Original subtitles

I'm a natural woman. A vaggie natural woman.

And that's why the very first night of itching, I reach for Femgreen.

Hey, I don't have time for a yeast infection.

That's why I go with Gynolubament.

Whoa, we gotta get some of that.

Yeah, we don't have time for a yeast infection either.

Holy crap. Whoa.

What the hell is this crap?

Oh, my God.

Is this, like, a joke?

Yeah, yeah.

I think it's safe to say that this fuck. Yeah, it's fuck.

It's fuck.

Somebody got a cigarette?

I thought people usually looked cool in leather jackets.

Yeah.

What for? How come these people all look like wussies?

Sometimes it just doesn't work, Beavis.

Maybe these are like vinyl jackets.

No, they're leather.

You can't polish a turd, Beavis.

Yeah, I tried that once. I got like some dog doo -doo and like some black shoe

polish.

And now I'm trying to polish it, but it's like...

You can't polish a turd.

That was disgusting, Beavis. Yeah. I bet it was pretty cool to try, though.

I caught you, kid.

Yeah.

Crocus?

I hate to see the uncool kids.

Whoa.

It's Barbie.

Yeah.

You ought to get some dude without a wiener to play Ken.

Why don't you go for it, Viva?

Shut up, butthead.

This chick has more teeth than most people. Yeah, bite me.

She looks like that chick in the mall.

Chicken what?

That chick in the mall.

That chicken.

What do you mean?

No, asswipe.

I'm talking about that chick.

Oh, you mean that chick that worked at Chick -fil -A? That chicken place?

What's your problem, Beavis? I'm not talking about chicken.

Pull your thumb out of your ear and put it back in your butt.

Shut up, butthead.

You did talk about chicken. You said that chicken mall. I said that chick in

mall.

This video is upbeat.

It makes me want to get up and beat it.

You said up.

This makes me feel good.

This video?

No, this.

Saturday, sunset to sunrise.

Bang your head till your ears bleed.

At the Civic Amphitheater, it's Slayer, Metallica, Mega Jack, and Color Me Bad.

It's a lot of metal. It's mucho metal.

Ticket's $23.

Available at all Ticketronic locations.

On the corner of Elko and Boulevard and Fairmont. Hand him a check in there.

But hurry, sale ends Friday.

Whoa. Hey, Beavis, your nose is bleeding.

Cool. We're there, dude. Got any money?

Uh, 45 cents.

How about you?

I spent all my money playing Veltar.

Got something we can sell?

Uh, sperm?

Yeah.

Cool. Hi, Beavis. Hi, Butthead. The front door is open. Anyone can come

into your house. Remember the Katie Beers tragedy?

He said Beers.

Not like...

Like that girl who was kidnapped by a family friend and locked up under that

house?

Cool. Hey, if you two aren't careful, you could get kidnapped too and held for

ransom.

Hey, uh, Stuart.

How much money do your parents have?

Oh, I would say more than average.

And I got $46.

Oh, even more than that.

In fact, my... So, uh, Stuart.

Do you think they, uh, uh, uh, love you?

Of course they love me. I'm their only son, and, well... Hey, Stuart.

Want to watch TV with us?

Yeah. Wow.

This is great.

Hanging with you guys.

Uh, yeah.

Uh, I have to go to the bathroom.

Hey, Beavis, come with me for a second.

Choke your own chicken, dude. What's wrong with you?

You, uh, have to, uh... Just come here. No way.

Ow! What's your problem, butthole?

Whoa.

That was pretty cool.

Yeah, yeah.

Check it out. What is it? Little dude.

What are you talking about, Beaver?

Wasn't that that kid from Webster?

Oh, yeah.

Is this scanner?

Yeah,

yeah.

That one's pretty cool.

Yeah.

Hey, Arnold.

Where are Willett and Kimberly?

I wonder if they're in jail.

Yeah.

Right alongside Danny Bonaduce.

Check Griff out.

He's going to say it.

Say it!

Say it!

May I... May I bum wipe?

What are you talking about?

We have to call Stu's parents now and ask for money, remember?

Oh. Oh, yeah.

Here, you talk and disguise your voice.

We're not here to take your call.

But if you leave a message at the sound of the tone... We'll get back to you in

two shakes of a lamb's tail.

Good, honey.

Uh, we're like kidnappers or something.

And we want some, uh, money.

Yeah.

Call us back immediately.

That was cool.

Hi, guys.

You're back just in time for full house. That Uncle Joey's funny, huh?

This sucks.

Yeah. We should have kidnapped someone cool.

Yeah. Yeah.

Cool.

Might not be cool.

I thought of you guys.

I went to your concert, and I kicked your butt down in a pit.

No, you didn't.

Liar.

We stood outside and tried to sneak in.

No way, butthead.

Then you got your ass kicked by that big fat bouncer when you tried to sneak

backstage.

No way, butthead. I'm talking about a different time. You weren't there.

Yeah, right.

Liar.

Now keep your mouth shut.

This video is cool.

Hey, Venus.

This song is called Welcome to Planet MF.

Yeah, yeah.

What do you think?

MF, M, or?

Uh,

let's see.

MF.

Pretty cool.

Yeah, yeah, pretty cool.

This kidnapping sucks.

Yeah.

Let's tape him to the floor and drool on him.

Hey, Beavis.

You know, we could, like, go to jail for this.

Yeah, that would be cool.

We could, like, lift weights and get tattoos.

Get the remote from him. Oh, give me that.

Yeah, Stuart, you can't watch and eat at the same time.

We'll get carpet.

Yeah, yeah.

Carpet.

Let's watch something cool.

Butthead.

Come on, Butthead. This is a folk music. Change it. No way.

The song gets cool later.

Come on, Butthead. We can watch something else. Then we can change it

it's cool.

Damn it, Viva.

It's going to get cool.

Let go of your hang -up. Oh, yeah.

I told you, dude.

Shut up, Viva.

I like it too, but you don't have to slobber all over me.

These guys have all done it. Yeah, yeah.

I bet these guys have done it more than once.

Yeah, yeah.

That's when you're really cool.

This is really fun.

You guys up for Urkel and some cheddar corn?

This sucks.

Yeah.

When's his mom gonna call?

Did I do that?

Come on over, guys.

This sucks.

I can't take it anymore.

Yeah, let's call his mom.

I already called, like, this many times.

Maybe his parents don't want him back.

Would you?

Look, Bounty.

I love him.

What do we do now?

Hey, Stuart, leave.

What? Go away.

Get out of my house.

Oh, well, all right. I'm going to hit the Star Trek convention at the Dave's

Inn. George, Mr.

Sulu Takai is going to be there.

Then I'm going to the Civic Amphitheater for the Mucho Metal concert.

Huh? Whoa.

My plate is full.

Later, amigos.

That's Spanish for pals.

Keep going and we're not.

I thought

Mucho Metal was out of Beavis and Butthead.

No way!

Whoa! A frenzy!

This is a cool concert.

How come we're having such a sucky time?

Hoo -wee!

These boys from Flare really know how to shit!

Dump the butthead!

I can beat it!

Cut it out!

Fried apricot here.

Uh, no thank you.

I don't like stuff that sucks.

I know. Let's start a wave.

Faster,

Beavis. Someone might see us.

Nosy, nosy. Very nosy.

Nosy, nosy.

Very naughty, naughty, naughty, naughty.

Naughty.

There's a guy in the place who's got a bit of three -faced and he goes by the

name of Ebenezer Good.

He's first seen him in the main 25.

These guys are from that country where everything is fucked.

People from that country are stupid.

I do say, old chap, time to choke my chicken.

Yeah, bloody well right.

Slow down.

Slow down.

Slow down.

Yeah. Slow down or shut up.

Slow down.

Uh -oh.

I feel a seizure coming on.

That was cool.

At least something good came out of this video.

I

feel

really badly that we got separated from your friend, honey.

Oh, don't worry, Mother. When a boy gets to be Stu's age, he can take care of

himself.

Okay, son, up to bed now.

Uh, we're like kidnappers or something.

And we want some, uh, money.

Yeah.

Call us back immediately. Oh, no, Beavis and Butthead have been kidnapped.

Is this Stu's dad?

We're the kidnappers.

Sky's your voice.

Shut up, Beavis.

Uh, we want some money.

Uh,

Stewart's parents?

They beat us.

This chick's real name is Deborah Harry.

Yeah. So, like, if you looked up her name in the phone book, it would say

Deborah.

How come?

Uh, I don't know. They always put them backwards.

Oh, yeah.

Look at this dork.

Yeah. What is it?

Battle of the Dorks?

I think we have a winner.

I think we have a wiener.

Doesn't this look like one of those commercial for K -Tail Records?

Yeah.

Hey, Beavis, I hear Disco is making a comeback.

Yeah.

Just dial 1 -800...

What?

Whoa.

Beastie Boys are cool.

Yeah, yeah.

Check it out, butthead. Now they even play their own instruments.

They rock.

They rock.

They rock.

Yeah.

I wish I could rock like this.

Look at his hand.

Yeah, yeah.

Anderson's hands do that sometimes.

Yeah.

Hey,

who's that?

That's like the extra Beastie Boys.

Whoa.

You mean they've got, uh, four of them now?

Yeah. What's that guy?

Uh... Oh, yeah.

Look at his face.

Yeah, yeah.

His face is cool.

If I had a face like that...

I would like to be pretty cool.

Yeah, yeah.

Check it out.

A giraffe.

Yeah, giraffes are cool.