Original subtitles

People, I'm very concerned about you.

Lately, I've been noticing a disturbing trend of low self -esteem, okay?

In fact, your lack of it doesn't make me feel too good as your teacher.

Now, self -esteem and motivation, people, are keys to success in life,

Does anyone know what those terms mean?

People, is anyone paying attention out there?

Beavis, do you know what self -esteem means?

Um,

no.

Beavis is stupid.

Yeah, and I'm very smart.

Now, Beavis, that's exactly what I'm talking about. Why would you say such a

thing?

Okay, people. I guess this is a good time for a little confidence -boosting

surprise I've been planning.

I've made arrangements to borrow the caps and gowns from this year's

class.

That's right, class. With my help, you're all going to graduate today.

Cool. I can't believe it. Now, it's not a real graduation, of course.

It's a self -esteem graduation.

Whoa. To help you better respect yourself. We're going to graduate.

Yeah. Yeah.

Today. It's all over.

Graduate.

Uh,

going back to school?

I'm going back to school. Shut up, Beavis.

Good afternoon, ladies.

Uh, check it out. We graduated.

Pretty cool, huh? Wow.

Really?

I want you.

Come on, butthead.

Butthead, please.

Get these gowns on.

Now, class, graduation gowns have symbolized wisdom and maturity for

You look like a dumbass.

This is called a mortarboard.

And it comes with this tassel, which many graduates save as a memento of

special day.

Perhaps some of your older brothers and sisters still have theirs.

Oh, yeah.

My uncle has one of those hanging on his dashboard.

Good butthead. He must have saved it from his own high school graduation.

Uh, no. He didn't go to high school.

He got it off the boob of some chick in a nudie bar.

There's a big difference, butthead, in what the two tassels stand for. I hope

someday you'll find that out.

Well, let's get on with our ceremony.

If you'd come up one at a time, I have a certificate for each of you.

Congratulations.

Good work, Dean.

You have many talents to be proud of.

Congratulations, Cassandra. I know you'll go far in the world, okay?

Here you go, butthead.

You have many qualities.

Yeah. And here's your diploma, Beavis. Okay.

Even though these are not genuine diplomas, they represent something very

Namely, my opinion as your teacher that each of you is an important human being.

Worthy of your classmates' respect and your own self -respect.

Okay? And in closing, I'd just like to say bravo for being you.

Thanks for your cooperation, people. I'm picking up some much more positive

vibes now.

Okay. Now that we're all feeling better about ourselves, we do have a lot of

material to cover before the midterm.

Please open your books to chapter six.

Um, where are Beavis and Butthead?

We graduated.

We're never going to go to school again.

I'm just glad it's finally over.

You know what I'm saying?

Yeah, really.

At least now we can get on with our lives.

Shana, would you hurry up and get your funky butt out of the bed? Oh, did you

hear that? She just called her monkey butt. Yeah.

That was pretty cool.

I'm getting kind of sick of Janet Jackson.

Yeah.

She always has a bunch of chicks sitting around talking before the video.

That's a pretty nice hotel.

Yeah. When you're, like, rich and famous, you can stay in those really

hotels where they have, like, adult videos and hourly rates and stuff like

How come hotels have hourly rates anyways?

Oh, dumbass.

It only takes like an hour to do it. Wow.

A whole hour?

A whole whore.

A whole whore.

You can get on the phone and be like, room service?

I'd like some bacon and a couple cokes and a bunch of whores.

And a side order of poop.

What did you say, Beavis?

I was just saying, I thought you were a poop.

Oh, boy.

Beavis, you just sent my boner into the ground.

Sorry about that.

I thought it was pretty cool.

I thought you were a poop.

To go with the horse, you know.

Shut up, Beavis.

Excuse me. Are those bunghole boys you're wearing?

Bunghole boys.

You want this?

Can you handle this?

Could you handle this, Beavis?

I thought you'd handle this.

I can't probably handle that.

What are you doing, Beavis? I'm

doing my monkey boy.

Damn it, Beavis. Get down.

I am getting down.

Rat -a -tat -tat, badass.

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