Original subtitles

♪

♪

♪ It's gonna get a little weird ♪

♪ Gonna get a little wild

♪ I ain't from 'round here

♪ I'm from another dimension

♪ Gonna get a little weird

♪ Gonna have a good time

♪ I ain't from 'round here ♪

♪ I'm from another, whoo-hoo ♪

♪ Yeh-heah

♪ I'm talking puppies

♪ Pa, pa, pa, pa, pa, pa, pa, pa ♪

♪ Ooh

♪ It's gonna get a little weird ♪

♪ Gonna get a little wild

♪ I ain't from 'round here

♪ I'm from another dimension

[Ponyhead] Okay, you need to hold still.

One more second. It needs to be perfect.

Mm. Mm. Mm-hmm!

How do I look?

Super pretty!

[gasps] Oh, no.

What's the matter? You don't like it?

No, I know I look amazing, it's just...

I can't go back to St. Olga's like this!

I gotta come clean!

[spits] Uh-uh!

If you tell those girls that you have been lying

about being a princess, they will destroy you.

I still can't believe they want to give me an honorary degree.

Ugh. I know I inspired a generation and all,

but I can't keep lying!

Whatever. It's your funeral.

-[thuds] -[groans]

Hey, goat, just because you're invisible

doesn't mean I can't hurt you!

Oh, we're here. Mm.

Come on, ladies.

[grunting]

You're having a princess problem.

[sighs] Yeah, I'm having a princess problem.

Okay, stand up straight.

Arms forward!

And exhale!

Exhale!

Oh! Well, you've obviously done this before.

-[dance beat playing] -[cheering]

Okay. I can't do this.

[fan] Princess Turdina, where you going?

-Ahh! -Sign my poster!

-Sign my cat! -[cat meows]

Sign my face!

Okay, people, don't crowd her!

Princess Turdina! It is truly an honor.

Oh, please, you don't have to--

We can't wait to show you what we've done with this place.

Whoa!

Welcome to Utopia!

[all gasping]

[cheering]

[gasps] Where am I?

Oh, it's so beautiful!

Wow, this is, uh...

really something.

Oh, we got rid of all those oppressive classes about manners

and "please" and "thank you" and all that other trash.

We have our own curriculum now!

Brunch and... party.

When do you sleep?

Oh-ho-ho, don't worry about it!

You know, sometimes structure isn't a bad thing!

-What? -I just think that rules have a place...

Yeah, but you told us to never conform!

If you weren't being honest about who you are,

then this whole school would be built on a lie!

Oh, what I meant to say was rules have a place...

in the garbage! Hah-hah!

Oh, hah-hah! Oh, oh, good one.

That was... Oh, you had me.

Here's some princesses hard at work on their brunch final.

We don't believe in grades, no, we don't, just pancakes.

[chewing noisily]

I love learning!

These are the whispering gardens, our designated gossip area,

because a princess's voice shall not be silenced!

[gasps] Oh, my gosh, did you hear that Beatrice and Alfred broke up again?

Oh, no way!

And this is where we have our party class

to celebrate our freedom from the reign of Miss Heinous!

I see what you're seeing. It's cooler at night.

This is the hallway of Turdina!

Whoa.

This is the very first Turdina poster we hung up.

All of your T-shirts and all of your dolls

and a lock of your hair and a poster of your movie!

Oh, I gotta get a DVD of that!

This is too much!

Are you kidding? We owe this whole school to you.

You showed us that all princesses

don't have to fit into the same mold.

[squawks]

Pfft. No, I didn't.

And we're gonna show you our appreciation

by throwing you the biggest party this school's ever seen!

A party?! For me?

Uh, Marco, isn't there something you wanted to tell these girls?

Oh! Yeah, um... [clearing throat]

It's not criminal to be an individual!

-She said our catchphrase! -Yay!

Aw, you are way much more fun as Turdina!

Oh, my gosh! Oh, my gosh!

It's here! It's here!

What's here?

Check it out! Isn't it amazing?

Whoa.

In honor of the one princess who changed our lives,

we dedicate this to you!

I'm so beautiful.

I hope you do like it, Princess Turdina!

It took all year to save up enough to get it made!

We cleaned toilets on weekends for extra cash.

But it was worth it because you showed us

that there's another way to live.

[cheering]

Hey, hey, it's time

for a group selfie in front of the statue.

Oh, okay, sure.

Camera phone! Mm!

Are you... enjoying this?

Hey, this is the first time he's ever been popular!

Don't ruin it for him.

Well, he should tell the truth like a decent human being.

Hey, Turdina, can I talk to you for a sec?

Sure. Uh, bye, ladies!

Marco, I think you're running out of time to tell the truth.

Don't even listen to her, Turdina!

These princesses worship you!

Yeah, but they worship someone who doesn't exist.

Marco is the most organized, rule-abiding person I know.

Think of the party!

Yeah, they spent all that money for the statue.

I can't crush their spirits!

I'm just worried you might be letting

this attention get to your head!

What? That's not it!

This is for them, not for me!

Princess Turdina, come on!

It's time for your ceremony!

I can't believe I'm saying this,

but I'm going with Pony's advice.

Whoo! Good choice.

[claps]

Oppression!

Eternal darkness!

Suddenly light!

Freedom!

Turdina!

[doves coo]

Thank you, Princess Gwendolyn,

for that beautiful interpretive dance.

And now, the moment you've all been waiting for,

the woman herself, Princess Marco Turdina!

[cheering]

I present you this honorary St. Olga's degree.

Wow!

[chanting] Turdina!

Dearest princesses,

congratulations on this wonderful school.

I know you see me as an idol,

but today you're my idols!

You embody everything that Princess Turdina...

uh, um, that I stand for--

not letting anyone force you to be something you're not,

living by your true colors,

loving who you are!

I'm proud to have inspired you to be brave,

even when it's scary.

And when being true to yourself

might mean disappointing thousands of people.

Um...

[sighs] That's--

that's why I have to tell you the truth.

I, Princess Marco Turdina,

-am a boy! -[words drowned out by saw]

Oh, no.

[humming]

[all gasping, screaming]

Ooh!

It's Miss Heinous!

Princess Turdina is a fraud,

and I have the evidence to prove it.

-It's a tape... -It's a tape of what?

That's right, I watched your video and saw your dark secret!

Oh, that phony confession I did?

Go ahead, show 'em! It's not real.

Oh, no, it's not...

but this is. Uh!

-[gasps and exclamations] -Wait! Is that a hair?

Turdina isn't a princess! She's a boy!

[girls gasping]

How'd you know about Rodrigo?

Whatever! That doesn't prove anything!

Princesses can be hairy!

Yeah! We believe in you, Turdina!

No.

[girls whispering]

I lied to you.

I am a boy.

[gasping]

Ooh!

Oop! I mean, ugh!

This, princesses, is why you need me

running St. Olga's.

Look where all this freedom got you--

living in filth

and championing a "hero"

who's been lying to you all along!

Henceforth, you must reinstate me as your schoolmaster!

You need me...

and I need you.

Wait, what did she just say?

Wait, no, why does it matter if he's a boy?

Nothing he said was wrong!

Yeah! He can think for himself and so can we!

He can be a princess if he wants to!

Turdina's a state of mind!

[cheering]

Silence! Silence!

[gasps]

Oh, I just got her right in the face!

[neighs] Come on, girls!

-Yeah! -Free will!

No! No!

[saw buzzes]

Spare me.

Get in the car!

Turdina lives!

[cheering]

[dance beat plays]

Well, looks like Turdina's gone for good.

Yeah, because you took her away from us, you selfish monster!

You look like you can breathe a lot easier now.

Mostly 'cause I'm out of that dress!

That corset was killin' me!

Could we get a selfie with Marco Turdina, Boy Princess?

Sure.

[all] Camera phone!

Oh, Smoochie's gonna be so jealous of this one!

Where is Smoochie, anyways?

♪

Ah! Oh, yeah, that's good!

Gemini, we gotta get more of this stuff.

Oh, yes, but I'm afraid this one is out of juice, milady.

Camera phone...

[Heinous] I know that, you fool!

I'm not talking about her!

Well, I'm happy to share some of mine with you.

No! I want the good stuff.

I'm coming for you, Princess Marco Turdina!

I don't mean to interrupt, milady,

but we say this all the time.

"I'm coming for you..."

Maybe we should just stay in tonight

and you can have a little Gemini fuel.

No. Nobody asked you.

Go get the car!

Uh, of course, milady.

Whoa!

Yeah, that princess merch

is, like, so cute,

but for that price, I'm, like,

it better do real magic.

[laughs] That is funny and a good point.

Whoo-hoo-hoo-hoo!

This one's spicy!

Oh, my gosh, that is the cutest price tag!

Hey, monster! You know the rules.

Monsters ain't welcome, so put the merch back and get out!

-Whoa. -Shoo, shoo, shoo!

[sobbing]

Do you think I'd look cute in this shirt?

-What? -Or...

Hey, over there! That goes for you, too!

-Monster! -Hmph!

Oh! Prince Lucitor. Sorry. Sorry, sir.

Please don't incinerate my shop.

-[kisses] -Hmm.

Circumstantial evidence... Hmm, okay. Hmm.

[footsteps patter]

-No. -Hey, Mom!

You know how Mewmans kind of keep monsters separated

from the rest of the kingdom?

Yes?

Well, I was just wondering why!

We keep monsters out because monsters are dangerous.

You know that.

Well, yeah! But no! No, no, no, no!

Not all of them,

and what about people who aren't Mewmans,

but also aren't monsters?

Like Romulus!

He has snakes for hands!

Are his hands monsters?

Heavens, no!

He's on the Magical High Commission!

And what about the Ponyheads?

They're a bunch of floating horse heads!

No, dear, we've had ties with the Ponyheads for generations.

And Rich Pigeon? His kingdom is brand new!

And he's a pigeon with legs, Mother!

How is he not a monster?

Well, dear, he's rich.

I don't really see what that has to do with anything.

And what about the Lucitors?

I've seen Tom do some pretty scary stuff.

Somehow he's not a monster?

Okay, and it makes absolutely no sense

that lizard people are monsters

but Lekmet, the giant magical goat-man was not?

Too soon, Star!

But what's the difference?

What the heck is the difference?

Enough! Look, I don't make the rules.

The Royal Monster Expert does!

I'm sorry, what? We have a monster on staff?

Not a monster, a monster expert.

Dr. Jelly Goodwell.

Okay, then I'm gonna go have a little chat

with this "Jelly Goodwell,"

if that even is her real name!

-Fine! -Fine! Bye.

[sighs] What am I supposed to do with this cart?

Jelly Goodwell!

[screams]

We need to talk now!

Oh, you must be here for the cheese!

What? No! Don't play dumb with me, Royal Monster Expert!

Oh! No, I'm the Royal Muenster Expert.

The Royal Monster Expert is down the hall to the right.

Okay! Thank you!

Jelly Goodwell!

Hmm?

Wrong office. Sorry.

Jelly Goodwell!

And step... step... [snuffles]

Excuse me.

Pardon me, is this Dr. Goodwell's office?

Yes, I'm Dr. Goodwell.

Ah, thank goodness! Now, you listen up, Goodwell!

The way we treat monsters around here is outrageous!

We have got all these dumb rules

saying monsters can't mingle with humans,

and monsters can't go here,

and monsters can't go there!

Oof! It's gotten to the point where a monster

can't even go shopping for a pre-ripped T-shirt!

Well, sister, I am not leaving here

until you agree to make some changes.

I've spent my entire life studying monsters.

Nobody knows more about them than I do.

I've even lived among them

and observed their behavior first-hand,

and you are exactly the princess I've been waiting for!

-Wait, what? -For years I've hoped to find a royal

who actually gets it. The way we treat monsters

in Mewni is, well, monstrous!

-Exactly! -Monsters need to be respected.

-Yes! -And loved!

-Yes! -And their habitat preserved!

Oh, yes! Yes! Yes!

Excellent. Let me take you out into the field

and show you what I've been working on.

Let's go!

Being a researcher is awesome!

These monster costumes are great!

Oh! They're monster camouflage.

Speaking of which, we should probably go ahead and apply our monster musk.

Monster musk? What's that?

-[spritzes] -Oh, that is nasty!

What's in there?

My own special blend of various monster secretions.

[gargles]

Bleh, ugh!

Let's get going!

First we need to go through the Forest of Certain Death,

then across the Lake of Endless Suffering,

over the Dam of Constant Sorrow,

across the Bridge of the Inevitable Hereafter,

and here we are!

Wow, sick treehouse, doc!

Oh, no... [laughs]

It's not a treehouse.

It is my field research lab.

It looks like a treehouse to me.

It's not!

Whatever you say, doc.

[grunting]

Oh!

[grunts] Dr. Goodwill? Whatcha doing?

Shh! There's a herd nearby!

A herd? A herd of what?

Monsters!

Whoa.

This hill features naturally occurring geographic formations

that almost look like buildings.

The monsters were clever enough to use them for shelter.

Amazing!

Wait, what?

Ooh! Ooh! You've got to get a look at this!

There's 011358,

and he has his offspring with him!

Oh, hey, Buffrog! You know him, too?

I have been watching 011358 since he was a tadpole.

I implanted a tracker on his ear

and have been keeping close tabs on him ever since.

[whistling]

[scratching]

Okay, I don't know about this, Goodwell--

the spying, the costumes, the monster musk?

Monsters are just like us.

You don't need all this equipment to get to know them.

Get to know them? Oh, ho, sweet, naive Star!

It's not so simple.

When monsters and Mewmans mix, bad things happen,

usually to the monsters!

Yeah, but that--

I've devised a plan!

Let me show... you...

Tah-dah!

Ooh!

Nice cartsmanship.

Thank you!

Aw, look at little tiny us in the treehouse!

So cute! And the monster village!

What are you planning?

You see that wondrously

mysterious structure the monsters built?

Uh, you mean "dam"?

I believe it's some kind

of primitive monument

that they built out of instinct,

but no matter-- we simply remove a small piece of their structure

to release a gentle flow of water,

which travels down the chasm,

covers the lowlands around the monster nesting grounds,

and creates a natural island!

Voilà!

More like a prison.

I mean, how are they supposed to get in and out?

Well, they don't!

It's guaranteed total isolation from Mewmans!

Shall I detonate the dam?

Listen, we can't just go around blowing up dams

and imprisoning monsters!

That's crazy!

Mewmans have been deciding

what's best for monsters for way too long!

But I already did it!

[explosive noise]

Ugh. Unbelievable.

You know what, Jelly? You doomed these monsters!

You don't like my explosion?

It's not about that. I thought you were different.

But you're just like everybody else here.

No, no, no, no, no. Stop complaining.

Look, of course there is bigger, better stroller.

But you should appreciate the one we have.

[panting] Hey, Buffrog!

Look, look, look! Jelly Goodwell blew the dam,

and now the water's gonna come down

and turn this whole place into an island!

What?

Hey, Star, it's not a problem.

That's just a little trickle of water,

nothing we haven't seen before.

Oh, you must be crazy dirty lady that watches us through trees.

Hello. I am Yvgeny Bulgolubuff.

Well, I'm Jelly Goodwell! Oh-ho-ho!

-[beep] -[explosion]

Oh, I'm such a turd-brain!

I shook your hand with the blower-upper thing!

No! It's too much water!

It won't create an island.

This will destroy entire village!

Come on.

Incoming!

Oh, my goodness!

Come on, move it!

This is not drill.

Hey, hey!

Hah!

[video game tones]

Hey, Star!

Incredible!

Mewmans and monsters working together!

-Here it comes! -Oh, no!

-Hey! -Huh?

-Grab a rock! -Oh!

Great, let's go!

Oh! Okay!

[all] Yay!

How could I have been such a dumb-dumb?

Here I thought we should live separately!

But really Mewmans should live like monsters!

Hah-hah!

Play in the mud! Act like idiots! Oh!

I'm a monster, ho-whah!

I'm a monster! [laughing]

[grunts]

There!

Now Mewni has a real monster expert.

Thank you.

Aw, you're crying.

Oh, the badge.

I think you broke the skin a little.

Oh, gosh! Sorry, sorry, sorry.

Yeah, yes.

♪ She's a princess

♪ Winning battles

♪ Through the break of dawn

♪ Don't worry when it's night ♪

♪ 'Cause she would keep the lights on ♪

♪ Oh, there goes a shining star ♪

♪ Evil won't deter her

♪ 'Cause magic flows through her ♪

♪ She is a shining star