Original subtitles

Now class, when we went on our field trip to the zoo there was a lot of

around.

Now, I know when we come face to face with these magnificent wild beasts, the

wilderness within us yearns to respond.

But this is an art museum, people. We can't have that kind of behavior here.

Now, the works we'll see here took years of careful crafting.

If they're tampered with in even the tiniest way...

Beauty is ruined, and the meaning is lost.

Now this is exactly what I'm talking about, people. This sculpture couldn't

depict the agonizing horror of modern society so perfectly if every little

weren't just so.

He said little thing.

Yes.

Navarna rules.

Yeah, yeah.

This is cool.

But, um, I mean, you know, this is cool and everything, but it's like, uh, this

video's been giving me nightmares about it.

Cool.

I wish I had nightmares about this video.

I don't, but these are pretty scary.

It's like I have this dream that I'm like Santa Claus, and I'm like on a

and there are these crows like picking at me.

That's cool.

Oh, yeah.

This part rules.

Yeah.

Rock, rock.

Hey, Beavis.

You know the bass player in this band? He looks like just a regular guy.

Oh, yeah, yeah.

If you just saw him at school, he'd probably, like, you know, get his ass

kicked. Yeah.

Whoa.

Check this out.

It's like he pulls his hair out of his eyes, but then it just falls back in his

eyes.

Yeah. So what?

You got a problem with that?

Yeah. Whoa, check it out. That

room is cool. Yeah. And I got Kurt Cobain's bedroom.

I gotta get my room set up like that.

With all, like, lit up stars and stuff. And then, like, it's gonna be cool.

No, you're not.

You're never gonna get your room fixed up like that.

And you're never gonna score.

Shut up. You're just going to sit around for the rest of your life spanking your

monkey. Shut up, butthead.

I am too going to pick my room up.

Butthole.

They say great art is difficult to understand,

but easy to enjoy.

Hey, Beavis.

It's hard, but it's not like hard.

Very good, butthead. That's right.

Now, works by the master painters of the century.

He said master painters.

Oh.

Master painting is cool.

Just think of it, people. Right now we're surrounded by a Renoir, a Monet,

Picasso.

And yes, even a dolly.

That's not that dolly chick.

Yeah, she doesn't look like that. She's got really big thingies.

Like this.

No way, Beavis. They're bigger than that. Check this out.

That looks cool now.

At

what

point do normal teenage hijinks become dangerously sociopathic behavior?

A very special Beavis right after this.

In the Romantic period, artists began to celebrate the sumptuous beauty of the

human form, giving us a vision that's very uplifting.

Whoa.

Butt naked.

Yeah. It's uplifting.

Yeah. Uplifting.

Yeah.

This would be cool to, like, have.

Like... For the bathroom and stuff? Yeah.

Hold it right there.

You see that rope, boy?

You know, I could have you arrested for standing behind that rope. Yeah,

dumbass.

Now, you got a choice.

You got two seconds to get back on this side of the rope, or I slap the

handcuffs on you.

Oh, yeah.

Sorry about that.

Yeah. Well, that's what I thought.

Most of the artists who did these paintings passed away some time ago.

So their value is immeasurable because they're impossible to replace.

Now, most of the Impressionists passed away sometime in the early part of the

century.

Art is cool.

Yeah.

Boobs are cool, too.

Are all my statues?

Uh, I don't think so.

I think statues, like, stay still.

I think these are just, like, wussies.

Oh, yeah.

If I was a statue, I'd be, like, naked. And I'd be, like, riding a horse.

And I'd have a big sword.

Yeah, that would be cool.

And then, like, pigeons would sit on your wiener.

Oh, yeah.

And then they could, like, take a dump on my ass.

nostrils on that wuss. Yeah, yeah.

Yeah,

really. He looks like a human butthole.

I think he looks like a horse butthole.

Yeah, actually, now that you mention it, he does look like a horse butthole.

This won't be like a place in heaven where they put you if you, like, suck,

you didn't do anything really bad.

Yeah, but like, isn't it bad to suck?

Uh, yeah, I guess so.

Thou shalt not suck.

That some psychotic

would vandalize these great works of art is simply unconscionable.

I'm sorry it had to happen on the day we were at the museum.

But I hope, like me, you are still able to have a beautiful experience that

you'll never forget.

Why don't we each tell what impressions we took away from the museum?

Cassandra? I took away a feeling of deep inner joy.

A feeling of something larger than life filling me.

Hey, buddy, what did you take away?

One giant food.

Yeah.

That's pretty cool.

Check this out.

Uh, what's that?

It's a butt.

Cool.

Whoa, check it out, buddy. It's a penis -worth.

Yeah.

That's a penis -worth Rex.

And this guy is just a wuss.

Yeah, yeah.

I heard that, like, back in medieval days, they used to, like, lock people in

cage for, like, cracking.

Yeah.

That was back in the 50s.

Yeah. When they knew how to deal with wussies.

Well, I think that chick's gonna see a monster, too.

Damn it, Beaver. I bet you can't go five minutes without talking about, like,

wieners or boobs or butts.

I can do that.

I bet you couldn't do it.

Uh, yeah, I can. Check this out.

Hey, buddy.

I bet he, uh... Never mind.

Uh... Yeah, I think he's got a... Oh.

Um... Uh... Uh, never mind.

Hey, buddy. Um... We can talk about Nat, right?

Uh... I guess.

I won, Beavis. Give me a dollar.

No,

I said boobs and wieners and butts and stuff.

Nads is like stuff.