Original subtitles

You are under arrest for violation of Penal Code

7538 -7.

He said penal.

Iron justice is cool.

Yeah, yeah. I want to do that.

I can't do this all day, dill weed.

Here I come.

Come.

Beavis, you wuss.

You hardly made a dent.

Beavis?

Whoa. Is this like David Bowie?

No way.

I mean, this guy's a puss, but it's a different puss.

This dude is

andropping us.

He's a penis.

I met a man.

He was a good man.

I met a good man.

Quit

pointing

that stick at me.

Yeah. He's just trying to show off.

Who are these guys?

Yeah.

Where's that guy?

I don't know.

This is pretty cool.

Yeah. They rock.

They rock.

Whoa.

If I had my driver's license, I'd, like, run over some light bulbs.

Yeah. Hey, but you know what we should do, like, in the meantime?

We should go get some light bulbs and stuff.

Dump on him. Yeah.

That's a good idea, Beavis.

Yeah. Thanks.

Beavis, you wuss.

Get up, dillweed.

Don't make me kick your ass, Beavis.

I'm kicking your ass, Beavis.

This is cool.

Look at me, Beavis. I'm kicking your ass.

Kicking your ass.

This sucks.

Well, we better bury you, Beavis. You're already starting to stink.

Whoa. What is this?

Welcome to heaven, Beavis.

Whoa. Are you like Santa Claus?

I am St.

Peter.

So, like in heaven, will all the chicks do anything I want?

No. That sucks.

Do I get x -ray vision?

Can I get some nachos?

Are you sure this is heaven?

This is your life, Beavis.

This book contains everything you've ever done throughout your entire life,

matter how insignificant.

Really? You mean like every time I ever took a dump, it's in that book?

Yes. How about that time they peed in the gym?

Yes.

Cool.

Hey, get away from there.

Beavis is not dog food.

He's worm food.

And then when you were four, you mutilated an action figure in a most

manner.

Oh, yeah. That was cool.

No, that sucked. When you were five, you and your friend, Butthead, passed out

chocolate laxatives in your kindergarten class.

Yeah, yeah. That was really cool.

No, Beavis, that also sucked.

What do you know, asswipe?

I know everything but money.

Yeah, but it's annoyed.

Cool.

Annoyed is cool.

Avoid the noise.

Avoid the noise. I like to say that. Avoid the noise. Avoid the noise.

That's not annoyed.

That's Satan.

Oh, yeah.

Check it out, Viva. Yeah.

It's like, this guy's a pretty good singer.

Yeah.

It's like, he can't write songs, but he sure can sing.

This video's cool because they're, like, doing something, like, that they

haven't done before.

What do you mean? Like playing one of those uvulas?

Uh, yeah.

It's like they've never played a uvula under a table before.

Yeah, yeah.

Whoa, check it out, buddy. Turn.

Turn, turn, turn.

Uh, where?

You know, if I was Peyton, I would, like, get a mountain bike.

Yeah, yeah.

Like a really cool, like, skateboard. Yeah.

That's some chicks.

Yeah. That would be cool.

Oh, look at the turds again. It's

turds. Where?

Right there. He was riding around some turds, butthead.

Really? They're right there on the ground. He was, like, riding around some

turds. Satan always likes to have some turds close by.

Yeah, yeah.

I mean, you know, he is Satan.

Okay, that's enough. Now get your ass back on the wall.

Get in there.

And then on the third day of the fourth month of your twelfth year, you

touched yourself in an impure manner.

You thought that?

Yeah. We see everything.

No way. I had the covers over me.

Worm food.

Come and get it, worms.

And then, later that afternoon, you touched yourself in an impure manner

using a bottle of hand lotion. It is starting to suck.

Do I get into heaven or not?

No.

Uh, I guess I should, like, say something.

Uh, I am here today not to bury Beavis, but to, uh...

Later, dude.

Wake up, wet wipe. We're gonna miss Iron Justice.

Ah!

Whoa. I had this weird dream. I met this St. Peter dude.

Fight who?

Peter.