Original subtitles

It's a picture, dude.

I'm trying.

Come on, dude. We're missing it.

Hey, butthead, the TV's out of focus.

Focus. Focus, asswipe.

What's Bono's problem?

Yeah, what's Bono's problem?

Black and white suck.

Whoa, that's a big dog.

That's a buffalo, dumbass.

They should shoot it.

That would be cool.

Yeah. Like that movie Dancing with Wolves?

Oni.

Weenie.

Oni.

Oni.

Oni.

Is this like a quiz?

This is like school.

Push a little baby to make him come up!

Push a little baby to make him come up!

That's not funny, dumbass.

Is this art?

This means something.

Yeah. It means something stupid.

Joey Buttafuoco.

He said Buttafuoco.

He'd be there.

What do you think, what's a fuko mean?

He said fast door.

Dude looks like a lady.

This is the coolest video I've ever seen in my life.

I thought you were Daddy's little cutie.

Shut up, bunghole!

Yes!

Check it out.

She's pissed.

She hates him.

Everybody thinks babies are cute. Cute.

Well, they are not so damn cute when they are yours, I'll tell you that right

now. Crapping and puking all over you. They cost a damn fortune to feed and

clothe, and all they end up doing is making you miserable like you people are

doing to your parents right now.

It's time that you teen pregnancy candidates learned a thing or two about

responsibility.

Does anybody know what this is?

Half his wife's butt.

It is a baby, and everybody is getting one. I have divided the class into male

-female pairs, and every couple gets one of these for a week of nurturing and

cooperation.

Everywhere you go, you take it with you. If you cannot take it with you, you

arrange for a sitter. Is that clear?

Uh, Mr.

Buzzcutt. Mr.

Buzzcutt.

Yes, butthead. I can't do the assignment.

I'm dietetic.

I'm sure you mean diabetic, butthead.

And you will do this assignment.

Each couple keeps a journal of its activities with the baby. Any gaps, you

Any mistakes, you fail.

Any damage to the baby, you fail.

And if you fail this project, you fail the course, because having a child is a

pass -fail situation, people.

There's the list of partners. Find yours and get a baby. Is that clear?

Hey, it says my partner's butthead. Yes, I am making an exception in your case.

All right.

Every girl in the class asked me privately not to be paired with either

So I thought this was the best solution.

Besides... With homosexual couples increasingly adopting babies, this will

our simulation even more realistic.

Do you find that amusing, butthead?

One week from today, we all meet back here with our sugar babies and our

journals. Is that clear?

Good luck and good parenting, people.

I don't know how to take care of a baby. What do you do?

Hey, let's give it a bath.

I'm going to slap you around like a red -headed stepchild.

Uh -oh.

You drowned it, dude.

I'll never get to see it grow up.

Aerobic thought.

What the hell is this crap?

It's curly from the three stooges.

Hey,

Beavis. Check this out.

He's heading back from somewhere that he never should have been.

He looks like a zombie.

Thunder Road.

Thunder Road. Thunder Road.

Whatever happened to country songs about whiskey drinking and butt kicking?

Thunder Road. Yeah.

Thank you that much. You come out.

Kicking this guy?

Yeah.

Then this video would be cool.

Whoa. Come on, show it.

It sucks. They never show the good stuff.

I hate sitcom.

And so it is with utmost regret.

That I must report that our baby was stolen by gypsies in the night.

Yeah.

Sorry about that.

And it is with equal regret that I must report that you boys both fail. Not only

fail, but fail more miserably than any student I have ever had the misfortune

teach.

What the hell?

It was fine this morning.

Damn catalytic converter.

What is your major malfunction?

Why are you sputtering?

What's that noise?

This is the first day of...

Isn't it like that movie Beyond Superdome?

Yeah.

That was cool.

How come all these videos have cages in them?

Because they're cool.

This is like a zoo where they

keep cool people.

Yeah.

Hey, Beavis, do you have a nine -inch nail?

This is

pretty

cool.

Yeah, nails are cool.

It's like I'm pulling a rope.