,300 --> 00:10:22,580
Guess that's it, everybody.
172
00:10:25,300 --> 00:10:28,920
You're lucky that you almost died, or
you would be in big trouble.
173
00:10:29,600 --> 00:10:34,960
If you ever try to copy your butt again,
I will have you expelled from the
174
00:10:34,960 --> 00:10:36,300
entire school system.
175
00:10:38,660 --> 00:10:39,740
Don't copy my butt.
176
00:10:40,120 --> 00:10:41,220
Don't copy my butt.
177
00:10:42,220 --> 00:10:46,060
I wonder what my butt looks like with
all those stitches.
178
00:10:48,500 --> 00:10:50,240
Probably looks like a baseball.
179
00:10:52,460 --> 00:10:53,460
Can't see him.
180
00:10:54,100 --> 00:10:58,100
Hey, Beavis, why don't you take a
picture of it?
181
00:10:58,640 --> 00:10:59,640
Oh, yeah, yeah.
182
00:10:59,800 --> 00:11:00,940
Yeah, yeah, that's a good idea.
183
00:11:01,460 --> 00:11:02,460
Sit up here.
184
00:11:02,510 --> 00:11:07,060
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