Original subtitles

Whoa, check it out.

It says ass.

Uh, Mary Ruffian Man.

Uh, wait a minute. Mary Ruffian Woman.

Whoa. Foreign chicks.

Foreign chicks kicking ass.

Hey, Beavis.

I could get a wife.

Whoa, cool.

Get a naked one.

Hello, Russian Wives Unlimited.

I'm a rich American with a big wiener. Yeah.

And what kind of package would you be interested in, sir?

Her package?

Yes, sir.

But which of our offers are you most interested in? We've got everything from

trip to Russia for $5 ,000 to videotapes and color catalogs starting at just

$100. What'll it be?

Can you hold on a second?

Wait, no.

Hello, Russian Wives Unlimited.

Why did you lie to me?

Katya? You promised me a handsome, rich American man, but this man is a pig and

an idiot. I must have a divorce.

Hold on, Katya. A marriage is a sacred partnership, and... Hey, wait a minute.

You know, I happen to have on the line right now another American man who I

think would be perfect for you. His name is Mr.

Head. He's got a great sense of humor, and he's worldly, smart, and very rich.

Go on.

And, you know, he doesn't live very far from you. Tell you what, I'll pay for

your transportation.

Hey, Pudit, do you think Russian chicks know how to, you know, do it?

Uh, she better.

Cool. Maybe she could teach us.

Mr. Head, I found you a wife.

Cool.

Repeat after me.

I, Butthead, do you with all my heart and soul and my wiener.

I, Butthead, do you with all my heart and soul and my wiener.

You may now do the brawl.

This is going to be cool.

Hey, baby.

Hi. My name is Katya.

Where is Mr. Head?

Uh, in my pants.

Whoa! Hey, buddy, is that your wife?

Yeah.

You are Mr. Head?

Uh, yeah.

So, uh, I guess I should, like, carry you across the thrash hole now so we

like, do it.

Go ahead and get you here.

Yeah, let's just go straight to the doing it part.

Hey, Beva, pull my finger.

Well,

uh, wife?

You want to, you know, go into the other room?

Yeah, really.

Tell your wife to go into the kitchen and, like, make some food.

I'm glad to go in another room.

Cool.

It's a lot cheaper if you dial direct.

I don't care.

Hey, Beva, you know what?

Pretty soon, it's going to be like, hey, wife, pull my wiener.

Plus,

I figure if she won't put out, I can probably just have her arrested for

foreigner or something.

Cool.

Have her executed.

I bet they sent over a wife for me, too.

That would be cool.

Hi, guys. What you doing? Damn it.

Get out of here, Stuart.

I just had a really cool idea for how we could hang out together.

Have you guys ever played Pog?

Uh, who's that?

Do you have, like, a visitor or something?

Uh, yeah.

It's my wife.

Come on, who is it? Really?

Uh, Stuart, this is my wife.

Uh, wife, this is Stuart.

He's a wussy.

Wow, are you two really married?

Yeah, and you know what else?

We're gonna have sex.

Whoa! So it's like, you gotta go now, Stuart, because we're gonna do it.

Get the hell out of here.

You too, Beavis.

Come on, Beavis. I'll show you my Pogs collection.

I got this great new Slammer. Yeah, go play your little games.

We're gonna have sex.

Come on, Beavis. No way!

I'm gonna stay and watch him do it.

Come on.

Nothing's gonna be cool.

Hi, baby.

Try to touch me and I'll break your hand.

The fuck?

Now, class, an interesting thing to remember is that the Hindus believe that

everybody gets to the final nirvana, okay?

It's a path we are all headed to.

Now, you might be reincarnated in a lower path.

This is where Hinduism and Christianity differ the most.

Excuse me, who's that sitting next to Butthead?

It's just me, Beavis.

Not you, dumbass.

Uh, this is my wife.

Wanna see her naked?

Yeah!

Come on, butthead. Remember our little talk about sexism? Okay.

And whoever she is, I'm sure our visitor doesn't appreciate your claiming to be

her spouse.

She's like one of those, you know, made -to -order brides.

I think she's foreign.

Is this true, Miss, uh... Gotcha.

And, uh, it's, um, sort of true.

But I'm not even married, and I already want a divorce from this idiot.

So, uh, wife, wanna go and, uh,

constipate the marriage?

Hey, slow down.

Yeah, slow down, damn it.

You big penis.

Hey, dollface.

Get me the hell out of here.

Climb in and grab on already.

Woo -hoo!

I'm leaving

you. My wife left me for another

man.

Hey,

Butt -head, do you think Todd did it with your wife?

I'm just wondering, you know, if the two of them did it.

You know, because she's not supposed to do it with other guys, right?

Oh, Todd.

But what I don't understand is she's your wife. So, like, isn't she supposed

do it with you then instead of Todd? Because I don't remember, like, you

him it was okay to have sex with your wife. Damn it, Beavis, she's not really

wife. I don't think it even counts because, like, we never did it.

It's like the marriage is anal -ed or something.

Oh, yeah, yeah.

So, like, do you think Todd's married to her now?

Nah. Because I bet he did it with her.

I knew it when I first saw her in his car. You know what I'm saying? You could

just tell. It's like she had do it written all over her.

Whoa,

hey, wait a minute. I just thought of something.

So, like, now that Todd did your wife, it's kind of like you and Todd are

related.

Oh, yeah.

We are related.

I bet Todd will let me into his gang now.

Yeah. Yeah, me too.

Yeah,

Pantera, yeah, yeah.

Yeah.

But, uh, what's going on here?

Don't worry about it. It's just rocking.

Yeah! Yeah! Come on! Yeah!

Yeah! Yeah!

Hey, but it... Does this Pantera guy ever relax?

Uh, I don't think so.

This guy's dad must have kicked his ass when he was a kid.

Yeah, really.

He was like, Damn it, Pantera, this beer is warm!

Get me another one!

Yeah.

He was like, You treat your stepmother with respect, Pantera.

or you'll be sleeping in the street.

He's like, Damn it, Pantera, I told you to get out there and mow that lawn.

Oh, what's this?

Is that a tear, Pantera?

Oh, is Daddy's little girl upset?

I'm going to kick your ass in another Tuesday. Now get out of here and quit

acting like a damn little girl.

Settle down, Viva.

Um... Um... Hmm.

Is this a diaper commercial?

Uh... No, this is a douche commercial.

Oh, yeah, yeah. Ah, that's funny. Douche.

What if douche, anyway? Like, how does it work?

Uh, I don't know.

I think chicks use it, like, when they get that not -so -fresh feeling.

Oh, yeah, yeah.

I think it helps them, like, go horseback riding and, like, go down to

and stuff like that, too. Yeah.

I wonder how come they don't have a douche for guys.

Yeah, yeah, that would rule.

It's like, sometimes, you know, I feel like, you know, not -so -fresh.

Well, maybe if you'd wash your butt once in a while.

And I'm not talking about washing your whole butt.

I'm talking about washing your butthole.

They just said you suck.

No, they didn't. They said you suck.

They ripped off my idea for a song.

Yeah. And you, like, already ripped off the idea for me, bunghole. Do you

remember what I told you about trying to be funny?

That I shouldn't?

That's right.

Now sit there and shut up.

Nutsack.

Wait, wait, wait. I think I can see something. I think I can see the side of

boob. I think that's just a koala bear.

Oh yeah, sorry.

You know something?

I wish these girls were naked.

And I wish they were right here without any clothes on.

And I wish I was grabbing their butt.

Well, all right then.

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