Original subtitles

Don't waste your life away watching TV.

Call our free 800 number and get started in the exciting field of hair removal.

Stuck in a dead -end job?

Why, when you could be earning top dollars in appellate court, Judge?

Just call this toll -free number and our well -trained instructors... Hello.

Got something on your mind?

Call at 1 -900... Just $9 .99 a minute.

What are you waiting for?

She said something.

Yeah, yeah.

Water,

water. Yeah, yeah, water, water.

So what, Beavis?

I don't know, water's cool.

Yeah, yeah.

This seems pretty cool.

Yeah, yeah. Ooh, baby.

Yeah.

Ooh, baby.

Yeah. This chick is hot. These chicks are cool.

Yeah, yeah.

This chick's pretty hot, but it's like, they have a tendency to wear too many

clothes. If you just, like, take that damn turtleneck off, it's like, hey,

Whoa, whoa, did she say erection?

I hope so.

I'll say erection.

I don't care if you say it, Viva.

Oh, yeah.

Well, I think she said it right.

Damn it, this video's been on for two minutes and she's still not

naked.

Well, her face is naked.

For what, Viva?

Every girl's face was naked.

Really?

That'd be cool if, like, they put clothes on their face, but then, like,

their body.

Yeah. I'd settle for that.

Yeah. I bet chicks would go for that.

That's naked rule.

Who's this?

Don't tell her real name.

Uh, I'm Beavis.

And he's Butthead.

Yeah, yeah, me too.

Hey, Beavis.

I think I just inoculated.

So?

What do you want to talk about?

Uh... Don't be shy.

Well, uh... Could you, like, put the phone on your butt?

Oh, Beavis. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah!

It's your phone sex, I am. Hey, I warned you about that language.

What's with this damn chair?

What's this?

Hey, hey, hey, put it back. Put it back. Put the phone back. You still there?

With the money you spend on phone sex, you ought to start your

own 900 number.

Cool. Yeah, yeah.

I'm Jay Weidelman, your phone company representative.

How can I help you?

Uh, we want to, like, get our own 900 number.

Oh, starting your own business.

A piece of the American dream.

What type of line?

Sports, information.

We want to meet chicks.

Yeah, and score.

Social interaction.

What's your current rate of income?

Uh, six.

Fifteen thousand.

Education?

Um, is that like school?

We'll put down third grade.

Now, boys, this is very important.

A 900 number is a bond of trust between customer and proprietor. You're asking

people to call you and pay for the privilege because you're providing a

service. You do intend to provide a valuable service, don't you?

No. That's what I like to hear.

Congratulations, boys. You're on the gravy train.

All you have to do is sign at the bottom and put today's date.

Keep your eyes on your own paper, butt burglar.

That's hard.

Yeah.

Getting a 900 number sucks.

Yeah.

Where are you going?

We're going to get our phone sex the old -fashioned way.

Yeah, yeah.

What way is that?

We'll call from Stewart's place.

Oh, yeah, yeah.

Put it in?

Cool. Yeah, yeah. Put it in. Put it in.

Man.

I bet this is, like, the horniest dude that ever lived.

Yeah, yeah, yeah.

He should, like, wear one of those Viking hats with horns on it.

What?

You're a weirdo, Viva.

Yeah, yeah.

How come every time I'm talking about chicks and stuff, you just, like, don't

get it?

I get it.

It's just that, you know, I thought it would look cool if, like, he had this

on with some horns on it.

Yeah. Yeah.

Eric's a rod.

Yeah, yeah.

He's a rod.

See? See? I got that.

Yeah. He's a rod.

Whoa.

This is one horny dude.

Yeah, yeah.

Right there.

Right there.

camera still.

Yeah, really.

I'm sick of videos.

It's like, they have, like, all the fast camera crap.

And that's like, they show them, whoa, look what that chick's doing.

Yeah, yeah, yeah.

Wait, where, where?

Where, where, buddy?

It's gone now, Beavis.

You missed it.

Yeah,

maybe I'll show it again.

Yeah, that would be cool.

Cool. But it's like, if they just showed that, like, the whole time, then it

would be pretty cool.

Yeah, yeah. It's like, why don't they just, like, take the good part of a

and then, like, make it longer? Whoa. And then, like, look at that.

Yeah, yeah, yeah. It's two chicks making out. Look.

Yeah. Yeah.

They must be, like, uh... Hey, wait a minute. What's going on? Is she naked?

Wait. This video is turning out to be pretty cool.

They must be like some of those Libyans. Yeah, yeah.

Libyans are cool.

Whoa.

That was cool.