Original subtitles

And that's why the woman I most admire is recording artist Katie Lang. Thank

you, Cassandra.

Okay, let's see. Who hasn't gone yet?

Beavis, are you ready to inspire us with your report?

You're next, dill hole.

Come on, Beavis. Stand up and tell us about the woman you admire most.

Um, oh yeah, um, okay.

Go ahead, reveal to us the identity of this profoundly influential female.

Oh yeah, um, um, uh, my mom.

Yeah, yeah, yeah, my mom.

You wuss.

Butthead, I hope your oral report is a little wider in scope than Beavis's.

Uh, the woman I admire most is, uh,

Beavis's mom.

Boys,

I'm going to have to ask that you redo these reports.

I want you to research...

And plunge deeply into the subject matter this time. Okay.

Oh, yeah, yeah. I've seen this before.

This chick beats herself on the head later. Cool.

Oh, yeah.

This is going to be cool.

You know what this band is called?

It's called Seven Year Bitch.

It's like when a band has a name like Seven Year Bitch, it's like they don't

need to be very good. Yeah.

Although it helps when they're sexy.

Yeah.

Okay,

here I come.

Here she goes.

Yeah, yeah, here you go. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Come on, come on. Yeah.

It kind of looks like she got a little special feeling from doing that.

We're all so smart and we're all so dense.

I think that song is supposed to be like how we're all like stupid and stuff.

What do you mean? You mean like we're stupid or like everybody's stupid?

Damn it, Beavis. I don't know. I'm not some rocket ship or something.

We need to learn about chicks.

Yeah.

I assume you mean the 51 % of our population known as women.

Uh, no.

We want chicks.

Yeah.

In the words of the great feminist anthem, I am woman, hear me roar.

He bought it. I think she wants you.

Yeah.

Probably.

Well, boys, I'm happy to tell you that I have set aside a whole section of

featured books in honor of Women's History Month.

I think Susan B. Anthony is an excellent place to start.

All right.

Or perhaps... Perhaps this biography about the pioneering psychologist, Dr.

Carla Horney, is a better choice.

Do you find psychology funny?

Yeah.

Wait a minute.

I've got just the thing.

I bet you do.

It's up here somewhere.

Oh, yes.

Here it is.

Sarah Dewey.

Wife of the man whose name graces our wonderful Dewey Decimal System.

Cool. I thought you boys would feel inspired.

Oh, here's another one.

Here,

why don't I help you get started?

You'll need some paper.

Set your margins, and we'll start.

Thesis statement. Many researchers today believe that Sarah

Dixon Dewey was, in fact, the inventor of the famed Dewey Decimal

System.

Uh, and in con...

We believe it should be changed to the Dixon decimal system.

Because she would probably keep her name if their partnership

was truly equal.

Cool.

Yeah.

It sounds what?

Did you notice that?

Bravo, boys. I'm super impressed.

Well, class, this report leaves little doubt that Sarah Dixon Dewey is the

Beavis and Butthead admire most.

Uh, no.

The chick I most admire is that librarian chick.

What? I don't understand.

Yeah.

It's like, first we almost saw her butt, and then she did all the work for us.

And, like, we just sat there and didn't do anything except, like, look at her

legs. Yeah.

She rolled.

Smith again.

Whoa.

Check it out. Oh, wow. Grim Reaper again.

Whoa. Look at that big boat.

These videos are funny. Oh, yeah.

These guys should be on that show to date.

Yeah.

Because they fuck.

Oh, what is that thing? It's like, these guys fuck so bad, they have to go to

their concert in these armored vehicles.

You know that singer? He looks a little better in this video. It's like, he

doesn't look as ugly as... Never mind. Yeah.

Too bad he's not good looking like me.

I think that's supposed to be Wolverine.

That's not Wolverine.

No, no, that's not Wolverine. I know, but like, you know, in England they

probably like draw them different because they're dumb.

No, that's not Wolverine.

Yeah, it is, but it's just like, you know.

A little different than the American Wolverine. That is not Wolverine, but...

Okay, okay, butt munch. It's not Wolverine. Who cares?

Now just shut the hell up so at least I can have a good time watching this crap.

Well, how can you have a good time if it's not really Wolverine and you think

is? Damn it, Beavis. Shut up.

Okay.

This sucks.

Yeah. Why did Van Driessen make us do this crap?

And what was all that crap he said about us not respecting chicks?

Oh, no, no, no. That doesn't go there. If you'd paid closer attention during

research, you'd remember that books with a dewey decimal number starting with

the number nine go up here.

Let me show you.

Uh...

And now you should be able to see the inherent beauty of the Dewey Decimal

System. Uh, I see the beauty.

Oh, yeah.

Yeah, me too.

Oh, man. Is this football?

Uh, no, I think this is that shampoo commercial.

How come you always watch Telemundo, Beaver?

Oh, yeah.

Seems like they always have some big, fat host on Telemundo that's, like, all

dorky -looking.

And then, like...

All the chicks are really good looking.

That guy's cool.

Yeah. He always walks up to the chicks with his microphone and goes...

I bet

he scores constantly.

Yeah.

You know what I think I'm gonna do? I'm gonna shave my chest like these dudes.

Walk around with one of these breaths.

Like learn to dab like that.

And then... They will score all the time.

Instead of doing that, why don't you just, like, talk all that Spanish stuff?

That would probably work.

I'm going to try becoming one of those big fat dudes

and go... Yeah, I like that.

This music kind of sucks.

This isn't even music, really.

This is just, like... That kind of crap that guy plays down at the organ store

at the mall. On one of those $10 ,000 organs.

How much for your organ, sir?

Uh, that'll be $10 ,000, son. Please don't touch it.

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