Original subtitles

look at his face I got an idea check this

out

That's cool.

Hey, you guys shouldn't be in here. My dad will be mad.

Yeah? Well, you're too old to be playing with dolls, Stuart.

We're doing this for your own good.

Just trying to help.

Screw his butt.

Butt it!

It's in his butt. It hurts.

I wouldn't know.

I mean, the screw, like, went into my hand.

Come on, get it out. Oh, my God. He's bleeding.

Cool.

Don't worry.

I'll fix it. Come on, buddy. Do something.

Settle down, Beavis.

Okay, this is gonna, like, hurt you a lot more than it's gonna hurt me.

Now hold still, dumbass.

Cut it out, bunghole!

Oh, my God.

I think this screwdriver is, like, broken or something. Oh, my God.

Butthead, you've got to get Beavis to the hospital.

Don't worry, Beavis.

It's not the first time you've screwed your hand.

Oh, no.

My waiter is a lean cuisine.

He has a nice smile, straight teeth.

Perfecto. Do you have a phone number?

Yeah.

Do you want me to have your phone number?

That's Italian dudes like... I cannot get Italian girls.

They all think I am loser because I am a busboy and I live with my mom.

Yes, but American girls.

Oh, yeah, yeah.

How do you say, like, an easy girl? Easy girl.

I'm not fat.

But I have watched season two and three of Jersey Shore.

I know this is not true. Yes, you are easy, like whore.

This is why I'm with you.

You're not my first choice, but you are the sluttiest. I worked my way up from

you to Snooki, then to JWoww.

I come off as, like, a hard exterior, and, like,

I can take, like, when the boys pick on me. Yeah, she has a hard exterior, but

deep inside, she has a soft, nasty, slutty center.

Go!

Get in there and have sex with him now!

You're wasting all our time.

Yeah, what TV show do you think you're on here? Come on.

I don't care.

This dude's like, she will not put out. How about I jump in bed with you guys?

I am soft like woman.

He realized he has to go fill water glasses.

Uh, Beavis screwed his hand.

A doll!

Yes, he has a doll, I see.

Here, have a go.

Give me! No!

Ow!

Come out, butthole!

Mr.

Beavis, a doctor will see you now.

You might die.

Shut up, whatever.

There's nothing more I can do.

I'm sorry.

Love it.

Do not fear, my children.

Soon, I will transition to a new plane.

But first...

Leave me and Sister Mona alone so I can share my sacred essence with her one

more time.

Wait, beloved.

You said you will come back to us in a new vessel. How will we know you on your

return?

Well, I... Is this where the screw penetrated the action figure's butt?

Uh.

Yes. I believe that is where the screw made its point of entry. Yeah.

Entry.

Here's the thing. I won't be able to remove it by simple extraction without

further damaging the surrounding soft tissues.

That's what happens when Beavis screws his hand.

Tissues. Do you need to be here? Uh,

yeah.

Okay.

Leave these on for a week. I'm going to let your friend hold these for you.

These will help manage the pain. You should take one three to four times

okay? But no more than that.

Sometimes these can cause hyperactivity, especially in younger people.

Okay? Take care, boys.

Cool.

How many did he say? Come on, butthead. Give me my painkiller vitamin thing.

Butthole.

That's better. Not bad.

A little bitter, but... Whoa.

Hospitals are cool.

We should just, like, hang out here.

He's so beautiful.

What are you guys going to name him? Well, we've always liked the name Theo.

am Cornholio.

You will name your baby Bonholio.

Is he an albino?

Julio Bonholio.

He will be an albino and a gringo.

Are you going to feed them with your boob?

That would be cool.

Oh, man.

Is that guy dead?

Or are they just, like, sleeping?

I don't know, but either way, it's cool.

Is

this

real? Housewives of Detroit.

I think that chick in the back is dancing to a

different song.

I'm locked.

It's so cold in the deep.

It's so cold in the deep.

This is hard to dance to.

Something's off.

I think she was in Lion King.

Oh, yeah, yeah.

Yeah, I like her better in this, though, you know?

Yeah.

This rules.

It's so cold in the deep.

Why would the Beloved have health insurance?

He is the light, the leader.

Beloved? You mean Myron Turtlebaum?

Yes. Now, why would the Beloved need health insurance, since he is the

of all that is healthy and pure? Well, the essence didn't have any health

insurance. I am Cornholio. No, I'm gonna... I have polio in my bunghole.

Interesting.

He speaks in tongues, just as the Beloved said he would on his return. Is

possible?

Excuse me, young brother. May we ask you a question?

Are you threatening me? My bunghole will ask the questions.

Why do I not use kippy for my pippy?

The beloved always did like riddles.

You will be love my bunghole.

For I am the great Cornholio. I need kippy for my bunghole.

Look,

his hands.

He has the stigmata.

Stigmatatata from Lake Titicaca.

The markings the beloved also spoke of. He is the one, the new messiah.

Would you like some taco?

I am the beloved bunghole.

Uh,

check it out. An Indian.

Um, something I always wondered about Indians.

Are they Mexican?

Uh, beaver?

Yeah. Remember you asked that question in social studies, and the teacher sent

you to the principal's office?

Oh, yeah.

And the principal didn't know either.

You know,

until they started setting stuff on fire and breaking stuff, I thought this was

that J .C. Penney back -to -school commercial.

Did you know that Indians use every part of the

firework? Whoa, really?

Nothing goes to waste.

Cool, yeah.

Boy, you don't want to park in the Cage the Elephant's parking lot.

Can't really.

Cage the Elephant is not responsible for any damage done to your vehicle.

Do you know what Cage the Elephant means?

Oh, yeah.

Not like I'm choking your chicken.

Beavis, you think everything means that.

But, uh, in this case, it does.

Whoa!

That guy just caged an elephant.

No man should be without TB.

For there is but one bunghole.

The almighty bunghole.

The beloved is trying to tell us something that I do not understand,

He's clearly channeling a higher source.

We must bring him back to the temple so others can help interpret his meaning.

Thank you, beloved, for not making us wait long for your return.

Let us take you back now to our community. There are many people there

be happy to receive your message.

Hey, baby.

Want to receive my message?

Good news, Brother Untar. The Beloved has already returned and brought with

a prophet.

Exalt the Beloved.

Hey, guys. I came to see how Beavis was doing. Get out of here, Stuart.

We're like prophets.

Where are you guys going?

These people want us to, like, get in their van.

And there's chicks.

Why don't you just move along, Stuart?

That sounds like a bad idea, Butthead. Remember, stranger, danger.

Brother Butthead, would you like to bring your friend?

Uh, no.

He wouldn't fit in.

I'm thinking about getting boob implants.

Oh my gosh.

And so I'm kind of excited.

Let's check talks through the back of her nose.

Yeah, her mom does too.

I make sure that I have my bills paid. We have food to eat. I deserve to at

least treat myself.

Deserve to at least treat myself.

Does that cost a lot of money?

Does that cost a lot of money?

I'm going to need your help because I can't, you know, lift Sophia.

So I'm going to take some time off while I meet with the plastic surgeon.

Great, he has a mustache.

Okay, now just go ahead and arch your back for me a little bit there. Yeah,

yeah.

Let me just go ahead and take these home and load them into my computer.

Yeah, notify all the guys.

As far as fees, saving implants are $1 ,000 cheaper than a silicone.

The doctor said you got to spend money to make money.

Mom, I'm just calling you because I just got my loan for the breast

augmentation. I just got my loan for breast augmentation.

You can get a loan for big boob? Uh, wow.

I'm going to take out a loan to get a bigger schlong.

While you were at school, I called up our lawyer.

He's like, Mom, all I want from you is to shut up and take care of my baby and

get me my new boobs.

It's anybody's business unless I die.

I don't think it's anybody's business unless I die.

And I will never die, for I am teen mom.

Nice to meet you.

Welcome. You ready? Uh -huh. Okay. And this is where you sign your life form.

Okay, where do I find... Breath augmentation.

He's here! He's here! Are you threatening me?

You must all bow down to the almighty Cornholio!

Now!

Why does he refer to himself as both Cornholio and the almighty bunghole? It

the duality of nature that only the beloved can fully understand.

You are all bungholes, each and every one of you.

And now I must go, for I am the great Cornholio.

I need keeping for my bunghole.

Bring me your tipi.

All your tipi.

You do not want to face the wrath of my bunghole.

There must be more tipi. More tipi. More tipi.

Now.

Repeat after me.

I am the great Cornholio. I need tipi for my bunghole.

So, like, want to share our essence?

I'm a prophet.

It is not time.

This place is starting to suck.

It is troubling. We have spent all our savings on toilet paper, and yet the

beloved still seems unsatisfied.

He was very angry we could not get him more pills.

He clearly needs to cleanse himself of toxins he absorbed in the great

We will have the festival of rebirth tonight.

And tomorrow, we will have the great conception.

Gather all the young women and tell them to prepare their bodies for his sacred

essence.

And get him more of those pills.

I am an albino.

no bunghole.

You will now make an offering to the almighty bunghole.

For I have an albino in my bunghole.

You must now offer the bunghole.

I'm tired.

Let's get out of here, Beavis.

All these chicks want to do is talk about spiritual blessings and stuff.

We're never going to score here.

My hands hurt.

Cornholio, Prophet Butthead. Tomorrow we will engage in the Great Conception.

The Great what?

Contraption what?

Yes, tonight the vessels must prepare themselves to receive your essence.

There will be a... Well, the essence must have vessels in the blue. Let's get

out of here, Beavis.

Perhaps it's good that they rest up for tomorrow. Yes.

It is very good that the Beloved and Prophet Butthead are so young. They must

have great energy to make love to us all tomorrow.

Let's play Fox.

And here is the bed.

Is this the teen mom where she gets her boob operation?

Yeah, cool.

Now let's see how these things turned out.

Breast augmentation.

I'm afraid we've lost her.

Don't worry, her boobs are fine. So no refunds.

Looking good.

Did her dad just say looking good?

Yeah, nice boobs, honey.

Come on, get down those stairs.

They didn't give you fake legs.

Yeah. You didn't walk this slow after you had the baby.

It's okay, honey.

It's okay.

I know the baby is bumming you out. Don't worry, I'll get rid of her.

Not on my arm. Not on my arms, Dad. On my boobs.

Dumbass.

She's like, don't feed those to the baby. I need them for my boobs.

And bring the frozen tater tots, too, before she eats those.

That beloved place sucked.

There were, like, all these chicks following us around, but then they

want to do anything.

Yeah, that sucked.

Now I can't even spank my monkey.

Beavis, are you all right? Did those people...

Touch you?

No.

Oh, good.

Well, my dad wanted you to sign these papers saying you're not going to sue

Cornholio, we need you to return for the Great Conception.

I'm, like, busy.

Go away.

We don't understand.

Wasn't the Beloved reincarnated in you to tell us what to do? Is this not what

you want?

He's the Beloved now.

Go bother him.

Get out of here.

Where are you taking me? To the Great Conception.

Conception? Doesn't that mean something with sex?

Yeah.

Oh, right!

What a dumbass.

He thinks he's gonna score.

Yeah, really.

What a dumbass.

Yay!