All language subtitles for Beavis and Butt Head s08e13 Copy Machine

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Would you like to inspect the original subtitles? These are the user uploaded subtitles that are being translated: 1 00:00:13,340 --> 00:00:19,140 Due to a new school board edict, we will not be running ball handling drills 2 00:00:19,140 --> 00:00:24,320 today. We will be building empathy. Do you know what empathy is, butthead? 3 00:00:24,540 --> 00:00:28,380 Uh, is that like... Something to do with ball handling? 4 00:00:29,520 --> 00:00:35,680 Shut up! Empathy! Empathy is when you feel what someone else is feeling. Do 5 00:00:35,680 --> 00:00:36,680 understand? 6 00:00:36,800 --> 00:00:39,220 Uh, feel someone else? 7 00:00:39,820 --> 00:00:45,460 Shut up! Now, you will take these self -esteem worksheets and you will make 8 00:00:45,460 --> 00:00:49,320 copies. Uh, you mean like with the copy machine? 9 00:00:49,780 --> 00:00:55,220 Cool. Yes, but let me be clear. You will only copy the worksheet. 10 00:00:55,740 --> 00:00:57,960 You will not copy your butts again. 11 00:00:58,180 --> 00:00:59,800 Do you understand, Beavis? 12 00:01:00,060 --> 00:01:05,120 Um, so, um, do not copy my butt. Say it again. Do not copy my butt. 13 00:01:05,820 --> 00:01:08,040 Again. Do not copy my butt. 14 00:01:08,340 --> 00:01:10,800 Do not copy my butt. Do not copy my butt. 15 00:01:11,740 --> 00:01:17,160 I can't hear you. Do not copy my butt. Do not copy my butt. 16 00:01:17,400 --> 00:01:19,980 Do not copy my butt. 17 00:01:24,380 --> 00:01:25,400 Not copy my butt. 18 00:01:26,520 --> 00:01:27,700 Not copy my butt. 19 00:01:27,960 --> 00:01:29,100 Not copy my butt. 20 00:01:29,660 --> 00:01:32,300 Not copy my butt. 21 00:01:32,740 --> 00:01:36,200 Not copy my butt. Not copy my butt. 22 00:01:36,820 --> 00:01:37,820 Not copy my butt. 23 00:01:38,640 --> 00:01:45,580 Not copy my butt. Not copy my butt. Copy my butt. Copy my butt. Copy my butt. My 24 00:01:45,580 --> 00:01:46,740 butt. My butt. My beavis. 25 00:01:46,980 --> 00:01:49,040 You know what would be cool? 26 00:01:49,760 --> 00:01:51,860 You should, like, copy your butt. 27 00:01:52,740 --> 00:01:53,740 Oh, yeah. 28 00:01:57,320 --> 00:01:58,340 Get up here. 29 00:02:01,400 --> 00:02:05,020 That was cool. 30 00:02:05,500 --> 00:02:06,500 My butt. 31 00:02:07,760 --> 00:02:10,840 My name's Andrew. 32 00:02:12,520 --> 00:02:15,480 I'm 27 years old. And I have a foot fetish. 33 00:02:16,020 --> 00:02:17,900 Foot fetish? 34 00:02:18,400 --> 00:02:24,020 What is that? I think that's like where chicks' feet give you a boner. 35 00:02:24,820 --> 00:02:26,520 You mean just from looking at them? 36 00:02:27,200 --> 00:02:28,200 Yeah. 37 00:02:29,040 --> 00:02:34,060 And I think sometimes they like touch them and like queer off with their feet. 38 00:02:36,380 --> 00:02:37,380 Whoa, really? 39 00:02:37,400 --> 00:02:38,700 What if kids see this? 40 00:02:41,060 --> 00:02:42,580 Are you in your room? 41 00:02:43,260 --> 00:02:45,200 Yeah. Yeah. Is there anybody around? 42 00:02:48,840 --> 00:02:49,739 Have your feet. 43 00:02:49,740 --> 00:02:51,700 And what are your feet wearing? 44 00:02:52,500 --> 00:02:53,500 Oh, nice. 45 00:02:54,000 --> 00:02:55,000 Sexy. 46 00:02:56,200 --> 00:02:59,300 Yeah, I gotta say, butthead, I've seen better. 47 00:02:59,660 --> 00:03:00,660 Better feet, you know. 48 00:03:01,380 --> 00:03:02,840 You know, it's MTV, you know. 49 00:03:03,720 --> 00:03:04,880 I can't wait to meet you. Love your face. 50 00:03:05,500 --> 00:03:06,319 Bye -bye. 51 00:03:06,320 --> 00:03:08,700 Oh, good, she's gone. Now I can get back to foot tube. 52 00:03:11,880 --> 00:03:14,980 Get ready to roll out of here. Head to the airport. 53 00:03:19,000 --> 00:03:22,800 This guy's like, hey, what do you say we go over to airport security and watch 54 00:03:22,800 --> 00:03:23,940 people take their shoes off? 55 00:03:26,460 --> 00:03:27,460 Yeah, 56 00:03:28,180 --> 00:03:29,180 he could get a job there. 57 00:03:29,500 --> 00:03:33,480 He could get paid to have a boner all day long. 58 00:03:34,200 --> 00:03:35,580 Yeah, that would be cool. 59 00:03:35,980 --> 00:03:39,960 Welcome to your final resting place. 60 00:03:42,840 --> 00:03:43,840 Uh -oh. 61 00:03:43,920 --> 00:03:45,600 Uh -oh. 62 00:03:45,820 --> 00:03:46,820 All right, all right, come on. 63 00:03:47,150 --> 00:03:48,750 Yeah, come on. Let's get busy. Come on. 64 00:03:49,390 --> 00:03:50,630 Come on. 65 00:03:51,050 --> 00:03:55,310 Come on. Her butt is right there. Come on. It's right there. Yeah, come on. 66 00:03:55,790 --> 00:03:59,710 We should, like, make a deal with this guy that while he's playing with her 67 00:03:59,710 --> 00:04:04,830 feet, we can, like, you know, play around with the rest of her. 68 00:04:07,210 --> 00:04:12,630 Where does he work? 69 00:04:18,600 --> 00:04:21,160 I guess that's his job. 70 00:04:21,700 --> 00:04:24,800 He goes down to the Red Robin and growls. 71 00:04:30,080 --> 00:04:32,980 Kramer party of three. Your table is ready. 72 00:04:35,860 --> 00:04:37,340 Thank you very much. 73 00:04:38,380 --> 00:04:39,520 I'll be here all week. 74 00:04:43,200 --> 00:04:44,340 Butt went through the glass. 75 00:04:44,700 --> 00:04:46,300 I can't move. 76 00:04:47,460 --> 00:04:48,960 It's going to be okay. 77 00:04:49,260 --> 00:04:54,460 Now, butthead, you have a very important role here. You need to keep your friend 78 00:04:54,460 --> 00:04:56,700 calm. Just take his hand. 79 00:04:57,220 --> 00:04:58,280 No, thank you. 80 00:04:59,280 --> 00:05:03,680 Hurry up and get that moron out of there. I need that copier fixed. 81 00:05:05,120 --> 00:05:09,580 Sir, we can't move him. His femoral artery may be cut. I just can't see. The 82 00:05:09,580 --> 00:05:13,520 only way to look is by moving him off the copier. But if we move him, he could 83 00:05:13,520 --> 00:05:14,359 bleed out. 84 00:05:14,360 --> 00:05:16,080 Eh, I know a way to look. 85 00:05:17,140 --> 00:05:18,140 Yeah, what's that? 86 00:05:18,840 --> 00:05:20,560 You could copy his butt. 87 00:05:21,240 --> 00:05:22,240 That would be cool. 88 00:05:22,600 --> 00:05:25,580 I don't care about the risk to that idiot. 89 00:05:25,960 --> 00:05:29,680 If you don't get him out, you risk 30 kids in my class failing a standardized 90 00:05:29,680 --> 00:05:34,620 test. Now pull him out and fix it. Yes, and I need those self -esteem flyers. 91 00:05:34,640 --> 00:05:35,640 Okay, okay, look. 92 00:05:35,660 --> 00:05:39,120 Here's what we can do. We'll take the upper carriage of the copier off and 93 00:05:39,120 --> 00:05:41,220 move him with it. Anything else is too risky. 94 00:05:41,440 --> 00:05:43,240 Tom, go get the jaws of life. 95 00:05:43,760 --> 00:05:45,660 Whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa. Hold on a second. 96 00:05:45,880 --> 00:05:47,240 Oh, thank God you're here. 97 00:05:47,560 --> 00:05:50,700 You take that carriage off, you're going to be waiting a long time for your 98 00:05:50,700 --> 00:05:52,040 tests and flyers and such. 99 00:05:52,280 --> 00:05:54,680 That baby's going to take three days to repair, minimum. 100 00:05:55,140 --> 00:05:56,280 You're going to die. 101 00:05:57,200 --> 00:05:58,200 Ow. 102 00:06:00,430 --> 00:06:06,630 I'm here live at Highland High School where a local teenager is still trapped 103 00:06:06,630 --> 00:06:12,730 the copier. The only thing holding his femoral artery together is a shard of 104 00:06:12,730 --> 00:06:14,970 glass stuck in his rectum. 105 00:06:15,390 --> 00:06:20,790 As you can see behind me, these brave firemen will be using the jaws of life 106 00:06:20,790 --> 00:06:25,850 extract him. But don't think for one second that this will be resolved 107 00:06:25,890 --> 00:06:30,410 There will be dangers throughout, and this young teenager could bleed out and 108 00:06:30,410 --> 00:06:31,830 die at any moment. 109 00:06:32,970 --> 00:06:37,150 You start sawing through that thing, you can say goodbye to your toner and light 110 00:06:37,150 --> 00:06:38,150 generator, too. 111 00:06:38,490 --> 00:06:41,190 Don't count on seeing a test or a menu until next week. 112 00:06:41,410 --> 00:06:43,990 Well, we either saw through the machine or we saw through the boy. 113 00:06:44,890 --> 00:06:47,550 Uh, I say saw through the boy. 114 00:06:48,190 --> 00:06:51,210 That would be cool. Oh, yeah. Oh, no. 115 00:06:52,810 --> 00:06:54,770 You've got to be kidding me. This is ridiculous. 116 00:06:55,210 --> 00:06:57,110 Just do it. No, no. 117 00:06:57,390 --> 00:06:59,550 I want to see your female artery. 118 00:06:59,910 --> 00:07:01,150 What are you doing? No, no, no, no. 119 00:07:01,370 --> 00:07:02,370 Cut it out, buddy. 120 00:07:03,370 --> 00:07:04,370 Ow! 121 00:07:04,890 --> 00:07:05,890 Ow, my butt! 122 00:07:06,190 --> 00:07:07,190 Ow! 123 00:07:08,150 --> 00:07:12,390 I guess it wasn't his femoral artery. Looks like it's just lacerations to the 124 00:07:12,390 --> 00:07:13,390 rectum. 125 00:07:14,460 --> 00:07:20,140 Although he is now out of the copier, do not think for one second that this 126 00:07:20,140 --> 00:07:22,100 young teenager saga is over. 127 00:07:25,800 --> 00:07:28,000 Why are they showing all these guys crotches? 128 00:07:29,880 --> 00:07:33,660 I think this is like a masturbation experiment. 129 00:07:35,000 --> 00:07:39,980 Yeah, it's about time, you know, because I'm... I've always been saying they 130 00:07:39,980 --> 00:07:43,280 need to have more fun for masturbation research. 131 00:07:46,150 --> 00:07:47,350 Yeah, really. 132 00:07:48,630 --> 00:07:50,670 The Chinese are killing us. 133 00:07:53,390 --> 00:07:55,050 Masturbation frequency dialed in. 134 00:07:56,290 --> 00:08:02,210 You know, it's about time they spend my tax dollars on something I can use. You 135 00:08:02,210 --> 00:08:03,210 know what I'm saying? 136 00:08:03,510 --> 00:08:06,410 My masturbation helmet doesn't have naked chicks in it. 137 00:08:08,550 --> 00:08:11,370 You have a masturbation helmet? 138 00:08:12,570 --> 00:08:14,450 I mean, it's a football helmet, you know. 139 00:08:14,970 --> 00:08:16,110 Safety first, you know. 140 00:08:17,630 --> 00:08:18,630 Okay, 141 00:08:19,030 --> 00:08:20,030 Beavis. 142 00:08:21,070 --> 00:08:22,510 You have now masturbated. 143 00:08:23,910 --> 00:08:26,310 Congratulations. You may go, but leave the helmet. 144 00:08:29,350 --> 00:08:31,810 You masturbated, huh? Uh -huh. 145 00:08:35,169 --> 00:08:38,929 Whoa. You have to use the same helmet as that other guy? 146 00:08:40,549 --> 00:08:41,549 Yeah. 147 00:08:41,929 --> 00:08:45,930 The doctor's like, no, no, no one used this before. It's brand new. 148 00:08:47,090 --> 00:08:48,670 Why is it all steamy? 149 00:08:50,190 --> 00:08:53,570 Those are special gases we use to enhance the masturbation. 150 00:08:57,970 --> 00:09:00,730 So that's this guy's fantasy? 151 00:09:02,630 --> 00:09:05,690 What kind of sick bastard is fantasizing about this? 152 00:09:07,230 --> 00:09:08,810 On my tax dollars! 153 00:09:09,200 --> 00:09:10,200 Yeah. 154 00:09:11,200 --> 00:09:15,560 I think it's part of the stimulus package. 155 00:09:17,020 --> 00:09:22,860 I wonder if, like, after you're done, you could use that helmet to, like, 156 00:09:22,860 --> 00:09:24,020 Meet the Fockers or something. 157 00:09:24,480 --> 00:09:25,480 That would be cool. 158 00:09:29,840 --> 00:09:35,100 Don't think for even a second that the trauma and tragedy of this amazing 159 00:09:35,100 --> 00:09:36,100 has abated. 160 00:09:36,350 --> 00:09:40,290 I'm interviewing noted TV psychologist and diet expert Dr. 161 00:09:40,490 --> 00:09:44,050 Gene Shepard about the long road to recovery ahead. 162 00:09:44,450 --> 00:09:45,550 Tell us, Dr. 163 00:09:45,790 --> 00:09:50,590 Shepard, what challenges will young Beavis face when he is reintegrated into 164 00:09:50,590 --> 00:09:55,590 society? It's going to be a long road, Jim. The life Beavis knew before is 165 00:09:55,730 --> 00:09:59,930 Even in the best case scenario, he will not only be scarred rectally, he will be 166 00:09:59,930 --> 00:10:01,090 scarred psychologically as well. 167 00:10:01,350 --> 00:10:05,610 From Highland High School, I am a very relieved... 168 00:10:06,200 --> 00:10:08,120 Jim Baxley, back to you, Miguel. 169 00:10:12,080 --> 00:10:17,440 Now those stitches will dissolve on their own. 170 00:10:18,200 --> 00:10:20,200 Yeah, into his butt. 171 00:10:21,300 --> 00:10:22,580 Guess that's it, everybody. 172 00:10:25,300 --> 00:10:28,920 You're lucky that you almost died, or you would be in big trouble. 173 00:10:29,600 --> 00:10:34,960 If you ever try to copy your butt again, I will have you expelled from the 174 00:10:34,960 --> 00:10:36,300 entire school system. 175 00:10:38,660 --> 00:10:39,740 Don't copy my butt. 176 00:10:40,120 --> 00:10:41,220 Don't copy my butt. 177 00:10:42,220 --> 00:10:46,060 I wonder what my butt looks like with all those stitches. 178 00:10:48,500 --> 00:10:50,240 Probably looks like a baseball. 179 00:10:52,460 --> 00:10:53,460 Can't see him. 180 00:10:54,100 --> 00:10:58,100 Hey, Beavis, why don't you take a picture of it? 181 00:10:58,640 --> 00:10:59,640 Oh, yeah, yeah. 182 00:10:59,800 --> 00:11:00,940 Yeah, yeah, that's a good idea. 183 00:11:01,460 --> 00:11:02,460 Sit up here. 13325

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