All language subtitles for 1 1 Last.Week.Tonight.with.John.Oliver.S12E29.1080p.HEVC

Oh.

Thank you so much for joining us. It has
been a busy week. The government

shutdown became the longest in history.
FIFA announced plans to launch a new

peace prize.

Who are they possibly going to give that
to?

And at the pageant for Miss World Chile,
one contestant took the talent portion

to a new level by performing with her
death metal band.

twirling a baton. There is no justice in
this world.

You don't expect someone in a beauty
pageant to be good at death metal.

The same way you'd be surprised if you
found out that I have a contemporary R

album. But you know what? I do.

And it is sexy as fuck.

Meanwhile, Tuesday was election day in
many places and the Democrats did well

across the board, including right here
in New York where Zohra Mamdani

decisively won the mayoral race and...

Yep, pretty satisfying.

Now, some actually criticised that
speech, with Van Jones calling it sharp

character switch from Umdani's tone
during the campaign. But that seems

unfair to me. He just weathered one of
the most Islamophobic campaigns in

memory. I wish Andrew Cuomo, only the
best in private life, is a frankly

superhuman level of grace to extend to a
man who has yet to pronounce your name

correctly once.

Especially given that he could have
said, Andrew, your campaign was

was it with the weird AI ads, especially
this one that you inexplicably

released, featuring the Bill from
Schoolhouse Rock, pregnant and with

kissable lips?

Do you want to fuck the Bill from
Schoolhouse Rock, Andrew?

Do you? Well, great news, now you
actually can in your private life. I

the best, you pervert.

And look, we will talk more about New
York's mayoral race later in the show,

for now, we're going to dive straight in
with our main story this week, which

concerns murder.

You know, the thing that cats are
constantly plotting. Cats only want two

things, fancy piece chicken pate and the
slow, painful death of their enemies.

Murder is also, in a sense, what this
singer did to the national anthem last

year during an election debate for third
party candidates.

to the national anthem. Now, was that
tough to watch? Yes, it was. But does

fact that Jill Stein had to stand there
listening to it make it a little better?

Abso -fucking -lutely.

Specifically, this story concerns
something called felony murder, which I

sounds redundant. After all, aren't all
murders technically felonies? But it's a

particular type of charge, as this local
news segment chose to explain with some

odd framing.

Felony murder is not the preplanned made
-for -TV murder you might be thinking.

So, WTF?

Is felony murder. Well, felony murder
allows anyone involved in a dangerous

crime to be charged with murder if
someone is killed during that crime. So

if the person didn't actually kill
someone, they can still get charged. So

say you're the getaway car driver for a
bank robbery and your accomplice panics

and kills the bank teller. You can be
charged with murder without even

into the bank building or having a gun
or pulling the trigger.

That is honestly a pretty good
explanation, albeit with a very

intro.

What is that?

You're talking about a murder charge
here. Why go with wacky graphics and

that sound like a circus clown's alarm
clock?

Now, if you're talking about something
boring like escrow, sure, goof it up to

the max, but not if the subject is
serious.

The last thing any viewer wants to see
is that graphic, followed by a reporter

saying, so, WTF is the age of consent.

But...

To reiterate, felony murder is basically
a felony plus a death equals a murder

charge even if you didn't intend to kill
anyone and even if you are not the one

who did the killing. And as you'll see,
these charges can go way further than

just getaway drivers in bank robberies
because crucially, you don't have to be

an active participant in a killing to
get charged with felony murder. You

even have to be anywhere near it.

Take what happened when these four men
broke into a house in Florida to steal a

safe. When someone there tried to stop
them, one of them beat her to death. But

under felony murder, all four were
charged with her killing, as well as

guy. And I'll let him explain why.

I'm in prison because I loaned my keys
to my roommate.

It was 2003, the morning after a party
at his house in Pensacola. He said, can

borrow your keys to your car? And I
said, sure.

He went back to sleep.

Holly says when he woke up and his car
wasn't back, He called his roommate, who

said they were about to break in. If I
were to really have taken it serious, I

would have called the police.

But under Florida's felony murder rule,
Holly was just as responsible as the man

who killed Snyder. Holly, like the other
four men, was sentenced to life without

parole.

Yeah, he was sentenced to life for a
murder that took place over a mile away

that he didn't know was going to happen,
and where his involvement was limited

to lending his car for the burglary.

It's enough to make you ask, what the
fuck?

Oh, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, sorry,
no, no, no, no, I actually don't need

those graphics. I'm an adult being
upset, not a clown juggling bowling

And the thing about felony murder is,
it's actually much easier for a

to obtain a conviction under it than
under a standard first -degree murder

charge where they have to prove the
defendant intended to kill. Because

felony murder, all they have to prove is
someone committed or aided in a felony

that led to a death.

And if you're convicted, judges can have
little discretion on sentencing. In

fact, 11 states in the federal system
mandate life without parole for all

murder convictions, while these states
mandate it in at least some cases. And

around half of US states allow death
sentences for unintentional killings

felony murder laws. In fact, since 1985,
11 people have been executed for

participating in a felony during which a
co -defendant committed homicide. That

is, 11 people executed for murder
despite not killing anyone.

And look, I oppose the death penalty in
all cases, but we clearly shouldn't be

executing people for murder if they did
not murder someone. You can actually

find more tips like that in my new law
textbook, a practical guide to the most

obvious shit you've ever heard.

And while nobody keeps that... on felony
murder convictions nationwide. In the

states where they do exist, the numbers
are astonishing.

In Pennsylvania and Michigan, one
quarter of people serving life without

there were convicted of felony murder.
That's over a thousand in each state.

And approximately half of California's
prisoners serving life without parole

were convicted of felony murder. And
while in some of those cases,

were simply using the charge as an easy
way to get a conviction for someone who

did actually commit the murder, in many,
many others, they weren't.

In fact, a study in New York State found
that half of those convicted and

punished for felony murder were not
proven to have killed anyone.

So given all that, tonight, let's talk
about felony murder. And let's start

its origins, because like so many horrid
things in American culture, it actually

came from England.

The idea...

Began being applied in British courts in
the late 18th century. But in 1957,

England abolished its version of felony
murder and other common law countries

like India and Canada followed suit,
except America.

Instead, it doubled down and hard.

In fact, in its current form, felony
murder has been called a distinctly

American innovation.

Or as the Michigan Supreme Court
described it, a historic survival for

there is no logical or practical basis
for existence in modern law. And look.

If we're going to keep weird old laws on
the books, let's at least keep the fun

ones, like the 1971 Minnesota statute
that says, and this is true, no person

shall operate, run, or participate in a
contest, game, or other like activity in

which a pig, greased, oiled, or
otherwise, is released and wherein the

the capture of the pig. Those words were
written and voted on by lawmakers, and

I think my favourite part is the phrase,
a pig greased, oiled, or otherwise.

Because they knew if grease and oil were
off the table, by God, someone would

figure out another way to make a pig
slippery.

Now, there are some state variations.
For instance, these limit felony murder

charges to killings by participants in
the felony. But these only require what

is called proximate...

cause, which means they allow felony
murder convictions when non

in the underlying crime do the killing.
And that can lead to cases like what

happened in Elkhart, Indiana, when a
group of five unarmed young men, four of

them teens, broke into a house in the
afternoon to burglarize it, believing no

one was at home at the time. Now,
unfortunately, the homeowner was

asleep upstairs, and he grabbed his
handgun, came downstairs, and began

his weapon, killing one of them. Now,
the four teens survived.

only to then be charged with felony
murder in the death of their friend,

they still cannot quite believe.

I didn't really comprehend it. I didn't
put my mind around what I was really

about to go through. To me, we all
should be charged for what we'd done

day, but nobody committed murder, so why
should we be charged with it?

I committed burglary, you know.

Serious things did happen.

Denzel's gone, you know.

I mean, I'm not saying I don't deserve
time.

The trial lasted just four days.

The teenagers were all found guilty of
an adult crime.

17 -year -old Levi was sentenced to 50
years in prison.

16 -year -old Blake and eight... 18
-year -old Anthony Sharp each got 55

Look, I know they started things by
trying to rob the house, but it's a bit

stretch to go from that to five decades
in prison for a killing that someone

else committed.

At a certain point, assigning an outcome
to a chain of causation no longer makes

sense. It is why, when the Oscar for
Best Actor was awarded last year, it was

given to Cillian Murphy and not to his
parents, whose hot Irish sex led to his

existence.

The fact is, felony murder can be
applied in an astonishingly broad array

circumstances. There are stories of
people being charged with it after doing

drugs next to friends who OD'd, or in
the wake of a robbery where a frightened

victim died of a heart attack afterward
without having been struck or injured by

the robbers. And take what happened to
Lakeith Smith.

When he was 15, he was robbing a house
in Alabama with several friends, and one

of them got shot.

He refused to plead guilty to felony
murder for a reason that, when you hear

explain it to a reporter, is pretty
understandable.

Can you tell me why didn't you take that
plea deal?

You said the people who did it. What do
you mean?

Yeah, his friend was shot by a cop, and
yet Lakeith got 65 years in prison.

Which doesn't feel like justice, does
it? And his mom sums up the absurdity of

that situation pretty well.

He should have got the proper time for
the crime that he committed, the

and the stolen property.

So 65 years of a young guy, 15, who
didn't kill no one.

Didn't kill no one and didn't shoot at
no one.

Alabama. Yep.

Exactly. I honestly couldn't say it
better. In fact, at this point, I'd

Alabama's official state motto should
probably just be an entirely derogatory,

yep.

But while Smith refused a plea deal,
many don't. And that's actually one of

big hidden ways this charge can send
people to prison. Because prosecutors

use the threat of a huge sentence under
felony murder to get people to plead

down to lesser charges.

It's one reason why felony murder has
been called one of those quiet drivers

mass incarceration we never acknowledge.
And it is just incredible to find out

something most people have never even
heard of is propelling an issue as

prominent as mass incarceration.

It's like learning most heart attacks
occur due to people chasing greased up

pigs for spork. So that would at least
explain why there's a fucking law in

Minnesota against it.

And while nobody knows exactly how many
plea deals were obtained under the

threat of a felony murder sentence, some
who've taken one have since spoken out.

Like Kevin Rees. He pled to aiding and
abetting second -degree murder after he

participated in a robbery when he was a
teenager and one of his accomplices

ended up killing someone. And here he is
explaining his decision to take that

plea. I had two choices.

My choice was either...

Go to trial. In the trial, according to
felony murder, I wasn't going to win

because the threshold to prove someone's
guilt for felony murder is so low.

Only thing they had to prove was that I
was there, right? And it was no fact. I

was never saying I wasn't there. I was
saying I didn't do it. And my other

choice was take a plea for 22 years and
go do 15 years in Minnesota correctional

facilities. I had to rationalize this in
my 18 -year -old brain. I had to, like,

almost rationalize, okay, maybe...

Somehow I deserved it. I had to
literally say, well, and rationalize

years instead of getting life.

That is horrible.

Because normally, when people are forced
to choose the least bad option, it just

means that they resign themselves to
having lunch at a cracker barrel. Look.

When you're on the highway and the other
options are places like Satter IHOP,

Mystery Meat Buffet, one -way ticket to
the toilet, and homophobic Wendy's, then

unfortunately, Denny's with Confederate
vibes is going to be your least bad

option. But despite making the pragmatic
choice, it had a huge impact on Kevin,

both practical and emotional.

All of the programs inside of the
corrections facilities, like it's about

cognitive behavior, criminality, all of
that thinking.

So you be in spaces where you have to
lead with, I am Kevin, I'm a murderer,

right? You have to lead with that. But
each time that I had to lead with that,

where I'm a murderer, it's really easy
to get bitter.

Right. It's really easy to have a lot of
distrust and disdain for the system in

itself. And it also feels very much like
being kidnapped.

It feels very much like being kidnapped
because you like the crime, like what

you did and why you're there.

There's a disconnect.

Right. So each time you look at your
paperwork and it says the big red M,

on there, you cringe.

I'm really here for murder.

I'm really here for murder.

Yeah, that sounds incredibly
frustrating.

If they're going to reduce someone's
life to a big red M for murder, the very

least they could do is then add a
smaller red, but you know, not

just a weird legal quirk. Just Google
felony murder if you want to know the

deal. Shit's insane.

And since felony murder involves the US
criminal justice system, you're probably

already assuming it's applied
disproportionately to non -white people.

thing is...

you'll be shocked to learn that white
people are actually far more likely to

face prison compared to, just kidding,
of course it's applied

to non -white people. In fact, even
within the context of the American

system, the extent to which that is true
is shocking.

In New York, in cases where people were
convicted of felony murder as

accomplices, so where they were not
charged with killing anyone, Hispanic

were about 12 times as likely as white
people to be convicted, and black people

were more than 34 times as likely. In
Wisconsin, where black individuals

for less than 7 % of the population,
they make up 76 % of those incarcerated

felony murder. And in St. Louis, a city
whose population is slightly less than

50 % black, every single felony murder
conviction between 2010 and 2022, a

of 47 people, was of a black person. And
very few things are 100 % black.

people. Not even, as we now know thanks
to Rachel Dolezal, the Spokane,

Washington NAACP.

But there's another group on which this
law has disproportionate impacts because

a lot of the people you've seen so far
were in their teens when their crimes

happened and that is not a coincidence.

Young people are more likely to commit
crimes in groups and are more impulsive

than adults. In fact, Felony murder has
been described as the quintessential

juvenile crime, capitalizing on the
developmental vulnerabilities of

adolescents. That is why it sends a lot
of people in their teens and 20s to

prison, and often for decades.

At one point in Pennsylvania, nearly
three quarters of those serving life

without parole for felony murder were 25
or younger at the time of their

offense. And look.

There are certain places you do expect
to find a teenager.

A high school. An Olivia Rodrigo
concert. In Matt Gaetz's texting

it is shocking to see so many locked in
prison for felony murder.

Just take Almir Nance. He was only 16.

when he participated in the armed
robbery of a Tennessee radio shack,

which another person shot and killed a
store employee.

Even though Nance was not the one who
pulled the trigger, he was given a

mandatory sentence of 51 years. And even
one of the jurors from his trial was

horrified when she learned about his
sentence.

Do you remember how you felt when you
heard this 51 -year minimum sentence?

I was stunned, shocked.

A life was taken, and that is a terrible
tragedy, a great injustice to

the victim, to his family, to all the
people whose the ripples of his life

have gone out to for generations.

But taking Elmira's life, when he had
just started it and wasn't even formed

into who he was going to become yet,
really I felt horrified.

And I feel like I followed the
instruction, but the law

wasn't just.

And I regret being a participant in that
injustice.

Of course, if you follow the
instructions only to learn that a

getting sent to prison for half a
century, that has got to be the worst

duty experience ever followed closely in
a thousand -way tie with all other jury

duty experiences.

So to recap here, felony murder is a law
almost no other country uses. It

harshly punishes people for killings
they didn't commit, and it

disproportionately impacts the non
-white and the young. So, what on earth

the argument for it?

Well, some try to argue that it works as
a deterrent against criminal behavior.

When Colorado was in the process of
amending its felony murder law, this

senator strongly opposed the change.

are not going to be cavalier about who
they hang out with and what those people

are doing.

Okay, so a couple of things. First,
maybe back up from your camera just a

And second...

While it is nice to think felony murder
could be a deterrent, there is little

evidence of that. In fact, a task force
in Minnesota concluded that the

existence of the charge does not deter
behaviour and does not reduce the risk

re -offence, which does make sense,
doesn't it? It is hard for something to

deterrent if no one knows about it.

Think of felony murder laws like Apple
TV shows. Sure, there are tons of them

out there, but most people have no
fucking idea they exist.

Now, other supporters of the charge
argue it's worth it simply to keep would

criminals off the streets. Here is the
sheriff who investigated Almir Nance's

case, defending his 50 -year sentence.

What would your response be to people
who say, this isn't really working,

locking people up, doesn't actually
solve any problem?

Well, for those who say it doesn't
really solve any problem by locking

juveniles up for a long period of time,
Almir Nance hadn't been involved in any

more violent crimes.

What?

By that logic, fuck it, just lock
everyone up forever. And even as I said

I've just realised that is definitely
now going to be the official theme of

2028 Republican National Convention.

So what can we do here? Well, the
solution is actually pretty simple. Just

rid of the felony murder charge. Every
other common law country did that

ago, and we should too.

And to be fair, some states are at least
trying to limit it. Minnesota changed

its laws so that someone can no longer
be charged with murder unless they

intended to cause a death or were a
major participant in a murder. And

California did something similar, and
both states made their changes

so people convicted of felony murder
could ask to be resentenced. And

thankfully, after getting media
attention, some convictions have been

overturned. The Elkhart Four had their
felony murder convictions reversed, and

the guy with the car keys had his
sentence commuted by Florida's governor.

However... However, Lakeith Smith and
Almia Nance are still in prison. And if

you are seeing a pattern here,
congratulations on noticing extremely

patterns. And look, no one is arguing
that people who commit a felony should

unpunished or that there shouldn't be
consequences when someone is killed.

But they should be punished for the
crime they committed and not one they

not intend or indeed carry out
themselves.

Because as I hope you've seen tonight,
felony murder really doesn't address

crime at all.

All it does is throw people in prison
for decades for something that they

did not do.

All of which really begs the question,
what the fuck? And you know what? For

this one time, I'll actually allow it.

And now, this.

And now, Spence Van Collar's
memorialized Dick Cheney. Let's start

He's in Connecticut on our line for
independence on the passing of former

President Dick Cheney.

Hello, sir. How are you?

Fine, thank you. Go ahead.

Well, good riddance. Richard A.
Kentucky, Republican Line. You're next.

morning.

Being a Christian man, I don't want to
speak ill of the dead.

Had he not received an undeserved heart
transplant, he probably would have met

his makers years ago.

Now, I won't celebrate his demise, but I
sure won't mourn his passing either.

Thank you.

Any miserable warmonger that dies is a
good thing.

I have nothing good to say about Dick
Cheney. A lot of people are dead because

of this jerk who's a snotty jerk on top
of that.

I want to talk about something that no
one ever talks about.

You know that God owns the world.

He made all the children.

He loved them dearly. It didn't matter
what color they were.

And he said he would take care of us.

And he is. But there is another thing in
the air.

It's called the devil.

He does things his way. He wants to take
America and Israel down.

Please, people. Okay, caller, we're
talking about the passing of the former

president. Do you have anything to add
to that?

Well, not too much.

Moving on. Before we go, a final word
about New York's mayoral race, because

was truly insane from start to finish.
Just take this moment from the first

debate. Let me ask you this. Are there
any parades that don't exist that you

think should?

Mr. Mamdani?

I haven't thought much about parades, to
be honest with you. Mr. Cuomo?

I have not thought.

I don't even know what parade doesn't
exist. Could be for anything. Mr. Sliwa?

Every parade.

has the right to exist in New York City.

I mean, that pretty much sums up the
whole campaign.

Mandani brushing off a meaningless
question, Cuomo frantically trying to

his answer enough so it doesn't look
like he's copying Mandani, and Curtis

answering a question that no one even
knew they could ask.

And since no one answered it there, if
you want a parade that doesn't exist but

should, I've actually got you covered. A
Henry Winkler birthday parade, one for

that owl in Central Park people loved
until he died, and a Macy's Thanksgiving

Day parade, but where the floats are
filled with candy and children hit them

with sticks. You are welcome. Now, you
may have noticed there was one candidate

missing there because he'd already
pulled out, and that is Mayor Eric

dropped out back in September, and it
does say something that this is how

news covered that.

Mayor Eric Adams is a son of Brooklyn,
but Brooklyn voters are not exactly sad

he's leaving the race. In fact, many
wonder what took him so long.

You know, I'm happy that he's gone and
I'll be voting for Zoran Mamdani. I

myself, from what I know, didn't see a
path to victory for him. We didn't find

any New Yorkers this afternoon
disappointed about Mayor Eric Adams

race.

They couldn't find anyone.

This city has eight million people.

I'm a thousand percent sure I could find
someone who would vote for a pigeon

fucking a bagel in Central Park, but no
takers for Eric Adams. That has got to

hurt. But given his time as mayor is
drawing to a close, we thought we'd take

one last look at Eric Adams, because
he's a deeply weird man. Now, we played

this... Click before, but it is worth
seeing it again because as answers to

questions go, it never gets less
shocking.

Mr. Mayor, we've come to the end of what
was a very eventful 2023, right? So

when you look at the totality of the
year, if you had to describe it, and

tough to do, in one word, what would
that word be and tell me why?

New York.

This is a place where every day you wake
up, you could experience everything

from a plane crashing into our trade
center to a...

a person who's celebrating a new
business that's open.

This is a very, very complicated city,
and that's why it's the greatest city on

the globe.

It's incredible.

Remember, the question he was asked
there was, describe 2023 in one word.

Just say Barbenheimer, Eric.

It's right there.

And the baffling ride that answer took
us on is really the Eric Adams

in a nutshell. He genuinely might be one
of the strangest people alive.

He received his first three paychecks in
crypto. He thinks there's a ghost that

runs around Gracie Mansion.

He gave Diddy the key to the city. And
he once proudly showed off a giant new

police robot to monitor subway stations,
posing for a photo with it where he

made half a heart.

That the limbless robot simply couldn't
reciprocate. And even though it doesn't

have hands or human features, it still
somehow looks like it's thinking, this

guy is a fucking idiot.

Also, he once said this at a press
conference.

I'll never forget when I was talking
about a menopause -friendly environment

Brooklyn Borough Hall, and all the women
came to me and said, you know, please

don't mention that, don't talk about it.
I mean, we can talk about erectile

dysfunction but not clitoral
stimulation.

Something is wrong.

Something is just wrong.

And we just have to stop doing that.

It's amazing.

And remember, there is a non -zero
chance that the question he was

there was, can you describe 2023 in one
word?

And by the way, kudos to the sign
language interpreter. She did not slow

for a moment there, which, as I'm sure
Eric Adams would tell anyone who'll

listen, is sometimes important to do
during clitoral stimulation.

Adams also lied non -stop, and about
everything. For instance, he claimed he

vegan, but not only was he spotted
eating fish around the city in the

controversy dubbed Fishgate, he then
told a reporter, if I see a piece of

chicken, I'm going to nibble on it.

He also claimed that for decades he'd
carried a wrinkled photo of a fallen

police officer friend of his who was
killed in the line of duty, even posing

with that photo, only for it to be later
reported that his staff had found it on

Google, printed it in black and white,
and made it look old by staining it with

coffee. Oh, and he once said this at an
event for Dominican New Yorkers. I may

have been born in Alabama, but I'm
Dominican, baby.

Eric Adams was born in Brooklyn.

But that is still not all.

He also relentlessly pandered from
wearing this appalling all -lives

baseball caps to holding over 90 flag
-raising ceremonies for countries where

he'd say some version of New York is the
blank of America, filling it in with

whatever that country's biggest city
was, while shoehorning in this line

what makes that country's immigrants
unique.

You believe in families. You believe in
business.

You believe in public safety.

I know how you believe in business, how
you believe in family, how you believe

in public safety. You believe in family.
You believe in business. You believe in

public safety.

You believe in family. You believe in
business.

You believe in public safety.

We thank the Croatian people here.

You believe in family. You believe in
business. And you believe. in public

safety. Adams really went out of his way
to make each nationality feel special.

I'd say it was like a New York mayoral
Groundhog Day, but that will always

to when Bill de Blasio dropped a
groundhog named Charlotte, who then died

later, which is a shame, but at least we
now know what Eric Adams would have

said at Charlotte's funeral. She was a
groundhog who believed in family,

business, public safety.

Amazingly, Adams was once seen as a
promising political figure. Early in his

term, he had a 63 % approval rating, and
there were rumours he was eyeing a

White House run. But less than two years
into his term, he plummeted to a 28 %

approval rating, the lowest for a New
York mayor since Quinnipiac University

began polling here, only to drop another
eight points after that.

Now, to be fair...

He had some successes. He introduced a
rezoning plan that some say amounts to

the most significant effort to address
the city's housing crisis in decades,

he launched a major citywide campaign to
strengthen literacy in public schools.

But! His administration also had some
notable failures. He vetoed a bill

solitary confinement.

Misconduct complaints against NYPD
officers increased under his

While he'd said that Rikers should
close, its population not only

also got baptised there by Al Sharpton
for some fucking reason. And I have not

seen a politician so flagrantly deliver
what no one asked for since Nancy Pelosi

took a knee while dressed...

like an African history studies
professor at graduation.

But the true hallmark of the Adams
administration was its constant

himself was charged with five counts of
conspiracy, wire fraud, bribery, and

soliciting illegal campaign
contributions from foreign nationals.

his tenure, his efforts to deny
wrongdoing tended to raise more

they answered.

I am clear that we follow the rules.

I cannot tell you how much I start today
with telling my team,

We gotta follow the law. We gotta follow
the law. It's almost to the point that

I'm annoyed.

But that is such a red flag!

If every morning I called a meeting to
say three things, guys. Work hard,

respect each other, and don't
participate in the illegal exotic animal

You'd wonder what the fuck was going on
in our workplace, and I would direct

your questions to our office pangolin.

Now, the charges against Adams were
dropped earlier this year, after the

administration intervened, but his
behaviour only got weirder. And I'm not

talking about his first press conference
after the charges were dropped, when he

wore this T -shirt with the phrase, In
God We Trust, or indeed, when he later

wore a different version of that same T
-shirt, which he said was in Spanish to

honour the victims of a nightclub
collapse in the Dominican Republic, even

though it was, in fact, in Italian. No,
instead... Instead, I'm talking about

when Adam suddenly announced he was
going to restore ISIS access to Rikers,

which had been blocked since 2014.

And in the wake of that, he appeared on
Fox News with Tom Homan, who seemed to

come right out and say there'd been a
quid pro quo.

If he doesn't come through, I'll be back
in New York City, and we won't be

sitting on a couch. I'll be in his
office, up his butt, saying, where the

is the agreement we came to?

Wait.

I'll be in his office, up his butt?

I mean, that certainly sounds like a
threat. I guess it technically also

like two puppets having an affair in the
workplace. But mainly, it sounds like a

threat to me.

But it's not just Adams himself. The
scandals surrounding his administration

were also relentless.

Here is a partial list.

His police commissioner resigned after
federal agents raided his home and

his cell phone as part of an
investigation into corruption

police chief resigned and had his home
raided in response to allegations of

sexual misconduct and abuse of overtime.
Adams' girlfriend, a senior education

official, retired amid investigation
into accusations she didn't show up for

work and failed to disclose luxury
travel. His fielding commissioner

before being indicted on felony counts
as part of an alleged bribery scheme

involving towing contracts and illegal
gambling. His chief advisor resigned

before being indicted on bribery and
conspiracy charges, including that she

traded political favors for an
appearance on the TV show The Godfather.

Harlem. His first deputy mayor resigned
after the FBI raided her home and seized

her devices as part of a corruption
investigation, and her brother -in -law,

also a deputy mayor, resigned after the
FBI raided his home as part of that same

investigation, writing a letter that
just consisted of, I resign effective

immediately.

Thank you, which is pretty abrupt. All
it's really missing is, sent from my

iPhone. Then, there is Winnie Greco,
Adams' special advisor, who resigned

the FBI raided her home as part of a
conspiracy fraud and foreign influence

investigation. And even after her
resignation, she was still volunteering

Adams' re -election campaign, until this
happened.

A former advisor to Mayor Adams has been
removed as a volunteer from his re

-election campaign after allegedly
giving a reporter a wad of cash stuffed

inside of a potato chip bag.

Yep, that happened, and in a hers sour
cream and onion bag, no less.

Come on, if you are going to slip
someone $300, spring for a better chip.

with Ruffles cheddar or Cape Cod
barbecue, or needless to say, flaming

Cheeto puffs. Have some fucking respect
for the person that you are trying to

snack bribe. Now...

I have to tell you, all those officials
deny wrongdoing, and only these two have

actually been charged with a crime, and
they've both pled not guilty. But that

is still a lot.

This has been a truly wild four years.
And honestly, it's been kind of fitting

that when reporters caught up with Adams
after he cast his vote on Tuesday, this

was his message to the city.

The only message I can give to New York
is that if I go to the next leg of my

journey, I'm leaving you a good city.
Don't fuck it up.

I mean, you're taking a lot of credit
there, especially given they literally

couldn't find a single person in New
York who'd miss you on the news.

But you are right, this is a great city,
though that is not because of you, and

sometimes it's in active spite of you.

You know, if I could sum up Eric Adams'
mayoralty in one word, it'd probably be

New York, because...

This is a place where every day you wake
up, you can experience everything from

a plane crashing into our trade center
to a fake vegan non -Alabaman leaving a

ghost -filled Gracie mansion to lecture
all of us on family, business, public

safety, and of course, clitoral
stimulation.

Goodbye, Eric Adams, you deeply weird
man.

And now, this.

And now.

I'll look back at the sunlight bonanza
that was Curtis Lewa's mayoral campaign.

I was born in New York. They tried to
kill me in New York. The Gottis and

Gambino shot me five times with hollow
point bullets. Should I do the rest of

this segment with the beret? Should I
take off my...

Put animal abusers in jail. That
resonates with a lot of people. And

going to have cats kill the rats.

Cats kill the rats. I like that. The
rats, the mice will smell them, and it

be like they're on patrol.

Consider them like Batman and Robin.
With Eric Adams, the only way to get him

the district was open up a nightclub,
have him cut the ribbon, and he'd be

till the break of dawn. I almost feel
like after I hear Andrew Cuomo, I got to

take a hot shower.

The guy who killed 15 ,000 elderly
people with his executive order in the

of COVID. Because if you're under 30...

Andrew Cuomo is a creep slapping fannies
and killing grannies.

Do your job.

And they impale him. They gut him out.

That's me, Braveheart. Think of me,
Braveheart.

That's our show. Thanks so much for
watching. We'll see you next week.

Good night.