Original subtitles

Let's just get this started.

Are you kidding me?

Who's a good cat?

Alright, today we are at food town,

Taking pictures of fellow shoppers

And intentionally getting caught.

Then the unusual reason of why we took the photo

And who we have to send it to,

Will be given to us by the other guys.

After we explain ourselves,

We'll ask the shopper if it's okay to send that photo.

If they refuse, you lose.

Guys. Guys?

Hey. Hi.

Just let me know when it's alright to go.

Let me know when you guys are ready for me to go out there.

Let me know when you're ready.

We got you, buddy.

Alright, boys, here we go.

Alright, buddy.

Murr: Uh, get the lady in pink here.

Uh-oh.

Alright, get her, buddy.

Get her.

Uh, you caught me.

You caught me.

Dude, there's nothing.

You can put a gopro inside of her,

She wouldn't notice.

Don't laugh out loud, cole.

You can't just cackle out loud like this.

They got me. You're the one holding it down.

Go back to pink, dude.

Murr: Get caught.

Oh!

Oh, you --

Huh? What? you got me.

I was taking a photo of you. I'll tell you why.

"you see, my aunt tragically died

In a fuddruckers' bathroom."

My aunt tragically passed

In a fuddruckers' bathroom.

You look just like her.

"and I thought it would do my uncle

A world of good to see you alive."

I thought it would be to my uncle some --

A world of good to see you alive.

Would you mind if I texted him a photo of you?

Okay. That's fine. Okay.

Thank you. What's your name?

Joanne. Joanne? Oh, my god.

That's my aunt's name.

We still go to the fuddruckers,

And I still use the bathroom

Just to feel her presence.

Oh, wow.

yeah.

Are you serious?

"it's a titty club now."

You know, they made it a titty club, now?

Titty?

Titty club? Yeah.

It was fuddruckers, pizza, uno, titty now.

"well -- well, I went there last night.

I'm telling you, it's a titty club."

They went -- no. Last night.

Yeah, it's all titty now.

I'm not -- I'm not checking out.

Sal: Okay, okay. Alright.

Maybe I'll see you at the titty.

Murr: What a weird exchange.

"I'll see you at the titty."

You got me? I-I-I snapped a quick photo.

I'll tell you why. Why?

Murr: "I dress like straight dog shit, too.

My wife says it's just me."

I, uh... Dude.

My wife...

That's it. Murr: Go ahead, buddy.

Game over.

My wife tells me that I dress...

The way that I'm dressed?

Well, she --

That I also dress like...

"straight..."

Straight...

"...Dog shit, too."

...Dog shit, too.

Okay.

And so I wanted to text her to prove that, like,

People can dress...

Like dog -- dog like me.

Okay. Alright.

Is it cool if I text her the photo?

Alright.

murr: Whatever!

I can't believe you did it.

That was tough, man.

Guys, let's do it.

Sal: It's like looking into the face of god.

I can read the future in your head.

Murr. Oh! Oh!

You busted -- yeah, you busted me.

I had to, buddy, I had to.

Let me explain. Okay.

"you look just timeless."

You look just timeless.

"you could be 27. You could be 60."

I mean, what age are you?

You could be 27. You could be 60.

"I have no idea.

I want to send it to my esthetician."

I have no idea.

I must send it to my esthetician.

"I need to send this to the person who waxes me."

I need to send this to the --

To the person that waxes me.

"should I proof you for beer?"

Should I proof you for beer?

"or can you give me your aaa number?"

Or can you give me your aaa number?

Early bird special. I can't tell.

"I don't know if you're gonna your pants

'cause you partied all night

Or 'cause you're incontinent."

I-I can't tell if you're gonna your pants

Because you've been partying all night

Or because you're incontinent.

You know, who knows? You can't tell.

Do you mind if I send this to my aesthetician

To say "do this"?

Great.

I do. I have no hair.

"believe me, I look like an old baby."

Believe me --

And believe me, I look like an old baby.

Sure, good.

Thanks, buddy. Appreciate it.

My aesthetician's gonna love this.

"do this to me."

Sal: Here he goes.

Uh-oh. q: The guy saw him.

Murr: I'm so sorry. You busted me.

I snapped a photo. Let me explain.

"you look like this hilarious servant

We had on a catamaran in greece."

You look like this hilarious servant

We had in a catamaran in greece.

"he spilled dirty monkeys all over himself."

He spilled dirty monkeys all over himself.

"and he bounced off the net right into the aegean sea."

And he bounced off the net right into the aegean sea.

"I gotta send a picture of you to the guys at mandu capital."

I've gotta send a photo of you to the boys at mandu capital.

"they'll scream."

They'll scream.

Right?

Let me explain again.

There I was in the aegean sea

On a catamaran off the coast of greece, as one does.

Anyways, our servant that day

Has spilled a round of dirty monkeys

All over himself.

He slips off the boat into the net,

Bounces off the net into the aegean.

The boys at mandu capital are gonna die.

They'll scream.

Do you mind if I send it to the boys at mandu capital?

It's too weird.

You don't want me to send the boys at mandu capital?

They'll love it. They'll scream!

Nah, take the loss, murr. Take the loss.

Fine.

Catamaran, greece, aegean, servant, boys, scream.

Help me out here. Sal: Yes, sir.

Big mike, our punk director,

He's been ripping on my clothes all day.

There's a lot of mismatched things.

Like what? Well...

No, everything matches.

Black t-shirt and blue denim on top.

Blue and black don't go together.

Of course, blue and black do go together.

You're gonna take advice from coofandy?

Murray's wearing a fitted polo shirt

That is tucked into his pressed dockers

With a braided belt. Cut it out.

Oh, my god. All my belts are braided.

It's four different colored braids.

All my belts are braided.

It's a canvas braided belt.

Melyssa got me a lot of braided belts.

There's four different braids in it.

That's an insane belt

For you to wear and say anything.

Why?

He's coofed out the ass.

You are coofandy's only customer.

It's one lady like, " he keeps ordering it.

He keeps -- he keeps ordering the "

Get in there. Start snapping photos.

Here we go, here we go. I got one, I got one.

I got one, I got one.

Oh, you caught me snapping a picture.

Let me explain so you -- so you're not weirded out.

"my uncle owns a farm."

My uncle owns a farm.

"and you're dressed identical to his scarecrow."

And you're dressed identical to his scarecrow.

It's wild.

Just without the hat.

You know what I mean?

No, no, no.

You're dressed the same way.

So I was gonna text him,

And I was gonna be like, "hey, your scarecrow!"

So if you're okay with that.

If you don't mind.

It's not bothering you. Oh, excellent.

Alright. There you go. It does not, does not?

Any chance that you could take a photo like this for me?

Put your arms out like a scarecrow?

Come on, do it, do it, do it! Come on, do it!

yeah, just like that.

Oh, yeah.

I can't believe it.

I can't believe it. Oh, man.

oh, that's really great.

Thank you, sir. Thank you so much.

I gotta applaud you on that one.

You even got him to pose.

Murr: Alright, snap the photo of this woman.

oh, you caught me.

I was taking a photo.

Oh.

I'm so sorry. No, that's okay.

Let me explain why.

"I'd like to dress my wife like you on my birthday."

I'd like to...

"I'd like to dress my wife like you on my birthday."

I'd like to...

My birthday's coming.

I'd love to dress my wife like you on my birthday.

Oh, yeah. Yeah.

Is it alright if I send that to her for the outfit?

Um, sure.

Thanks. Great. Oh!

And q's gone.

I'm gonna take that victory and run.

that was so weird.

Narrator: Murr took a photo dump,

So he's first up on the loser board.

Hey, today we are yeti flatiron posing as employees.

Now, yeti is known for their superior customer service.

But not today.

That's because we're on our own.

To make sure that every customer we "help"

Gives us a horrible customer service rating.

You heard that right, we are left to our own devices

Today to be the worst

Because whoever gets the highest score loses.

Sal's out there. Alright.

Alright, we're here at the yeti store.

Flagship store in manhattan.

Yeah. Great products. We all own them.

Game on.

Ahh!

It's one of our -- one of our best sellers.

No. We do.

Yeah, we sell all the accessories.

Yeah, what the would it be

In there for if we didn't sell it?

oh!

Want me to sell you that, I'll sell you it right now.

Oh, so you're not looking to make a big -- a big --

You want an accessory?

You're not looking to make a huge purchase.

Oh, alright.

Yeah.

Uh, we can't sell it.

Customer: Okay.

I don't think you're done with their transaction, bud.

I think you could push them much, much further.

I want you to go last

Because I don't wanna be following in your wake.

Q, this is really a me versus you right now.

Because we know for a fact he's getting the lowest score.

Yeah, yeah, you're right.

You're right.

I think he could try to genuinely help them and win.

Alright, dan, get these two walking out of the store.

Let's see how they score.

Honest experience. A nine?

A nine?!

Dude, that's pretty high, bro.

That's not good.

So you want to get, like, a one.

Anything above a five... ...Is disastrous.

It's a disaster for us.

And what color are you looking for?

You can get the white one and paint it blue.

Because some people would do that,

You know, they would just put a little powder coat over it.

I was trying to be helpful, but when you said,

"no way, that's ridiculous."

It made me feel stupid.

Yeah. Oh, you're an artist?

Oh, you're a fashion designer, too?

Oh.

Customer: But, um, I use it --

You sure?

Okay.

Oh!

Okay. Yeah. Yeah. Well, um...

The more you purchase online,

The more, like, salespeople in the flesh

Like us get put out of business.

Out of business, yeah.

Hey, sir. How are you doing?

Uh, just doing a quick survey.

Um, just score 1 to 10 on your experience here.

Yes.

Oh! Oh, the salesman, the salesman.

He wasn't helpful. So what would --

What would your number be from 1 to 10?

Three? a three!

You got a three! Yes!

You got a three! Wow!

Jesus christ. It takes a direct insult.

Sal: Alright, q-bert.

Here we go, buddy.

Do you want, like, a bag with this?

What do you need it for?

Wow. Are you a musician? I do --

Yeah, but this is me running for stuff.

Q, come on, buddy.

I always thought that, like,

I could play the blues or something like that.

It just never did -- what do you mean?

Oh,! Oh!

oh, are you okay?

Sal: Oh!

The scene takes a turn.

How is he not gonna feel bad?

You did this to me.

You did this to me.

Oh! Get him out!

Get this garbage out of the store!

Get out! Oh! Get out!

You'll never make carnegie hall.

Get out!

Oh, god! Wow!

We're doing a survey on your store experience.

Ten out of ten. Ten out of ten!

Nice try, baby. That backfired.

Do you need help or anything? Are you okay?

Okay, good. Nice.

Thank you. Is it warm?

It's not too warm in here, right?

Like, it's okay?

'cause I'm -- I'm sweating like a hog.

Do you smell me?

Yeah. Okay.

I can't smell you either.

So that's -- we're good.

You're sweating just as much,

But you're not at all stinking.

she's been trying to ask for help with --

With this thing for five minutes. I know.

Oh, were you looking for pink?

That in pink?

Nobody cares about me here.

Everybody just says that I'm a piece of

She's -- she's gonna feel bad for you.

What is the strategy here?

I just won't pay for that kid.

And since I've done that,

Everybody's turned against me in the store,

And I'm just like, hey, man, like,

I want to see a third paternity test

Before I agree that it's mine and start paying it.

And then I stink. But we don't have that in pink.

I'm curious how your experience was today in the store.

1 to 10.

Five?

Murr: Five! Ooh!

Five, q.

And she was being nice.

She should have given me a two.

yeah.

Look at this arrogant little stance he already has.

I got news for you, fellas.

I'm gonna win it in the first customer.

Really?

You think your very first score

Will be enough to take you home?

That's my plan.

Here we go. Hi. Welcome to yeti.

Sal: No. No. No-no-no-no-no. This is my customer.

Get. No. Sorry.

Oh, my god.

Hi. Welcome to yeti.

Sal: No. No. No-no-no-no-no. This is my customer.

Get. No, sorry.

We work on commission.

Uh, I'm james, I work for yeti.

What's up? What do you guys want?

what's up?

We're looking for -- yeah.

What's your names?

Isaac? Okay. That's for you.

And what's your name?

oh, my goodness!

Flavia and isaac.

Okay, this way, if you steal something,

We know and we can track you.

oh, my god!

We work on commission.

Are you gonna buy something today or not?

Uh, we work on commission.

They don't understand, they don't understand.

All that and he doesn't understand!

Alright, alright.

That was so bad.

That would have got you the score you needed.

they didn't understand a word you said.

Just a number 1 to 10 how your experience was.

1 to 10.

Ten. Okay. Thank you so much.

murr, 10 out of 10!

I got braziled!

You came in so hard.

If it was anybody else from --

From the 50 united states,

You would have won.

I didn't expect them to only speak portuguese.

Yeah. Go again, buddy.

Hello. Hey, guys.

Welcome to yeti. My name's cole.

No. No. No-no-no-no-no! They're my customer.

Get out! Get out of here.

Sorry. Sorry.

We work on commission.

He's trying to steal my customers.

What's your names? I'm james.

Yakubu.

Yak-- yakubu?

How do you spell that?

you can't plan it!

You can't plan it!

I don't know what that name was.

But it wasn't english.

Where are you guys from?

Together: Italy. Italy. Alright.

Obrigado.

And this is -- this was your second chance.

Are you gonna buy or you're just looking around,

Wasting my time?

Oh, my god!

You guys need something to keep the pasta cold.

Like the pasta.

You know how italians eat pasta?

You need something to keep it cold, maybe?

Pasta cold? Yeah.

mamma mia, you know.

Yeah. Do you need something to keep the pasta?

The pasta, yes. Okay, great.

Keep the pasta.

How did it work out this way?

So, guys, just getting a customer service review.

-Mm-hmm? -Yes.

Give me a number from 1 to 10.

Ten. Great. Thank you so much. Sal and q: Ten!

Ten, murray!

How did I lose this?!

-Bye. -Bye.

-Ciao, bella. -Both: Ciao!

The older I get, the more charming I am.

Narrator: Murr's 'tude wasn't so rude,

Making him tonight's big loser.

Q and sal: Alright!

Yes, murray lost. Sal: Whoo!

And today you'll be working as a waiter at fandi mata.

Doing what?

To customers?! Yes.

Son of a...

So the punishment is I sneak up behind people

And push food in their mouths without permission?

You're basically going to sneak attack them

With beef cubes.

Oh, my god. Alright.

When I say it, it sounds funnier to me

Then when we did it.

I just got very, very nervous.

Okay, so we have beef and beets

In case someone has, um, any dietary restrictions.

So we're covering that end.

Hi. Did you want a cocktail by any chance?

Yeah, can I get a paloma?

Paloma. Got it. Great.

You present like a waiter.

You're selling it.

It's 'cause he's actually, like, waitering

And not putting meat in people's mouths.

Yeah. So you wanna -- you wanna get to it?

Oh my god, oh my god, oh my god, oh my god, oh my god.

I'm getting nervous. I'm getting nervous.

Oh, well, it is -- it is nerve wracking.

Is that their drink?

One second.

Oh, this does not feel good, though.

I'm getting nervous.

You have to try that. Try it.

oh, my god!

Sal: You're basically going to sneak attack them

With beef cubes.

Oh, this does not feel good, though.

I'm getting nervous.

You have to try that.

Try it. It's so good.

It's that delicious?

Oh, that's on the house.

So that's our --

That's our seared -- seared beef.

oh, my god! Look at her face.

It is fantastically good. Look at her face.

and I can give you --

Would you like a sample as well?

You're sure? Okay. It's fantastic.

It's the third item down for the menu.

Uh, check it out. The seared beef.

It's excellent. Excellent.

Oooh! oooh, my god!

Are you okay? That was wild.

He better not ever do anything like that to me.

Oooh!

Oh my god, oh my god. Oh, my god!

Oh, my god! It's so nerve wracking.

Oh, my god, dude.

Dude... Oooh.

You don't know how I'm feeling right now.

I feel nervous, I feel nervous.

I'm, like shocked. I know.

Sal: Oh, they're still right now, still shook.

They're still talking about it.

Do you have a fourth joining or...? We don't.

Oh, and did somebody take your cocktail order yet or not?

I know I want an espresso martini.

Espresso martini. I'll be back in a second.

Oh, my god, he's doing it again.

I don't know if I can take this.

Do you see the hairs on my arm are sticking up?

Sal: I second it, buddy, 'cause I'm nervous

Like I'm doing it back here.

Alright, here we go.

It's been a lot.

You must try this. Try that, try it.

Isn't that fantastic?

It's great. Right? This is our seared sirloin beef.

It is really good. It's on the menu.

It's a third item down.

Would you like to try one? No?

Sure. Can I do that? Yeah, sure.

There you go. Try that.

There you go.

Try that. Try it.

Try it, try it.

There you go. Try it.

I'll be right back with the cocktails. Okay?

oh, my god!

Oh, my god!

He just stuffed something in my mouth?

Oh-ho-ho-ho-ho!

Everyone is baffled.

He has his hand up like, I -- like, I can't believe this.

Let's talk about how he just popped that right in, though.

He's a mother!

I mean, that went right in.

This guy's got little balls of steel.

I gotta tell ya'.

B.B. Pellets.

Thank you so much.

You got it. How's your cocktails? Good?

Do you need anything else?

Um...

You need anything at all?

We're gonna get some dessert. Alright. Very good.

Uh, what would you like?

Have you ever had a meat cube?

Tiramisu. Tiramisu. Okay. Just one?

-Okay. Be right back. -Thank you.

Murr, just put a cherry on that cube.

'cause they're eating desserts.

Woman: He goes, "are you driving?"

I went, "no."

Sal: She's laughin'! Her mouth's wide open!

Tiramisu on the way.

But first you have to try that.

Try that, right?

And try that. Come on.

-Try that, alright? -That's double!

Isn't it great? That is the seared beef.

And then the tiramisu is on the way.

Let me just check on the tiramisu for you.

oh my god. Oh my god.

What is happening?

I don't know.

She just goes, "what is happening?"

Eww, it was cool.

He just put it right in my mouth.

You did it so naturally.

Like someone always feeds you.

Sal: That's so funny.

Everything good with drinks, cocktails?

You're good? Tasting delicious?

Everything is good. Okay.

Anything else you need?

No dietary restrictions? Meat?

She doesn't eat meat.

You don't eat meat. Good to know.

Murr: Okay.

Okay, the beet is making its first appearance.

Two cubes, two cubes.

Two cubes each.

Meat. No meat. Try that.

Meat. No meat. Go ahead.

-Meat, no meat? -Meat, no meat.

Yep yep yep yep yep yep.

Right. Meat. No meat.

Right? I got that right?

There you go.

Not bad? Okay. So meat, no meat. Got it.

Okay, okay. meat, no meat.

I see you guys in a minute. Let me check on your food.

Thank you. Thank you.

this is crazy.

He's shoved so much meat...

Yeah. ...Into so many mouths

That we can't show them all unless we montage it.

Man: It's like, ♪ dun-dun-dun-dun, dun-dun ♪

-♪ dun-dun-dun-dun ♪

You have to try that.

oh, my god!

Oh, my god!

He just kept going.

Sir, I know you got that steak, but try this one first.

Try that.

There you go. Try that, try that.

No dietary restrictions at all?

There you go, try that. There you go.

Can you try that? There you go.

He's getting her?! No restrictions? There you go.

Didn't mean to leave you out.

Didn't mean to leave you out.

Didn't mean to leave you out.

It's actually good.

It's actually good!

You gotta try it. Here.

Before dessert, try these, before dessert.

Oh, my god! Oh, my god!

He just put meat in my mouth.

That's mark, our security guard.

We, we've thrown him men,

Women, three women,

Family at a table. Yeah.

He's done it all. Yeah.

This table over here, do you think they, uh...

Do you think they...

What do you think about the table right there? It's cool.

I think they're cool.

You think they'll go with the, uh...

Man, cole's got a big mouth.