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So, Lisa, without your knowledge, your
dating service set you up with a crazed
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cult leader who practiced ritual animal
mutilations.
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All they told me was he liked animals.
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Yeah.
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Dead animals.
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00:00:23,420 --> 00:00:24,420
Well,
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what about the satisfied customers, Tom?
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It was great, man. I call up the dating
service and they send me another victim.
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My attorney says you shouldn't give your
real name, Geraldo.
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Next time I'll know better.
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Clearly, dating services are helping
people meet people. But do they meet the
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right people? When we come back, would
you use the dating service? That's our
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focus.
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00:01:01,240 --> 00:01:04,060
Whoa, he's not even on a pogo stick and
he can do that. I'll be damned.
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Yeah.
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Uh,
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hey, Satan, how's it going?
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How come whenever you see, like, Satan
in a video, it's just some dork in a
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costume? Yeah.
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The real Satan doesn't do videos. Yeah,
unless it's, like, for Danzig or
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something.
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If they really had Satan on this song,
it's like you'd hear him talking
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backwards and stuff.
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It's like he can do that.
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Oh, yeah. You know, I can talk
backwards.
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No, you can't. Yes, sir.
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Check this out.
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Oh, yeah.
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Whoa. That was cool.
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Yeah.
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Do it again, Beaver.
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Okay.
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Check this out.
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Okay, here we go.
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Fine, this is fine.
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See?
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Now I can buy it.
38
00:02:06,780 --> 00:02:08,039
That was cool.
39
00:02:09,800 --> 00:02:11,620
So, like, what did you say just then?
40
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I said, I said, hey, I'll be gone.
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You should try it.
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Let me see.
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Beavis is a wuss. I mean,
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What is Beavis? Yeah, yeah, see?
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See, anybody can do it.
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How do you do that, Beavis?
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You just talk backwards. Yeah, but
like... How?
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Like this.
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I am... Oh, no, wait.
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This is... Damn it, I forgot.
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I can't do it anymore.
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You can't do it anymore.
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Don't tell me. Let me guess.
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00:03:06,070 --> 00:03:07,630
You men want a date.
55
00:03:07,970 --> 00:03:11,230
Yeah, we want two of them. Make it
snappy.
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I want one with big boobs, please.
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Handsome and funny.
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Well, first I need you to answer a
couple of questions here on our
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quiz.
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Um, butthead, they didn't say anything
about a quiz. Shut up, Mavis. Do you
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a score or not?
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Okay, name.
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Uh, I'm butthead.
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Hey, that's okay. A lot of clients don't
use their real names. So what do you do
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for a living?
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Uh, you mean like Burger World?
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Great, a chef.
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I usually work the grill myself.
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00:03:45,660 --> 00:03:46,660
What's your name?
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My attorney says you shouldn't give your
real name, Geraldo.
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Geraldo.
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Geraldo. Oh, wonderful.
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Oh, I love Spanish men.
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Now tell me about your long -term goals
in a relationship.
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Long.
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00:04:05,780 --> 00:04:06,780
Yeah.
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I just want to, like, be a father over
and over again.
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00:04:13,520 --> 00:04:15,600
Yeah. Oh, how refreshing.
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Most people just want sex, sex, sex.
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00:04:19,420 --> 00:04:21,860
Uh, how do you meet those chicks?
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00:04:24,790 --> 00:04:28,970
Oh, anyway, now comes the fun part. You
get to make a video.
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Cool.
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Are we gonna, like, be naked?
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Yeah.
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Oh, you.
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00:04:40,910 --> 00:04:41,910
Uh,
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hey, baby.
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My name's Butthead, and I'm, like, a
pleasure machine.
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I'm curious, Geraldo. When you meet a
woman, a woman like me, say, what are
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looking for?
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I usually look all over.
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00:05:00,030 --> 00:05:02,830
It's nice to find someone who sees the
total person.
93
00:05:03,430 --> 00:05:05,950
Usually I feel like the whole scene is
such a meat market.
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00:05:06,950 --> 00:05:07,950
Meat.
95
00:05:08,750 --> 00:05:10,370
Oh, yeah.
96
00:05:11,650 --> 00:05:13,950
Your mission is to turn me on.
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00:05:16,850 --> 00:05:20,150
So, like, my interests are like...
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Doing it.
99
00:05:22,910 --> 00:05:23,910
And, uh,
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00:05:24,570 --> 00:05:27,430
that's about it. Geraldo, do you believe
in chemistry?
101
00:05:27,810 --> 00:05:29,150
You mean like explosions?
102
00:05:29,730 --> 00:05:31,310
Yes, yes, exactly.
103
00:05:32,410 --> 00:05:36,970
Do you feel it? I was feeling it when I
first came in, and then I had to use
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00:05:36,970 --> 00:05:38,350
that hand to fill out that form.
105
00:05:38,950 --> 00:05:42,670
But since we've been standing here, I've
been feeling it some more.
106
00:05:42,950 --> 00:05:47,690
Oh, Geraldo, a million men have passed
through here, but none like you.
107
00:05:48,130 --> 00:05:49,130
Yeah.
108
00:05:51,250 --> 00:05:55,510
Uh, so what I'm really trying to say is,
I'm just a pleasure machine.
109
00:05:56,630 --> 00:05:58,470
I think I forgot that part.
110
00:05:58,890 --> 00:06:02,330
Plus, like, it's a first -come, first
-served deal.
111
00:06:03,510 --> 00:06:07,350
Listen, I can't let my supervisor catch
me, but would you mind if I called you?
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00:06:07,550 --> 00:06:08,550
Yeah.
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00:06:08,570 --> 00:06:10,970
I could, like, tell you about what I'm
feeling.
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00:06:11,790 --> 00:06:13,470
Oh, Geraldo.
115
00:06:22,240 --> 00:06:25,400
One out of five, one out of five. We
have a wild man in the cemetery. Repeat,
116
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wild man in the cemetery.
117
00:06:26,560 --> 00:06:27,560
Yeah.
118
00:06:28,300 --> 00:06:30,740
Perpetrator was last seen running around
like some kind of butt monkey.
119
00:06:32,120 --> 00:06:34,520
Please, uh, apprehend and stuff.
120
00:06:34,720 --> 00:06:37,560
Yeah, yeah. And, um, and, uh, kick his
ass.
121
00:06:37,860 --> 00:06:39,140
Yeah, yeah, and kick him in the neck.
122
00:07:08,740 --> 00:07:10,400
I know, and they're all weird.
123
00:07:22,130 --> 00:07:27,890
It's like everybody knows that, you
know, like death and like the graveyard
124
00:07:27,890 --> 00:07:31,090
all that stuff is all pretty cool and
everything, but it's like they need to
125
00:07:31,090 --> 00:07:32,630
show it like in a new way or something.
126
00:07:33,010 --> 00:07:34,010
Yeah, really.
127
00:07:45,500 --> 00:07:46,900
Frankly.
128
00:07:55,260 --> 00:07:56,260
Frankly. Frankly.
129
00:07:56,400 --> 00:07:58,300
Frankly. Frankly.
130
00:08:10,330 --> 00:08:11,330
Uh,
131
00:08:18,510 --> 00:08:19,510
hello?
132
00:08:20,650 --> 00:08:21,650
Who?
133
00:08:22,670 --> 00:08:25,590
Dammit, for the last time, there aren't
any Mexicans here.
134
00:08:26,860 --> 00:08:31,100
It's like every time she calls for this
Harondo dude, it's like she could be
135
00:08:31,100 --> 00:08:32,500
blocking a call from a chick.
136
00:08:35,799 --> 00:08:36,799
I'll get it.
137
00:08:38,400 --> 00:08:39,400
Get it.
138
00:08:41,760 --> 00:08:42,760
Hi.
139
00:08:42,980 --> 00:08:44,960
I'm here to turn on the pleasure
machine.
140
00:08:45,680 --> 00:08:48,140
Oh, that's okay. The TV works fine now.
141
00:08:48,360 --> 00:08:50,160
The remote just needed some new
batteries.
142
00:08:52,100 --> 00:08:55,600
Dammit. All these interruptions are
making it hard to concentrate on
143
00:08:56,300 --> 00:08:57,300
Yeah.
144
00:08:58,220 --> 00:09:02,180
But, like, when we're scoring, that'll
give us time to think about other stuff.
145
00:09:02,520 --> 00:09:03,520
What? Oh.
146
00:09:03,740 --> 00:09:06,420
I guess you're saying, like, it all
evens out in the end.
147
00:09:06,680 --> 00:09:07,680
Yeah.
148
00:09:08,020 --> 00:09:09,300
The rear end.
149
00:09:27,500 --> 00:09:28,500
Is this boy George?
150
00:09:29,440 --> 00:09:30,440
Yeah.
151
00:09:31,000 --> 00:09:32,280
He's all fat now.
152
00:09:32,860 --> 00:09:36,880
I heard he's trying to be all, like,
manly, and he's, like, not gonna dress
153
00:09:36,880 --> 00:09:37,880
like a chick anymore.
154
00:09:39,400 --> 00:09:40,700
He's a turd.
155
00:09:42,560 --> 00:09:48,300
You know, he's bisexual.
156
00:09:49,720 --> 00:09:50,720
Oh, yeah.
157
00:09:51,740 --> 00:09:55,580
I know what that means, but, you know,
just as a test.
158
00:09:56,910 --> 00:09:58,170
Why don't you tell me what that means?
159
00:09:58,650 --> 00:10:00,730
You dumbass. You don't know.
160
00:10:01,050 --> 00:10:03,530
It means he has two schlongs.
161
00:10:04,870 --> 00:10:09,330
If you had two wieners, how many nabs
would you have?
162
00:10:10,090 --> 00:10:14,210
I guess you'd have, you know, like three
or something.
163
00:10:14,670 --> 00:10:18,870
And then I just thought of something
else. So, like, if you have two wieners,
164
00:10:18,890 --> 00:10:23,070
you know, like, if you go to take a
leak, you just, like, decide which one
165
00:10:23,070 --> 00:10:26,110
you're going to... take a leak out of,
or do you take a leak out of both of
166
00:10:26,110 --> 00:10:29,590
them? You know, like, sometimes maybe
let's say you got a boner.
167
00:10:29,890 --> 00:10:34,670
Would it be like both of them at the
same time? You should do stand -up
168
00:10:34,810 --> 00:10:35,810
Beaver. Oh, really?
169
00:10:35,890 --> 00:10:36,749
Thanks, yeah.
170
00:10:36,750 --> 00:10:38,130
I think so, too, yeah.
171
00:10:38,180 --> 00:10:42,730
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