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1
00:00:01,401 --> 00:00:02,801
Warning, the following program contains scenes
2
00:00:02,803 --> 00:00:04,336
Of graphic stupidity among four lifelong friends
3
00:00:04,338 --> 00:00:06,138
Who compete to embarrass each other.
4
00:00:06,140 --> 00:00:09,141
Narrator: Coming up,
what's got joe talking trash?
5
00:00:09,143 --> 00:00:14,079
Let's go, you absolute
pieces of garbage!
6
00:00:14,081 --> 00:00:16,815
Does murr have
an unbridled past?
7
00:00:16,817 --> 00:00:19,351
I used to be
a wild stallion.
8
00:00:19,353 --> 00:00:21,219
[ laughter ]
9
00:00:21,221 --> 00:00:23,956
And which losing joker will
have to play it by ear
10
00:00:23,958 --> 00:00:26,291
In tonight's punishment?
11
00:00:26,293 --> 00:00:27,426
What?
12
00:00:27,428 --> 00:00:29,561
♪♪
13
00:00:29,563 --> 00:00:32,431
Sal:
Prepare for something amazing.
14
00:00:32,433 --> 00:00:33,565
Q: Hey, mustache, what's up?
15
00:00:33,567 --> 00:00:35,033
[ laughter ]
16
00:00:35,035 --> 00:00:36,835
Murr: Like a boss!
17
00:00:36,837 --> 00:00:38,503
[ laughter ]
18
00:00:38,505 --> 00:00:41,173
Sal:
I will never forgive you!
19
00:00:41,175 --> 00:00:43,375
Joe: Larry!
20
00:00:43,377 --> 00:00:44,643
[ laughter ]
21
00:00:44,645 --> 00:00:47,379
I kidnap squirrels
in my neighborhood.
22
00:00:47,381 --> 00:00:48,781
Today, we're at topgolf,
23
00:00:48,783 --> 00:00:51,583
Posing as actors shooting a
role in their newest commercial.
24
00:00:51,585 --> 00:00:53,185
The catch is, it's not
a real commercial.
25
00:00:53,187 --> 00:00:55,988
It's just an excuse to pair us
with another actor
26
00:00:55,990 --> 00:00:57,055
Who thinks
it's a real commercial.
27
00:00:57,057 --> 00:00:58,123
The goal is to do and say
28
00:00:58,125 --> 00:00:59,524
Whatever you're told
by the other guys.
29
00:00:59,526 --> 00:01:00,525
If you refuse,
30
00:01:00,527 --> 00:01:02,695
You'll never work
in this industry again.
31
00:01:04,865 --> 00:01:06,865
Basically, we're just
gonna get some b-roll.
32
00:01:06,867 --> 00:01:09,201
We have some food. We're gonna
maybe take some shots.
33
00:01:09,203 --> 00:01:10,669
Q: Our producer,
jay miller will be playing
34
00:01:10,671 --> 00:01:12,070
The role of
the director today.
35
00:01:12,072 --> 00:01:13,205
I'll go first.
There you go.
36
00:01:13,207 --> 00:01:14,739
Q: Just scream
right before you swing,
37
00:01:14,741 --> 00:01:17,075
"let's go, you pieces
of human garbage!"
38
00:01:17,077 --> 00:01:18,677
Okay, here we go.
You ready?
39
00:01:18,679 --> 00:01:19,944
I'm ready. Let go.
40
00:01:19,946 --> 00:01:21,346
Jay: And action.
41
00:01:21,348 --> 00:01:24,016
Let's go, you absolute
pieces of garbage!
42
00:01:24,018 --> 00:01:26,351
[ tenderloins laughing ]
43
00:01:26,353 --> 00:01:27,419
Uh, cut.
44
00:01:27,421 --> 00:01:29,087
Joe, who exactly
are you yelling to?
45
00:01:29,089 --> 00:01:32,357
The pieces of garbage.
The pieces of garbage.
46
00:01:32,359 --> 00:01:33,225
You could see how it's odd.
47
00:01:33,227 --> 00:01:35,894
Agree to disagree.
Yeah.
48
00:01:35,896 --> 00:01:37,896
[ tenderloins laughing ]
49
00:01:37,898 --> 00:01:41,500
I'm gonna give you a line
and you'll deliver it to joe.
50
00:01:41,502 --> 00:01:43,368
Be like,
"I'm having the best time.
51
00:01:43,370 --> 00:01:44,369
Topgolf."
52
00:01:44,371 --> 00:01:47,772
Joe, mouth the words
as he says them.
53
00:01:47,774 --> 00:01:49,441
Okay, here we go. And action.
54
00:01:49,443 --> 00:01:51,443
I'm having the best time.
Topgolf.
55
00:01:51,445 --> 00:01:53,178
Alright, cut. Cut.
56
00:01:53,180 --> 00:01:54,847
Were you mouthing the words
while he was saying it?
57
00:01:54,849 --> 00:01:56,715
Was I?
Yeah.
58
00:01:56,717 --> 00:01:57,716
Uh-huh.
Oh, I was?
59
00:01:57,718 --> 00:01:59,184
I'm so into it.
60
00:01:59,186 --> 00:02:01,386
Joe, pinch your right nipple
as hard as you can
61
00:02:01,388 --> 00:02:02,855
In order to
not say something.
62
00:02:02,857 --> 00:02:04,189
Do it again. And action.
63
00:02:04,191 --> 00:02:07,459
I'm having the best time.
Topgolf.
64
00:02:07,461 --> 00:02:09,728
Slap yourself
to keep serious.
65
00:02:09,730 --> 00:02:13,465
I'm having the best time.
Topgolf.
66
00:02:13,467 --> 00:02:15,534
Keep going till you feel like
we got a good one.
67
00:02:15,536 --> 00:02:19,872
You know, I'm having
the best time. Topgolf.
68
00:02:19,874 --> 00:02:22,207
I'm having
the best time. Topgolf.
69
00:02:24,278 --> 00:02:27,746
You know, I'm having
the best time. Topgolf.
Murr: Pinch your nipple.
Slap yourself.
70
00:02:27,748 --> 00:02:29,347
Chew on some chips.
71
00:02:29,349 --> 00:02:32,751
You know, I'm having
the best time. Topgolf.
72
00:02:32,753 --> 00:02:34,553
Alright, cut. Cut.
73
00:02:34,555 --> 00:02:35,888
Yeah, so you guys ready?
74
00:02:35,890 --> 00:02:39,023
Just beat the crap
out of your own balls.
75
00:02:39,025 --> 00:02:40,492
Right. Here we go. Action.
76
00:02:40,494 --> 00:02:43,062
I'm having
the best time. Topgolf.
77
00:02:46,967 --> 00:02:51,970
Joe, do whatever you got to do
to keep a straight face.
78
00:02:51,972 --> 00:02:54,573
And action.
79
00:02:54,575 --> 00:02:58,443
I'm having
the best time. Topgolf.
80
00:02:58,445 --> 00:03:04,583
I'm having
the best time. Topgolf.
81
00:03:04,585 --> 00:03:06,384
Alright, that's a wrap.
We got it!
82
00:03:06,386 --> 00:03:08,320
Oh, god.
Thank god.
83
00:03:08,322 --> 00:03:09,521
My nards.
84
00:03:09,523 --> 00:03:10,989
[ laughing ]
85
00:03:10,991 --> 00:03:11,990
Keith, right?
86
00:03:11,992 --> 00:03:13,658
James.
James.
87
00:03:13,660 --> 00:03:15,127
I'm just gonna see.
We're just gonna get loose.
88
00:03:15,129 --> 00:03:16,861
If you guys want to get --
loose up a little bit.
89
00:03:16,863 --> 00:03:20,299
Legit critique his look
from head to toe.
90
00:03:22,603 --> 00:03:24,603
What are you looking at, murr?
What are you looking at, buddy?
91
00:03:24,605 --> 00:03:26,338
Keith.
James.
92
00:03:26,340 --> 00:03:31,610
Talk to me about
the choices that have been --
93
00:03:31,612 --> 00:03:33,946
Are you gonna tidy up
for the shoot or...
94
00:03:33,948 --> 00:03:35,414
Why, am I
looking rough?
95
00:03:37,684 --> 00:03:39,752
Do some improv exercises with
your new buddy here, murr.
96
00:03:39,754 --> 00:03:42,020
Let's do some improv
to warm up, okay?
97
00:03:42,022 --> 00:03:43,688
Let's do, like, shadows.
You know, like --
98
00:03:43,690 --> 00:03:45,089
Right?
99
00:03:45,091 --> 00:03:50,829
♪♪
100
00:03:50,831 --> 00:03:56,769
♪♪
101
00:03:56,771 --> 00:03:59,605
Guys, what the [bleep]
are you doing?
102
00:04:04,779 --> 00:04:06,178
Okay, action.
103
00:04:06,180 --> 00:04:08,913
Murr, talk to him all politely
and then just squeak in a,
104
00:04:08,915 --> 00:04:11,249
"hey, keith, leave some fries
for the rest of us."
105
00:04:11,251 --> 00:04:12,651
So you said you're from
connecticut, right?
106
00:04:12,653 --> 00:04:13,652
Do me a favor,
keith.
107
00:04:13,654 --> 00:04:15,788
Just keep some fries for
the rest of us, right?
108
00:04:15,790 --> 00:04:17,389
I'll do what I please,
james.
109
00:04:17,391 --> 00:04:20,659
Thank you.
110
00:04:20,661 --> 00:04:23,128
You know what? We're actually
just gonna use keith.
111
00:04:23,130 --> 00:04:24,262
Oh.
Yeah.
112
00:04:24,264 --> 00:04:25,464
If we can cut you
from the scene for a minute.
113
00:04:25,466 --> 00:04:26,731
Yeah, yeah, yeah.
Sure. Sure.
114
00:04:26,733 --> 00:04:28,200
[ laughing ]
115
00:04:28,202 --> 00:04:30,002
So, keith,
you're watching great golf here.
116
00:04:30,004 --> 00:04:31,804
Just give big reactions to it,
alright?
117
00:04:31,806 --> 00:04:33,338
And action.
118
00:04:33,340 --> 00:04:36,008
[ gasps ]
119
00:04:36,010 --> 00:04:38,276
Now, murr, you're gonna
slowly inch behind him
120
00:04:38,278 --> 00:04:40,879
Like, on your phone, and just
try and horn into the scene.
121
00:04:40,881 --> 00:04:42,014
Got it.
122
00:04:42,016 --> 00:04:45,017
[ sinister music plays ]
123
00:04:45,019 --> 00:04:46,018
Mimic him, murray.
Mimic him.
124
00:04:46,020 --> 00:04:47,686
Keith, big reactions.
125
00:04:47,688 --> 00:04:50,154
Hey, hey!
126
00:04:50,156 --> 00:04:52,757
Ohh!
127
00:04:52,759 --> 00:04:54,026
That's it!
That's it!
128
00:04:54,028 --> 00:04:55,560
Hey, hey, hey.
What the [bleep] are you doing?
129
00:04:55,562 --> 00:04:56,961
I knew he was back there
the whole time.
130
00:04:56,963 --> 00:05:00,232
No, I told you to
get out of the scene.
131
00:05:00,234 --> 00:05:01,299
I mean,
it was a great shot.
132
00:05:01,301 --> 00:05:03,902
But the shot is me, brother.
Get over there.
133
00:05:03,904 --> 00:05:05,904
Murray's being out-comedianed
on his own show.
134
00:05:05,906 --> 00:05:06,839
You're the straight man,
murr.
135
00:05:06,841 --> 00:05:08,707
You're the straight man
in this scene.
136
00:05:08,709 --> 00:05:10,108
You're funnier
than me.
137
00:05:10,110 --> 00:05:11,643
Can we get a replacement
for this guy?
138
00:05:11,645 --> 00:05:13,378
He's really kind of
messing with my scene.
139
00:05:13,380 --> 00:05:14,646
[ cheers and applause ]
140
00:05:14,648 --> 00:05:16,781
♪♪
141
00:05:16,783 --> 00:05:19,518
Sal: Q's in a commercial!
Oh, look at him.
Wow!
142
00:05:19,520 --> 00:05:21,053
I hope it doesn't
go to his head.
143
00:05:21,055 --> 00:05:22,855
Q: Brandon, right?
How you doing?
Yes, sir.
144
00:05:22,857 --> 00:05:23,988
Murr:
Q, tell the director
145
00:05:23,990 --> 00:05:25,858
That this is a nice
change of pace for you
146
00:05:25,860 --> 00:05:28,393
Because you're usually
typecast as an imbecile.
147
00:05:28,395 --> 00:05:30,729
This is a nice change
of pace for me.
148
00:05:30,731 --> 00:05:33,532
Yeah?
I'm usually just typecast
as, like, an imbecile.
149
00:05:33,534 --> 00:05:36,735
Really?
Yeah.
150
00:05:36,737 --> 00:05:37,870
Jay: We're gonna start
in 2 minutes.
Okay.
151
00:05:37,872 --> 00:05:40,138
Brag about how many dead bodies
you've played on tv.
152
00:05:40,140 --> 00:05:42,074
Imbeciles I get
and dead bodies.
153
00:05:42,076 --> 00:05:45,744
I was on five episodes
of "law and order: Svu."
154
00:05:45,746 --> 00:05:47,746
Yeah, you play corpses
and anything or just...?
No.
155
00:05:47,748 --> 00:05:49,147
I've never done anything
like that before.
156
00:05:49,149 --> 00:05:51,216
No.
It's cool 'cause you get
the lay there all day.
157
00:05:51,218 --> 00:05:53,818
Really?
Yeah.
158
00:05:53,820 --> 00:05:54,753
Alright, so we're
gonna start with
159
00:05:54,755 --> 00:05:56,421
You guys just hanging out
around the table.
160
00:05:56,423 --> 00:05:57,289
Act natural.
161
00:05:57,291 --> 00:05:59,224
Q, get in the oddest
position you can.
162
00:06:01,495 --> 00:06:04,629
Looking good. Alright.
163
00:06:04,631 --> 00:06:06,364
And action.
164
00:06:06,366 --> 00:06:09,501
Brandon:
What's going on?
Okay, yeah.
How's it going?
165
00:06:09,503 --> 00:06:13,372
They are making these
strong.
166
00:06:13,374 --> 00:06:16,441
Got some watered-down
sprite over here.
167
00:06:16,443 --> 00:06:18,510
No, I'm acting.
I'm acting.
168
00:06:18,512 --> 00:06:19,578
It's not
really alcohol.
169
00:06:19,580 --> 00:06:20,913
Oh, no, no.
I know.
170
00:06:20,915 --> 00:06:22,647
Oh. [ laughs ]
171
00:06:22,649 --> 00:06:23,648
Jay: Alright, cut.
172
00:06:23,650 --> 00:06:24,849
Where are you from?
173
00:06:24,851 --> 00:06:26,385
From russia.
Russia?
174
00:06:26,387 --> 00:06:28,520
Q, get confused
as to when you're acting
175
00:06:28,522 --> 00:06:29,988
And when
they're acting.
176
00:06:29,990 --> 00:06:33,525
You guys aren't
acting right now, right?
177
00:06:33,527 --> 00:06:35,060
Right now?
Yeah.
178
00:06:35,062 --> 00:06:37,462
No.
'cause he said
cut, right?
179
00:06:37,464 --> 00:06:38,330
I want to make sure
we're relevant.
180
00:06:38,332 --> 00:06:40,332
Maybe I'll shoehorn
in some politics.
181
00:06:40,334 --> 00:06:43,001
I just wonder if, like,
we've done enough
182
00:06:43,003 --> 00:06:44,536
That was
socially relevant already.
183
00:06:44,538 --> 00:06:49,608
Should I try and inject
some politics into it?
184
00:06:49,610 --> 00:06:50,875
Do you naturally talk
about politics?
185
00:06:50,877 --> 00:06:52,077
No.
186
00:06:52,079 --> 00:06:54,279
You're standing like,
"okay, just be natural."
187
00:06:57,151 --> 00:06:58,550
She's making fun
of you!
188
00:06:58,552 --> 00:07:00,485
Jay: Alright, guys,
we're ready to go again.
189
00:07:00,487 --> 00:07:03,021
Q, as soon as he yells action,
be like,
190
00:07:03,023 --> 00:07:06,425
"so, who'd you vote for?"
191
00:07:06,427 --> 00:07:08,160
Jay: And action.
192
00:07:08,162 --> 00:07:09,628
So who'd you guys
vote for?
193
00:07:09,630 --> 00:07:12,931
Nope.
No, no.
194
00:07:14,969 --> 00:07:17,436
I know both of you
voted for, right?
195
00:07:19,974 --> 00:07:22,174
So basically, we're shooting
some b-roll today.
196
00:07:22,176 --> 00:07:23,976
We want to see you guys
just being friends,
197
00:07:23,978 --> 00:07:25,778
Having fun.
Loose, fun
at topgolf.
198
00:07:25,780 --> 00:07:27,712
Let's see you hit a ball.
Oh, cool.
199
00:07:27,714 --> 00:07:29,181
Q: Jay, say this --
"so, clearly,
200
00:07:29,183 --> 00:07:31,450
There's no world the two of you
have ever been together.
201
00:07:31,452 --> 00:07:33,786
So you're just cousins?
You're cousins."
202
00:07:33,788 --> 00:07:36,254
Okay, so clearly
there's no world
203
00:07:36,256 --> 00:07:37,990
Where the two of you guys
would be together.
204
00:07:37,992 --> 00:07:39,057
So.
Okay.
205
00:07:39,059 --> 00:07:40,592
You guys are just cousins,
alright?
206
00:07:40,594 --> 00:07:43,095
Okay.
Great.
207
00:07:45,131 --> 00:07:46,398
Look at the face.
I love it.
208
00:07:46,400 --> 00:07:48,600
Yeah. Let's get you guys up
at the pub table.
209
00:07:48,602 --> 00:07:49,868
This is some b.S.
210
00:07:49,870 --> 00:07:52,337
This is not the way a real
commercial works at all.
211
00:07:52,339 --> 00:07:53,872
They filed you, too?
They did.
212
00:07:53,874 --> 00:07:55,940
The wardrobe guy
gave me these pants, actually.
213
00:07:55,942 --> 00:07:57,742
Actually, the wardrobe guy
gave me these jeans,
214
00:07:57,744 --> 00:08:00,079
Because I spilled coffee
on my nards.
215
00:08:02,349 --> 00:08:04,016
I had spilled coffee
on...
216
00:08:04,018 --> 00:08:07,553
♪♪
217
00:08:09,857 --> 00:08:11,256
Woman:
They filed you, too.
218
00:08:11,258 --> 00:08:12,791
Actually, the wardrobe guy
gave me these jeans.
219
00:08:12,793 --> 00:08:14,860
Because I spilled coffee
on my nards.
220
00:08:14,862 --> 00:08:16,929
[ sighs ]
221
00:08:17,999 --> 00:08:19,664
They gave me the jeans
when I got here, too,
222
00:08:19,666 --> 00:08:22,534
Because I had spilled coffee
earlier on my nards.
223
00:08:22,536 --> 00:08:25,136
Mm.
224
00:08:25,138 --> 00:08:27,406
Jay: Alright, you ready?
And action.
225
00:08:27,408 --> 00:08:28,807
Yeah.
226
00:08:28,809 --> 00:08:30,409
So what do you like to do?
What are some of the things...
227
00:08:30,411 --> 00:08:31,943
I kidnap squirrels
in the neighborhood.
228
00:08:31,945 --> 00:08:33,144
In real life?
229
00:08:33,146 --> 00:08:34,746
Yeah,
real life.
230
00:08:34,748 --> 00:08:36,648
I kidnap squirrels
in my neighborhood.
231
00:08:39,152 --> 00:08:40,619
Let me tell you
a really interesting story.
232
00:08:40,621 --> 00:08:42,954
Yeah, I'll tell you
a real funny story.
233
00:08:42,956 --> 00:08:45,024
One time under my porch,
a skunk fell asleep.
234
00:08:45,026 --> 00:08:47,025
A skunk fell asleep
under our porch.
235
00:08:47,027 --> 00:08:48,827
Right, so I went under there
and I saw the skunk sleeping.
236
00:08:48,829 --> 00:08:52,363
I went under there,
saw the skunk sleeping, right?
237
00:08:52,365 --> 00:08:55,100
And... [ chuckles ]
right?
238
00:08:55,102 --> 00:08:57,102
Murr: Wait, is that the story?
239
00:08:59,040 --> 00:09:01,040
Oh.
Yeah.
240
00:09:01,042 --> 00:09:03,374
Jay:
I want you guys to look kind of
like you're having more fun,
241
00:09:03,376 --> 00:09:06,045
So maybe let's not talk
about squirrels and skunks.
242
00:09:06,047 --> 00:09:09,448
Jay, say, "I'll be honest.
The conversation is real weird."
243
00:09:09,450 --> 00:09:13,785
I'll be honest.
The conversation is real weird.
244
00:09:13,787 --> 00:09:15,254
Alright.
245
00:09:15,256 --> 00:09:16,521
And action.
246
00:09:16,523 --> 00:09:19,390
So you're completely
in your head at this point.
247
00:09:19,392 --> 00:09:21,793
Cheers.
Cheers!
[ chuckles ]
248
00:09:21,795 --> 00:09:25,931
[ sad music plays ]
249
00:09:25,933 --> 00:09:28,133
Oh, wow. Did you see
how far they shot?
250
00:09:28,135 --> 00:09:30,802
Wow.
251
00:09:30,804 --> 00:09:32,871
Skunk.
252
00:09:32,873 --> 00:09:33,906
Skunk.
253
00:09:36,877 --> 00:09:38,944
You can't say
"skunk."
254
00:09:38,946 --> 00:09:40,078
We've got to
celebrate spring.
255
00:09:40,080 --> 00:09:42,547
Just...Skunk
under my...
256
00:09:42,549 --> 00:09:43,482
Alright, cut.
257
00:09:43,484 --> 00:09:44,816
Joe:
When he calls action,
258
00:09:44,818 --> 00:09:46,418
I want you to go in
and kill this performance.
259
00:09:46,420 --> 00:09:47,819
Be perfect.
And action.
260
00:09:47,821 --> 00:09:50,422
Whoo, Friday!
Yeah!
261
00:09:50,424 --> 00:09:52,824
Topgolf!
262
00:09:52,826 --> 00:09:55,394
Girl,
we needed a night out.
263
00:09:57,698 --> 00:09:59,965
Narrator: Everyone's performance
was up to par,
264
00:09:59,967 --> 00:10:03,368
So they're safe
from the loser board.
265
00:10:03,370 --> 00:10:05,436
Today, we're back at it
at cec research,
266
00:10:05,438 --> 00:10:07,372
Presenting our life stories
to a focus group.
267
00:10:07,374 --> 00:10:09,040
The catch is, the memoirs
we'll be given
268
00:10:09,042 --> 00:10:10,175
Have been written
by the other guys.
269
00:10:10,177 --> 00:10:12,577
At the end, we'll ask them
how likely are they
270
00:10:12,579 --> 00:10:15,447
To recommend our memoir
on a scale from 1 to 10?
271
00:10:15,449 --> 00:10:18,450
Whoever gets
the lowest score loses.
272
00:10:18,452 --> 00:10:22,321
♪♪
273
00:10:22,323 --> 00:10:24,389
Hey, how's it going?
How are you doing?
Hey, dude.
274
00:10:24,391 --> 00:10:25,790
My name's brian.
Luca, nice to meet you.
275
00:10:25,792 --> 00:10:26,992
Luca, very nice to meet you.
276
00:10:26,994 --> 00:10:28,994
I'm writing a book, so it
only helps me if you're honest.
277
00:10:28,996 --> 00:10:32,731
So, q is not seeing
his life story.
278
00:10:32,733 --> 00:10:34,599
"s'moregasbord!
279
00:10:34,601 --> 00:10:37,468
A heartwarming
(and tasty) american tale."
280
00:10:37,470 --> 00:10:38,537
Alright.
281
00:10:38,539 --> 00:10:40,139
As a child,
I loved s'mores,
282
00:10:40,141 --> 00:10:42,808
And I turned that love
of s'mores into an empire.
283
00:10:42,810 --> 00:10:47,412
But unlike enjoying a s'more,
it wasn't easy.
284
00:10:47,414 --> 00:10:48,547
Got it.
285
00:10:48,549 --> 00:10:50,015
[ laughter ]
286
00:10:50,017 --> 00:10:52,818
At 35, I opened
the first dreamy s'mores store
287
00:10:52,820 --> 00:10:54,219
On staten island.
288
00:10:54,221 --> 00:10:55,887
That's where I'm from.
289
00:10:55,889 --> 00:10:57,356
Dreamy s'mores
is the first
290
00:10:57,358 --> 00:11:01,026
Non-greek s'mores
bakery-slash-shop
291
00:11:01,028 --> 00:11:02,227
On the east coast.
292
00:11:02,229 --> 00:11:03,695
Hit "next."
293
00:11:03,697 --> 00:11:07,899
And it was about this time
that andy ps-my-is.
294
00:11:07,901 --> 00:11:08,900
Joe: Psomias!
295
00:11:08,902 --> 00:11:10,902
Ps -- ps...
Andy's fine.
296
00:11:10,904 --> 00:11:12,237
Psomias,
297
00:11:12,239 --> 00:11:15,040
Self-proclaimed
s'mores king of new york,
298
00:11:15,042 --> 00:11:18,710
Swings by the shop
to welcome me to the business.
299
00:11:18,712 --> 00:11:19,845
Yep.
300
00:11:19,847 --> 00:11:21,180
And that leads,
unfortunately,
301
00:11:21,182 --> 00:11:23,182
To the s'mores truck
massacre.
302
00:11:23,184 --> 00:11:25,517
Oh, no! Oh!
303
00:11:25,519 --> 00:11:27,452
Psomias makes
another move.
304
00:11:27,454 --> 00:11:30,655
Craig deluca, an 18-year-old
s'mores truck driver,
305
00:11:30,657 --> 00:11:31,790
Disappears
while at work.
306
00:11:31,792 --> 00:11:33,925
The deluca boy.
307
00:11:33,927 --> 00:11:35,994
What is believed to be
craig deluca's body
308
00:11:35,996 --> 00:11:37,529
Washes up in
clove lakes park.
309
00:11:37,531 --> 00:11:40,131
Identification is difficult
due to the removal
310
00:11:40,133 --> 00:11:43,969
Of craig's fingers, toes,
eyeballs, and genitals.
311
00:11:45,606 --> 00:11:47,272
Any questions
so far?
Oh, no, I love it.
312
00:11:47,274 --> 00:11:49,007
I love it right now
absolutely.
313
00:11:49,009 --> 00:11:53,612
I love this tale
of massacres.
314
00:11:53,614 --> 00:11:54,880
The high road.
315
00:11:54,882 --> 00:11:58,016
I decide that a s'mores war
isn't what's best for business.
316
00:11:58,018 --> 00:11:59,084
Okay?
317
00:11:59,086 --> 00:12:03,088
I bury my mutilated chef,
I hire a new one,
318
00:12:03,090 --> 00:12:04,956
And I move forward
without retribution.
319
00:12:04,958 --> 00:12:07,959
Wow, he turns
the other cheek.
That's right.
Turn the other s'more.
320
00:12:07,961 --> 00:12:10,429
Dreamy s'mores
into the mainstream.
321
00:12:10,431 --> 00:12:12,564
This is great --
signed smash mouth
322
00:12:12,566 --> 00:12:14,966
To be the official spokesman
for dreamy s'mores.
323
00:12:14,968 --> 00:12:16,167
Okay.
324
00:12:16,169 --> 00:12:19,104
We put out a special edition
green swamp s'mores edition
325
00:12:19,106 --> 00:12:21,507
To celebrate
the release of "shrek."
I [bleep] love
"shrek."
326
00:12:23,376 --> 00:12:24,776
I went on a cruise...
Yeah.
327
00:12:24,778 --> 00:12:26,912
...Just because there was
a guy dressed as shrek,
328
00:12:26,914 --> 00:12:29,415
To take a picture
with him.
329
00:12:30,918 --> 00:12:33,652
This [bleep] guy
needs his own show.
330
00:12:33,654 --> 00:12:35,721
Please buy my book
if you want to know s'mores.
331
00:12:35,723 --> 00:12:36,922
When the book
gonna be?
332
00:12:36,924 --> 00:12:37,856
I want to be the first one
to buy it.
333
00:12:37,858 --> 00:12:39,390
You want to be
the first one to buy it?
334
00:12:39,392 --> 00:12:41,192
Can I buy it right now?
I'll give you cash right now.
335
00:12:41,194 --> 00:12:42,794
You want to give me
cash right away?
336
00:12:42,796 --> 00:12:44,195
Right now, man.
$20.
337
00:12:44,197 --> 00:12:46,531
I mean, if you got
$20 on you, I'll take it.
338
00:12:46,533 --> 00:12:48,133
Beautiful.
$50!
339
00:12:48,135 --> 00:12:51,002
Joe: $50 bill?
Oh, my god,
this guy.
340
00:12:51,004 --> 00:12:52,070
So let me
ask you something.
341
00:12:52,072 --> 00:12:53,538
A number, if you don't mind,
from 1 to 10,
342
00:12:53,540 --> 00:12:54,606
That you would recommend
this book to others?
343
00:12:54,608 --> 00:12:55,740
Recommend?
344
00:12:55,742 --> 00:12:57,242
I'll be honest
and give it an 8.
8.
345
00:12:59,346 --> 00:13:01,079
[ laughing ]
346
00:13:01,081 --> 00:13:04,082
♪♪
347
00:13:04,084 --> 00:13:05,617
Here we are.
Joe: Here we go.
348
00:13:05,619 --> 00:13:06,618
Hi!
349
00:13:06,620 --> 00:13:09,020
Murr has never seen
the biography
350
00:13:09,022 --> 00:13:11,556
That we've written for him
until right now.
351
00:13:11,558 --> 00:13:12,891
Here we go.
352
00:13:12,893 --> 00:13:15,026
This is the story
about how I survived
353
00:13:15,028 --> 00:13:17,162
A plane crash
in maine.
354
00:13:17,164 --> 00:13:18,764
I'd say that's
worth telling.
355
00:13:18,766 --> 00:13:21,432
Oh, he's hooked.
He's interested.
356
00:13:21,434 --> 00:13:24,970
First, I'll give you a little
backstory of the whole tale.
357
00:13:24,972 --> 00:13:29,574
I used to be
a wild stallion, alright?
358
00:13:29,576 --> 00:13:32,844
I'm from montana.
I grew up, I was raised there.
359
00:13:32,846 --> 00:13:35,446
I made my living
by breaking horses.
360
00:13:35,448 --> 00:13:37,448
You just have to break
the will of horses
361
00:13:37,450 --> 00:13:40,319
So they
could be ridden.
362
00:13:40,321 --> 00:13:43,122
I destroyed...
363
00:13:43,124 --> 00:13:46,625
♪♪
364
00:13:49,730 --> 00:13:53,265
I made my living
by breaking horses.
365
00:13:53,267 --> 00:14:01,473
I destroyed hundreds of horses
in the process.
366
00:14:01,475 --> 00:14:02,941
So, anyways,
367
00:14:02,943 --> 00:14:06,478
I get hired to travel to maine
to help them train stallions.
368
00:14:06,480 --> 00:14:09,948
This is a notorious stallion
that could not be broken.
Okay.
369
00:14:09,950 --> 00:14:13,685
Gray mane, 30 hands wide,
15 hands long.
370
00:14:13,687 --> 00:14:15,220
This is a serious horse.
371
00:14:15,222 --> 00:14:17,723
So it's wider
than it is longer?
372
00:14:21,362 --> 00:14:26,431
It had sinewy,
throbbing haunches.
373
00:14:26,433 --> 00:14:29,368
So I board a prop plane
to maine.
374
00:14:29,370 --> 00:14:32,637
The plane goes down.
We crash in the wilderness.
375
00:14:32,639 --> 00:14:36,841
The pilots are dead.
I make sure of it.
376
00:14:36,843 --> 00:14:40,579
[ laughing ]
377
00:14:40,581 --> 00:14:44,048
So, this is
a dramatization.
378
00:14:44,050 --> 00:14:45,450
Close enough,
though.
379
00:14:45,452 --> 00:14:49,988
I begin my arduous, 40-days
journey alone in the woods.
380
00:14:49,990 --> 00:14:53,458
I finally stumbled upon
the great horse beast.
381
00:14:53,460 --> 00:14:55,527
It was majestic.
It was glorious.
382
00:14:55,529 --> 00:14:58,130
I knew I had to
tame it or kill it.
383
00:14:58,132 --> 00:15:00,933
So I tamed it,
then killed it,
384
00:15:00,935 --> 00:15:06,805
Because I live a life of ands,
not ors.
385
00:15:06,807 --> 00:15:10,074
Anyways, so this
is the gray mane.
386
00:15:10,076 --> 00:15:12,945
That is a picture
of the actual horse.
387
00:15:12,947 --> 00:15:14,012
Looks like
a moose to me.
388
00:15:14,014 --> 00:15:16,881
[ tenderloins laughing ]
389
00:15:16,883 --> 00:15:18,883
Did I kill
a [bleep] moose?
390
00:15:18,885 --> 00:15:22,554
Must have. Doesn't look
like a horse to me.
391
00:15:22,556 --> 00:15:23,756
Anyways.
392
00:15:23,758 --> 00:15:27,359
I'm sharing the true story
as I experienced it.
393
00:15:27,361 --> 00:15:33,165
It's called "crash into m(ain)e,
the hunt for a legendary horse."
394
00:15:33,167 --> 00:15:35,167
That's definitely
a moose right there.
That's a moose.
395
00:15:35,169 --> 00:15:38,236
That's a moose.
396
00:15:38,238 --> 00:15:40,438
So on a scale of
1 to 10,
397
00:15:40,440 --> 00:15:42,775
How likely would you be
to recommend this memoir?
398
00:15:42,777 --> 00:15:45,710
To be honest with you,
I have to say 0.
0.
399
00:15:45,712 --> 00:15:48,246
Oh, my god!
400
00:15:48,248 --> 00:15:49,848
Is it because
I killed a moose?
401
00:15:49,850 --> 00:15:52,250
♪♪
402
00:15:52,252 --> 00:15:53,986
Narrator:
We're not moosin' around.
403
00:15:53,988 --> 00:15:57,656
Murr is about to be punished.
404
00:15:57,658 --> 00:16:00,258
Well,
murray is our big loser.
405
00:16:00,260 --> 00:16:02,127
Joe: Murray, you're gonna be
on a panel discussion
406
00:16:02,129 --> 00:16:03,462
In front of
a studio audience
407
00:16:03,464 --> 00:16:04,929
That's being taped
for broadcast.
408
00:16:04,931 --> 00:16:07,265
Everyone will be in headphones,
but here's the catch.
409
00:16:07,267 --> 00:16:10,469
Your headphones pump nothing
but loud static into your ears,
410
00:16:10,471 --> 00:16:11,936
So you cannot
hear anything
411
00:16:11,938 --> 00:16:13,738
That's actually going on
or being said.
412
00:16:13,740 --> 00:16:16,274
But, gentlemen, how will
I know what to say?
413
00:16:16,276 --> 00:16:19,344
Murray, you're gonna
have to trust us.
414
00:16:19,346 --> 00:16:22,147
I don't.
415
00:16:22,149 --> 00:16:24,016
Joe: So, murr is
sitting on a panel.
416
00:16:24,018 --> 00:16:26,618
The topic is,
"did the internet ruin america?"
417
00:16:26,620 --> 00:16:31,089
Murray's gonna have a lot of
opinions that are not his own.
418
00:16:31,091 --> 00:16:32,757
So, this is how
this thing works --
419
00:16:32,759 --> 00:16:35,160
Whenever we push this button,
he can hear us talk.
420
00:16:35,162 --> 00:16:37,029
Otherwise,
he's listening to this.
421
00:16:37,031 --> 00:16:39,431
[ static buzzes ]
422
00:16:39,433 --> 00:16:42,567
Annoying, right?
423
00:16:42,569 --> 00:16:44,436
Thanks for
joining us.
Woman:
Thanks for having us.
424
00:16:44,438 --> 00:16:45,570
The only person who knows
what's going on
425
00:16:45,572 --> 00:16:46,839
In this room is casey.
426
00:16:46,841 --> 00:16:48,773
Casey:
Alright. Welcome, everybody.
427
00:16:48,775 --> 00:16:50,909
Today on the panel,
we have christina harris,
428
00:16:50,911 --> 00:16:54,046
Executive engagement manager
at dark trace,
429
00:16:54,048 --> 00:16:56,648
The world's leading
cyber-a.I. Company.
430
00:16:56,650 --> 00:16:58,183
[ static buzzes ]
431
00:16:58,185 --> 00:17:00,318
All he's doing right now
is sitting in that room
432
00:17:00,320 --> 00:17:02,721
Looking at everybody
and hearing nothing but static.
433
00:17:02,723 --> 00:17:04,389
Okay, next we have
caroline payne.
434
00:17:04,391 --> 00:17:08,126
Caroline is a regular
on wnpr's "the nose."
435
00:17:08,128 --> 00:17:10,262
And last we have
james davies,
436
00:17:10,264 --> 00:17:13,798
A media and communications
expert from princeton.
437
00:17:13,800 --> 00:17:15,600
Say "that's right."
that's right.
438
00:17:15,602 --> 00:17:17,269
Okay, and you graduated
from princeton?
439
00:17:17,271 --> 00:17:21,073
I live in princeton.
I live in princeton.
440
00:17:21,075 --> 00:17:23,275
And do you have a degree
from princeton?
441
00:17:23,277 --> 00:17:24,743
Do you have a degree
from princeton?
442
00:17:24,745 --> 00:17:26,678
Do you have a degree
from princeton?
443
00:17:26,680 --> 00:17:34,686
♪♪
444
00:17:34,688 --> 00:17:36,020
I'm gonna switch gears
a little bit.
445
00:17:36,022 --> 00:17:39,091
In one word,
what's your greatest fear
446
00:17:39,093 --> 00:17:40,959
About artificial
intelligence?
447
00:17:40,961 --> 00:17:42,094
Unemployment.
448
00:17:42,096 --> 00:17:43,428
Caroline?
Takeover.
449
00:17:43,430 --> 00:17:45,630
Murr, come up with
one word --
450
00:17:45,632 --> 00:17:47,566
Any word in the world
that you want.
451
00:17:47,568 --> 00:17:48,634
Canada.
452
00:17:51,238 --> 00:17:52,771
Let him hear.
Bring the static down.
453
00:17:52,773 --> 00:17:53,972
[ static quiets ]
454
00:17:53,974 --> 00:17:55,574
You're talking about
artificial intelligence.
455
00:17:55,576 --> 00:17:58,377
The first word, for you, that
strikes fear is "canada"?
456
00:17:58,379 --> 00:17:59,711
Y--
457
00:17:59,713 --> 00:18:02,514
[ laughing ]
458
00:18:02,516 --> 00:18:04,416
Joe: Explain that away,
buddy!
459
00:18:09,056 --> 00:18:11,189
Casey: We're talking about
artificial intelligence.
460
00:18:11,191 --> 00:18:13,859
The first word, for you, that
strikes fear is "canada"?
461
00:18:13,861 --> 00:18:15,060
Y--
462
00:18:15,062 --> 00:18:17,929
[ tenderloins laughing ]
463
00:18:17,931 --> 00:18:19,531
Explain that away, buddy!
464
00:18:19,533 --> 00:18:21,133
Let me explain.
465
00:18:21,135 --> 00:18:24,602
Canada,
in terms of a.I.,
466
00:18:24,604 --> 00:18:30,075
Uh, we all know there's
a large amount of, uh...
467
00:18:30,077 --> 00:18:32,144
He's so flustered!
468
00:18:32,146 --> 00:18:33,412
Take a sip
of water.
469
00:18:36,684 --> 00:18:38,416
Okay, so we're
gonna switch over to...
470
00:18:38,418 --> 00:18:39,818
Bring up the noise
so murr can't hear anymore.
471
00:18:39,820 --> 00:18:41,419
...To technology now
that you might...
472
00:18:41,421 --> 00:18:42,954
[ static buzzes ]
473
00:18:42,956 --> 00:18:46,692
Children today will have over
2,000 images of themselves
474
00:18:46,694 --> 00:18:49,227
On the internet
by the time they get old.
475
00:18:49,229 --> 00:18:50,362
How does that
make you feel?
476
00:18:50,364 --> 00:18:52,898
They're not always
horrible pictures.
477
00:18:52,900 --> 00:18:54,900
Okay.
Like birthday parties.
478
00:18:54,902 --> 00:18:57,035
So, james, you know,
how does that make you feel?
479
00:18:57,037 --> 00:18:59,471
Pontooned.
Pontooned.
480
00:19:02,910 --> 00:19:04,242
Bring him down.
481
00:19:04,244 --> 00:19:05,310
[ static quiets ]
482
00:19:05,312 --> 00:19:06,512
...The study saying
that children today will have
483
00:19:06,514 --> 00:19:09,381
Over 2,000 images of themselves
on the internet
484
00:19:09,383 --> 00:19:10,582
By the time
they get old.
Yeah.
485
00:19:10,584 --> 00:19:13,652
And you answered
"pontooned."
486
00:19:15,455 --> 00:19:16,454
What do you mean?
487
00:19:16,456 --> 00:19:19,391
Uh, pontooned,
meaning that...
488
00:19:19,393 --> 00:19:20,726
Bring the noise up.
Bring the noise up.
489
00:19:20,728 --> 00:19:22,794
In a very similar way...
490
00:19:22,796 --> 00:19:24,963
[ static buzzes ]
491
00:19:26,133 --> 00:19:29,401
Now you can't
hear what they're saying!
492
00:19:29,403 --> 00:19:31,203
The boat has left the island,
so to speak,
493
00:19:31,205 --> 00:19:32,804
Almost like
being pontoons.
494
00:19:32,806 --> 00:19:33,805
So let me
stop you there.
495
00:19:33,807 --> 00:19:35,807
We are freely
giving away our data.
496
00:19:35,809 --> 00:19:37,275
If I could jump in.
If I could stop you there.
497
00:19:37,277 --> 00:19:38,410
It's staggering,
the amount of privacy
498
00:19:38,412 --> 00:19:40,812
That they give away
freely.
499
00:19:40,814 --> 00:19:42,147
If I could just stop you
for a second --
500
00:19:42,149 --> 00:19:43,348
You know, what it comes down to
is parental controls,
501
00:19:43,350 --> 00:19:44,483
Ultimately.
502
00:19:48,422 --> 00:19:49,687
Identity theft.
503
00:19:49,689 --> 00:19:51,156
So, my grandmother
was actually a victim.
504
00:19:51,158 --> 00:19:53,825
She got scammed
and she lost her savings.
505
00:19:53,827 --> 00:19:55,493
So what's something
that you would do
506
00:19:55,495 --> 00:19:56,762
To maybe help
my grandmother?
507
00:19:56,764 --> 00:19:58,964
I think we all agree
it couldn't have happened
508
00:19:58,966 --> 00:20:00,432
To a more deserving person.
509
00:20:00,434 --> 00:20:02,500
I think we all agree
it couldn't have happened
510
00:20:02,502 --> 00:20:04,303
To a more
deserving person.
511
00:20:06,706 --> 00:20:09,040
What?
Yeah. [ scoffs ]
512
00:20:09,042 --> 00:20:10,776
Okay, let him hear.
Let him hear.
513
00:20:10,778 --> 00:20:13,711
My grandmother, again,
is the victim in the situation
514
00:20:13,713 --> 00:20:16,381
With identity theft
and stealing all of her money.
515
00:20:16,383 --> 00:20:20,118
Jesus christ.
516
00:20:20,120 --> 00:20:22,921
You said it couldn't happen
to a more deserving person,
517
00:20:22,923 --> 00:20:24,656
Meaning my 103-year-old
grandmother.
518
00:20:24,658 --> 00:20:26,725
Yes.
Why?
519
00:20:26,727 --> 00:20:30,662
Thirsty.
520
00:20:30,664 --> 00:20:31,797
Alright,
next question.
521
00:20:31,799 --> 00:20:33,331
Static back.
522
00:20:33,333 --> 00:20:34,532
[ static buzzing ]
523
00:20:34,534 --> 00:20:36,401
Okay, james, have you
ever sent an e-mail
524
00:20:36,403 --> 00:20:38,136
That you
immediately regretted?
525
00:20:38,138 --> 00:20:39,805
Yeah, yeah.
Yeah, yeah.
526
00:20:39,807 --> 00:20:41,406
I agreed to be
on this panel.
527
00:20:41,408 --> 00:20:43,141
I agreed to be
on this panel.
528
00:20:43,143 --> 00:20:44,142
Excuse me?
529
00:20:44,144 --> 00:20:45,611
That was the e-mail
you regretted?
530
00:20:45,613 --> 00:20:46,679
Joe: Start clapping.
531
00:20:50,618 --> 00:20:51,883
Alright.
532
00:20:51,885 --> 00:20:53,551
Stand up
and walk out.
533
00:20:53,553 --> 00:20:55,287
Casey: Let's talk about
some technology skills.
534
00:20:55,289 --> 00:21:01,827
♪♪
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