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Here. You starting all over again?

What about it if I am?

Supposing the police come along?

Let 'em come.

The windows are steamed up. The doors are locked.

It's like a Turkish bath in here.

Don't it make you thirsty?

Here. Watch my stockings.

Move over a bit, then.

Get your knee off the steering wheel!

I can't. I'm stuck.

Here. I'll do it.

Oh, that hurt!

I've told you before

to be careful where you put your legs.

I was only trying to be helpful.

I can help meself.

Hello.

They never make these cars big enough, do they?

Well, are you all settled in?

Right. We can begin. My name is...

Alfie.

Alfie.

I suppose you think you're going to see

the bleedin' titles now.

Well, you're not, so relax.

Alfie.

What time did your old man say

he'd be waiting at the station?

Never mind about him.

That's just who I am gonna mind.

Never spoil a good thing.

That's a thing

you women can't get into your heads.

Enough's as good as a feast.

Ohh, you've changed your tune.

That horn put me off.

I hate noise at a time like that.

Eh, mate?

Don't forget your napkin.

When I first saw you put your handkerchief

over your shoulder,

I thought you were going to play fiddle.

I'm from a musical family.

Here. What?

Mind you don't catch cold.

I've had a lovely time, Alfie.

A married woman, see?

They're all in need of a good laugh.

It don't never strike their husbands.

Make a married woman laugh,

and you're halfway there with her.

Course it don't work with a single bird.

Starts you off on the wrong foot.

Get one of them laughing,

you won't get nothing else.

♪ Ia-Di, la-dum... ♪♪

Just listen.

It was dead glum when I met it tonight.

I listened to its problems, then I got it laughing.

It'll go home happy.

Where did you tell your husband

you were going?

Pictures with olive.

What pictures?

Just the pictures.

Never be vague like that.

It plants suspicion.

No wonder there's

all this broken marriage and divorce about.

It would never occur to him

another man would want to take me out.

I see.

Suck these sweets, siddie,

so he don't smell the gin.

I don't care if he does.

Now be human.

We're having fun. Why hurt him?

You like to see everybody happy.

I don't believe in making anybody unhappy

or in making an enemy.

You could be crossing the Sahara desert,

and he'd be just the bloke you'd meet.

What about next week? Same time, same place?

Maybe.

I'll go and get me ticket.

What she don't know is,

we won't be seeing much more of her.

She's on her way out.

When a married woman gets too hot,

it's time to cool off.

Next she'll want to introduce me

to the husband.

I can see it coming.

Well, good night, dear girl.

This is a ticket for the firm's dance

on Saturday.

Won't your old man be there?

Yeah, I'd like you to meet. Good night.

Don't forget your napkin.

Yeah. Well, I'm like the boy scouts--

always prepared.

Once I met the husband, it puts me off the wife.

He could be dying on his bed,

but if I ain't met him,

I won't think about him.

It's once you meet.

Likely as not, he'll be a real good sport.

His sort usually are.

As I'm having it off with her,

I'll think about him hanging his drip-dry shirts

or arguing in the pub about football or cricket.

A lot of his sort are Chelsea supporters.

Hello.

Had a nice time, dear?

Not bad at all.

Good film?

Well, there was a queue,

so we went to a restaurant instead.

Did you enjoy yourself? That's the main thing.

I did me best. What about you?

I've been going through that garden catalog.

It's very interesting.

You should go out more often.

You come back ever so cheerful.

Made over again, you might say.

Now I'm off to visit a little bird called Gilda.

While she ain't exactly stupid,

she is a bit on the simple side.

She'd never make a number one.

You couldn't show her off.

She ain't an exciting dresser,

but she's a cracking little stand-by,

and she ain't a Liberty-taker.

Most birds go mad to get a bloke,

and the first thing they do is go about changing him.

Now, I told Gilda I ain't the marrying sort,

and she don't mind.

She's a stand-by, and she knows it.

Any bird that knows its place in this world

can be quite content.

Alfie? Did you forget your key?

Oh.

Humphrey, it's you.

Yeah, I'm sorry for coming round so late,

but, well, you know, I was just passing by.

Yes, I see.

Only I just finished work

and was feeling a bit lonely

so thought I'd, like, you know, pop in.

Yes, I see.

Uh, have I come at an awkward time?

I am expecting Alfie any minute.

Cor, there ain't half a pong in here.

It's phul Nana, scent of Araby.

Don't you like it?

No. I like everything to smell natural.

I got your meal ready.

Never push things at me right away.

I like to get me bearings.

Just as you like it.

That's enough of that.

I saw that geezer Humphrey going off.

Here, here.

You're not having it off with him, are you?

Alfie, I can't bear another man

to come near me

since I met you.

Well, I just wondered.

Did he just call to give you these chocolates?

No. He called to tell me he loved me.

Love ya? Blimey, some men are funny.

Alfie, do you love me?

Well, shall we say, I like you a lot.

Now, well, I will have that grub after all.

Hot water bottle?

She's getting a bit previous.

Hello.

Uh...

Is today the 22nd?

Yeah, I think so.

Shouldn't our little friend have arrived on the 19th?

Don't worry.

He'll turn up. He always has.

He's usually so punctual.

I had a good day.

Took over £50 on the till.

Isn't that wonderful?

It's not as if it was your money.

Well, I like to think of them doing well.

Besides, it keeps me busy.

Ain't it time you started that fiddle on the till?

I couldn't.

Must be the only till in London

that ain't bent.

Luigi and his wife, they treat me like family.

There's all the more reason to do 'em.

Alfie, I'm happy as I am.

You could still be happy

with a few hundred quid in the bank

instead of tuppence halfpenny.

Now, look...

The one thing you got to get into your head is

that nobody don't help you in this life.

You got to help yourself.

If you'd only fiddled 5 Bob a day,

you'd have 200 nicker by now.

Money isn't everything, Alfie.

Only people ain't got none talk like that.

I've had a fiddle on every job I've done.

A fiddle gives you an interest in your work.

And everybody should take an interest

in their work.

There's another little job done.

Yeah.

You sound cheerful, elkins.

Yes, some mornings I feel quite chirpy.

Not all that chirpy on what I'm paying you.

You must have a fiddle.

That's defamation of character.

I'll report you to the union.

How do you think I got where I am?

I'm satisfied as long as you do the job well,

but don't get greedy.

Otherwise you'll kill the goose.

I tumbled at once.

I shouldn't have whistled.

Never be cheerful on a job

if you're doing a fiddle.

You're getting careless, alf.

You can say that again.

Little Gilda, she's pregnant.

How long?

A couple of months.

You ain't getting married to her, are you?

What, me in my state of health?

Sorry. Full up.

Room for just one more inside.

Humphrey, I'm glad it's your bus.

Are you?

I haven't seen you for so long.

You don't need flinging downstairs

to know you're not welcome.

I'm sorry.

That's all right.

I've missed our little chats.

Have you? Oh.

2 sixpennies, when you've got the time.

Ta.

I've never seen you looking lovelier.

I still can't get you out of my mind.

How's, um, how's Alfie these days?

He's fine. Fine.

Mind you, it doesn't hurt like it used to.

What doesn't?

Well, you know, the old heartache.

Still, I wouldn't be without it.

You haven't got engaged

or anything like that, have you?

No, nothing like that.

He doesn't rush into things, Alfie.

I don't expect you'll ever be needing me,

but if you do, I'll-- I'll always be there.

Bye, Gilda.

God bless.

Hello, Alfie.

You're late, girl.

I ran all the way.

Any news? Any reports from the front?

No.

It doesn't look like it.

We've definitely got to do something

about this little lot.

I-I've tried everything, Alfie.

You've been taking stuff on the quiet?

You don't want to make yourself ill, you know.

Alfie...

You're not getting cooey lately.

I'm sorry.

You're not only cooey, you're more bossified.

It's as though I've got to take notice of you,

instead of you of me.

I can't describe it, but I can feel it.

Do you love me?

And what can I say when you ask?

You shouldn't ask.

I'll tell you... When I feel like it.

I'll make the coffee.

Yeah. Make it strong.

Alfie, I was thinking...

Why can't we...

Go through with it?

Blimey, I've never been through with anything.

If I was to marry you,

you'd gain a husband, but you'd lose a friend.

You don't have to marry me.

I've got it worked out.

You've got to think twice

before turning an innocent creature

out into this world.

I wouldn't turn him out. I'll have him adopted.

Adopted? What are you talking about?

By a rich woman, see?

A rich woman?

I'd like to do that much for him.

He'd have a good life then.

Steady on, girl.

I mean, you can't be sure there's something there yet.

This morning, I thought I felt him kick.

How can he kick?

It's not the size of my thumbnail.

I'll tell you next time.

You'll do nothing of the sort.

Don't give way to your impulses like that.

Something a woman might think natural,

like as not, a bloke would find sickening.

Mrs. Artoni at the cafe used to call her husband

every time their baby moved.

What you don't realize

is that men are more sensitive than women.

Remember that big bird I used to dance with?

One Sunday night,

she showed me her operation scar

what she had made when she was a kid--

a long scar with white skin around it.

I got straight out of bed and put me clobber on.

"What's up with you?" She says.

"I'd sooner go see a bleeding horror film"

I said, "than a thing like that."

Alfie, please.

Please...

Can I... You know,

go through with it and have the baby?

What are you asking me for?

It's yours, isn't it?

Nobody in this world

has any right to stop you doing

what you want to do.

Oh, steady on, girl.

Now then, now then...

Don't break your bleeding heart.

If you want to do something,

and you think it's right,

you do it. To hell with them.

Mind me shirt.

Now...

You know what?

She was quite happy them months she was carrying,

which to my mind was a bit out of place,

her not being married, see?

Mind you, she came over quite beautified for a time,

especially in the early months.

And I told her,

"blimey, girl, you ain't as ugly as I thought."

Anyway, her time comes,

and into the hospital she goes to have it.

I wasn't there. I didn't know till they told me.

Then, from all accounts, the kid comes out at 3:00.

Right bang on the minute, you might say.

Alfie?

I didn't see you there. You look all different.

What do you mean?

Oh, sort of mumsie.

Um, I--I put my name down as Mrs. elkins.

Was that all right?

Of course.

Put your name down as who you like.

It's a free country, isn't it?

I brought you some flowers.

Well, I didn't want to be seen carrying them.

Oh, that's nice.

Oh, freesias. How delightful.

I'll put them into a vase, Mrs. elkins.

What do you think of your little son, Mr. elkins?

My what?

He hasn't seen him yet.

Here he is.

He's the image of his father.

Yes...

I can see more of me in him than you.

What are you going to call him?

I thought Malcolm Alfred.

Malcolm bleedin' Alfred?

He'll never forgive you,

you give him a name like that.

Here. He's moving.

Quick, you better take him.

Nah, the mistake I made with Gilda

was getting involved.

I was having a beautiful little life,

and I couldn't see it.

There was this manageress of a dry cleaners.

And I was getting a suit cleaned in the bargain.

Well, you can't turn something like that down.

Then there was this chiropodist woman

from a foot-comfort service

I was having it off with.

I never had me feet in such lovely condition.

I was hopping about like a little fairy.

She's got a little ginger mustache.

But I find I'm quite willing to overlook

the odd blemish in a woman,

provided she's got something else

to make up for it.

Well, that's what we're all here for, isn't it?

To help one another out in this life.

Then there was Dora,

this little bird I was having it off with

every Monday and Wednesday

when her young man was at his body-building classes.

And there was always the odd bird

that came my way by chance.

Oh, what a lovely baby.

Yeah.

Is it yours?

No, no. It's my sister's.

So why I had to be involved with Gilda, I do not know.

What's that brown round his mouth?

That chocolate bar I gave him.

Oh, Alfie. You shouldn't.

You smell a bit milkified.

Oh, I'm sorry, Alfie. I'll have a wash.

No, I don't mind. It smells mumsie.

How long are you going

to keep him breast-feeding?

As long as I can. It's best for him.

Don't let yourself get too attached to him.

But I'm his mother.

And I'm his father,

but you've got to be fair.

You've got to think of him.

What about this rich woman?

What rich woman?

The one you was getting him adopted to.

I got to think about it.

I can't rush into it.

You better make up your mind quick.

Why?

Because he might get so drawn to you,

he'll fret his heart out when they take him away.

Who says they're going to take him away?

That's what you said,

that a rich woman was going to adopt him

so he wouldn't want for nothing.

That was a long time ago.

You know what you've had?

You've had a change of heart.

I can see it in your face.

Well, haven't you ever had one?

Yes, but I've always resisted it.

Lying there in the hospital feeding him

must have brought it on.

I saw your face changing every time I went in.

I'm not ashamed of it.

But think of him.

You couldn't raise him like this rich woman could,

give him the things she could.

We'll see.

I'm going back to work next week.

She could really take care of him--

dress him handsome, feed him beautiful.

Who says I can't dress him proper?

Look.

Look at that lovely shawl and cot cover

and all the things in that drawer.

You can't learn him to talk nice,

not like this rich woman could.

I can if I try hard.

Before he can talk proper,

he'll be "bleedin' this" and "bleedin' that."

I won't let him.

These are dry.

Who'll look after him when you go back to the cafe?

I'm going to the brewery.

It's better paid.

Lugging bleedin' beer crates about?

When will you learn some sense?

Who'll watch him while you're at the brewery?

A woman called Mrs. tippet.

She's got four children of her own, Alfie.

She'll watch him from Monday morning

till Friday teatime.

I'll have him all weekend.

I think that's best for him.

And what about-- and what about me?

Do you think I'm going to spend my weekends

dodging about under wet nappies?

You won't leave us, Alfie, not now?

I'll have to think about it.

I won't ever ask you for anything,

not a farthing.

But don't leave us now.

If you do, I'll--I--

now, don't talk like that.

I haven't said I'll leave you.

I just don't think you'll do right by him.

But I will.

I'll look after him, straight up.

I'll never neglect him.

I'm only telling you the truth, as I see it.

You won't leave us, will you?

Oh, promise me, Alfie.

Let go.

Don't ruckle me sleeve.

I ain't a savage, you know.

I ain't going to scarper.

But don't you start off crying.

Otherwise I'll belt you one.

I don't feel up to it.

Don't. Don't jump up to him at once.

You'll grow so attached to one another

he won't even go to this Mrs. tippet.

Here, mate. That's enough of that now.

I'll give you something to cry for.

Come on now.

There, you see?

All you need is a father's voice.

He's got a hard life in front of him,

so don't give him any wrong impression

from the start.

Now, about this little kid of mine,

he turns out to be a real quick 'un.

He don't half love it when I play games with him.

Never wants his mother,

always asking for his father.

Very soon,

I find I'm getting quite attached to him.

Know what I mean?

Now, that's something I always guard against

because sooner or later,

that's going to bring you some pain.

So if a bird ain't got you one way,

she's got you another.

That's the trouble, isn't it?

Once you get a kid in your life,

it ain't your bleedin' own.

Look at the things you have to do.

Next, please.

Well, you can't be too careful,

not with hereditary.

No smoking, please.

Queer job for a bird, isn't it--

photographing people's insides.

Chin on the top, please.

Hands on hips.

Shoulders forward.

What does she think I am,

a bleedin' contortionist?

Nice hands, though.

Firm but gentle.

Know what I mean?

I wouldn't mind her giving me a--

hold it.

Next thing,

they'll be taking pictures of what you're thinking.

There'll be some "x" certificates

knocking around then, eh?

Sorry I'm late.

There was a traffic jam at Piccadilly.

It's all right. You're here now.

I brought you some cherries.

Oh, you shouldn't have done.

Well, we never got that rain they promised us.

It doesn't look like it.

You had a hard morning?

The usual.

I don't like you working on that brewery bay.

That's no job for a woman.

You get used to it.

What's that?

That's that ring I was talking about.

Oh, it's heavy.

22-karat. Solid gold.

Same as I say, that was my mother's.

They don't make rings like that today.

They made them to last in the old days.

Can I try it on?

Yeah, go on.

Eh, no. No, sorry, but it's--it's bad luck.

They say that once you put a wedding ring on,

you should never take it off again.

I don't know if there's anything in it.

Humphrey...

How would you feel...

Bringing up another man's child?

Um...

Have a cherry?

You mean little Malcolm.

I mean, once we were married,

I could only look on him as my own child.

I'd try to be a good father to him,

if he'd have me.

Here.

Can I have this?

Here. Come on, darling.

Have a bit of the lady's sandwich.

Just a little bit of the lady's sandwich.

Come on, darling.

Won't hurt you.

Just a little bit.

Come on. Good boy.

I--I must go.

I shall be late for work.

Will you think over

what I said to you last Wednesday?

I've been thinking it over.

Now I'll tell it to you

for the very last time, Malcolm.

Then you got to go to bye-byes.

Abou Ben adhem,

may his tribe increase,

awoke one night from a dream of peace

and saw within the moonlight in his room,

makin' it rich,

and like a Lily in bloom,

an angel writin' in a book of gold.

What's an angel?

You know what an angel is. I told you.

They're up in heaven, all around god.

Exceeding peace had made Ben adhem bold.

Who's Ben adhem, eh?

He's the man that it's all happening to.

Now shut your eyes and listen, Malcolm.

Lie down...

And don't ask questions.

And to the presence in the room he said,

"what writest thou?"

The vision raised its head,

and with a look made of all sweet accord,

answered,

"the names of those who love the lord."

What a lad he is--

could hardly keep his eyes open,

but he wouldn't give in.

You know what?

He went off just like that.

He'll be a real handful in a few months' time.

We'll have to be careful

what we say in front of him.

He's as sharp as a needle.

Wait till he sees that great Teddy bear

I bought for his birthday.

It's about that size, ever so soft.

The bloke who sold it

said it was a real rich kid's Teddy.

Here, do you fancy an hour's kip, girl,

while he's asleep?

Cloth ears, I'm talking to you.

Humphrey's been to see me

twice this week at lunchtime.

What's he after-- a bit on the side?

No. Nothing like that.

We just talked a bit.

Then don't tell me what you talk about

because I don't want to know.

I can't bear to hear about a bird and a bloke

having their innocent talks together.

I think it's more intimate than the other.

What is he after?

He wants to marry me.

What did you tell him?

That I'd talk it over with you first.

Why talk it over with me?

You're a free agent.

Malcolm needs a father.

What do you think I am?

I don't mean a weekend father.

I mean a proper father.

Well, we all need proper fathers.

And proper mothers, too.

There's just not enough to go around these days.

I don't love him.

I don't know what love is,

the way you birds talk about it.

But I--I respect him.

Well...

You'd better marry him then, hadn't you?

You got young buster in there to think about.

I'll be seeing you.

Maybe.

Daddy.

Daddy!

Nice, isn't it?

Goes like a bomb, too.

This car-hire firm I'm working for,

they have all the best stuff.

Know where I'm off to now?

Pick up a party of publicans,

take them to Brighton for the races.

Well, you've got to enjoy yourself.

Once a bloke thinks about a bird he's finished with--

there's a waste of time.

I'm not picking them up till half past 11:00,

so I'm just popping in here.

It's about that x ray.

Didn't come out right or something.

Load of red tape.

Tilt forward, please.

Thank you.

You've done this before, haven't ya?

Thank you.

Have you been worrying about anything lately?

Who, me?

No. I'm not the worrying sort.

Here. You know what?

Gilda's only decided to marry this Humphrey geezer--

do you get tired easily?

No. I'm full of energy. Always have been.

I got a letter from her, see?

"I don't love him," she says,

"but I do respect him."

I don't want no bird's respect.

I wouldn't know what to do with it.

Step on the scales, please.

I haven't got much time, you know.

She's told me time and again

she loves me.

Loves me for meself,

whatever that may mean.

Have you lost any weight lately?

No. I always weigh 12 stone 6.

Have done for years.

I've never told her I love her,

except when you got to say something

for appearances' sake.

11 stone 9 pounds.

Get out of it.

You sure these scales are right?

This suit don't weigh nothing.

9 ounces. Lightweight.

It's a new terylene and mohair.

You don't feel

as though you got nothing on at all.

The one thing I never do with a woman,

I never--

take your shirt off, please.

Eh?

Would you take your shirt off, please?

I never crawled to one.

They either take me as I am or not at all.

Do you perspire?

I mean, do you sweat much?

Sweat? No.

Tell a lie.

I did sweat last Sunday at the locarno.

I was dancing then, see, and I'd had a few beers.

Of course, I use a deodorant under me armpits.

Just rub it on. Quite good, they are.

I see.

Do you ever sweat at night?

At nights?

You mean in bed?

Yes. In bed.

Come to think of it,

I did sweat a lot last night,

and I couldn't understand why.

Sit there with your back to me, please.

Now take a deep breath.

Now breathe out slowly.

She said in her letter,

"Malcolm and me will be all right

'cause I'll be home to look after him."

Again. A good deep one. Hold it.

Oh. Let it out.

"What about you, Alfie?" She says.

"What will you do?"

Say 99.

99.

I came over quite choked at that bit.

Again. Whisper it this time.

99.

Whisper it again.

99.

Of course, I managed before--

I managed before I met her,

and I'll manage now she's gone.

Do you have a pain in your back?

Pain? No.

Last week, I'm missing her,

so I calls her up.

Funny, I do feel some pain there now.

A bit to the left.

There?

Higher up.

There?

Yeah. There.

Is it tender?

It is when you prod it.

Turn around, please.

Yeah, so I calls round, see?

And you know what?

She kept me at the door.

Take a deep breath.

But Malcolm must have heard me

'cause he kept yelling "daddy."

Breathe out.

She wouldn't let me touch her.

She drew back, first time ever.

99.

100.

Oh. 99.

"I'm sorry, Alfie," she says,

"but I'm playing fair by Humphrey,

as I did by you."

Do you cough much?

Cough? Nah.

Well, only in the mornings,

but so does everyone.

You know, after the first smoke.

She never wanted no other geezer

when she was with me.

What playing fair was there in that?

Do you bring anything up when you cough?

Nah. I just clear me chest.

That's the point of coughing, isn't it?

Bring something up, clear the tubes.

The pair of them are taking my little son from me.

Sometimes, I can hear him calling "daddy" after me.

Do you find

you get quickly irritable of late?

Funny you should ask that,

because I find I do me nut very easily these days.

Do you sleep well?

Like a top.

The moment my head touches the pillow, I'm off.

I never wake up till...

I never used to wake up

till it was time to get up.

That's elkins with an "s."

Know what I mean?

I think so. And now?

I always wake up dead on the same time--4 A.M.

No matter how much I've had to drink or...

Can I be perfectly frank with you?

Certainly.

No matter who's beside me.

You know what I mean?

Yes. I understand.

I never have been partial to these all-night sessions

because, for one thing,

I've rarely found a woman--

you don't mind if I come out with it straight?

You can tell me everything.

Very few birds can get into my rhythm of sleeping.

I see.

I find myself lying there in the dark,

staring at the ceiling.

I keep thinking about this kid.

I was very friendly with his mother.

Nothing special.

Just an ordinary girl,

but I knew him well, the child.

There's something I must tell you--

all I wanted was for her to come back with Malcolm

so we could spend our Sundays together.

But she never come. Understand me?

Oh, yes. Perfectly.

Now, if you lose a bird,

you can always replace her.

But with a child, it's different.

They're each one themselves.

Each one's got his different nature.

Now, I may not be

the best daddy in the world,

but I'm his real dad.

There's something I simply must tell you.

He's come out of these loins.

What do you want to tell me?

Look at this.

They can't get away from it.

He's my son.

This is your x ray, Mr. elkins.

Blimey! Is that me?

Yes, it is.

I'm just a load of ribs.

There are two shadows on your lungs.

Shadows on me lungs?

What are you talking about?

Look at this patch.

You've got an infection here,

and one here.

Infection? I can't have.

I ain't been with nobody.

It's not a question--

you got to do something about this.

We can deal with it.

I want the best attention there is.

I'll even pay for it.

It's just a question of rest.

I can't rest.

I'm off to Brighton

with a party of licentious victualers

for a real good blowout.

It's all been booked.

You need rest

in the quiet of the country.

I hate the country.

How can you rest

with all that bleedin' dawn chorus?

Oh.

What's the matter?

My--my feet feel like lead.

The sweat is pouring off me.

Now, Mr. elkins, do keep calm.

These are only shadows.

Shadows?

On me lungs?

I'm bein' eaten away.

This is the end of me.

Oh, god in heaven, help me.

Good afternoon, Mr. elkins.

Good afternoon.

Here. Once you know you ain't going to die,

funny how soon you pull back to normal.

Know what? I used to think money was everything.

If you've got money, I used to say,

you can have beautiful birds,

handsome suits, a car.

But those things ain't a bit of use

without your good health.

Hello, Harry.

Not come yet?

She's run off with the milkman.

Here...

See this chap here?

His name's Harry clamacraft.

He's 35 years old,

married, with three kids.

He's sitting in bed

waiting for his wife Lily to visit him.

He's had nothing else on his mind

since last Sunday.

I know for sure she'll be late.

Watch it.

In a minute, he'll pick up that book

and pretend he's not worried

and he's reading.

There. What did I tell ya?

He's no more reading than I am.

He's listening for her footsteps.

I ain't had a single visitor

since I been in here.

I told them all I'm on silence--

not allowed to talk.

Oy, Harry, your old woman's here.

Mrs. clamacraft, come through here.

Do you think I should?

I'm not supposed to.

Course you can. Come on.

There she is, Harry.

Hello, love.

Oh, Harry, I'm ever so sorry I'm late.

That's all right. Now you've come.

She's 20 minutes late.

Now she wastes another 20 telling him why.

I left home in time,

but everything went wrong at the station.

You look worried.

I was only worried

in case something might have happened to you.

Here's your new-laid eggs.

And here's your marmalade.

Bleedin' great chunks of peel in it.

No wonder he don't get well.

Did that chap come about the smell in the garden?

He thinks it might be trouble with the main drain.

Look at him.

Now he's worried about the bleedin' drains.

How were your last x rays?

I think they're improving.

Next time have him look at that loose gutter.

It might fall on you and the kids.

Yeah. Kill the bleedin' lot.

I will.

How was your sputum test?

Now there's a morale raiser.

They're waiting for the results.

Are you managing all right?

I mean, about money.

Yes. Everything's going fine.

You sure?

Yes, certain.

They're trying to get through

to one another.

It ain't easy

with their sort of mentality.

Here. See this?

Carla her name is.

Hear how her skirt rustles?

There's something about that rustling.

I think I'll get on me bed,

just in case.

Don't let me disturb you.

You can take that later.

I know what it must be like

seeing each other only once a week.

She seems quite nice.

Yes. She's very nice.

I'll just get you ready

for your injection, Mr. elkins.

Oh, thank you, nurse.

Hmm...

Hmm...

Would you like a banana?

Oh...

Thanks.

Ta.

Did--did my mother come round?

What?

Oh! Yes.

Was everything all right?

She seemed put out

because I hadn't made the kids

a cooked dinner.

Ah, she's mad about Sunday dinners.

Young Phil's missing you ever so.

Is he?

He must have woken up early this morning.

I could hear him talking away to himself.

He kept scolding you for not coming home.

Ah, bless him.

Oh, I seem to have only just got here.

Don't hurry.

Dirty beast.

I'll get the sister

to give you your injection after tea.

Tell her to send the blonde.

Don't forget to write.

First thing,

as soon as they've gone to school.

Give my love to Phil and Shirley.

I will.

Bye-bye, love.

Eat your eggs.

I will.

Don't worry, love.

I'll be all right in a minute.

I'll look after him.

He hates me going.

I'll soon cheer him up.

Oh, thank you.

You get dependent on them coming, see?

And it don't do to get dependent on nobody.

They bring their fruit and flowers

and tell you how well you're looking.

After about five minutes,

they're dying for the bell to go so they can leave.

I know. I've watched them.

They're no sooner out the door

than they say, "did you see old Ned?

"Didn't he look rough?

"Keep them insurance policies dusted.

Don't throw that black hat away."

I've heard 'em.

Mr. elkins?

Oh, hello, nurse.

You should be in bed.

I couldn't sleep.

I come down

and made meself a cup of tea.

You're not supposed to.

I've been doing things all my life

I'm not supposed to.

You know what?

I had a horrible nightmare.

You must have had too much supper.

No, serious.

I dreamt the hydrogen bomb had fallen

and I didn't get killed.

But I got some of that dust on me shoulder, see?

So I rushes in this house,

shuts the door,

and who should be there but little Malcolm.

Who?

Hey? Oh, yeah.

It's this kid I used to know.

And then I realized

that this-- this dust on me,

this poison I picked up,

will kill him.

And I was taking it to him.

I was taking death to him.

But what could I do?

I had to save me bleeding self,

didn't I?

Didn't half make me feel rough, though.

I suppose it would make sense

to a psychiatrist.

I wish just for once

I could do something good in me dreams.

It wouldn't cost me anything,

and I'd get a great deal of satisfaction out of it.

Just goes to show you,

they got you when you're awake and asleep.

You'll be leaving here next month.

Yeah. I'll be glad to get back to London.

It won't be the same without you around here.

I ain't gone yet, girl.

Would you like me

to give you something to make you sleep?

There's a good idea.

All right.

Come with me.

Marvelous what you can get on the national health,

isn't it?

Goodbye, Mr. elkins.

Goodbye, Mrs. clamacraft.

Bye-bye, love.

You know something, Harry?

What?

These visiting days ain't doing you any good.

How do you mean?

It takes you a week to get over one.

If you're not careful,

you'll leave here in your wooden suit.

That's all I live for, to see her.

You got to live for yourself, not for others.

You'd have to do without her if she got killed.

Don't talk like that.

All I'm saying is,

it don't do

to get attached to nobody like that in this life.

What you don't understand--

yeah?

What you don't understand--

what?

What?

Is the bond between husband and wife.

What I do understand is human bleedin' nature.

Here. How do you know

your missus ain't got a geezer outside?

Say another word about my wife--

Harry! Harry! Harry!

Harry, don't get aeriated.

Harry. Here, sit quiet.

Here, have a fag.

The doc says

I'm not to smoke more than five a day.

Take no notice of him.

No, all I meant was,

with a bird,

you can never tell where it's been

or what it's done.

Would you mind saying "she"?

You're talking about my wife.

She or it, they're all birds.

What you got to do, Harry,

is start living for yourself,

like I do.

They won't keep me here long.

But, Alfie, I miss the kids,

especially the youngest.

Now, just listen to me, Harry.

Listen to me for a minute.

Supposing tonight you was to snuff it,

know what I mean?

You're rotten--

no, just supposing.

That's it, have a giggle.

That's all life is, a giggle.

Say your old woman picks up with a bloke

and brings him home.

Not Lily. She wouldn't.

Why not?

She ain't bad.

She got a fair little figure--

not my type, but still...

Anyway, she introduces this bloke

as uncle bill.

Your kids would get a big kick out of it.

Not young Phil. He wouldn't.

He'd be the first,

specially if uncle bill brought toys.

He wouldn't buy Phil with toys.

Next thing, your missus tells the neighbors

the kids need a dad.

She'll blame it on the kids.

What are you getting at?

I only want you to see the truth

and start getting better.

For the first month after you're gone,

your wife and kids

might take flowers to the cemetery.

But once she's married

and the kids call uncle bill "dad,"

your grave will become a mass of weeds.

If you came home six months later,

your kids would ask uncle bill,

"dad, who is it?"

If you don't stop,

I'll knock your bloody head in!

Harry, all I want is for you to see life,

see what it is

and what it does to you.

I--I never wanted to hurt you, Harry.

I never want to hurt anybody.

No. I suppose not.

But you do, Alfie.

But you do.

Want a game of draughts?

Yeah, all right.

Come on.

Alfie!

Great.

Alfie, just like old times.

How are you doing?

I'm all right, all right.

I feel all right.

I've got a gaff lined up for you.

I'm not used to all this noise.

Come on.

I've had six months of peace and quiet.

I'd be dead scared

to take a car through the streets.

I got just the job for you, then--

all the fresh air you want.

Street photography. Doing it meself now.

Where?

Up at tower hill.

Tons of tourists. Chat the birds up easy.

They're asking for it half the time.

Nothing to it--

"hold it, lady. More to the left."

Three for 12 and a Tanner.

He's a nice gentleman.

You can have it on your own if you don't like him, love.

You got film in that camera?

Are you loaded?

Yeah.

Oh, good morning.

Come on, lady.

Give us a great big smile.

Here you are, sir.

Not today.

I don't want my photograph taken.

I can't blame you.

What about the young lady?

Nor does she.

What about it? One on your own?

All right. I think I will.

Vacationing?

No.

Immigrant?

In a way.

Married?

Sometimes.

Now?

No. Not now.

How do you want me?

I got two positions--

straight up or sideways, depending on your nationality.

I'll have you against the ships.

All right.

I've always been partial to the Navy.

Now, you look a real treat there.

We've no time to waste here.

We got a fast film in today.

Allow me, madam.

He's getting a bit choked up, isn't he?

Don't let it worry you.

It doesn't.

It doesn't seem to worry you either.

I never let any man worry me.

I see what you mean.

Now, that's lovely.

Can you hold it?

I'll do my best, young man.

Put a jerk in it.

I'll put a jerk in you. Hold it.

Lovely. That's a real beauty.

Now the close-up. Lick your lips.

Strewth.

Now watch the Dickie bird.

Now what's your address?

And your telephone number?

That's three of each.

Be 15 shillings, sir.

Haven't you got any change?

No, I haven't.

I'll have to go look for some.

Keep the bloody change.

'Ello! How about a little souvenir?

You can have an enlargement for 4 and 6, sir.

I got just the job for you, Nat says.

Plenty of fresh air.

Know what?

I got the flu twice in six weeks.

I went back to the hire-car lark...

With the, uh, rolls here.

It's very nice of you to come, Alfie.

Wasn't it, lil?

Yes, it was.

If I'd known you'd be here,

I wouldn't have come.

I didn't mean that.

Of course not.

She looks real tired,

don't you think so, Alfie?

I'm all right.

You got to think about yourself.

Otherwise, you'll never get out of here.

Yeah, but...

Can you give her a lift in your car?

Oh, Harry, please, no.

It's a long way for her by train.

Yeah. I'll take her back.

It's a pleasure.

He'll take you back.

She didn't want to come,

and I didn't want to take her.

We both agreed, to please Harry, see?

Looks real ribby though, don't she?

To brighten her up,

I'm taking her a roundabout way,

to show her a bit of the scenery.

Well, you can only try, can't you?

How would you like a nice cup of tea?

I don't want to be any trouble.

That's all right.

One thing about driving a rolls,

they're pleased to see you anywhere.

Know what?

When she smiles that little smile of hers,

I'm quite touched by it.

Yeah, now I look at her,

she ain't so ugly after all.

It must be hard on you, girl--

old Harry being away so long.

Still, I'll say this for him,

he could hardly wait

for those visiting days to come round.

Don't worry about him, Lily.

He'll be home soon.

Of course he will.

Cheer up.

Well, what I'm going to do, old Harry will never know.

And even if he did,

he shouldn't begrudge me-- nor her, come to that.

And it will round off the tea nicely.

I don't know what you must think of me.

I bet you ain't been with many blokes

besides Harry.

I haven't been with anyone.

Where you going, love?

London.

It's a big place for a little girl.

Hop in.

Hello, frank.

What do you want to eat?

I'm not hungry.

Just a cup of tea, please.

You must eat something.

No, thank you. Just tea with sugar.

Hello! Hey!

How you doing?

Watch your loading ropes, frank.

They look a bit dodgey.

Ta.

What's the fancy dress for?

Got a rolls outside, don't I?

You're almost a stranger, Alfie.

Why didn't you turn up?

Sorry, darlin'. I couldn't make it.

Uh, a small tea

and a slice of buttered toast, please.

You won't get far on cups of tea.

I'll be all right.

Who's the mystery?

That one, frank brought in.

You want to watch it, Alfie.

That's frank's bird.

It's not my type, anyway.

I'll just go check those ropes,

see they're all right.

You O.K.?

A bit dead in here though, isn't it?

I think I'll have a tune.

They ain't half got some old ones,

ain't they?

Yes.

Did you come in with frank?

Yes. Why?

He's a good bloke, frank. Good mate.

Yes, he seems nice.

Yeah. He'd share his last cigarette with ya.

Very good-hearted is frank.

You know what?

He'll even share his birds

with his mates.

One bloke told me

he'll even lend you his wife...

Like the Eskimos do.

I wouldn't fancy that.

Well, I mean, she's so bad-tempered.

I didn't think he was married.

He's got at least one wife.

Being a long-distance lorry driver,

he's away from home every other night.

Funny, some blokes, aren't they?

I wouldn't like anything like that--

sharing a girl--

would you?

No.

Where are you making for?

Well, London.

Any particular place?

Not really.

I'd like to get a room and a job, if I could.

Here. I might be able to help you.

I know the personnel officer

of a big toffee factory.

Could I see you in London, then?

See me in London? I could take you there.

But I'm--

I've got a rolls Royce out there,

radio, heater-- the lot.

But I shall have to tell that man frank first.

Can't risk that.

He'll knock your block off.

Mine, too.

See that door there?

Well, 50 yards down the road

is a telephone kiosk.

You wait for me there.

I don't like doing that.

You don't want to be frightened of me.

I ain't a wolf, you know.

Go on, before he comes back.

You don't want sharing, do ya?

No.

No, course you don't.

Go on, there you go.

Would you please tell that driver I came in with

that I'm sorry, but I've had to go.

I'll tell him.

How much do I owe you, Flo?

1 and a penny.

You ain't going yet, Alfie?

I'm in a hurry all of a sudden.

What about your toast, then?

Give it to frank.

He could do with a slice.

See ya.

See ya, Alfie.

Did you see the way he lapped it up?

Can't see what they all see in him.

Frank will go raving mad

when he comes back.

Good.

Sit back and enjoy yourself, girl.

Do your folks at home know where you're going?

I haven't got any.

Oh, there must be somebody.

I want to make a new start in London.

Well, I reckon you've landed on your feet.

You'll have a great little life with me.

♪ baby, I'm sorry...

It ain't come up too bad, has it?

All it needed was a good wash

and a bit of care and attention.

It's quite dainty. You know what I mean?

Here. I no sooner take a pair of socks off

than it washes them.

And it can cook, too.

A bit limited on the menu.

Mostly Lancashire hot-pot and steak-and-kidney pie.

They blow you out a bit.

But it does do a marvelous egg custard.

I ain't never tasted nothing like it.

And it's pretty fair on the other and all.

A bit on the shy side,

but I find it makes quite a change these days.

Oy, turn it down a bit, Annie.

♪ Baby, I'm sorry

♪ oh, baby, I'm sorry... ♪

It's in love, see?

Now, when it listens to that stuff,

it daydreams that the bloke who threw it over

will one day want it back.

What a bleedin' hope.

Just watch how it works.

Scrub, scrub, scrub.

It takes some birds like that.

Not all of them.

Can I get you a cup of tea, Alfie?

Take it easy.

You always want to be doing something.

Here, I had a bird once--

a big, fat thing it was--

got crossed in love or something.

The bigger they are, the harder they fall.

She used to sit in front of the fire all day long,

smoking cigarettes and drinking tea,

till her shins were burned red raw.

"Get us a cup of tea, bracken-shins,"

I said to it one time.

"What?" It said. "You paralyzed?"

I soon got rid of it.

Are you visiting your friend

at the sanatorium?

Old Harry? Yeah.

You fancy a ride in the car, girl?

I've some washing to do.

You're always bleedin' washing.

Why don't you take a rest?

I feel better if I'm doing something.

If it makes ya feel better,

I won't stop ya.

Punishes itself, you see.

That way, life can't get at it the same.

What time will you be back, Alfie?

When I go out that door,

I don't know what day I'll be back,

let alone what time.

I'm what is called a free agent.

Sorry. I just thought

I'd have your meal ready.

Make a meal that's always ready--

hash or stew or something.

I thought I'd do something special.

Get those boots for me, will you, girl?

See? Even she's started asking me

when I'll be back.

Know what? That little remark

could be the writing on the wall.

Annie, when are you going to start using

those gloves I bought you?

You'll ruin your hands,

what with all that scrubbing and whatnot.

They don't matter.

They may not matter to you,

but they matter to me.

Nothing puts me off more

than a woman getting hold of me

with hard, horny mitts.

You got pretty little fingers.

They're like a child's.

Look after them for me.

Sometimes, it gets a dead, ghostified look

come over its little face,

as though it were all sick inside

with love or something

and its poor bleedin' mind was stumbling about,

looking for a corner to rest in.

Take the other night, for instance.

After what we'd just been through together,

it made me really mad.

After all, there's a time and a place for everything.

Even your thoughts have a proper place.

Sorry, Alfie.

Forget him, girl.

I'm here and in the flesh.

Blimey, she looked dead guilty.

Know what? I was sorry I spoke.

"Alfie," I says to meself,

"she's as human as you are."

Well, I'll be off now, girl.

Like to give me a brush-down?

Shall I say you'll be back about 7:00, Alfie?

Say what you like.

Whether I'll be or not is another matter.

You have something ready.

If I'm here, I'll eat it. If I'm not, I won't.

You know what, Annie? You're a nice-looking girl,

only you want to brighten yourself up.

Don't mope about depressed.

You got to think of others.

So long.

Take care of yourself, Alfie.

I didn't like leaving it there on a Sunday,

scrubbing away.

But what could I do? You know what I mean?

I couldn't take it with me.

Going up in the world, ain't I?

Do you know what the rents are here?

15 quid a week.

That's including central heating, of course.

You'll never guess who I'm calling on.

Well, I wouldn't have believed it meself

three months ago.

I'm here, girl.

That's life, ain't it?

You can never tell what's round the corner.

Know what I mean?

Down one minute, up the next.

You drop a Tanner, look around, what do you find?

Ruby!

Hello, baby.

Hold it! Gotcha.

She's in lovely condition.

Ooh...

Ooh! What are you so impatient about?

What do you think?

Don't kiss my ear.

You know what it does to me.

Come on, what about it?

Let's at least have a drink first.

Whiskey?

You haven't got a beer, light ale, or something?

Yes, I've probably got a beer on the ice.

She gets all this lot off income tax.

Business expenses, see?

She owns three hairdressers.

The thing I like about Ruby,

she's a mature woman.

When she gets hold of you,

you can feel a lifetime of experience

in her fingers.

I find I'm going in more

for that sort of woman these days.

Here! Don't you dig your nails in again,

like you did last Thursday night.

I got scratches all down me back.

I may do more than that to you today.

Great long wheals they are.

She dug her nails right in.

She's had two husbands.

Both dead.

And I've a good idea what they died of.

She don't keep asking do you love her,

like young birds do.

She don't never mention love.

She knows what she wants,

and she's going to get it...

If there's any going.

Cheers.

Cheers.

Alfie...

Don't you ever think about

bringing your girlfriends flowers or candy?

Yeah, I often think about it,

but I never do it,

not unless they're in hospital.

Don't put your wet glass on my polished table.

You know, you're getting bleedin' fussy.

I'm not getting bleeding fussy.

Yes, you are.

I am not fussy!

Hello.

Ah!

She's in beautiful condition.

You're a little sexpot, ain't ya?

Am I?

You're a little lust-box, ain't ya?

My little lust-box.

I might settle down with her.

With a wife like Ruby,

you wouldn't want nothing on the side.

You know what I mean?

Ha ha ha!

Bedroom.

Here. Come and have a look at this a minute.

Great, ain't it?

Have you caught the ceilings?

Look at the size of that bath.

King-size.

It's a bit of a tight squeeze

with the two of us in it,

but you can have a lot of fun splashing about and whatnot.

Do you know there have been times

I felt lucky to get out of that bath alive?

♪ He found himself another gal ♪

♪ The dirty rotten hound

♪ he found himself another creole miss ♪

♪ So now you've met another guy ♪

♪ Slowly take your time

♪ give away too much, and you are lost ♪

♪ Now he's telling you a lie ♪

♪ Smiles as sweet as lime

♪ baby, Sally, baby, you've been crossed ♪

♪ Well, don't waste your time, Sally ♪

♪ Find another guy...

Hello, lace.

Hello, Alfie.

♪ Don't waste your time, Sally ♪

♪ Comin' through the rye

♪ get up and go, Sally

♪ don't sing too low, Sally ♪

♪ At least he didn't take your dough, Sally ♪

♪ Go, Sally, go ♪

Have you got the car outside, Alfie?

Know what? I got this bird Annie from up north

staying at my pad.

She can't half cook.

What's bleedin' cooking

got to do with it?

She don't like it

if he don't come home for meals, eh?

No. She does some handsome nosh-ups--

steak-and-kidney pie, Lancashire hot-pot.

I love her cooking, I do.

I thought you was looking a bit blown out.

What do you mean, blown out?

It's just the appearance,

you see, Alfie.

What appearance?

Well, you look all puffed up,

blown out,

sort of ponsified.

Ponsified?

I've never felt fitter in all my life.

He wasn't saying you wasn't fit,

was you, Lacey?

No, you just look different, that's all,

don't he?

What's bleedin' different about me?

That bird Annie of yours,

she's putting a block on you,

and you can't see it.

Looks that way to me, mate.

She's only looking after me.

Looking after you?

In 12 months, you won't recognize yourself.

You'll be stuffed to the ears with that hot-pot.

♪ Far away to fight the foe ♪

♪ Now I hear the bugles callin' ♪

♪ And I can no longer stay... ♪

♪ Well, goodbye, Dolly, I must leave you ♪

♪ Well, goodbye, Dolly gray... ♪

Oh, how you going, mate?

I thought it was you.

Remember that day you come in the busy bee?

What day was that?

You was in chauffeur's uniform.

Oh, yeah. What about it?

You didn't, by any chance,

slope off with a little girl called Annie

when my back was turned?

Me? I don't know what you're talking about.

You're a bloody liar!

Watch the suit.

It just come back from the cleaners.

♪ Well, goodbye, Dolly

♪ I'm gonna leave you... ♪

♪ Somethin' tells me I am needed ♪

♪ Far away to fight the foe ♪

♪ Now I hear the bugles callin'... ♪

♪ Goodbye, Dolly

♪ I'm gonna leave you

♪ goodbye, Dolly gray

♪ well, goodbye, Dolly

♪ I've got to leave you

♪ though it grieves my heart so ♪

♪ Somethin' tells me I'm needed ♪

♪ Far away to fight the foe ♪

♪ I hear the bugles callin' ♪

♪ I can no longer stay

♪ but, Dolly

♪ I'm gonna leave you

♪ goodbye, Dolly

♪ gray ♪

Is that you, Alfie?

Yeah, it's me.

I'm late, ain't I?

Start ruckin' me.

What happened?

You've got an awful black eye.

Blimey! He's injured me for life!

Where's that steak you bought?

I've made you steak- and-kidney pie with it.

I'm fed up with hot-pots

and steak-and-kidney pies.

Can't we have something out of a can for a change?

Corned beef or spam?

Handsome grub, that was.

You said you liked my steak-and-kidney pies.

If I get that lot on top of a skinful of beer,

I'll hardly be able to draw me bleedin' breath.

I'll feel full up, blown out, ponsified.

You always said you loved that feeling

of being really full.

What I loved once and what I love now

are two different things.

And where's my button-down shirt?

Your blue one? In the drawer.

No, the pink one.

I washed it. It'll soon be dry.

I only wore it a couple hours.

I thought it would feel fresher.

You only wash to fill in your bleedin' time.

Why should I?

To get him out of your mind.

To get who out of me mind?

That bleedin' Tony you write about in your diary.

Alfie, have you been in my bag

and read my diary?

Why shouldn't I?

You shouldn't

because them's me secret thoughts.

You ain't entitled to secret thoughts,

not living with me.

Everyone's entitled to secret thoughts.

Then you shouldn't write them down

and let me see them.

I only wrote them to get them out of me.

Here's what I think of you, your secret thoughts,

and your bleedin' steak-and-kidney pie!

And don't take nothing

that don't belong to you either.

Don't let your custard spoil.

It's in the oven.

Annie?

Annie!

Come back! I didn't mean it!

Annie!

Annie!

Come in.

You're a bit early, girl.

I didn't want to be late.

Is he coming?

Yeah, about 2:00 he said he'd be here.

Here, give us your bag.

Blimey, your hands ain't half cold.

You ain't worrying, are you?

A bit.

Yeah. You're all dark under the eyes.

I couldn't sleep last night.

Ah...

Well...

And, uh, you can get ready for him

when you want to.

Thanks.

I've let meself in for something this time,

all right.

It was that day I took her out to the river, see?

Right about three months ago, it was.

That was something I thought I got for nothing.

It don't never work out that way, does it?

So I agrees to help her and lay it all on.

It was the least I could do--

Knowing old Harry and all.

See what I mean?

Come in, mate.

Well, here we are.

What do you mean, here we are?

I mean you've come to the right place.

This is the young lady

I talked to you about on the phone.

Pleased to meet you.

Ain't you got your gear with you?

Don't ask questions.

Oh, sorry. Right, well, this is the room

where you can examine this young lady.

And why should I examine this young lady?

Well, you've got to, ain't you,

before you do it?

Before I do what?

Do what you come to do.

Be quiet, Alfie.

There must be some mistake.

You are the bloke--

the gentleman I talked to last Thursday, ain't you?

Alfie, please be quiet.

Don't worry, my dear.

Now I must have a serious talk

with you both.

Are you two married?

Us two married?

Blimey! Do we look it?

No. I mean, she's a married woman,

but I'm a single man.

Is there any chance of you getting married

in the near future?

I doubt that. What do you say, Lily?

But you are the putative father.

The what?

Me?

I'm nothing. I'm just obliging a friend.

Well, that's unusual.

It's very unusual.

You are the man who... Is going to help me?

Her old man's in a sanatorium, see?

She's had a moral lapse. See what I mean?

I'm not quite sure that I do.

It will never happen again.

The only reason she needs helping

is that her marriage would look very dodgey

if her husband come out at this stage of the game.

She got three other kids as well.

Where do you fit in?

She had no place to go.

That's most altruistic.

I, uh, hope you both...

Appreciate the seriousness of this case.

To terminate a pregnancy after more than 28 days

is a criminal offense

punishable in a court of law with seven years' jail.

Do you understand this?

Yeah.

Not only that,

but it's a crime against the unborn child.

It's a course never to be embarked upon... Lightly.

Therefore I must ask you

to consider all the circumstances thoroughly

before you go through with your decision,

since afterwards it will be too late to change your mind.

Have you given the matter your fullest consideration?

What do you say, Lily?

I've no way out.

And you've decided to go through with it?

Yes, I must.

Then I might be able to help you.

Thank you.

Um... Yes. Oh, yes--

have you got the money?

Eh? Oh, yeah, the money.

The young lady got it.

It will be 30 pounds.

25. That was the figure we discussed.

Very well then, 25.

Right. Very well.

Um, right, young lady. If you'd care to follow me.

I'll need some boiling water.

Oh, yeah, the kettle's on the stove in there.

Good.

I hate anything like this.

My understanding of women

only goes as far as the pleasure.

When it comes to the pain,

I'm like every other bloke. I don't want to know.

Have you done?

Almost everything I can do.

Can she go home now, then?

Good lord, no. Don't you understand?

It's only been induced. It hasn't happened yet.

That comes later.

If her temperature rises rapidly,

give her two of these. I'll leave you six.

How will I know?

Well, uh, if she starts to sweat,

give her two.

Here, mate, don't you think

you ought to stay and see the job through,

considering how much you've been paid?

Two if she sweats.

How you feeling, girl?

He gave me these tablets to give to you.

Take two if your temperature goes up.

You do look old, girl.

He got his money easy... Eh?

Ohh!

Not too loud.

My landlady will hear.

I can't help it!

The pain!

Lily.

God, this pain!

I'm sorry, Lily. I'm--I'm sorry.

I had to do it.

If my landlady heard,

she'd have the ambulance here,

doctors, police, the lot.

Then all this

would have been for nothing.

You see what I mean?

That's why I had to do it.

Shh, shh, shh, shh.

Lily, Lily.

Shh, shh, Lily, Lily, Lily.

Lily, Lily, Lily, shh... Shh.

Shh... Shh... Shh.

Shh... Shh, shh.

Lily, Lily.

Is there something I can get you, Lily?

Eh?

Would you like a cup of tea?

No. You go.

I'm better on my own.

There's nothing you can do.

You'll be all right, will you?

Eh?

Sure you'll be all right?

I know it don't look nice,

going off and leaving her.

But what do look nice

when you get close up to it, eh?

Here, come on.

Oh, you naughty boy.

You're keeping everyone waiting.

Suzanne Elizabeth, I baptize thee

in the name of the father

and of the son

and of the holy ghost. Amen.

And now we join together

in the family prayer of Christians.

Our father, which art in heaven,

hallowed be thy name,

thy kingdom come,

thy will be done

on earth as it is in heaven.

Who's daddy's best boy, eh?

Who's daddy's best boy?

Who's the best boy in the world?

Lily...

Is it all over?

Yes.

I'll be ready to go in a minute.

There's no hurry, girl. No hurry.

Don't.

Eh?

Don't go in there.

I could have dropped on the spot with the shock.

All I was expecting to see was...

Well, come to think of it,

I don't rightly know what I was expecting to see.

Certainly not this perfectly formed... Being.

I half expected it to cry out.

It didn't, of course. It couldn't have done.

It could never have had any life in it.

I mean, not a proper life of its own.

No, I suppose not.

Still...

It must have had some life, of course.

And as it lay there so quiet, so still...

It quite touched me.

And I started praying or something,

saying things like, uh,

"god help me" and things like that,

and then I starts to cry.

Straight out.

The tears were running down me face, all salty,

like I was a kid meself.

Crying for him, you mean, alf?

No, no, not for him.

He was past it.

For me bleedin' self.

It don't bring it home to you what you are

when you see a helpless little thing like that

lying in your own hands.

He'd have been quite perfect.

And I--I thought to meself...

"You know what, Alfie?

"You know what you done?

You murdered him."

Well, there's nothing

you can do about it now, alf.

Will you lend me 25 quid, Nat?

Don't be bloody funny.

That's all I've got in the world.

I'll give you this watch as security.

If I haven't paid you back in two weeks,

you can sell it.

I don't want no security.

Thanks very much, Nat.

Well... That's that.

You all ready?

Come on. I'll run you home.

I'd sooner go on me own.

You say that again,

you will go home on your own.

I want to.

O.K. By me.

There's a bus to Waterloo

or a green line all the way.

This is for little Phil.

Who?

Phil, your youngest,

the one that writes

all them squiggly letters.

What is it?

You want to see it?

I bought it a long, long time ago...

For a little kid I used to know.

Catch.

Tell him it's from his uncle Alfie.

Come with me.

I'll take you home.

I'm definitely going to settle down

with this Ruby.

I'm fed up with being on the move.

You know, I find

I'm not stalking these young birds anymore.

Hey, Ruby!

Where are you, girl?

Alfie?

Yeah, I thought I'd give you a surprise.

I'll be right out.

Uh, make yourself a drink.

All right.

Uh, I was sleeping.

I've got a headache. I took a pill.

Oh, sorry.

You said you were on a job today.

Yeah, but it fell through. Want a drink?

No, thanks.

Maybe you better go, darling.

I've got a splitting headache.

All right, then.

Better have these now I've brought them.

Alfie, what a thing for you to do.

I--I never thought

I'd live to see the day.

I like surprising a woman.

You certainly did that.

Look at the wrapper.

They're not off a barrow.

I can see that.

Well, they're lovely.

Really lovely. Thank you.

I'll go. You take an aspirin, girl.

I will.

That's new.

New, what?

That radio. Where'd you get that?

I picked it up cheap.

You'll ring me tomorrow?

I'll--I'll be all right then.

I'll come around lunchtime.

We might have a session.

Why not?

Right.

See you.

Alfie.

Yeah?

I'm sorry about the headache.

I'll make it up to you.

Sure.

What's that?

What?

That.

It's a guitar.

What, you doing it with groups now?

Don't be so disgusting.

And the radio.

You got a bloke in there, haven't you?

It's none of your damn business.

Pick him up cheap, too?

There's no one in there.

I honestly thought you had a headache.

What a mug I've grown into.

Get out. I have a splitting headache.

Why him? Better than me?

What's he got that I haven't,

apart from long hair?

Well?

Come on, let's have it. What's he bleedin' got?

He's younger than you are.

You got it?

"He's younger than you are,"

that's what she said.

Anybody would think I was doddering about

on bleeding crutches.

Trouble is I still keep thinking about her.

I can't get her out of me mind.

Who'd have thought a ruddy great lust-box like her

would have found her way into anybody's feelings?

She might have looked a hard case,

but underneath she was quite mumsie,

and she was in beautiful condition.

Do you know, I'm beginning to think she was beautiful.

After all, it ain't through the eyes

that you feel beauty.

It's how the heart hungers for something

that makes it beautiful.

Coo-ee.

Siddie.

Alfie, hello.

I ain't seen you in ages.

You didn't turn up.

Oh, look, I can explain that.

Ain't half missed you.

I like that gear.

Where you going?

I got the car around the corner.

What about it?

No, I can't. I'm going to meet me husband.

It's nice material.

Still, you always was a snappy dresser.

What about Sunday then?

I'm not sure.

Come on.

Same time? Same place?

We'll see.

I'll wait for you for about five minutes.

Don't forget your napkin.

I'm like the boy scouts, I am--

always prepared.

See you then, eh?

Maybe.

You know what?

When I look back on my little life

and the birds I've known,

I think of all the things they've done for me

and the little I've done for them.

You'd think I've had the best of it

all along the line.

But what have I got out of it?

I got a Bob or two,

some decent clothes,

a car.

I got me health back,

and I ain't attached.

But I ain't got me peace of mind,

and if you ain't got that,

you ain't got nothing.

It seems to me if they ain't got you one way,

they got you another.

So what's the answer?

That's what I keep asking meself.

What's it all about?

Know what I mean?

Come on, boy. Come on.

♪ What's it all about, Alfie? ♪

♪ Is it just for the moment we live? ♪

♪ What's it all about

♪ when you sort it out, Alfie? ♪

♪ Are we meant to take more than we give ♪

♪ Or are we meant to be kind? ♪

♪ And if only fools are kind, Alfie ♪

♪ Then I guess it is wise to be cruel ♪

♪ And if love belongs only to the strong, Alfie ♪

♪ What will you lend on an old golden rule? ♪

♪ As sure as I believe

♪ there's a heaven above, Alfie ♪

♪ I know there's something much more ♪

♪ Something even nonbelievers ♪

♪ Can believe in

♪ I believe in love, Alfie ♪

♪ Without true love we just exist ♪

♪ Alfie

♪ until you find love you've missed ♪

♪ You're nothing, Alfie

♪ when you walk

♪ let your heart lead the way ♪

♪ And you'll find love any day, Alfie ♪

♪ Alfie