Original subtitles

Sit.

Stay.

Speak. This sucks.

Yeah. I bet they put all the stuff that sucks on in the morning just to, like,

get us to go to school.

Yeah.

I think it's working.

Check it out, he's watching TV.

Yeah.

And it's like, we're watching TV, so it's like we're watching two TVs for the

price of one.

Um, what two TVs?

I don't understand.

Beavis, we're watching TV, and then there's another TV in the TV.

Oh, wait.

There's like a TV inside the TV?

Let's break it open and find it.

Boy, Beavis, you're stupid.

Wow. Wow. Okay.

Look at his mouth.

Yeah, yeah.

It's all encrustulated with globules of feces.

See what I mean, Beavis?

You, like, got some problem or something.

Yeah, well, you're, uh, you're mom. You, uh, um, you're mom.

Uh, yeah.

Oh, look at the monkey.

You know what they can do? They can, like, break that couch. They can, like,

just rip it up.

Break it.

Yeah. Yeah, yeah, yeah, like that.

Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. Rip it, break it. Break it.

Yeah. Yeah.

Get in there. Kick it.

Kick the couch.

Yeah, yeah.

No, no, no, don't stop. Don't stop.

Don't stop.

Damn it.

Winners never win.

May I have your attention, people?

People.

Could I have your attention, please?

Come on, guys.

Do I need to get Mr. Buzz cut in here?

Thank you.

We have a guest today, class, and it appears she isn't a moment too soon.

It seems that as adults, we aren't doing a very good job of teaching the

importance of good manners.

Now, a group of concerned parents has asked the school to deal with the

So please join me in giving a warm welcome to an expert on etiquette, Mr.

Manners.

Thank you for that warm welcome.

My, what a nice -looking group of students.

Hey, Bela.

Machine gunner.

Oh, yeah.

I get both.

Excuse me, boys, but it's rather rude to make noises and interrupt me when it's

my turn to talk.

Uh, we were doing this long before you came in, sir.

Yes. You interrupted us.

Butthole.

Well, I'll teach you some manners yet.

But for now, I would greatly appreciate your undivided attention.

Now, class, manners are an enjoyable way to create a favorable impression with

others. I'd like to start off with a fun activity in which we'll do a little

role -playing.

Now, I'll need a couple of volunteers.

Uh, pole -playing?

Yes, I can do that.

Okay, but what's the magic word?

Uh...

Now come on, what do you say when you want something?

Oh, uh, butt wipe?

Give me something butt wipe.

Bunghole.

Bunghole.

Coming up next, Butthead begins to suspect Beavis of codependency. Stay

I would like to start with the use of proper manners in a restaurant setting.

Now, I want you, Master Butthead, to pretend that you are at a restaurant,

Master Beavis will be the waiter.

Let's start by having Master Beavis welcome you to the restaurant and take

order. Ah! Don't touch me, asswipe!

You look like a dork.

Shut up, fart knocker.

I'll kick your ass.

Boys, boys, that's no way to show manners.

Here, let me get you started.

Master Beavis, say something like, good evening, sir.

My name is Beavis.

Welcome to our restaurant.

May I take your order, please?

Go ahead, we're waiting.

Hi, butthead.

Hi, Master Beavis.

I was supposed to introduce me, bunghole.

Um, uh, welcome to a restaurant.

Yeah, um, you like to take my order?

Yeah, get me some nachos, buttwipe.

Ah, listen, you little twerp. This is my job. This is how I make money.

Don't screw with me. Now, how about using some manners?

Man or fuck.

Don't screw with him.

Yeah.

He sure does like to touch.

Yeah. He tried to touch my wiener.

What? You little liar.

Back off, you pervert. He's lying.

Hey, don't you dare lay a finger on my students.

Beavis, did he hit you?

Yes, sir. He did.

Thank you for your concern.

Why, you little dirtball. You want to touch my students? I'll touch you.

I'll get to you, little punk! Uh, no thank you, sir.

Stop it!

Stop it!

That hit me. You're going to jail, jackass!

You're going downward, son!

That, you old -fashioned... You're hurting me!

Hey, hey,

did you see the poppet front end?

Yeah.

And, you know, wherever there's a faucet, there's probably a toilet close

Oh, yeah.

And wherever there's a toilet, there's, like, mud, and cleaner, and dirt, and,

uh, wee -wee.

Yeah.

A little something for everyone.

This dude must use the same shampoo as me.

Um, you know, you shampoo, butthead.

Uh... Oh, yeah.

Hey,

buddy.

Isn't that band schlong?

No, dumbass.

It's prong.

Okay, well, I wasn't that far off, butthole.

Yes. Yes. Rock, rock.

Snap your finger.

Snap your neck.

That's like some kind of weird double joint.

That's not that weird. I can do that. No way.

Yeah, I can. Check it out.

Whoa.

That's cool.

I get it wrong.

All right.

Let's see.

Oh, no.

Okay. Thanks.

You almost, like, broke something.

You should, like, bootie a guy for, like, uh, something.

Yeah.

I bet if I, like, boot him, I can get back to James Pappas.

Please come out.

Please.

Yeah, me too.

Hey, butthead, it won't come out.

Maybe you should try using manners.

Oh, yeah, oh, yeah.

Um, please come out of my butt.

Please?

Thank you, drive -thru.

It matters.

Hey, Beavis, will you please wipe my butt?

What's this?

Hey,

look, Beavis, it's your mom. Where, where?

Hanging out in bars again.

I'm not my mom, butthead.

That's Grandma.

What is this?

Uh... Is this cable access?

Yeah, I think it is.

Cable access sucks.

They should call it cable sucks.

Yeah, cable sucks.

Look at this dork.

Yeah, what a dumbass.

Ooh.

The band's fucked.

Yeah, really.

Hey, buddy, didn't these guys play that wedding we went to?

Yeah.

Remember when you kept asking them to play Pantera?

Yeah. That was cool.

Remember when you waited in line to kiss the bride?

And then you tried to cop a feel?

Oh, yeah.

Her dad kicked your ass.

Oh, yeah.