Original subtitles

You ever wonder what happens to all the rubber bands and paper clips you lose?

I think they go into some alternate layer of the universe.

Hey, you ever notice these warning labels on shaving cream cans?

They say, do not use near open flame.

Now, I know whenever I go to shave, I like to fire up the old Bunsen burner.

know what I mean? Hey!

Coming up next, the comedy superstar who rolled with the punches and laughed all

the way to the bank. Join us for an inside look at Andrew Dice Clay's

lifestyle.

Hey, Beavis. I got an idea.

Yeah, me too. Let's go over to Stuart's house and burn something.

No, dumbass.

Let's become one of those stand -up chameleons and make a lot of money.

Yeah.

Money rules.

We're there, dude.

We're gonna be rich.

That dude from Deliverance. Yeah.

Remember that part with that pig?

That wasn't a pig, Beaver.

That was Ned Beatty. Oh, yeah.

I've watched that movie seven times.

Me too.

We all like a pig, boy.

People hawking loogie.

This is home.

Hey, sorry, folks.

They told me my time's up.

Y 'all have been great, man. Thanks.

Okay. How about it for Wild Dog Bill, huh?

Okay. Our next comedian is a young man.

In fact, he's really young.

He calls himself...

miles an hour.

A frog in a blender.

Backed up neck.

Mall music.

Yeah.

She has to play in a mall because she's a cop.

Yeah.

Who

do you

think would win in a fight between Tiffany and Debbie Gibson?

Debbie Gibson would kick her butt.

She should join a gang like Wilson Phillips. Yeah.

Who do you think would win in a fight between Wilson Phillips and the Bengal?

You're the expert, Bela.

Shut up, butthead.

One chick from L7 could kick all their asses combined.

What's wrong with you, Viva? Just because you have fire in your video

mean you're cool.

Yeah, but, like, the fire itself is pretty cool.

No way, Viva.

Since Neil the Wood.

Oh, yeah.

Molly Crew fired this dude.

Yes, they fired him.

Fire, fire, fire, fire.

Tommy Lee should have shoved a drumstick up his butt.

Yeah, yeah.

That would be cool.

Whoa.

That chick's got metal pointy things on her boob.

That's pretty cool.

Yeah.

She's a knockdown.

Pick it up and do it again.

What does that mean?

Who writes the crap?

Yeah, yeah.

We're pretty funny, aren't

we? Yeah.

We should be on TV.

How come that club owner dude didn't like us?

Maybe it's stupid.

Yeah.

Not everybody can be cool like us.

Yeah.

Tree. Yeah.

I don't think I shall ever see anything as stupid as a tree.

Do you like her hair up or down, Viva?

I think with this particular outfit, it looks better up.

Do you

think if this band was playing in the forest and, like, a tree fell on them

because they suck, do you think anybody would be there?

Because they'd be dead.

Yeah, but what if, like, the tree fell and it only, like, hit a couple of them?

And then, hey, Beavis, what are your hands doing in your pocket?

I'm just looking for my lighter.

Uh -huh.

You've been looking for about 15 minutes.

Yeah.