Original subtitles

Okay, people.

Settle down.

Askowitz? Here.

Buttkiss? Yeah.

Beavis?

Butthead?

already told you. I don't want to hear about Beavis and Butthead. If you have a

problem with them, take care of it yourself.

But they haven't been in class for three weeks. I'm very concerned.

Okay?

What do you want me to do about it? Those kids are killing me.

Oh, when I think back on all the trouble they've caused me.

Oh, God.

Um,

don't you think we should give their parents a call? Do they even have

Well, I'd have to assume so.

Miss Dress, find Beavis and Butthead's phone numbers. Call their parents and

find out why those two weren't in school.

What in tarnation's a skyscraper? It's a very tall building, Mr. Clampett.

What in tarnation's a building?

Ooh, of course we cannot accept that. Everyone knows the country's full name

Outer Mongolia.

Good morning, Katie.

Good morning, Bryant. How are you? Me? I couldn't be better.

Yourself? Just fine.

Dammit, everything on TV sucks.

Yeah, this sucks.

Maybe we should, like, get another TV.

Shut up.

Buttwad, I'm trying to watch this crap.

Hey, I'm Butthead. I think the phone is ringing.

Uh, yeah?

Well, make it stop.

That's right.

Bernie's still dead and stiffer than ever. It's Weekend at Bernie's Part 7.

Who are you?

This is Highland High calling.

I'm trying to find out why Beavis and Butthead have not been in school for the

past three weeks.

Oh, I mean, yeah, they're dead.

So, Lisa, without your knowledge, you're just going to set you up for the

greatest cultly practice of animal mutilations.

Oh!

Mistress!

Sir, I have some bad news.

Beavis and Butthead are dead.

Oh, what?

No, it can't be. Oh, my God!

Oh, that's the best news I have ever heard.

Oh, oh, yeah.

Oh, my God.

I'll be damned.

It's finally over. How could it happen?

I knew it was going to be either me or them.

Oh, yeah. I thought I'd never get rid of them. Oh, yeah.

Oh, yeah.

Please don't grant me any more wishes, Jeannie. It'll only make Dr. Bellows

think I'm crazy.

No, it won't, Master. Not if you are dressed like Socrates, the wisest man of

all time.

That wasn't driftwood, Pyle. That was a statue I was carving for the colonel.

Dammit, we've seen all this crap before.

Yeah, this sucks.

Do those buttwipes actually think we're gonna sit here and watch the same crap

over and over again?

Shazam, shazam, shazam.

Students, I have sad tidings.

There's been a terrible tragedy, and I wanted you to hear it from me first.

Listen up!

Beavis and Butthead are dead!

There will be an emergency faculty meeting in the teacher's conference room

five minutes, followed by a brief party.

I realize you're all probably in a state of shock.

Two souls we knew very well have suddenly been taken from us.

But it's important that we let our emotions flow, not bottle them up.

I know how difficult this must be for you. Perhaps I'll start, okay?

The memories I'll always cherish of Beavis and Butthead are the times we got

beyond the student -teacher relationship and got to know each other as people.

This is a song I wrote especially for this occasion. It's called Men.

Men have feelings too.

May I share mine with you.

The inner child cries from deep within.

Nurture me, brother.

We both can win. This is the worst bong I've ever heard. Yeah.

This sucks.

May I share mine with you?

I don't remember about nature

photography.

He sure does like to touch.

Yeah. He tried to touch my wiener.

What? You little liar.

Back off, you pervert. He's lying.

Hey, don't you dare lay a finger on my student.

Beavis, did he hit you?

Yes, sir. He did.

Thank you for your concern.

Why, you little dirtball.

You want to touch my student? I'll touch you.

I'll get to you, little punk.

No, thank you, sir.

Thank you, Dr. Roof.

Stop it.

Okay, people.

It's obvious we're all a little overexcited. I think I'll cool things

a little song I wrote.

It's called Touch a Mountain.

Okay?

Children of the earth, rejoice.

Each new day we have a choice.

So touch a mountain, climb a mountain.

Oh,

damn it. I missed the turn.

That was cool.

Yeah.

That was cathartic.

Class, don't be afraid to let your feelings flow.

It's our memories that keep the... Spirits of loved ones alive.

Does anyone have something to share about Beavis or Butthead?

Anyone?

Um, Daria, I've seen you talking with them.

Well, I guess it's kind of sad that they're dead and all. But it's not like

had bright futures ahead of them. I mean, I remember this time when I was

walking home from school.

There they were.

What are you guys doing?

Diarrhea, cha -cha -cha.

Diarrhea, cha -cha -cha.

Diarrhea, cha -cha -cha.

Get a life.

Now, works by the master painters of the century.

He said master painters.

Oh, yeah.

You guys will never graduate.

Never masturbate?

Graduate. It's when you're all done with school.

You mean like school ends?

I rest my case.

Thanks for your honesty, Daria. You're right. Beavis and Butthead did have a

difficult journey through this life.

I can only hope that now they found whatever it was they were looking for.

Hunger for peace and brotherhood.

Hunger for food. It's pretty good.

And now, back to... Asbestos in obstetrics.

Damn it, this pisses me off. If we don't see some boobs or some explosions or

some... Yeah, poop.

That'd be cool.

Yeah, yeah. Or, uh, like, some butts.

Then I'm gonna, uh, get pissed off.

Yeah, really.

There were a couple of dumbasses.

Come on, people. Let's show some respect, okay?

Respect? Those boys never showed me any respect.

It took every ounce of my self -control not to kill them.

So, Beavis and Butthead.

I understand Mr. McVicker has made a little arrangement with you guys. Yeah,

little probation.

You see, class, Beavis and Butthead here are not allowed to laugh for a whole

week.

That's right, and if they do laugh, they'll be expelled and they'll have to

to Hope High School where they'll get their asses kicked on a daily basis by

the other delinquents. Ha, ha, ha!

Well, I was real glad to hear that because this is Sex Education Week.

That's right, sex ed week.

We're going to be talking about the penis.

We'll be talking about the vagina.

Do you think that's funny, butthead? Do you find it amusing that we'll be

talking about the testicles?

Yes, we're also going to be talking about venereal disease, sexual

the scrotum, the clitoris, and we will definitely be spending a lot of time...

Pitiful!

Are you a man?

Yeah.

What makes you think so?

Uh, I got testicles.

You want to see a man, boy?

I'll show you a man.

Kick me in the jimmy.

No way.

Why this is my responsibility, I have no idea.

So I'm only going to say this once.

I order you to enter the latrine and defecate!

Pronto!

This is your target! Do you understand me? Don't make me beat the living crap

out of you!

Just thinking about them offends my sense of human dignity. I hope their

were...

Now, Beavis and Butthead were sometimes misunderstood in life. Must they also be

misunderstood in death?

Those boys were no good, and nothing good was ever going to come out of them.

your disrespect for the dead is any indication of how you treat the living,

kindly thank you to keep your distance from me, okay?

Calm down, everybody.

This is no time for arguing.

We should be celebrating.

That's right. We should be...

celebrating their lives and try to turn this tragedy into something positive.

I have a wonderful thought. Let's take up a memorial collection in Beavis and

Butthead's names. We can start a scholarship for other, uh, unique

Damn hippie talk!

Uh, no, no.

That's a good idea.

We can exploit their deaths to raise money for the school. Yeah!

Well, that's not exactly what I... We're doing this!

Those two owe the school for all the damage they caused.

Besides, we could use a new teacher's lounge. I'll call the TV station.

Today, tragedy strikes this local school.

Two students missing for three weeks are now reported dead.

Whoa, check it out.

There's, like, dead people at the school.

Yeah, yeah, yeah.

Finally something good on TV.

This young woman is a student at Highland High. You knew the dead boys.

Tell us what they were like before.

They were always hitting on me.

Hi, baby.

Come to butthead.

For the man's time, don't ever talk to me again.

Yeah.

That's what those two were like.

Whoa. Hey, Beavis. I know that chick.

I, like, scored with her and stuff.

Really? I thought you never scored.

Wow. Yeah.

It's like we were in class, and I was like... Hey, baby.

Come to Butthead.

And she was like, You know, I've always wanted you, butthead.

And then we did it.

It was cool.

Oh, yeah, yeah.

You got a pretty good memory, butthead.

You know, that kind of reminds me of the time that... The time that we...

This was the dead student's best friend.

Would you like to say something about your dead friends?

They were the greatest. We did everything together.

There was this one time that we were all at my house and... Man, I sure love

baseball. Can I alphabetize your baseball card collection?

Can I, like, help you build your model airplane?

Not today, guys.

We don't have time for that.

Mom said she'd help us bake low -fat macaroons. That would be swell.

Your mom is cool, Stuart. What

a

wuss.

Yeah, yeah.

What the hell is Stuart doing on TV? He's not dead.

This sucks.

Where are the dead bodies and stuff?

Yeah, these bungholes aren't showing anything.

Yeah.

I guess if we want to see dead bodies, we gotta, like, get up and go to school

ourselves.

This is gonna kick ass.

Uh,

Mr. McVicker?

I've gone ahead and started a grassroots campaign to collect money in Beavis and

Butthead's names.

Is that all those little bastards are worth?

If we plant these pennies today, they may blossom into a bright future for

other deserving students.

That way, some good will come of this tragedy.

You're damn right it's good. We haven't had this much excitement at school since

the president came to visit. Remember that?

Are you for or against Japanese trade restrictions? What are you prepared to

about sexual harassment? Given the budget deficit, do you think the super

collider is really necessary at this time?

Pull my finger. No.

Come on, Beavis, pull it. No way.

And now, the President of the United States, Bill Clinton.

Hello, my fellow young Americans.

You know, I've always been interested in young people.

I need to make one. That's it. Get him. Get him.

Whoa.

It's McDicker.

Cool.

Beat the crap out of him. Use the chokehold.

Use the chokehold.

Well,

no use wasting time with the past.

Those boys are dead.

Ha ha! Principal McVicar, what is your reaction to the death of Bravis and, uh,

Headbutt? Well, uh, what kind of a god could take such, uh,

fine boys in their prime? Uh, but we will find some good in this tragedy.

Uh, this jar contains a collection I've started in their names.

These pennies that we plant today will become a whole lot of cash tomorrow.

But no amount of money can make up for their absence. I would gladly

give back all the money just to see Beavis and Butthead one more time.

Uh, okay, McDicker.

Give us some money. What?

Where the hell are the dead people?

I'll just go ahead and take that.

You're supposed to be dead.

I'll kill you.

Breaking the law. Breaking the law.

Come on, Beavis, let's get out of here.

Hey,

Beavis,

did you see McVicar?

He was like... And then Buzzcut made out with him.

We should go to school early tomorrow, you know, in case someone else dies.

Dumbass. We're rich.

We don't have to go to school ever again.

Yeah, yeah, yeah.

That's pretty damn cool.

I'll be seeing you.

In all the old familiar places That

this heart of mine embraces All day

through I'll find

you in the morning sun And when

the night is new

I'll be looking at the moon, but I'll be

seeing.

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