Original subtitles

Hey, Beavis.

It's like I already know how to drive, so it's like I don't really need to take

this class.

Yeah, me too.

I've driven before.

No, you haven't, Beavis.

You drove bumper cars that one time.

You got stuck in the corner.

Everyone was kicking your ass.

Even that little girl.

Shut up, buddy.

I drove a real car once. You weren't there.

Somewhere else.

It was cool.

Permission slip and birth certificates.

Let's see them. Move it. Move it.

What are you staring at, butthead?

You waiting for a playful pat on the butt? Move it!

This is gonna be cool.

Uh... Oh, no.

Yeah. This isn't very good, but it... Thank you, Beaver.

Like I couldn't have figured that out myself.

Anytime. Boy.

This really isn't very good.

Yeah, yeah.

I know that, but it... Tell me something I don't know.

Uh, okay.

You know the last time you went to the bathroom?

Yeah. I hawked a loogie in your Coke.

And you drank it.

It was cool.

I knew that.

I spit it out.

No, you didn't.

You drank it.

Shut up about it.

I took a dump on a cracker you were eating one time.

Yeah, I remember that.

But I didn't need it.

Yeah, but it was cool.

You ate the cracker? Yeah.

I took the turd off and finished the cracker.

Well, what?

By the way, this video really sucks, Viva. Yeah, really.

Tell me something I don't... I mean... Yeah, that sucks.

I can't get a girl cause I ain't got a car.

Yeah. Yeah, yeah, really.

I can't get a car cause I ain't got a job. Yeah, really. Yeah.

Me neither.

Me neither.

Oh, I can't get a job cause I ain't got a car.

Yeah. Yeah, really.

Life sucks.

I'm looking for a girl with a job and a car.

Whoa. Find a girl with a job and a car.

That's a good idea.

Okay, really smart.

Yeah, like he figures out what his problems are, and he like figures out,

know, like what to do about it.

I can't go to school because I ain't got a gun.

Reach on, Brother Cooper.

I know that's right.

I ain't got a gun because I ain't got a job. I heard that. I

ain't got a job because I can't go to school.

So I'm looking for a girl with a gun and a job and a house

with a table.

He doesn't get tables.

Don't you know what you are?

What a dumbass.

You don't have cable. You might as well just, like, you know, like, go to school

or something.

You can't go to school, Beavis. Remember?

He doesn't have a job. He doesn't have a girl or a car or cable.

He doesn't have cable? No way. He's like a rock star.

Not all rock stars have cable.

Uh... Uh... Uh...

Shut the hell up!

Now, welcome to Driver's Ed. I'm required to tell you that the film we

to see contains actual footage of gruesome car crashes.

Yes. Yeah, yeah.

Multiple car playoffs.

Car crashes rule.

It's nothing I haven't seen, but it may be too much for some of you delicate

types. Now, no one's gonna think you're a panty waste if you can't take it, but

if you can't, I suggest you get your pathetic, weak -willed little butt out

here now!

You have five seconds!

It's like I have a wuss.

It's a panty wuss.

Shut up! Light!

That movie is old.

Yeah.

This is from back when people were stupid.

Quiet! Most young people are conscientious citizens who drive

obey all the applicable traffic laws.

Look, he's flipping him off.

Shut up!

But there's always going to be one or two bad apples in the bunch.

Those guys are cool.

A midnight encounter with a drunken wombat leads Butthead to

consider zoology. Stay tuned.

These two boys, let's call them Vinnie and Frankie, think they're cool.

All their friends think they're cool, but unsafe driving is never cool.

Let's cruise, Frankie. Hey, cool.

Hey.

Hang a Louie, Frankie.

He's a loogie.

Louie, Frankie, Louie. Wait.

First I got a signal.

Don't be a square, Frankie. Just hang it. All right, Weisenheimer.

Whoa, his brain fell out.

This is your brain. This is your brain on the street. Any questions?

Oh, cool.

Delia? Oh, Delia, Delia all my life.

Who is this dude?

He looks familiar.

Oh, yeah, yeah, that's, um, what's his name?

Captain Kangaroo.

Captain what?

You know, Captain Kangaroo.

You know, Mr. Green Jeans and Magic Drawing Board. You know. And I met Delia

there.

Found her in her parlor.

What kind of music is this?

I think this is like some kind of gangsta rap. Oh, yeah.

I bet this dude scores a lot because, like, he wears black.

Yeah, yeah.

Plus he's old.

Kind of people make me want to grab my submachine.

Whoa, hey, that was pretty violent.

Yeah.

Enough is enough.

Whoa.

He shouldn't have shot that chick. She's pretty hot.

Yeah, really.

I would have taken her off his hand.

Yeah, you know what he should have done? He should have, like, fired some

warning shots up in the air.

That would have scared her away.

And then, like, score.

I guess if a chick has to choose between, like, dying or, like, doing it

you, you might actually have a chance of scoring, Viva.

That's why I was suggesting it.

All right, butthead, now pay attention.

Just release the brake and press gently on the accelerator.

Dumbass. Drive, drive.

Butthead, what is your problem? Apply gentle pressure to the accelerator.

Do it now.