Original subtitles

Hi there. Are you interested in going to heaven?

Beavis, Butthead, do you guys want to join our demonstration?

We're trying to stop them from forcing us to learn about evolution.

It's for a really cool cause.

Uh, it doesn't look very cool.

Hold on a sec, boys. Let me ask you a question. Do you really believe in

evolution? Can you honestly say you understand it?

Uh... No. I never could understand that crap. It's so complicated, no one can.

My dad says the reason no one understands it is because it isn't true.

He says learning it in biology class isn't worth going to hell for.

Bottom line is, the positive acting teens don't believe in evolution and

think they should have to learn it. Right, guys?

Yay!

So, like, if something's too complicated to understand, then we shouldn't have

to learn it?

That's right.

Cool. Really. I don't understand half the crap they talk about in there. Way

complicated. Yeah.

Maybe these people are cool.

Good

evening.

Tonight, Beavis and I will be discussing a wonderful and inspiring film called

The Human Centipede.

In this movie, a German doctor surgically connects this chick's mouth

chick's butt.

Then he connects that chick's mouth to a Chinese dude's butt.

Creating a Siamese triplet called the human centipede.

You know, it really is uplifting.

Through this experience, they learn about cooperation, friendship, and life.

And they also learn...

What human butt tastes like.

I mean, at least two of them do.

Yeah.

That's uplifting.

And now here's a short clip of the human centipede.

A Siamese triplet connected via the gastric system.

Ingestion by A.

Passing through the discretion of sea.

That's the butt.

The human centipede.

Feed her!

Feed her!

Hard! Slow!

You know, Butthead, I was thinking, you know, they're going to make Sex and the

City 3.

So, um...

Why not make it good?

Why not have all those chicks go to Germany and get lost in the forest, and

the doctor from Human Centipede finds them, and then he sews them all

butt to mouth, into one big centipede.

That would rule.

That would be two sequels with one movie. It would be the greatest chick

that has ever been made.

Feed her, Charlotte.

Feed her, Carrie.

Feed her, Samantha.

In

all

species, genetic traits are passed to offspring that allow them to survive

better than their parents. In this way, the process of... So complicated.

Hey, Beavis, that Pat dude said if something's too complicated, we

have to learn it. Oh, yeah, yeah.

Beavis and Butthead, do you have something to add to our discussion of

evolution?

Uh, yeah.

It's too complicated.

Yeah, and this guy right out in front of the school told us that we shouldn't

have to learn it.

Yeah, that's right. Let's get out of here, Beavis.

Um, guys?

Oh, and, uh, you're going to hell. Yeah, that's true.

The Pythagorean theorem can best be expressed with this equation.

A squared plus B squared equals C squared. Uh,

yes,

butthead. Uh, we shouldn't have to learn that. Uh,

why not? Because my uncle's not a monkey.

Yeah, that's right. This is geometry, not evolution, okay?

Tell that to the Lord.

But it shall go unanswered as you roam the fiery pit of damnation.

You're going to hell.

Now, to start a wrestling match, one wrestler gets down on all fours and the

other wrestler mounts him from behind like so.

Whoa. Sure.

Definitely going to hell. Yeah, I don't understand that at all.

I mean, you know, it's okay for you guys, maybe. To each his own.

Damn it, Beavis, butthead, get back here now!

Hey, Beavis, let's go tell Principal McVicker he's going to hell.

Yeah, really.

What kind of a place is he running here?

Hey, boys, how come you aren't in class?

Uh, we got suspended.

Because we refuse to learn stuff that's too complicated to understand. Just like

you said. You got suspended for your beliefs?

This is exactly what we need to get our message out to the media. Hold on, boys.

I gotta make a call.

For a guy who does cool stuff, he sure doesn't look very cool.

It's kind of embarrassing.

I am here live at Highland High School where two local boys have taken a daring

stand for their beliefs.

Now, tell us, what exactly happened?

Uh, we're like not going to go to school because they don't like our beliefs.

Yeah, they never really did.

It's not that these boys don't want to go to school. The fact is they were

suspended for supporting our movement.

He said movement.

I've been suspended for that, too.

Beavis Butthead, what led you to take such a strong stand against evolution?

Well, it's like that dude says.

If you can't understand it, then it must not be true.

Exactly. I mean, I don't understand it.

And I'm stupid.

See?

And, by the way, this incendiary issue will be taken up tonight at that town

hall meeting. Back to you, Miguel.

Miguel's going to hell. And take the weather guy with you, too. He sucks.

The charred walls of the damned.

Is that Gandalf? Ooh, that's a good one. I think so.

And I know they had homeless people in Middle Earth.

They've been trying to, like, escape from the shelf.

Oh, they're alive?

They're very close by.

I keep calling meeting.

Meeting!

Meeting!

First of all, to make sure that we're gathering respectfully, this clan here

an elder.

These are the clams that ought to be respected because they've lived a long

time. They have their genetic heritage to pass on to the young. Boy, this guy

has more rules than the army.

A dirty, stinky, itchy, smelly army.

And beardy, you know, with a bunch of disgusting homeless people.

I need to go and be in the forest right now.

Whoa, when did his shirt come off?

We'll sit and connect.

Gandalf is ready to connect.

What are you feeling?

Right now, a lot of pain.

I just went for a walk. With the experience with the clams, I don't think

differently of you because of it.

It was the clams that made it hurt.

Can you pull up your inner resilience?

Yeah. And then you can pull my inner resilience.

Is anyone looking?

Gandalf will show you some shame.

Now go back to your tent and take off your clothes.

The other side keeps saying the theory of evolution as if all the scientific

facts... See what we have to put up with?

...themed researchers and academics... Tell it to someone who cares!

Yeah, like Satan.

You can tell him when you're in hell!

That's enough!

Now you two boys, shut up before I come over there and do it for you! I think

what these boys are trying to say...

is that our science classes should teach all possibilities for the origin of

life. After all, evolution is only a theory.

I agree with Max here. Yeah, science is stupid.

Wait, that's not what I was saying.

This fact is exactly the kind of dangerous ideological thinking that

undermine not only years of scientific advance, The fact is you are going to

roast in hell because you're not letting go. Yeah, you're all going to hell.

Please, we don't accomplish anything like this. Shut up!

Okay, since we can't agree to disagree, the only solution is to find a

compromise that both sides are comfortable with.

Yeah, they'll be comfortable in hell.

Sorry about that.

So, thanks to Beavis and Butthead, you don't have to learn about evolution

today if you don't want to.

We're popular.

Looks like no one wants to.

Very well. Then today you have to study this.

I only have one copy, so please take detailed notes.

The theory of intelligent design holds that certain features of the universe

best explained by an intelligent cause. I knew that Max guy wasn't cool.

Let's get out of here, Beavis.

We're going to hell.

Yeah, maybe it won't be so bad.

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