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00:00:17,420 --> 00:00:24,280
I promise to love you every moment until
the
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end of all time.
3
00:00:28,460 --> 00:00:30,080
Well, this isn't very good.
4
00:00:31,340 --> 00:00:33,540
Is Bella a zombie?
5
00:00:33,840 --> 00:00:38,080
Is Bella just like standing there with
her mouth open and she acts like she's
6
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dead? Shh, quiet.
7
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Sorry, sorry.
8
00:00:41,740 --> 00:00:45,360
I will fight for you till your heart
stops beating.
9
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And then I will still love you.
10
00:00:49,800 --> 00:00:54,320
And then I will keep loving you till the
end of time.
11
00:00:54,640 --> 00:00:56,780
How come everybody whispers in these
movies?
12
00:00:57,200 --> 00:00:58,540
And they're probably embarrassed.
13
00:00:59,120 --> 00:01:00,240
What do you think?
14
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Shut up.
15
00:01:02,180 --> 00:01:03,180
Oh, sorry.
16
00:01:04,680 --> 00:01:07,140
Hey, Beavis, check this out.
17
00:01:08,700 --> 00:01:12,360
I will fight for you until your heart
stops beating.
18
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Can I have some of your popcorn?
19
00:01:15,480 --> 00:01:17,680
Oh, my God. I said shut up.
20
00:01:19,220 --> 00:01:22,420
Damn it. Hey, we want our money back,
butthole.
21
00:01:22,620 --> 00:01:23,880
You snuck in.
22
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Oh, yeah.
23
00:01:27,850 --> 00:01:32,030
Okay, now I'm sure you're all familiar
with the Twilight series.
24
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You see, the Twilight series follows in
the noble footsteps of some of the great
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romantic literature we'll be studying.
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Mary Shelley's Frankenstein, Bram
Stoker's Dracula.
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How come chicks like that crap?
28
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never understood it well butthead
vampires werewolves and actually all of
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classic undead characters are true anti
-heroes they have conquered death and
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are touched by evil so they are
forbidden which of course makes them
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00:02:03,330 --> 00:02:08,990
irresistible to women hey beaver we
should become vampires and werewolves
32
00:02:08,990 --> 00:02:13,070
hey well like how do you become a
vampire
33
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Butthole. Well, the unifying romantic
mythos is that to join the undead, you
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must first be bitten by the undead. Is
that all?
35
00:02:23,700 --> 00:02:24,880
Well, that should be easy enough.
36
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Get the binoculars, Beavis.
37
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Uh, Beavis? Butthead? We're gonna score.
38
00:02:31,780 --> 00:02:34,360
Yeah, yeah. I will be a denizen of the
night.
39
00:02:34,860 --> 00:02:36,100
We'll be back, ladies.
40
00:02:40,600 --> 00:02:42,240
Yeah, yeah, yeah.
41
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Firehouse. Fire.
42
00:02:44,510 --> 00:02:45,510
Fire.
43
00:02:46,090 --> 00:02:47,790
Yeah, that's a lot of fire.
44
00:02:48,770 --> 00:02:49,770
Yeah, yeah.
45
00:02:50,250 --> 00:02:54,250
You know, I might read more if they put
fire behind the words like that.
46
00:02:55,750 --> 00:03:01,090
Maybe if there's some way to put books
on fire while I was reading them, I
47
00:03:01,090 --> 00:03:03,630
read, look at the fire.
48
00:03:04,910 --> 00:03:06,390
That would be cool.
49
00:03:07,530 --> 00:03:08,970
I like some fire.
50
00:03:09,390 --> 00:03:10,390
You sure do.
51
00:03:13,450 --> 00:03:15,310
Is that 16 and pregnant?
52
00:03:17,970 --> 00:03:18,970
No, no, no.
53
00:03:19,650 --> 00:03:20,770
I've seen all of those.
54
00:03:21,510 --> 00:03:26,570
Plus, he already has a baby, so this is
probably Teen Mom Season 3.
55
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I've seen all of Season 1 and 2.
56
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She's a lousy mom.
57
00:03:38,410 --> 00:03:40,210
Is this Florida?
58
00:03:41,950 --> 00:03:42,950
Yep,
59
00:03:43,350 --> 00:03:44,350
that's Florida.
60
00:03:47,150 --> 00:03:48,330
Florida, fuck.
61
00:03:51,970 --> 00:03:56,210
She made this little kid cry just so he
could be in this video.
62
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That's messed up.
63
00:04:00,150 --> 00:04:02,990
What kind of parents would let their kid
be in this video?
64
00:04:03,210 --> 00:04:08,010
Yeah, they're like, okay, son, now
there's going to be some scary monsters
65
00:04:08,010 --> 00:04:09,870
some creepy people putting their hands
on you.
66
00:04:10,410 --> 00:04:14,490
But you should be able to handle it
because you're like, uh, one and a half.
67
00:04:15,590 --> 00:04:16,630
Yeah, you're one now.
68
00:04:16,870 --> 00:04:18,730
Time you start pulling your weight
around here.
69
00:04:21,850 --> 00:04:22,850
Hey,
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00:04:23,090 --> 00:04:26,090
what if that kid has the exact same
shorts and shoes that you do?
71
00:04:26,370 --> 00:04:28,290
Uh, oh, yeah.
72
00:04:29,230 --> 00:04:31,210
He looks cool.
73
00:04:31,870 --> 00:04:35,190
He should get, like, a gray T -shirt
with ACDC on it.
74
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Sonny would kick ass.
75
00:04:43,940 --> 00:04:44,940
Hi,
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00:04:46,580 --> 00:04:47,580
baby.
77
00:04:47,980 --> 00:04:51,000
Don't go too far. We're going to be
vampires pretty soon.
78
00:04:53,720 --> 00:04:56,740
I don't see any vampires, butthead.
79
00:04:57,780 --> 00:05:01,960
That's probably because it's too bright
out here. But remember, any undead will
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00:05:01,960 --> 00:05:02,960
get us chicks.
81
00:05:03,020 --> 00:05:04,020
Oh, yeah, yeah.
82
00:05:04,220 --> 00:05:05,360
Yeah, I want to be a mummy.
83
00:05:06,220 --> 00:05:07,220
Wait a minute.
84
00:05:07,300 --> 00:05:08,360
Can I even bite?
85
00:05:08,830 --> 00:05:11,110
Whoa. Shut up, Beavis. Look.
86
00:05:11,470 --> 00:05:13,050
A werewolf.
87
00:05:13,430 --> 00:05:14,450
Let me see. Let me see.
88
00:05:16,330 --> 00:05:18,870
Whoa. That's definitely a werewolf.
89
00:05:21,830 --> 00:05:22,830
Yep.
90
00:05:24,470 --> 00:05:25,710
That's a werewolf, all right.
91
00:05:27,310 --> 00:05:28,990
Don't screw this up, Beavis.
92
00:05:29,750 --> 00:05:31,030
Let me do the talking.
93
00:05:33,230 --> 00:05:35,590
How come there aren't any, like, women
in his lair?
94
00:05:36,990 --> 00:05:38,650
They're probably out doing his bidding.
95
00:05:38,990 --> 00:05:39,990
Oh, yeah.
96
00:05:40,470 --> 00:05:42,030
Soon they will do our bidding.
97
00:05:42,750 --> 00:05:44,370
Women? Women.
98
00:05:44,770 --> 00:05:45,770
Let me tell you.
99
00:05:45,890 --> 00:05:48,230
I'll tell you something about women.
They're all right.
100
00:05:48,490 --> 00:05:52,170
They're fine when they don't know what's
happening.
101
00:05:52,550 --> 00:05:55,630
I'm not talking no little bit. You don't
listen to me.
102
00:05:56,030 --> 00:05:57,590
You don't listen to me.
103
00:05:58,410 --> 00:06:01,830
Thank you, oh, great master, for sharing
your wisdom.
104
00:06:02,950 --> 00:06:07,030
But we're wondering, like, If you could,
like, bite us.
105
00:06:07,310 --> 00:06:08,310
Yeah, me too.
106
00:06:08,710 --> 00:06:09,890
You got a dollar?
107
00:06:10,510 --> 00:06:12,170
Uh, we have gum.
108
00:06:13,470 --> 00:06:15,630
I like me gum.
109
00:06:16,830 --> 00:06:17,830
Ow!
110
00:06:18,550 --> 00:06:19,550
Ow!
111
00:06:20,270 --> 00:06:21,270
Ow! Ow!
112
00:06:21,790 --> 00:06:25,070
You don't have to go crazy.
113
00:06:25,410 --> 00:06:27,310
Ow! Okay, okay, that's enough.
114
00:06:28,210 --> 00:06:30,490
I like me gum.
115
00:06:30,810 --> 00:06:31,830
Damn it, that hurt.
116
00:06:32,690 --> 00:06:33,690
Don't worry, Beaver.
117
00:06:34,780 --> 00:06:35,780
It'll be worth it.
118
00:06:36,740 --> 00:06:39,040
And now, let the transformation begin.
119
00:06:43,640 --> 00:06:45,440
Hey there, how we doing today?
120
00:06:46,060 --> 00:06:49,160
We got a complaint called in, Henry. Are
you biting people again?
121
00:06:49,700 --> 00:06:50,700
Yes, I are.
122
00:06:50,920 --> 00:06:54,140
But they asked me to do it. Yeah, looks
like we're going to have to run them in.
123
00:06:54,200 --> 00:06:57,900
This guy has hep C and God knows what
else. Make sure to put your gloves on.
124
00:07:04,690 --> 00:07:06,430
Are we werewolves yet?
125
00:07:06,970 --> 00:07:08,110
It is working.
126
00:07:08,970 --> 00:07:11,430
I think the transformation is complete.
127
00:07:12,950 --> 00:07:13,950
That's nice.
128
00:07:14,430 --> 00:07:16,610
Whoa, look at your face.
129
00:07:17,490 --> 00:07:20,530
Whoa, your arms look cool.
130
00:07:20,870 --> 00:07:23,690
Well, let's go get some girls.
131
00:07:29,010 --> 00:07:30,010
Yeah.
132
00:07:40,280 --> 00:07:46,000
We're at a pizzeria in Florence. But I'm
80 years old, and I'm teaching my kids
133
00:07:46,000 --> 00:07:49,140
how to make pizza, and they ask me, oh,
where'd you make pizza?
134
00:07:49,460 --> 00:07:53,440
Bitch, I made it in Florence. That's
where I made pizza. She's going to call
135
00:07:53,440 --> 00:07:54,440
grandkids, bitch.
136
00:07:55,900 --> 00:07:58,740
You're the best grandma ever, Grandma
JWoww.
137
00:07:59,120 --> 00:08:00,620
And please don't hit us again.
138
00:08:02,780 --> 00:08:05,740
Your Uncle Juicehead and Grandpa Gorilla
gonna help us make pizza?
139
00:08:07,320 --> 00:08:10,020
Grandma JWoww, where did you get
syphilis?
140
00:08:10,680 --> 00:08:12,640
Yeah, tell us that story, bitch.
141
00:08:14,120 --> 00:08:18,520
Like, I don't speak Italian. How am I
supposed to know how to cook a pizza?
142
00:08:18,740 --> 00:08:21,240
Yeah, she doesn't speak Italian. She's
an Indian.
143
00:08:21,900 --> 00:08:24,020
Check out the headdress. Come on.
144
00:08:24,820 --> 00:08:26,440
Who made the first pizza pie?
145
00:08:27,150 --> 00:08:30,690
Came out pretty good. I mean, if Snooki
can do it, we all can do it. Right?
146
00:08:30,990 --> 00:08:31,990
You know what I mean?
147
00:08:32,669 --> 00:08:34,450
Right? You know what I mean?
148
00:08:35,390 --> 00:08:36,409
Hot salami, okay?
149
00:08:36,669 --> 00:08:43,429
She loves hot salami. She loves hot
salami. She loves hot salami. See, he
150
00:08:43,429 --> 00:08:44,430
means schlong.
151
00:08:45,550 --> 00:08:46,730
You think she a slut?
152
00:08:47,270 --> 00:08:49,490
It's good to know. Now let's get back to
making a pizza.
153
00:08:49,710 --> 00:08:51,190
I'm DJ. I spin records.
154
00:08:51,410 --> 00:08:52,950
I can spin pizza. That's my job.
155
00:08:53,790 --> 00:08:56,150
I get it. Yeah, he spins records.
156
00:08:56,680 --> 00:08:59,700
And records are around just like the
dough so he can spin the dough. See?
157
00:09:00,560 --> 00:09:04,200
You know, it's not funny, but, you know,
I get it.
158
00:09:04,620 --> 00:09:05,419
Damn it.
159
00:09:05,420 --> 00:09:09,360
This is like another one of those
episodes where they don't have sex and
160
00:09:09,360 --> 00:09:10,360
don't fight.
161
00:09:12,240 --> 00:09:14,780
And there's just way too much demon.
162
00:09:24,360 --> 00:09:26,760
Being a werewolf hurts my bones.
163
00:09:27,560 --> 00:09:29,780
Makes my eyes hurt.
164
00:09:30,000 --> 00:09:32,080
It's all going to be worth it when we're
scoring.
165
00:09:33,520 --> 00:09:37,300
Whoa, look.
166
00:09:38,280 --> 00:09:39,280
Whoa. Yes.
167
00:09:39,380 --> 00:09:40,380
See, Beavis?
168
00:09:41,120 --> 00:09:43,160
Those chicks are checking us out.
169
00:09:44,780 --> 00:09:46,100
Oh, my God.
170
00:09:46,440 --> 00:09:47,680
Let's just avoid them.
171
00:09:47,880 --> 00:09:50,240
No. We should probably call a homeless
shelter.
172
00:09:50,660 --> 00:09:51,660
It's working.
173
00:09:51,700 --> 00:09:53,860
Whoa. The master was right.
174
00:09:54,560 --> 00:09:55,580
We are ready.
175
00:09:56,380 --> 00:09:59,040
Our powers have summoned these chicks.
Finally.
176
00:09:59,680 --> 00:10:00,740
Here they come.
177
00:10:01,540 --> 00:10:03,120
I am willing them this way.
178
00:10:03,700 --> 00:10:08,640
Baby, I will fight for you until your
heart stops beating.
179
00:10:08,940 --> 00:10:10,560
We need to get these guys to the
hospital.
180
00:10:12,080 --> 00:10:13,080
Wow.
181
00:10:16,780 --> 00:10:20,460
Gangrene, gonorrhea, staph, MRSA.
182
00:10:21,260 --> 00:10:23,080
Hepatitis A, B, and C?
183
00:10:23,660 --> 00:10:25,620
It's amazing these two are even alive.
184
00:10:26,220 --> 00:10:30,400
Yeah, I know they're medical marvels and
all that, but I really don't want to
185
00:10:30,400 --> 00:10:33,400
change their catheter again. I swear
they start giggling.
186
00:10:33,740 --> 00:10:36,100
They're in deep comas. That's not
possible.
187
00:11:01,010 --> 00:11:06,630
Cool. Yeah, that child molester just
messed with the wrong preschooler.
188
00:11:08,150 --> 00:11:11,450
What makes you think he's a child
molester?
189
00:11:11,870 --> 00:11:13,710
Oh, he's a child molester, believe me.
190
00:11:15,270 --> 00:11:19,110
Every child molester I've ever met looks
just like that.
191
00:11:21,210 --> 00:11:27,810
I think maybe this is supposed to be her
dad.
192
00:11:29,070 --> 00:11:30,070
He's like...
193
00:11:30,350 --> 00:11:32,570
Never should have sent that kid to
Hogwarts.
194
00:11:33,390 --> 00:11:34,390
Yeah, really.
195
00:11:37,550 --> 00:11:42,530
That's really cool and everything, but
how come he doesn't just call 911
196
00:11:42,530 --> 00:11:43,530
himself?
197
00:11:43,930 --> 00:11:46,390
Yeah, who's he telling to call 911?
198
00:11:46,810 --> 00:11:48,910
And then what's he going to tell 911
anyway?
199
00:11:49,610 --> 00:11:56,210
Yeah, he'd be like, I told my niece we
couldn't go see Smurfs again, and then
200
00:11:56,210 --> 00:11:58,910
she, like, started warping space and
time.
201
00:11:59,480 --> 00:12:01,160
Thank you.
202
00:12:01,210 --> 00:12:05,760
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