Original subtitles

Big thing.

Uh,

no.

Whatever it is, don't be afraid that it's, quote, too stupid to succeed.

So go ahead and call. A fresh new idea you have could be your ticket to

of dollars. Whoa.

Millions of dollars?

Yeah.

Yeah, yeah. Yeah, money.

Come on, butthead. Hurry up and invent something.

Shut up, dill hole. You invent something.

And it better make us millions of dollars or I'll kick your ass.

Okay.

Let's see.

Maybe some kind of a device with some gears.

This is hard.

I think that dude said we gotta, like, invent something that fills a need or

something.

Oh, I mean, we need to score.

Yeah, but we've, like, tried everything already.

Let's see. What do we need?

TV.

No.

I guess we got everything we need right here.

Yeah, really. Maybe there's something we can invent outside.

I know.

Let's invent a tree.

Beaver? See, we could build one out of lumbers and two -by -fours and stuff,

then we could, like, tape some leaves. Ow!

See, that way anyone who needs wood but doesn't want to cut down his own tree

can just, like, buy our tree and cut it down, and then he... Ow! Why wouldn't he

just go cut down his neighbor's tree, dumbass?

Now, quit wasting time. We need to come up with a real money -making invention.

Oh, yeah, okay.

Beaver, I have just seen the next big thing that will save all mankind.

What?

We're gonna be rich.

Come on, butthead, hurry up. What's your invention?

Lena, say hello to the Butt Scratcher 2000.

Whoa, does it really work?

Because I could use one of those.

Not for you, dumbass. If we're going to get rich, we need some other dumbass to

buy it.

Oh, yeah, yeah.

Maybe after we make some money, I'll buy one.

Sir, what if I told you I had an invention that could change your whole

Something that could put a smile on your butt.

You know, just because you can't see your bunghole doesn't mean you should

ignore it.

Damn it, boy, that ain't nothing but a wire hanger.

It's a Butt Scratcher 2000, asswipe.

Five bucks for a hanger? How stupid do you think I am?

Well, let me ask you this.

Do you think your butt is stupid?

Boys, that's just a wire hanger.

You know it, I know it, and the Lord knows it.

Very funny, guys. Now, please leave me alone, okay?

Let me ask you a question, sir.

Is your butt important to you?

What?

Goddammit, get the hell out of here, you damn son of a bitch!

What

do

we do now?

Uh, I don't know.

Let's, like, go watch TV and let some other dumbass come up with the next big

thing.

Yeah, damn it.

Let somebody else do some work for a change.

I'm sick and tired of trying to please everybody.

Whatever the next big thing is, it better not suck.

Yeah, yeah, really.

Whoa, check it out!

It's a Desire and Sposter body spray commercial.

Whoa.

Hey, Beaver. I think I know what the next big thing is.

It's in my pants.

Rats are cool.

Somebody better call the Orchid Man.

Whoa, candle.

Candle. Candle.

Candles. Candles rule.

Yeah.

Have you ever seen those alarm clocks that they're like candles and you stick

them up your butt?

Uh, I've never heard of that, Viva.

Yeah, yeah.

It's like they have all these times written on the sides, and then you light

and sleep on your stomach, and then when it burns down to the time, it's like it

gets on your butt and you go, and then you wake up.

Really?

Yeah. I'll show you one. My uncle has a whole bunch of them. He usually gives me

one for my birthday.

He bought it. That's the guy that works at Maxi Mart.

Oh, yeah.

He's cleaning out the slurpy machine.

Get me a large horchata.

Horchata and a blue wackadoo.

Check it.

Fico.

Yeah, it's like, you know, it's like she's pretty hot, but it's like, I don't

know, man.

I might stay away from her.

Yeah.

It's like she's got a nice body and everything, but if you went out with

she'd probably, like, put a rat's head on your bed or something.

That wouldn't be so bad. She'd probably chop off your wiener, too.

Oh, yeah.

You don't want to get involved with a chick who has, like, a whole bunch of

pets.

They get all psycho.